Terrified and embarrassed after yesterday’s dentist visit.

[Cherryboop]

Hi

Sorry this is a really long one but I’m really embarrassed about yesterday’s dentist check up I had and I have no one to talk to so please don’t judge me, I’m already beating myself up over it.

So this was my first time going to the dentist since right before Covid started and I was already quite nervous as I had been trying for a while to get a NHS appointment but I knew my teeth needed work and I was also in pain so I decided to book a private appointment instead.

when I got there I told the dentist that I knew my teeth needed work and I was a little nervous and he reassured me it would be fine. However after he checked my teeth and x rayed them he started to really lecture me about my dental health and seemed to think I was lying to him about my diet and lifestyle (which I told him was far from perfect but he wasn’t happy with any of my answers and I was being as honest as possible) and he was trying to get me to admit that I drink fizzy drinks (I only drink water and only ever have apart from I tried a few alcoholic drinks in my teenage years) that I ate sweets (I don’t like sweets but admitted I do have a lot of chocolate and always had done as that is my favourite food but he told me chocolate has nothing to do with this) and even suggested that I must have smoked and drank in my teenage years. (Never ever smoked and hardly ever had any alcohol and it has been over 6 years since I last tried anything other than water). He then told me I was lying about the last time i went to the dentist and he would guess I hadn’t been in about 12 years.

At this point I asked if my teeth were fixable and he said they were to an extent but it would take up to 8 sessions. I tried to leave to go and pay and book in for my next appointment to start treatment but he continued to question and quiz me on why my teeth were so bad (honestly I have no idea why my teeth are so terrible I tried to give him a few reasons but he kept telling me that they were just excuses) at this point I started to cry because I started to realise just how serious my teeth health must be in for a dentist to be so shocked and perplexed about the state of someone’s teeth. He also told me that my children’s teeth was in my hands and going by my teeth they have no hope. (My children go to a different dentist every 3 months and they’re booked in for 2 weeks time so I will make sure that I’m doing the right things for them and what I need to change for them after this so hopefully I have time to save theirs) I apologised and told him I wasn’t lying to him and he told me he doesn’t care if I lie to him as it’s myself that I’m lying to.

He said I could leave after I agreed to look back at pictures over the last 15ish years and to rack my brains to find the cause of why my teeth were so bad. After I paid I said I will call up to book my next appointment because I need to sort childcare but in reality I’m too terrified to go back now.

I’m so embarrassed and scared that I won’t have the right answers for him again but I don’t want to leave my teeth any longer while they’re already in such a bad state. And after his reaction I’m terrified to go to another dentist in case they react the same way or worse.

It’s been nearly 24 hours since my appointment and I’m still crying over it and haven’t been able to sleep all night as I feel disgusting to have these teeth in my mouth.

Thank you for reading if you got this far x

How did you not tell him to his face he is a total cunt ?

Just go somewhere else.

Go somewhere else.
The way he behaved was awful.

I, oddly, had a similar experience with a dentist. He accused me of having an eating disorder and said his wife was just the same and how sad it was that we did this to our bodies. It was more of a statement than a question and I had no right of reply as he had his hands in my mouth at the time.

I can only imagine it’s because I have dental erosion which was actually caused by grinding my teeth in my sleep - diagnosed by another dentist who suggested I wear a mouth guard at night. I used that for a couple of years but one day I woke up and my jaw just felt different - my teeth could just close and meet differently and I no longer needed the mouth guard. Long story short I’d been hit on the side of the face very hard by a netball in my early teens and I think it had misaligned my jaw.

Please try not to take this to heart - it’s like a detective who sees clues but comes to the wrong outcome. Some dentists are more judgmental than others, some like to lecture and think that approach will work best to encourage better oral health and more frequent dental visits when in reality if you had been someone who’d avoided the dentist for 12 years that sort of thing would make it unlikely you’d return for another 12!

Do not go back to see him. Put a complaint in, leave a review online so others know not to see him and find yourself a lovely, understanding dentist.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Xxx

I think there's some exaggeration here. And if OP is prepared to pay for private I suggest she looks for one that expressly say they deal with dental phobic patients.

There’s absolutely no reason why you should put up with this unprofessional treatment, especially as you’re paying yourself. I have an issue with my enamel which means no matter how careful I am about what I eat and how thoroughly I brush I’m just more prone to cavities. Of my two kids, one has the same thing, and the other doesn’t - both of them eat the same things, look after their teeth the same way, and the one with the enamel problem also needs the occasional filling. My point is you can do all the right things and still have dental issues - which a dentist of all people really ought to realise.

I purposely didn't go to the dentist during covid, as I am immune compromised, I had no problems with my teeth, so didn't want unnecessary or non urgent treatment. We were told not to ask for appointments if they weren't necessary, and when they reopened they let us know they didn't want people pouring in, and were limiting appointments. When I did contact the dentist, I hadn't been for over 2 years, and I had lost my NHS place at the practice, so I had to go privately. I was told I needed to see a hygienist as well, seperately, which doubles the cost. The hygienist recommended 3 monthly treatments, said I had pockets of infection, and told me how to deal with them at home. I have never had bleeding gums, and when cleaning my teeth, couldn't find these 'pockets' that I was supposed to clean. I asked the hygienist for instructions on what I had to do, and he admitted I no longer had 'pockets' but still tried to say I needed 3 monthly appointments at £80. I now go every 6 months, which costs at least £100 for the double appointment, for check up and hygienist clean.
I have asked to go on a waiting list for nhs treatment, but apparently there isn't one.
I am 75, and have always looked after my teeth, and have only ever had one extraction. I think the UK will have a population with even worse teeth than we have now, in the near future.

@Cherryboop anyone would be upset at such awful treatment. He sounds like a terrible dentist and I would never want to go back. Some people just have weaker teeth than others and many many people got out of the habit of regular appointments during and after COVID. It’s not you, it’s him, so find yourself a decent dentist who will do his/her job instead of bullying you.

Yeah deffo get another dentist. Also, I bought one of these last year as I’m having cancer treatment which is notorious for fucking your teeth up, plus wasn’t allowed to go to the dentist while it’s going on. It’s absolutely brilliant, I wouldn’t be without it now https://www.lumoral.com

Thank you all for taking time to reply. It was at a private dentist and he is the only one who works there so unfortunately I will have to go somewhere else if I want to see another dentist.

I did say that maybe it was my genetics but he told me everyone likes to say that but we’re all born with the same teeth it’s just how we look after them. I know absolutely nothing about teeth so I didn’t question anything he told me. But there were a few personal comments he made to me that didn’t involve my teeth so I think maybe he was acting a bit unprofessional for some reason.

I originally went to this dentist because of the reviews so now I’m scared to go by reviews if I look for another dentist.

I’m also terrified to eat anything now because I can’t work out what is making my teeth so bad and I don’t want to make them worse.

You've presumably had at least two children. That wrecks your teeth. It's precisely why you get free dental treatment for a year after giving birth.

I didn't have a single filling before kids but pregnancy took it's toll and I had multiple fillings afterwards.

It takes a few years to settle down again.

On practical measures, my teeth are awkwardly shaped to trap food (bloody wisdom teeth have made everything too tight), I have found a water flosser and using the tee-pee silicone interdental brushes has made a huge difference.

But please find another dentist. He hasn't explained anything to you or provided help for you to improve your oral health and you are even more nervous. This won't help you long term and you would be better to write off of another appointment now.

Oh my goodness op; the whole point of going private is that you have choice! Do not even consider going beck to this bully. Why pay to be terrorised? Ring the reception now and cancel the appointments for fillings and ask her about their complaints procedure. And yes, put a review on-line if possible.

There is a place for a health care professional giving advice in a firm but polite way, but what you went through was bullying. Dentists should not be making adult patients cry because of what they are saying to them! For that reason alone I would be very sceptical about this man’s professionalism, training and competence in other areas of his work.

I’m really sorry you had to go through that; please don’t be put off from finding someone else and going back. Ask around on your local Facebook page for recommendations for someone who is sympathetic but professional at the same time. Good luck.

Find someone else. What personal comments did he make? And once you’re sorted with a new dentist leave an honest review.

It’s simple, don’t go back to this dentist.

You’ve done the worst bit, which was plucking up courage to go after so long. You know what needs to be done so now find a nice dentist from recommendations.

What other personal comments did he make to you op? This is alarming!

Find another dentist. That’s absolutely awful.

Your dentist was an arse. I mean he is well qualified and well paid but it’s a service position non the less. He is there to meet your needs not the other way round! My dentist would have just told you how well you had done for coming because he sees his jobs as one where he has the privilege of improving people’s everyday lives. I didn’t go for years - longer than you - everything was fine. I also drank about a little of fizzy drinks every day for decades and I still have no teeth problems. I real erosion or anything so I conclude that much with teeth is luck. My sister had her first filling early and has a load now and she has never eaten sweet stuff and fizzy drinks like I do. Get a better dentist.

Stop overthinking this.

That dentist was bad. Never return.

Go to another dentist.

Solo practices are not great btw, as there is no oversight. So pick a large practice.

5 fillings is bad but it’s not that awful. I’d get a second opinion elsewhere in any case though, it sounds unlikely you will be happy to see him again soon and clearly some work is needed. Our practice has a dentist like this, we quite like her as no one wants to see her so she’s always got appointments available and as long as you understand she has zero filters it works well.

Why are you saying the op is exaggerating? Are you reading the posts where other people have had similar experiences?

I once had a private doctor in London treat me inappropriately when I was in my early twenties and not as assertive as I am now. I never said anything because I wasn’t confident in myself and was embarrassed. Not all health professionals are saints!

Please get a second opinion.
I have a dentist I trust now and it makes all the difference. When in-between dentists, years ago, went to one who made me cry and said needed 6 fillings. I went to another (recommended by a friend) and been with him now 15 years. I did not need any fillings but have dodgy looking enamel on back teeth. 15 years and just restoration type work done.
Please...get a second opinion...

To add...when much younger had a filling which my dentist now says unlikely to have needed but far too late now and is a tooth that will now always be an issue as poorly dealt with. Carefully choose a second opinion...

Sorry this happened to you OP.he sounds awful.hes supposed to be helping you getting your teeth sorted not stand there and calling you a liar.id report him to the dental board or professional body as he's nothing but an aggressive bully.dont go back to him and leave a bad review.thank god there are good dentists out there!!

He sounds not only a bully but a scammer IMO!

Five years ago I had discomfort in a lower right molar - the gum around it felt swollen as if something had got inside it.

My dentist told me I had to have root canal treatment costing £3,500 - I was all set to go ahead with it when I woke up one morning and the discomfort had gone. A tiny particle must have just got trapped there and eventually worked its way out.

My family never go to dentists now and we all have good teeth - in fact a couple of people thought I’d had mine whitened when I haven’t.

Dentists should be like doctors - as long as you have a reasonable diet and brush and floss regularly, you should only need to visit them if there’s a problem.

These regular checkups are as big a con as the unnecessary “pet-plans” those multinational-owned vet practices get cat and dog owners to sign up to - giving you check-ups, vaccinations and worm and flea treatment that they just don’t need, and which doesn’t cover actual treatment.

Dont go back to a dentist that makes you feel like that