THREAD FOR WISHING PEACE TO STEVE AND STRENGTH TO JO AND THE CHILDREN

[NotABanana]

Thinking of you. (Not sure if ayone has started one)

Lovely posts & ideas from MsB and lem.

Debbie's idea of a very short formal funeral with the ILs present, and then a lovely memorial service for you and the children and your friends later, sounds ideal.

Do you think MIL/Mike have plans to stand up and say something at the funeral? Your funeral director & the bloke who'll be doing the service need to be able to head them off. (Will there be bouncers? )

You and the children are handling it all so well, oj. I'm glad you have so many good people around you to help.

I. Like the blanket idea.
I had a meeting with school yesterday and mentioned fathers day, my first thought was keep our kids away from anything to do with fathers day my second thought was if they want to make a card or something for their dad then they should and we can put it in the coffin with him.

I think it'd be a lovely idea to make a card to put in with Steve- of course Father's Day is going to be very sad and difficult but in a way a good opportunity to remember and talk about and celebrate their dad. Will be thinking of you all

Oh oj, how hard to have Father's Day at the moment, I think perhaps they might like to make him a last card, perhaps with a goodbye message to put in with him.
You sound so together, I hope you are holding up okay.

I was just thinking too of memorial service which I always think is a great idea - a little time after the funeral when you've had time to think about what you'd really like to do to celebrate Steve's life. A friend's first born died very shortly after his birth and I designed a memorial card for his parents to hand out later to friends and family - it had a drawing of the little soft toy that had been in his cot for his short life and which was a great comfort to his mum - they wrote a little piece about the baby, very sweet,giving his dates and saying how precious he was and would never be forgotten. A very bitter sweet thing. Maybe the children could do something similar which you could have printed ? His mum wrapped him in the baby quilt she had made for him in his coffin

My mum's ex-DP and wonderful family friend died a while ago and his mum had loads of old photo's from throughout his life printed up big and laminated and put them on show at his wake and it was wonderful (and hilarious) to look at them all, esp the old ones. Then people took the ones that were special to them, my mum took one of herself with him that she'd never seen from the beginning of their relationship and treasures it now.

every time i see fathers day in the shops i think of you OJ. I think it is wonderful that you and the children had your "special fathers day" with Steve, bless him for holding on for his girls.

Maybe, you could have fathers day anyway - your children seem so strong OJ. They are heartbroken yes, but i think you should do the day, in his honour. Make it your own very special day to remember everything about Steve that made him so special. I think if you hide away from it (as i would be very tempted to do) they are going to feel even worse. they know it will be fathers day, so make it Steve's day too. If you can.

Oh OJ, i just don't know what to say, im waffling, i just wish i could change all of this for you.

good morning oj.im sorry to see that you have had such sad moments with your children ,how hard it must be for them as well as for you.i think if we could we would all come and support you at steves funeral but we will all be with you in spirit im sure. I have no more thoughts about your Il,s i have said what i think about them before and they are not worth me even wasting any more time over.You do what you wish to do for the funeral and if they dont like it thats tough !thinking of you today.x

OJ the blanket idea is lovely as is them doing a card for their dad if they want too.
My heart goes out to you all it's such a difficult time and so hard for the kids to understand.

Morning O.J
I also think the memorial idea sounds really good.
I hope the IL's don't ruin things for you they sound just so awful especially Mike when it comes to your personal background it's your background don't he relise that if he did anything it won't just ruin your life but the childrens too.

(I hope that don't sound wrong I know what I'm trying to say but just can't type it)

I agree with Lucy maybe you could do something on Fathers Day like release some balloons or visit a favourite place of Steves and just talk about him,have a picnic with some trifle and other things.

ah, balloons, my cousin has done this for her boys (she lost them both within three years ) Balloons are nice because they symbolise freedom for the spirit. You could get some ballons, put them in a boot of a caror something and let them go, all at once. Lots of places will do helium balloons for you.

Maybe you could do this OJ, and the children could spend some of Sunday designing some little tags to attach to the balloons. You never know, they might end up in some mumsnetters gardens

Sorry, dont mean to bombard with ideas

OJ - I love all the ideas of releasing ballons and the hand prints on blankets to go with Steve so you are cuddling him forever sounds so beautiful.

We still celebrate fathers/mothers day, we make a card and put it on our mantle, with either flowers or something that meant something to us, that remind us of our loved ones.

I pray you enjoy what you want to do and children feel happy with.

Bless you all

We'll be with you on Wednesday with our Trifles yummy!

OJ. You are a shining star in the darkness that surounds you. Your children are wonderful, a credit to you and Steve. As a family, an utter inspiration to us all.

A Memorial Service/day after the emotional drain of the funeral seems a beautiful idea.

Wishing you Calm peace and every strength for the weekend

Lx

Hi OJ. I have been unable to get on line for a little while so have only just read the news of Steve's passing. I am so very sorry to hear that the journey has finally come to an end. You are an inspiration to many here, and I hope that MIL can try and show even a fraction of the dignity that you have shown, when the funeral takes place next week.
Love to you and your wonderful children xxxx

this morning we have sorted out the service i had to chose a third song as steve had only choosen two, i chose three poems too, one called friends which is very fitting.
then we went to get the flowers sorted, i looked like i had a bad case of hayfever and had to leave the shop, good old tracey explained for me and sorted the bits out that she could have ordered Dad from the kids in red and white as requested.
i have been pondering on what to have from me as Husband din't seem to sum it up. have gone for soulmate as thats what steve was/is i think steve would approve.
the kids have helped decide on the song to walk in and out to, solsbury hill our family song.

Soulmate is lovely and absolutely the right thing to have.

Thinking of you.

Soulmate sounds perfect OJ. I'm sure Steve would approve.

Thinking of you all

That is lovely OJ and sums up your,s and Steve,s relationship which was very, very special.He was you soulmate ,we can all tell that from your posts over the last few months.

That is beautiful OJ xx

Soulmate...that has made me go cold all over

You and Steve are something so very special

that's lovely OJ - and Solsbury Hill too

i am really struggling tonight not sure why more so tonight, i still feel very numb and tearful,
the kids have mentioned Steve a few times today and i am finding it hard, Bethan asked if dad would be coming back home after the funeral. Abbey made some cobs at school and said that she had one for dad, beth said but dads dead

Oh OJ I don't know what to say. My friend lost her DH in Dec and her eldest is still having counselling. She found Winston's Wish very useful too - have you had a look at their website?