Love, Love Will Pear Us ATart, Again - 10 / 10 splinter thread

[FrannyandZooey]

Do what you like

It's anarchy

I had leek and mushrooms fried up with a shop bought mascarpone sauce, and it was actually really good. Pasta, corn, asparagus (very mingy amount of asparagus - am going to buy large bunch tomorrow and gorge)

DO you know anything about this child Franny? It seems rather odd that he is calling on strangers. He must be in desperate need of some compan

No idea why DS is so angry with me. He's fallen asleep now so maybe it was just tiredness. He yelled at me all the way home, didn't want to push the button on the lift yet wailed in a heap on the floor when I did it - and a whole series of similar situations that have left me wondering why I bother to do nice things for him. I know why I bother, but sometimes it just doesn't seem worth the effort.

ANyway, all ok now.

Plastic looked suspiciously like a chunk of tupperware but was too offputting.

ANd now I've burnt the fucking quinoa

I know, what is going on? I have never seen him before. I should do something (well let him in to play I expect but I so don't want to). Ds says he is "[neighbour's ds] friend from school". Dp saw him visiting neighbour's ds on Monday. But yesterday when I said "why don't you see if [neighbour] wants to play?" he said "no he isn't well." Neighbour's ds was in back garden at time hanging over our fence looking tip top so what that was about I don't know. He came straight to our house today without calling for neighbour first. Why?

Can you ask him where he lives? Or where his parents are?

I think he doesn't regard my ds as a stranger, though - when he visited neighbour's son they were all playing in respective back gardens with very low fences so must have seemed to them like they were playing together IYSWIM

however I am sure I don't know his mum, and she doesn't know me

your ds sounded like he was very tired and, well, toddlerish, UR

yes I will UR
but what do I do then? go and speak to them? I don't see how without sounding like I am complaining about him coming round
oh dear I am crap at this

oh I asked him who was at home and he said his brother and his mother
so not abandoned completely
just bored? misguidedly sociable?

nO, It's a tricky situation. I don't know - I think I'd be inclined to go over and say, "Hi, I'm Franny - DS's mum. Your DS has been wanting to play so I thought I'd come over and introduce myself so you know who I am/ where your DS is." But it's easy for me to say that when I am over here and not in the situation. Can you send DP round inseatd?

LOLOL at dp going instead
no but seriously

(he is SUPER SHY UR, he would never go in a million years)

I think what you are saying is perfect except for the fact I DON'T want him coming round

Yes, I wouldn't want him coming round either. Can you make excuses? You know, we're busy, we're having dinner, not today, not this week, this isn't a good time etc and hope he gets the hint, Eventually.

oh I was quite clear both times
"no you can't come in. Ds is gardening with his daddy and they have got a lot to get done."
and today "No you can't come in. I need to lie down and we don't want anyone coming round to play."

feel flipping guilty

He must be a tough little thing not to have realised he is not welcome. What a strange situation.

Internet Man told me last night that he thinks I make excuses for people. I'm not sure how to take it. This was after a conversation about whether or not we are being exclusive. I'm all confused about him now.

Can we have a new thread yet?

I think he means you are too nice when people don't deserve it
a complimentary way of saying it would be that you always see the good in people

men often complain about this I find

yes we can if you do a really good title

Just be quite clear

Say, we aren't having people round to play after school, we are always busy then. You need to stop knocking and asking because we are busy. Where do you live? Does your mother know
where you are? Failing that, don't answer the door.

Sounds harsh, but some people really are happy for others to look after their chidren the whole time. It is not going to be a reciprocal arrangement, therefore there isn't going to be an arrangement.

No that is perfect MrsC thank you
that's fine, I am happy to be very direct because it isn't fair to let him think he can keep calling and one day I will say yes
I kept thinking "there are always loads of threads like this and I always wonder why don't they just tell the child"
but I just couldn't figure out what I should be saying
thank you

(and is it reasonable of me not to want to help at this point? because there is obviously some kind of problem somewhere, isn't there? or is it just people being pushy?)

If he doesn't seem in danger, I think you are reasonable to not want to help. MrsC is v good at this sort of thing. Well done.

Off to think of titles.

hoorah
thank you
sorry for banging on about it

Where has Lully gone? Is she ok?

There isn't necessarily a problem, unless I have missed something? Some parents will just say, go out and play, and the child will go out and play and if they can play at some nice house with new toys and biscuits then all the better. He will no doubt keep trying if he thinks there is any chance at all of playing round your ds's fun looking garden.

Your ds is not at the age where he plays out, and you clearly parent differently to them, therefore this isn't a workable thing, is it? You know this, you would just rather not have the faff of telling him over and over, so you must Be Quite Clear.

This is tiresome, and it won't be the first time if you live on an estate. No-one plays out round here as the roads are so busy. Older ones go to the park.

won't be the last time I should say

Sorry UR I haven't seen Lully
I hope she pops up soon

MrsC I just thought something was up for a child to be so desperate for someone to play with, and the fact that neighbour's ds who he is ostensibly friends with doesn't want to play with him? and for the child to be calling on people who don't know him? It didn't seem like all was quite as it should be...

ds does play out the front but this boy wants to come IN
yes our garden does look fun you are right [guilt]
normally people call and say "can ds come OUT?" no-one has ever previously said "can I come IN?"
he's only 6 I think

I agree it's slack that his mother doesn't seem to know where he is, and 6 is young, I can't imagine not knowing where dd was.

We did this though, hung out where the parents were a bit more relaxed, where they had Kia-Ora and a packet of Garibaldi.

If they are playing out the front together, it's perfectly logical to him to ask to come in. IN is fun, and like I say means new toys and hopefully something tasty. He's trying his luck. He's not your responsbility. He's not Coming In. End of story.