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Love, Love Will Pear Us ATart, Again - 10 / 10 splinter thread

842 replies

FrannyandZooey · 11/05/2008 20:58

Do what you like

It's anarchy

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 19/05/2008 10:20

anyway thank you MrsC I know you understand tricky mothers etc
I do get my knickers in a twist over it but it is just symbolic of our whole ruddy relationship
aargh
will shut up

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 19/05/2008 10:21

oh good bero hope today improves

OP posts:
berolina · 19/05/2008 10:31

It is such a vicious circle. You (this being the general 'you' that invariably means 'I' if one would admit it) start off being rather awkward and out-of-things and crap, and then do something (like saying 'I feel ignored') to confirm that I am awkward and crap, and then feel even more awkward and crap.

I am finding things so hard. And I have absolutely no reason to

Mothers. I don't know whether you know that I am currently enjoying/undergoing a rapprochement with my parents - the resumption of relations after several years is making the whole redrawing-the-map thing that goes on in all parent-child relationships in the adulthood of the child a lot more obvious. Control and influence issues tend to be played out on the back of things like habits, practices, rituals - I am 'Mama' to dc but my parents refer to me very pointedly as 'Mummy' - that sort of thing. And as I said, I really think this often goes on even where there hasn't been estrangement - and for some parents control is the habit of a lifetime, as it were. I find seeing through these things helps both with dealing with them and deciding where the boundaries are.

That took forever - as so often, I only have one hand to type

Boco · 19/05/2008 11:27

Bero I'm sure everyone has days when they feel a bit like that and usually when you're feeling a bit down or stressed anyway. There should be a box that flashes up saying 'open a window, eat some cake, go for a walk, come back later and you'll feel fine!' Glad your weekend went well.

TooTicky · 19/05/2008 13:19

Bero, that sounds complicated.
Franny too.
I cannot imagine treating my children in that way, but I suppose my dcs may say I am awful anyway.

Helloes to everybody. Sorry you were lonely last night Bee.

MrsCarrot · 19/05/2008 13:30

Poor BBBee, but none of us are up at 1.30 you know, it's no good shouting where are you all because we are all in bed. You must come and see us earlier!

Bero - glad you had a nice weekend. I hope you feel better soon too. It is very easy to feel ignored on mnet but usually this is outweighed by the general support and laughs and stuff.

Don't let them pay every time, Franny, or there is the power thing of it appearing as if you are asking them to buy you lunch, and they say lets eat in, and it seems as though you are being petulant and saying, no, I want an expensive lunch. You are probably eating it now wherever you are but next time, absolutely do not stand for your sister ringing you and saying next time you have to eat at yours. I mean, wtf? What is it to do with your sister where you eat lunch, why has there been a discussion about it, and why is it such a big deal?

Families are very strange. My mother is the opposite to that, she would just arive and wait to be offered something, although, post-op, she did make her own coffee.
I said, you know, mum, everyone who has visited has offered to do a little job or made some lunch or something and she says, oh gawd, I can't even do me own, and then carries on chatting about whatever. You have to laugh really.

My MIL was the control freak, every last little detail, every arrangement, visit and so on. She has been dead two years and I can still feel her looking at me disaprovingly.

Fullmoonfiend · 19/05/2008 15:59

oh Bero, darling... Just do what I do and ignore everyone and talk about oneself. Often. Works for me
It's like my one personal ranting therpay this thread you know....

Tatties · 19/05/2008 17:34

Hello, just had a lovely noodle, beansprout and spring onion stir-fry for dinner. Gorgeous.

Hugs to everyone, seems like there is quite a bit of around

Boco · 19/05/2008 17:56

Dp has just come home from work saying he's sorted out our financial problems, he's contacted unilever with his amazing idea for spray on marmite, and once they realise how fantastic it is we'll be outrageously wealthy.

I probably shouldn't even type it on here, I mean, if that idea gets into the wrong hands...

He said he was at his desk wondering why he loathes marmite, and yet likes Twiglets, and decided this was because of the minimal marmitey coating involved, and if you could apply such a coating of marmite, it would transform...well, the world probably.

So, now, it's a waiting game...

MrsCarrot · 19/05/2008 18:01

Hello Tatties and FMV, you haven't been around much recently. Are you ok?

I have spent too much time sitting in my house and looking at it. I have been devising plans. After looking at magazines of large kitchens I have decided I simply need to knock mine into the L and then out again to square it off and can have a huge kitchen. The fact that we would need a steel bar and the whole back of the house rebuilding is a small inconvenience, no?

Just think, a table IN the kitchen, that would be nice. Then we could convert the loft and we wouldn't need to move to get more space, and the market is so unstable, but then it needs rewiring and the plumbing doing first of all and I think about the project as a whole and I gasp and feel faint at the thought of all the effort and need to go and sit down and read a magazine again.

And so it goes on.

MrsCarrot · 19/05/2008 18:04

Ha ha at spray on marmite, the thinnest of coatings is definitely the way forward, I think he's on to something.

Boco · 19/05/2008 18:06

Can't believe he actually emailed unilever.

He also wants to invent an aerosol that smells of garden centres. I did point out that he hates aerosols, and air fresheners, and garden centres, but he is not deterred.

TooTicky · 19/05/2008 18:07

Boco, if they accept his idea, he must make strict bargains with them about stopping experimenting on animals.

Tatties, I am still tantalised by your foot.

MrsC, I dream of a big kitchen too. Or at least one that doesn't actually fit in my pocket. I would love a big, old fashioned kitchen with a huge table, a real "heart of the house". And people would come in and talk to me and draw and play Doctor Who games I get lonely in the kitchen.

MrsCarrot · 19/05/2008 18:08

yes, Toot, bustling around a big kitchen stirring the mothership with a ladle..

did he really e-mail them?

Boco · 19/05/2008 18:09

I often imagine doubling my house, I go through room by room extending it back and refurnishing it - because as it is it's like a slice of house - just one room deep. But the kitchen is quadrupled rather than doubled.

FrannyandZooey · 19/05/2008 18:12

good god and at spray on Marmite
and Mr Boco seemed so nice

sorry for mammoth whinge this morning, of course it all went fine
I just feel SO MUCH MORE RELAXED when we don't have to eat here as it is this huge culture clash when we do - on neutral territory it is barely half as annoying when she tries to control what and how we eat
PLus having my sister (a different one) there was great and very relaxing
MrsC I don't know how to get to pay sometimes. I tried today and as usual my dad wouldn't have it. My sister said "don't bother there is no point, they won't let you." I asked her how hard she had ever tried and she said "quite hard." Yes of course it makes it v awkward about saying 'no I want to go out." I will just have to bring all this up at some point won't I?

went to midwife and all well. Stunningly low blood pressure I think it was 98 over 62 - my mother said it was because I had nothing to worry about she probably has a point, annoyingly

AND I went to the gym and did an hour or arm things, in between peeping at ds doing gymnastics next door which I love to watch

OP posts:
TooTicky · 19/05/2008 18:16

Ds2 has just said, "I don't need a belly button" in a slightly annoyed tone

MrsCarrot · 19/05/2008 18:29

I would rather not have a belly button really, I can't bear it to be touched, such an odd, sucky curly kind of feeling. How people ever get them pierced I don't know.

Glad it went well, Franny, and that your blood pressure is so low. Amazing really considering how stressed you were about your mother coming.

FrannyandZooey · 19/05/2008 18:32

I think the b p thingy might have been dysfunctional actually MrsC
still, looks good on my notes

thank the lord dp is home
what a long day

how have you been MrsC?

and TooT was that reassuring about the eye drops on the other thread?

OP posts:
MrsCarrot · 19/05/2008 18:37

I'm ok, but Quite Bored, and maybe a little grumpy

UnderRated · 19/05/2008 18:56

300 for a couple of hours? How frustrating, Avi. Who cares what you have been labelled - you are doing what you need to do for your 3 yr old. And most of use are ruled to some extent by our children (me more than I could like to admit)

Fra - are you ok, with your mums visit? Sounds v stressful - my family can be like that.

Bero, I didn't ignore you? Did I? Sorry. SOmetimes posts get lost on here. Hope you are ok - I am glad your busy weekend is over and that DS is baptised. And I tend to do FK's thing of ignore everyone and babble on about myself

Spray on Marmite - ingenious Should he not patent the idea before telling a big company? lol @ 'Mr Boco seemed so nice' like he's let himself down!

MrsC - I HATE anything touching my belly button. I don;t like seeing anyone elses. It makes me go funny inside. Yet I have mune pierced

'we eat fruit. It is nice' please

pinkspottywellies · 19/05/2008 19:10

My most recent home extension plan involves knocking down the current (large) garage, and rebuilding it (as a proper building) as a kitchen, whilst extending to the side for new master suite upstairs and garage/utility downstairs. It will would be wonderful when I win the lottery.

pinkspottywellies · 19/05/2008 19:15

Avi, is it £300 because of the time that the place has been held but he's only been for 2 hours? [Pink misses the point] Bummer. But at least he has been happy not going. Money well spent really!

Franny, glad the lunch was as ok as it was ever going to be and congratulations on the bp. Would you like a sticker?

I gave myself a well done sticker and 5 sparkly stars for yesterday

Sorry your stuff got lost in the midst of the 10/10 blather Bero but well done for speaking up. When I feel ignored I just slink off and feel bad!

Please can we have 'I love rocket roll, put another lime in the fruitbowl baby' next [beseeching] I raised £200 for Cancer Research. I should be allowed to pick

ahundredtimes · 19/05/2008 19:28

I can't remember why Master Avi isn't going - other than the obvious HE thingy - did he hate it? If he did, then forget the £300 and be pleased he's home. If he didn't hate it, then send him for the £300 worth of term?

UR has done v.g catch up and responses. I agree with all of them and second them. Bero - don't worry. As a rule I think we all talk about ourselves, and then every so often someone nice - in my experience Wombling - comes along and does a catch-up and expresses warmth and admiration for everyone, and we are all v. pleased. 3andnomore used to do it too - and hers were very jolly with lots of lol in them, all chuckling and interested.

UR does this too. Franny from time to time. Me, never.

Keep wittering, and maybe from time to time someone will respond.

That's my witter. Nothing else to say. Volleyball player started today. She's very nice. A bit perfect. DS1 and DS2 had a huge row at supper and ds1 waved his fork about and ds2 said his 'breathing was annoying him' and she was all surprised. Unsurprisingly. Oh dear.

pinkspottywellies · 19/05/2008 19:31

Where is Wombling? And Lully? Is Lully ok?