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Original poster

NEW THREAD FOR OJ - REST IN PEACE STEVE - STRENGTH AND LOVE FOR OJ AND THE CHILDREN

726 replies

Buda · 18/06/2008 11:15

Hope this is ok - both other threads seem to be full or almost full now.

We are all thinking of you Jo.

Trifles and rum and bubbles at the ready.

OP posts:
mellyonion · 25/06/2008 12:07

jo...you have no reason for feeling guilty....you have been though so much, and ae now taking the first steps to providng your lovely children with a very fitting time to remember their dad...away from the stresses that are around you and them at home...

you go, enjoy the rum change of scenery and indulge yourself in remembering some happy times with your lovely man.

xxx

chutneymary · 25/06/2008 12:17

Hello Jo, sorry for not posting for a while but we've been away. Sorry too that you are still feeling poorly. Hope it passes soon.

I am very glad you are going on holiday - Steve would not want you to sit around feeling sad. The holiday will be bitter sweet, I know, but you will be able to have some happy times and recharge a bit as well. Tracey sounds like such a great mate. YOu are very lucky to have each other.

Take care my lovely and much love XXXXX

Izabella · 25/06/2008 19:36

Dear Jo,

Please don't feel guilty. Steve would very much want you & the kids to have this holiday. You are exhausted and a break in the sun will help you begin to get your strength back. I went on holiday to the Austian Alps 2 months after Mark died, because like you I felt I wanted to be somewhere that was special to both of us. It was painful at times but I came back realizing how utterly tired I had been and actually feeling physically rejuvenated.

So sorry that you're feeling so rough as well. Please do call, Jo whenever you want a chat. it would be lovely to hear from you. xxx

MrsJonnyDepp · 25/06/2008 23:53

Hello OJ

Thinking of you - the villa looks fantastic. Hope you are feeling better. Its a terrible time, once the initial whirl of the funeral is over - you are left feeling numb and everyone else carrying on - hope the preparation for the holiday will help lift all your spirts.

onlyjoking9329 · 26/06/2008 07:11

thanks for you kind relpys, a holiday seems a normal thing to do but yet in my heart nothing seems normal and I know. This holiday won't make things normal. I had to do
normal yesterdAy for the kids sports day it felt anything other than normal I couldn't watch the parents race cos Steve wasnt in it. One of the parents said I bet you're looking forward to all the kids being away next week are you and Steve going away, then I feel awful to tell them cos I know they will feel bad.
this stuff doesnt get easier.
had a phonecall yesterday from car insurance, the guy that wrote our car off in jAnuary wasnt insured so they are taking him to court and they want me to go to court.

She was very nice when I explained she is going to ring me again in august.

DelGirl · 26/06/2008 07:17

gosh that must have been so hard OJ . I didn't speak to anyone for about 6 weeks after or so it seemed. Though if i'd have been on mumsnet then I guess I may have 'talked'. You are doing so well xx

throckenholt · 26/06/2008 07:32

one of the hardest things is telling people who don't know. Somehow saying the words is so difficult. Oddly talking about to people who already know is never so bad.

It takes a long time before it becomes you r new normal.

VaginaShmergina · 26/06/2008 07:36

Jo to go on holiday is the right thing to do. You and the children need the rest.

It will do you all good.

Well done on even going to the Sports Day, you are coping to mech better thanyou think and are doing the best for the children by having normality in their lives.

That arse of a driver, I suppose the right thing would be to go to court but you will have to wait and see how you feel. I'd like to see him look you straight in the eye and know what he did at such an awful time.

Give us the court date....... MN will be there !!

Beautiful sunshine here today, hope its nice where you are too. x

BecauseImWorthIt · 26/06/2008 07:42

Unfortunately, even though my mum died over 4 years ago, my dad still meets people or has phone calls from them where they ask about my mum

I think your holiday sounds a really good idea, OJ - and you not only deserve it but will need it.

mellyonion · 26/06/2008 08:10

oh jo.....how horrible for you about the sports day thing...

i'm sure i woud have been the same...trying to save someone elses feelings...

at the moment, i'm guessing that there is no normal..your whole world has been turned upside down....but i'm sure, although things will never be the same as they have been with steve, a new knd of normal will emerge...

sending you huge hugs oj....you really are a special lady. xxx

moodlumthehoodlum · 26/06/2008 08:28

OJ i haven't posted for a while but you have been in my thoughts. I'm sorry about sports day

I think one of the worst things is after someone dies, the fact that the world goes on as "normal" when you are raging with sadness, anger and worry. Its frustrating in a way - but although it will be a long time - in another way, normality can eventually become comforting.

mother3 · 26/06/2008 08:51

Jo ,At the moment things are not going to seem normal!!.The children will bring back normal to you.Even just with the hugs you share.Remember that you want to say your private good bye to Steve with out the witch and others..JUst go have a good time as much as you can do with your children and tracey.Every milestone will bring back good/ bad memories.Cherish the good ones.Try to make good memories for the children in lanzorote this holiday..It will be very sad as Steve wont be there but he will be there in spirit.I am truly sure he would want you to go .It will be really good just to get away.I am sure the children are looking forward to the holiday.Swimming ,ice creams beach, Pool.FUN.Keep being strong you have done so much and been through so much this last few months.

Izabella · 26/06/2008 15:50

Jo, what is 'normal'? You will always have that Steve shaped hole in your life and there are times when 'normal' family life can make you feel very upset because you know you used to have that with the person you love. It is another reminder of all you have lost. I still feel this way even 3 years down the line. Its early days and you are doing remarkably well even to be getting out of bed in the morning let alone leading a full & active life with the kids. Love to you, Elliot, Bethan & Abbey. xxx

babypowder · 26/06/2008 18:47

Thinking of you OJ. Holiday sounds like the right thing to do.

xx

chutneymary · 26/06/2008 20:00

Well done for holding it together during the sports day. It must have been hard in so many ways. I think the funeral often gives something to "focus" on and the bit afterwards is so much harder.

You have been to the Sports day and will have given the children a great deal of pleasure from that. I know it's bitterwsweet, but as Izabella said there will always be a Steve shaped hole, but it will get easier to live with.

We'll look after you next week whilst they are away as far as we can . I really wish there was something I could do to make it hurt less, but there isn't, other to say that your whole family is in my prayers and thoughts often, and I am sending you, Abbey, Bethan and Elliot fondest love XXX

chutneymary · 26/06/2008 20:00

Well done for holding it together during the sports day. It must have been hard in so many ways. I think the funeral often gives something to "focus" on and the bit afterwards is so much harder.

You have been to the Sports day and will have given the children a great deal of pleasure from that. I know it's bitterwsweet, but as Izabella said there will always be a Steve shaped hole, but it will get easier to live with.

We'll look after you next week whilst they are away as far as we can . I really wish there was something I could do to make it hurt less, but there isn't, other to say that your whole family is in my prayers and thoughts often, and I am sending you, Abbey, Bethan and Elliot fondest love XXX

Hulababy · 26/06/2008 20:13

Glad you got through Sport's Day okay.

You deserve that holiday, you and the children. And it seems very fitting as the place to be to say your goodbyes. I hope you have some quiet reflective times, and also some fun times full of laughter as well.

onlyjoking9329 · 26/06/2008 23:41

got throu sports day just have prsentation evening and a school production and our wedding anniversary all next month

onlyjoking9329 · 26/06/2008 23:46

went to have my hair done today and they wouldn't let me pay, i am booked in for a massage and facial on wednesday,

bobblehat · 26/06/2008 23:47

I can't even start to imagine what you're going through oj but you should be incredably proud of yourself for getting through the last few months in one piece.

As a previous poster said, in time a new 'normal' will come, not the same as before, but different. Steve will always be with you in your children.

onlyjoking9329 · 26/06/2008 23:51

our normal has changed so much over the last 18th months, those changes were only the warm up and i thought they were bad, how wrong was i

DelGirl · 27/06/2008 09:21

, I don't think anything prepares you OJ, no matter how long you have and how long you've known what the outcome is/was. Such early days but it will get better, I promise, it just takes time ((hugs))

mummylin2495 · 27/06/2008 09:33

good morning Oj.glad you have had your hair done,i think it always gives you a little lift.How nice of the hairdresser not to charge you,you see everyone regards you with a lot of respect and you deserve to be pampered and spoilt more than anyone i know.How are the children coping ?

trulymadlydeeply · 27/06/2008 10:27

Thinking of you, OJ, with lots of love,

XXX

littlelapin · 27/06/2008 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.