Terrified and embarrassed after yesterday’s dentist visit.

[Cherryboop]

Hi

Sorry this is a really long one but I’m really embarrassed about yesterday’s dentist check up I had and I have no one to talk to so please don’t judge me, I’m already beating myself up over it.

So this was my first time going to the dentist since right before Covid started and I was already quite nervous as I had been trying for a while to get a NHS appointment but I knew my teeth needed work and I was also in pain so I decided to book a private appointment instead.

when I got there I told the dentist that I knew my teeth needed work and I was a little nervous and he reassured me it would be fine. However after he checked my teeth and x rayed them he started to really lecture me about my dental health and seemed to think I was lying to him about my diet and lifestyle (which I told him was far from perfect but he wasn’t happy with any of my answers and I was being as honest as possible) and he was trying to get me to admit that I drink fizzy drinks (I only drink water and only ever have apart from I tried a few alcoholic drinks in my teenage years) that I ate sweets (I don’t like sweets but admitted I do have a lot of chocolate and always had done as that is my favourite food but he told me chocolate has nothing to do with this) and even suggested that I must have smoked and drank in my teenage years. (Never ever smoked and hardly ever had any alcohol and it has been over 6 years since I last tried anything other than water). He then told me I was lying about the last time i went to the dentist and he would guess I hadn’t been in about 12 years.

At this point I asked if my teeth were fixable and he said they were to an extent but it would take up to 8 sessions. I tried to leave to go and pay and book in for my next appointment to start treatment but he continued to question and quiz me on why my teeth were so bad (honestly I have no idea why my teeth are so terrible I tried to give him a few reasons but he kept telling me that they were just excuses) at this point I started to cry because I started to realise just how serious my teeth health must be in for a dentist to be so shocked and perplexed about the state of someone’s teeth. He also told me that my children’s teeth was in my hands and going by my teeth they have no hope. (My children go to a different dentist every 3 months and they’re booked in for 2 weeks time so I will make sure that I’m doing the right things for them and what I need to change for them after this so hopefully I have time to save theirs) I apologised and told him I wasn’t lying to him and he told me he doesn’t care if I lie to him as it’s myself that I’m lying to.

He said I could leave after I agreed to look back at pictures over the last 15ish years and to rack my brains to find the cause of why my teeth were so bad. After I paid I said I will call up to book my next appointment because I need to sort childcare but in reality I’m too terrified to go back now.

I’m so embarrassed and scared that I won’t have the right answers for him again but I don’t want to leave my teeth any longer while they’re already in such a bad state. And after his reaction I’m terrified to go to another dentist in case they react the same way or worse.

It’s been nearly 24 hours since my appointment and I’m still crying over it and haven’t been able to sleep all night as I feel disgusting to have these teeth in my mouth.

Thank you for reading if you got this far x

What a fucking awful person. I would not go near him again. I promise you that another dentist might also need to do five fillings but will be lovely and gentle about it. I went once after a long gap and she was so nice I nearly cried. Please don’t be disheartened. Do find another dentist.

and when you feel better, make sure you fill in the online feedback that they all seem to send links to these days.

Ask around in person or online for recommendations for a pleasant and sympathetic dentist and go there. There's nothing to stop you going from one private dentist to another. The dentists where I go are so nice and I can't imagine them being rude like yours was.

I feel for you OP - some dentists are wankers. My DS had to have a few baby teeth extracted when he was 5 or 6 and we were made to feel like the worst parents in the world by the dentist. I can't say we were ever super fanatical about his oral hygiene but his teeth were cleaned at least twice a day and he only drank water/milk between meals, had limited sweets etc. Same routine as with our other kids who have lovely teeth, no fillings or extractions.

Now his adult teeth have come in, the dentist has conveniently backtracked on her shaming and says the decay was likely cased by an innate weakness in his baby teeth, possibly as a result of an infection or antibiotic as a baby or even when I was pregnant.

https://www.gdc-uk.org/raising-concerns

Stop crying he's a psycho.

You can drink coca cola 24/7 if you want it's your mouth.

The guy is a prick. Total prick.
I hate dentists and didn't go for 15 years, I wasn't given a hard time like this. And how dare he say yours kids have no hope. That alone is appalling.
Go elsewhere.

Any chance you are type 2 diabetic? If this wasn’t controlled it would cause increased sugar levels in your saliva, which would make your tooth decay and gum disease worse. My T2 diabetes went undiagnosed for 2 years and my teeth did deteriorate in that time. T2 diabetes can be diagnosed in a blood test by your GP.

This is not an excuse for how your dentist has spoken to you. I had a dentist like this in my late teens. It put me off going to the dentist for several years. I hope you can find one who treats you with respect.

Try and put it behind you, just definitely find another dentist. I totally sympathise,I'm the same and hate going to the dentist. But you don't deserve to have a rude lecture from him. As you're a private patient there will be plenty of choice for you. If they do contact you again you can tell them the reason why you won't be going back. Onwards and upwards, you will find a more professional dentist to help you get your teeth sorted out.

Go to a different dentist. He sounds like a dick. It’s dentists like him that put people off going.

As a teen, I was lectured by a dentist so badly that I was in tears. He told me I’d lose all my teeth within ten years (I can still hear him saying those exact words). Well newsflash, 25 years later I still have them all.

After that experience, I did neglect my teeth as an adult and left it too long between dental visits. My teeth were terrible and needed a lot of work. And yet not one dentist, specialist or hygienist that I saw lectured me like that.

He sounds terrible and also quite bizarre. Has he never looked in a mouth before?

Covid was 5 years ago. 5 fillings is very common for someone who's not been to a dentist in over 5 years. And most adult women don't get decay because they eat too many sweets or drink too many fizzy drinks.

If your a private patient I would just go somewhere else. Is your children's dentist taking on private patients? As you have already built a relationship with them?

please see a different dentist, for a second opinion and also because this one will make you too afraid to go for any more dental care.

i saw a dentist about 6 or 7 years ago when I had bad periodontal problems. He wanted to take out all 4 of my wisdom teeth and replace both my front teeth with implants. But he also didn’t give me a clear idea of the process, this is a red flag.

i went to a different dentist which advertises help for nervous patients on their website. I did not need any of my teeth removed and, after treatments, both my teeth and gums are healthy and will last hopefully many more years. If I had stayed with that original dentist I would have lost perfectly healthy teeth and paid a fortune for it.

if the dentist makes you feel ashamed and is not absolutely clear about the course of treatment, cost, how many visits etc, run away and find someone better to give your money to.

I know it might seem impossible at the moment, but I would try and see another dentist ASAP because I think that the longer you leave it, the harder it will be ( a bit like getting straight back on the bike!)

Do you have a friend who can go with you for reassurance?

That’s awful, please go to a different dentist! My friend is a dentist and trains dental students, and his attitude is always ‘i don’t care what your teeth are like, the point is that you’re here now and that’s a great first step’. Shaming and upsetting people like this guy did is hardly going to encourage nervous patients to come back is it? Sadly some medical professionals are great at passing exams but have zero people skills.

I have a good private dentist but I would not stay with the firm if I was spoken to like this. I am 73 and my guns are receding. I am on a plan and pay for 3 monthly hygiene visits. The hygienist I see is lovely. Very gentle and stops when I ask her to. They have another hygienist who is less gentle and, unlike my hygienist, has an abrupt manner when explaining how to manage my teeth better. I only used her once and won't have her again. I am not paying several hundred pounds for good dental care to be spoken to as though I am a naughty child. When I was young we did clean our teeth twice a day but other than that there was no advice about how to do it properly. We go to the dentist because we do care about our dental hygiene. You pay quite a lot for there expert knowledge so if they can't talk you you as though you are a valued client rather than a naughty child I would get a second opinion and go elsewhere.

That dentist sounds like a right twat. Don't go back. Find some one nice instead. Especially as you are paying. I have bad teeth. It's genetic. So I would not have been pleased with all the questioning. Hope you are feeling better soon.

i would find a different dentist
have you checked again for nhs as they open up
or a payment deal if not

This. I’d complain to the practice about his people skills, then ask for recommendations for a good dentist for nervous patients. Ask on local FB groups, maybe.

What an idiot he is.

Sounds really unprofessional - he should have given you a treatment plan saying exactly what needs doing, then discussed with you the order in etc to do things.

Well done to you for overcoming your fears. Don’t let him put you off.

What a dick. What is it to him whether you eat sweets? His job is to fix your teeth, not conduct a forensic investigation into why they need repairing. If there’s a practice manager, complain and ask to see another dentist.

That’s awful, an awful man. Please go to someone else. I hadn’t been to a dentist for many years and was terrified, he was so kind and reassuring. There are good dentists out there, please don’t give your money to such a nasty piece of work.

OP, my partner was in a similar boat - hadn’t been to the dentist since pre COVID. He finally plucked up courage and went a few months back, and needed a load of work. (A tooth out, a root canal, a couple of fillings, and a crown!) His dentist basically said, yup, this is a bit of a mess, and this is how we will sort it - no judgement, appointments spread out, plenty of time for each one. That’s exactly how your experience should have been. Vote with your feet, don’t go back.

(He’s actually not even a particularly nervous patient, just that life had been in the way with lots of travel for work etc and then he got embarrassed to go.)

OP I feel your pain! I have great dental hygeine and barely a tooth left in my mouth. DP brushes once a day and doesnt have a single filling. My mum and aunt also have terrible teeth and we have no idea why. I no longer drink ANYTHING apart from tea and water, hardly ever sugar etc. Floss, brush, frequent professional cleans etc

What an arse. Change dentists immediately! I didn't got for 10 years because I was so nervous - booked with a dentist recommended by a friend who specialises in nervous patients and she was amazing. I now happily attend my 6 month check ups. It's important you find someone right for you - and he is NOT it!

He's a dickhead, and probably a con artist. Some dentists will bullshit you to squeeze as much money out of you as possible. Seek a second opinion, do not return to him. There are reliable dentists who have a bit of a bedside manner. Ask for recommendations from friends, or community Facebook groups can be helpful for things like this.

OP, please don't cry or blame yourself.
I'm now 46 and after about thirty years without problems, it's very likely I'm gonna be in a similar, if not worse position than you.
The main thing is, we pay, they fix the problem.
This happens, teeth are swines, as they say.
Your dentist was a cretin, and I'm saying this as someone who was a kid in a former Communist country and when you went to a dentist, you were made worthless, ashamed and guilty for one filling at a time.
Try to rise above the situation, (as I am telling myself), it's not your fault.
It's the dentist's job to fix teeth.
If we couldn't pay, remember, this society would be more than happy to leave us with rotten teeth and pain. Anger is stronger than fear.
So you are gonna be alright. 💝

He was incredibly rude. I have a private dentist and he treats us so well, asking how family are and remembering small details of things I’ve mentioned in the past. It isn’t right how he conducted himself.