Terrified and embarrassed after yesterday’s dentist visit.

[Cherryboop]

Hi

Sorry this is a really long one but I’m really embarrassed about yesterday’s dentist check up I had and I have no one to talk to so please don’t judge me, I’m already beating myself up over it.

So this was my first time going to the dentist since right before Covid started and I was already quite nervous as I had been trying for a while to get a NHS appointment but I knew my teeth needed work and I was also in pain so I decided to book a private appointment instead.

when I got there I told the dentist that I knew my teeth needed work and I was a little nervous and he reassured me it would be fine. However after he checked my teeth and x rayed them he started to really lecture me about my dental health and seemed to think I was lying to him about my diet and lifestyle (which I told him was far from perfect but he wasn’t happy with any of my answers and I was being as honest as possible) and he was trying to get me to admit that I drink fizzy drinks (I only drink water and only ever have apart from I tried a few alcoholic drinks in my teenage years) that I ate sweets (I don’t like sweets but admitted I do have a lot of chocolate and always had done as that is my favourite food but he told me chocolate has nothing to do with this) and even suggested that I must have smoked and drank in my teenage years. (Never ever smoked and hardly ever had any alcohol and it has been over 6 years since I last tried anything other than water). He then told me I was lying about the last time i went to the dentist and he would guess I hadn’t been in about 12 years.

At this point I asked if my teeth were fixable and he said they were to an extent but it would take up to 8 sessions. I tried to leave to go and pay and book in for my next appointment to start treatment but he continued to question and quiz me on why my teeth were so bad (honestly I have no idea why my teeth are so terrible I tried to give him a few reasons but he kept telling me that they were just excuses) at this point I started to cry because I started to realise just how serious my teeth health must be in for a dentist to be so shocked and perplexed about the state of someone’s teeth. He also told me that my children’s teeth was in my hands and going by my teeth they have no hope. (My children go to a different dentist every 3 months and they’re booked in for 2 weeks time so I will make sure that I’m doing the right things for them and what I need to change for them after this so hopefully I have time to save theirs) I apologised and told him I wasn’t lying to him and he told me he doesn’t care if I lie to him as it’s myself that I’m lying to.

He said I could leave after I agreed to look back at pictures over the last 15ish years and to rack my brains to find the cause of why my teeth were so bad. After I paid I said I will call up to book my next appointment because I need to sort childcare but in reality I’m too terrified to go back now.

I’m so embarrassed and scared that I won’t have the right answers for him again but I don’t want to leave my teeth any longer while they’re already in such a bad state. And after his reaction I’m terrified to go to another dentist in case they react the same way or worse.

It’s been nearly 24 hours since my appointment and I’m still crying over it and haven’t been able to sleep all night as I feel disgusting to have these teeth in my mouth.

Thank you for reading if you got this far x

He’s a bully and probably trying to set you up for some dental money grabbing.

How dare he speak to you like that?

In future if anyone speaks to you like that leave immediately!

You are vulnerable and he has zoned in on that.

There’s nothing wrong with being vulnerable, we all are from time to time, but just remember you have the power to say no and leave.

Research your next dentist carefully. Ask trusted friends and read reviews online.

By the way you can leave an online review about this odious bully to warn others.

My teeth are shocking and I’ve never had an experience like that. I very much hope you can see someone else because that’s really unpleasant. My teeth are awful because I have always eaten a lot of sweets and like you I’m honest about that and my dentists (I’ve seen a fair few over the years) just thank me for my honesty, suggest eating fewer sweets and move on. I’ve got bridge work, root canals and implants, so maybe your dentist has had a sheltered life.

I don't have great teeth and my own (unavoidable) behaviour made it worse. My dentist is lovely though and would never lecture or nag. Its definitely worth going elsewhere and if you are on FB, it might be worth asking for local recommendations, if you feel you need to then make a different ID for doing this, or some local groups allow anonymous posts. I have issues with going to the dentist anyway because of childhood experiences (google Aussie trench if you have a strong stomach) and I wouldn't contemplate going back somewhere that made me unhappy or stressed.

I went to a dentist who called me a silly woman- never went back and it put me off for years!
Find another one OP- you deserve better treatment
And complain - please

He's absolutely wrong on that.

Find another dentist. He's abusive and incompetent.

Don't fund his lifestyle. Find another dentist.

I had a horrible dentist once. He took over a practice with NHS patients which he didn't want so he kept trying to persuade me to have private treatments done. One time I had agreed an NHS treatment on the phone, so when I turned up he said he didn't have time to see me, but I could make another appointment to have a private treatment done. I left and moved to a lovely practice. They never seem to think I need anything done now funnily enough 🤔

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2000/apr/16/futureofthenhs.health

My old dentist had some bad reviews which I agreed with, but there seemed to be a huge amount of fake reviews to hide them. The reason I think they were fake was because he had a huge number of reviews compared to other dentists. I think because of hiding the bad ones with fake ones.

OP I have a phobia of the dentist and went through this. A horrible woman said I needed my teeth pulling out but that I'd need to be referred to the hospital to be knocked out. I went to a different dentist about a year later and told her and she said that was ridiculous and did me a root canal and that was it.

Move.

I had this once many years ago, I needed about 5 fillings too, I think it was due to pregnancy and being deficient in everything but they still made me feel horrible. Repeatedly asking if I brushed daily and looking at me like I was a liar when I said yes! Apparently they were all wobbly too she told me if I sneeze my teeth might fall out and lots of scaremongering.

He's rude and unprofessional. Could you ask for a different dentist at the same practice?

Decay is almost always down to diet and plaque. Teeth don't genetically decay unless there's an obvious abnormality (like hypoplasia) or something like Sjogrens causing a lack of saliva (which again a dry mouth is visible).

Some people don't have the bacteria in their mouths to cause decay, and can essentially be "immune" to caries. But decay doesn't just appear. So it is absolutely the responsibility of the dentist to find out why a child is getting multiple cavities.

No children are the same, no siblings are raised exactly the same or eat exactly the same. I've seen plenty of families where child A + Bs teeth are spotless and Child Cs teeth sre covered in plaque.

You really think I was secretly stuffing one child with sweets and fizzy drinks but not the others?

No, more likely one child eats slowly. Or sips their drinks. Or is more wriggly so brushing is worse, is less complaint with brushing. Or is more of a snacker. No 4 children are exactly the same.

There will be a reason. Most people with tooth decay aren't stuffing their face with sweets and fizzy drinks, (the fact you say this suggests you probably did need educating in oral health) and when it comes to a child it is important to get to the bottom of it.

No, I don't need educating in oral health. That he was guzzling sweets and coke was the accusation made every time I went to the dentist.

I kept telling them he ate the same as my others, but would swish drinks around his mouth before swallowing and loved fruit. They returned to sweets and fizzy drinks every time (and now I think the reflux was part of it too).

You should complain.

He shouldn't be allowed to see patients.

I'd post a scathing review somewhere online.

Get another opinion.

Yes to this.

Fucking hell. This is one of the reasons people get scared of them.

Name and shame on SM if there's nowhere to complain too. I hope there is.

What a terrible bedside manner - ie none whatsoever. I am echoing everyone else by saying go elsewhere and get a second opinion. To me, the fact that he said you needed five separate appointments for five fillings sounds fishy. You might not even need all those fillings because it sounds as if he is in it for the money. Even if you do actually need five fillings, it really is not that bad after five or more years, especially if you have had babies in that time. From your op, I thought you were going to need multiple crowns, root canals and extractions.

Hi, dental nurse here!! His behaviour is awful!! Call back tomorrow, cancel the appointment and don't book anymore. Did he take xrays? Did he give you a breakdown of the costs?
He has no right to bring your children into this or to accuse you of lying.
You need to find another dentist unfortunately.

Not only would I not return to this dentist I would complain. I would email the practice first outlining what has been said to you and ask for the full breakdown of what is wrong with your teeth exactly and the full treatment plan. As others have said 5 fillings is a lot but the grand scheme of things not a disaster especially when you have not had any treatment for a long time. I was similar to you, I had a break from dentist from around age 14/15 to 24, I had one filling. Youth may have been on my side because I was not doing anything particularly healthy but the dentist said I had good teeth and I think that is probably true, I didn't go regularly until I was in my late 30s and have had maybe 2 fillings in my life. I and excellent dental care as a child though and had fissure sealants and that probably helped. I was so terrified to go that first time, embarrassed, ashamed scared and they were so helpful I can't imagine how I would have reacted to have been treated the way you were, do NOT let this put you off. Get the information, find out if you're missing some information about your teeth and then move on and get someone lovely and compassionate, the things he said to you re your children and your lifestyle are utterly unprofessional and uncalled for. Know this isn't about you or your teeth at all. What an arsehole

This. My MIL lost almost all her teeth during her first pregnancy! Plus people are not all born with the same teeth. There are conditions that give you weaker enamel for example. And even if you don’t have a condition sone people seem to have stronger enamel than others as their teeth hold up even when they do everything wrong, whereas other people get fillings if they are not on it constantly. Similarly with gum health. He sounds really awful. As you are paying privately, please try somewhere else.

I’m not comparing a human to a dog but my dog is prone to plaque. She had it from a puppy.

The first time I brought her to the vet, the vet gave out to me so much I was embarrassed. Said ‘why didn’t you brush her teeth more’ etc and I was mortified. I asked around loads of people I know with dogs afterwards and none of them brushed their dogs teeth.

I tried everything. The food, brushing, I got drops etc. Anyway the dog ended up getting it sorted under anaesthetic.

Within weeks it was back again. The woman in the pet shop said some dogs are just prone to it. I went back the following year, this vet said ‘oh this isn’t your fault, this breed is prone to it’ so I was ok again then until the following year when I met a different vet again who said ‘you can’t keep getting anaesthetics for the dog every year so we can clean their teeth!’ I couldn’t win.

Anyway, all I’m saying is get another opinion, find someone nice and don’t let that fucker upset you.

What a shit dentist, they are there to treat and give advice, not to tell you off. Especially dentists as it is often very psychosocial reasons why people have dental and gum problems.