oj - of course you can 'have' it . I hope it helps. It's so very hard with many many people who mean well but are actually very scared of what you're going through, and you sense that and try to be 'brave' for them (i.e. not cry). It's such a relief to have the 'club' (maybe Tracy could be an honorary member for when the dcs are in bed or not around: no questions, no platitudes, just love and hugs and 'permission' to cry your heart out)
Yes, my dad is a complete star. I'll tell you another thing he did which still makes me smile, and I only learned this a few years ago, from the parents of one of my oldest friends who had been at my mum's funeral:
One of my mum's work colleagues approached my dad at the funeral and, because he was struggling with what to say, plus he didn't know my dad very well, came out with the old: "Is there anything I can do?", to which my dad replied "Well you could come and mow my lawn for me if you like." (which kind of shows you what my dad's sense of humour is like as well..!)
remember that people don't mean to be thoughtless or say the wrong thing, it's just that they want everything to be better for you but it just isn't for a long while. I really do think that you need to be allowed to physically grieve and if you can create an outlet for that (e.g. the 'club'), then that's brilliant.