Terrified and embarrassed after yesterday’s dentist visit.

[Cherryboop]

Hi

Sorry this is a really long one but I’m really embarrassed about yesterday’s dentist check up I had and I have no one to talk to so please don’t judge me, I’m already beating myself up over it.

So this was my first time going to the dentist since right before Covid started and I was already quite nervous as I had been trying for a while to get a NHS appointment but I knew my teeth needed work and I was also in pain so I decided to book a private appointment instead.

when I got there I told the dentist that I knew my teeth needed work and I was a little nervous and he reassured me it would be fine. However after he checked my teeth and x rayed them he started to really lecture me about my dental health and seemed to think I was lying to him about my diet and lifestyle (which I told him was far from perfect but he wasn’t happy with any of my answers and I was being as honest as possible) and he was trying to get me to admit that I drink fizzy drinks (I only drink water and only ever have apart from I tried a few alcoholic drinks in my teenage years) that I ate sweets (I don’t like sweets but admitted I do have a lot of chocolate and always had done as that is my favourite food but he told me chocolate has nothing to do with this) and even suggested that I must have smoked and drank in my teenage years. (Never ever smoked and hardly ever had any alcohol and it has been over 6 years since I last tried anything other than water). He then told me I was lying about the last time i went to the dentist and he would guess I hadn’t been in about 12 years.

At this point I asked if my teeth were fixable and he said they were to an extent but it would take up to 8 sessions. I tried to leave to go and pay and book in for my next appointment to start treatment but he continued to question and quiz me on why my teeth were so bad (honestly I have no idea why my teeth are so terrible I tried to give him a few reasons but he kept telling me that they were just excuses) at this point I started to cry because I started to realise just how serious my teeth health must be in for a dentist to be so shocked and perplexed about the state of someone’s teeth. He also told me that my children’s teeth was in my hands and going by my teeth they have no hope. (My children go to a different dentist every 3 months and they’re booked in for 2 weeks time so I will make sure that I’m doing the right things for them and what I need to change for them after this so hopefully I have time to save theirs) I apologised and told him I wasn’t lying to him and he told me he doesn’t care if I lie to him as it’s myself that I’m lying to.

He said I could leave after I agreed to look back at pictures over the last 15ish years and to rack my brains to find the cause of why my teeth were so bad. After I paid I said I will call up to book my next appointment because I need to sort childcare but in reality I’m too terrified to go back now.

I’m so embarrassed and scared that I won’t have the right answers for him again but I don’t want to leave my teeth any longer while they’re already in such a bad state. And after his reaction I’m terrified to go to another dentist in case they react the same way or worse.

It’s been nearly 24 hours since my appointment and I’m still crying over it and haven’t been able to sleep all night as I feel disgusting to have these teeth in my mouth.

Thank you for reading if you got this far x

Just to add I did call up the receptionist a few hours after my appointment just to ask what treatment I needed as he didn’t actually tell me and she said he had put me down for 5 fillings but It would take me 5 sessions to get these all done.

Good grief how awful for you. And what a rude Dentist, could you find another one.

Unless he’s the only dentist at the practice, I’d ask to see another one for the treatment and tell them why you want to.

Not all healthcare professionals have good people skills unfortunately.

You were already in a vulnerable place and it took a lot of bravery to face up to something which needs some attention. Don’t let this bad experience put you off. Now you have started continue on journey to better oral care continue. This is just a blip.

I think it’s your money and your choice so you don’t have to continue your treatment with him.

My sister has a dentist who specialises in nervous patients because she has always hated the dentist - so there are different types of dentists. Maybe you could ask a few friends who they see and if they would recommend them.

That's appalling. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I don't know why some dentists think that shaming their patients will help. I felt shamed (in a much less extreme way to how your dentist treated you!) and I didn't see a dentist for years afterwards.

Please don't go back to see him and find a different dentist - perhaps one who specialises in "nervous" patients.

5 fillings is not bad. I have more that that root canals. Teeth out and a denture, I had good gums but bad teeth. I’ve even had a tooth out in my lunch break and went back to work. But not had any work done for few years. I think as it’s only 5. Get the work done then look for another dentist.

OP I'm in exactly the same boat and this is exactly why I keep putting it off. What an awful thing to happen. No wonder people are frightened of going to the dentist this is exactly why.

Do you have to see that exact dentist again? Is there anyone else at the practice you could book in with? So sorry this happened when you were just trying to get yourself sorted!

Find a different dentist. I went to one after not seeing one for 20 years and my teeth are a right state. Not once did they make me feel bad or like I was lying. Are you on any long term medication because that's one of the reasons mine are bad. I am a smoker though so I suppose it's to be expected in their eyes.

Are you paying privately? I would ask to see a different dentist or go to a different practice.

That’s awful. I went to the dentist after a long gap (Covid, my mum becoming ill and dying) and was very nervous and emotional about it. My dentist was absolutely lovely, said that sometimes life gets in the way and not to worry and that we would get it all sorted, which we did - no judgement or scolding. I would complain and try to find another dentist. Look for one who specifically mentions nervous patients etc as even if you don’t need the level of care they give, they tend to have the right kind of mindset.

Bloody hell OP that's awful. Really, really awful.

I'm assuming this is a private dentist. If so, find a new dentist asap. Ask everyone you know for good recommendations. While dentists can certainly give advice they should never lecture you like a naughty child! My own teeth were awful - nothing to do with diet, I've just always had poor quality teeth - but my dentist has been lovely, kind and patient.

Please don't let this put you off and I hope you find a better dentist soon x

That is appalling. I would find a different dentist.

I think you would be better going to another dentist. The vast majority are much nicer and advise rather than lecture.
5 fillings is not awful and could quite possibly be done in 2-3 appointments.
I don’t know if another dentist could request your x-rays as they are on computer and would save you the, albeit short, experience of another set and also the cost of said x-rays.

How bad are your teeth, really? Are they truly in such a state?

I'd be concerned that this dentist is hyping up how bad your teeth are so he can give you all sorts of treatment that isn't necessary and charge you a fortune.

Also, he sounds bullying and absolutely horrible, as a nervous patient, I wouldn't be able to accept treatment from someone like that.

I had very aggressive gum disease and my dentist couldn't put it down to lifestyle. She said it can have a strong genetic component, which makes sense as my sister has it too. Thankfully after lots of treatment things are better. I'd try to get a second opinion if at all possible.

There is no way I'd be going back to him! Would your children's dentist see you as a private patient? If you are happy with the care they get i would ask there. If they can't see you they may be able to recommend someone.

I would go somewhere different, or see another dentist at the same practice so that you don't have to pay again for the check up if it's possible.

My teeth were a car crash. I found a good non judgemental dentist and now they’re amazing.
If this man wants perfect patients he’s going to go broke.

Don’t go back. Check out reviews and make sure when you find the dentist who suits you that you leave a review for this unpleasant man.

I think I’d be going to a different dentist.

when mine retired I went through three until I found one that balanced politeness and helpful advice without being grumpy or mansplaning, making me feel calm, doing fillings that stayed in, and price. I got one on the nhs luckily and like her. I dread the day shes off sick or something and I need seen by someone else. I much prefer a woman. Makes me more comfy right off the bat.

Tell them you’ve been too scared to come since lockdown and you know you need fillings as youre in pain.

You dont need to go to someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. Especially if you’re paying for the privilege.

You're a private patient, yes? Do not even think about continuing treatment with this dentist, he sounds absolutely appalling. No matter what his private views were he was beyond unprofessional to hound you like that, and it was completely counterproductive. Find someone else.

My (private) dentist is so calm, reassuring and soothing it's like listening to a self hypnosis podcast!

Research a new dentist in your area.

I am sorry, that sounds awful

Find a new dentist.

While 5 fillings isn’t great I thought you were going to say you needed root canals, several extractions, and had gum disease and horrific bad breath! Seriously, find a new dentist and I bet that he saw you as nervous and easily influenced/bullied into believing that your teeth are horrific and you need a lot of unnecessary treatments.

He sounds seriously unbalanced.

If I'd had all the work various dentists have recommended over the years I wouldn't have a tooth left in my head by now - and none of them were acting in my best interests.

Thankfully the words of a wise old dentist in Dublin who told me to always get a second opinion unless I was in pain have stayed with me.

Find another practice and consider reporting him to his professional body.

I had an NHS dentist very similar to this, made me feel awful about my teeth, being fair they are fine to look at but I've had composite to build up a broken front tooth, several back fillings and during COVID I did take a fancy to sweets where I did eat them excessively and I always admitted to that, big tea drinker and other than that I only drink water.

After appointments of lectures and during the time of being his patient I think he filled almost all my back teeth in with no xrays he leaves and I find a new dentist.

Who is absolutely lovely, no judgement and I discovered most of the fillings I had were not necessary and right now I have a dental plan to fix all the mess ups the previous one made - I have 3 impacted wisdom teeth which I can't brush properly because of the way they're sat, they're rotting, and he refused to have these removed saying there was no need, I had a broken tooth he said if fixed would cause more problems - broken tooth now fixed, wisdoms have to wait until I give birth for removal, and my current dentist seems to think these issues where left until they got worse so I could pay more to have them sorted.

Always get a second opinion especially when it comes to your teeth! You only get one proper set, and find a dentist with some compassion, not all dental issues stem from dental hygiene some are caused by health issues and medication too.

I'm so sorry you have been left to feel this way, sending you lots of love and I'm sure you have a beautiful smile!

Find a different dentist. He’s not professional. I have medical issues and yes do drink fizzy drinks, my dentist does not lecture me like this. ( my meds do awful things to my teeth).
I also would not need 5 appointments for 5 fillings, probably 2 appointments at most!

Do not go to this dentist again. If you do, you are sending a message that his behaviour is acceptable. It isn't!

There are some really arrogant dentists out there (unfortunately I have met a few). Some have no care / awareness of how their words are very hurtful, blunt and inconsiderate.

Find another dentist please! Especially as you are paying a lot of money to go private. Plus leave a google review to warn other people about this dentist. Awful man.