Having hysterectomy next week for early cancer and panicking about silly things. Tell me not to be stupid.

[MrsCarrot]

I had loop diathermy recently for an abnormal smear test and it turns out it is early cancer, really early, stage 1A1 adenocarcinoma. The consultant tells me a hysterectomy is curative, I shouldn't need chemotherapy, as long as there isn't a further developed lesion after biosy but that would be rare. I go in next Friday but I am getting really anxious about everything, even stupid things.

Mostly I am worried about ds2 (15 months) who still breastfeeds at night, I have bought a bottle for DH to give him some milk but still, he is unlikely to be impressed. But I keep going over pointless things like the anesthetic, what if I don't come round or what if I come round during the op and can't tell them. What if I get a hospital aquired infection, how will I feel about asking everyone if they've washed their hands. I run through little scenarios several times a day thinking how I can keep asking without them thinking I'm awkward.

I know it's my right to check, I know I shouldn't be obsessing about it, I know ds will survive four days without me, I know dh will cope with all three, I know I am unlikely to get MRSA or die during the op but My God, I cannot stop all of these thoughts. I am freaking out and I now it is probably displaced stress, only found out a few weeks ago so am still shocked I expect but I can't seem to calm down about it.

Anyone experienced this, weird panics before an op, or had a hysterectomy? Am also terrified of how I will feel after, though they are not taking the ovaries so I won't have the menopause and I have had three children, you don't expect this at 30. I keep saying pull yourself together and get on with it but the anxiety is immense some days.

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You are entitled to be worried and panic. It's alot for you to go through. You don't need to pull yourself out of this, you need support. There's nothing wrong in feeling this way. Do you have some friends that can come and see you for a chat? All of your worries are natural. To be told that you have cancer and need to have a hysterectomy must be devastating. You really do need to sit down and talk about it though. Have you tried talking to your GP?

Poor you Mrs Carrot. What a horrible thing to go through. I think your anxieties are entirely understandable and you probably won't feel better until its all over.

I don't know if this helps but:

1. Your Ds will be fine for a few days without you. Once your over the imediate post op period he will be able to visit you (so he knows where you are). Can you get DH to do the bottle feeds at night from now so he's use to it before you go in?

1. You won't get a hospital aquired infection, they are mostly picked up by elderly or very poorly/immuno supressed people. The staff will wash their hands. Don't think about it.

1. You will survive the anaesthetic. Millions of people do every day.

Good luck.

My GP is nice but I don't feel I can go to her to chat, she's quite matter of fact and, well, sensible. I just want to stop stressing about everyting that might go wrong.

What a rotten situation but believe it or not you are one of the lucky ones -youve found your disease youre having quick treatment and you will make a good recovery-this is understandable fear and worry and i cant blame you i cant stop it id be the same.
i think you might benefit from visit the doctor who could possibly give you some tranuqilisers or something to help quell your reactions .....whatever is going to happen is beyond your control so you have to put your faith in the medical staff and if you believe in god himself.
you need to be sure that you are as healthy and rested as is possible before this op-afterwards tke all the help you can get.
you are v young for such a health trauma and i have to say i dont know how i would cope if its any consolation to you i worried myself physically sick and ill before my c sections - but s you are in hospital having your op life inevitbly moves on......by summer you will be in good health and fully recovered.
take care xx

do you think so, scattyspice? I keep hearing loads about people needing to check staff have washed their hands, as well as visitors.

windygales - I sort of swing from feeling really unlucky to have got this rarer type despite having all my smears, and to feeling lucky it's caught early and I have had three children.

My friend is an infection control nurse and she says defintely keep checking with staff about washing but that some might be funny about it. This doesn't reassure me.

Isn't that what you need? The sensible approach and someone else who is more sympathetic? Sympathy can be good up to a point, then it stops being helpful. We all need a shoulder to cry on once in a while, then we need a person who takes control and guides us through things. I would go and see the GP, counselling would also be a good idea. There might be some mums along later who have gone through something similar. The hospitals are clean, despite what the newspapers say and you will be looked after. You are young and you have three lovely children that love you with all of their heart. There are different ways of viewing things. If you were talking to a friend that was going through this what would you say to them?

I think it's perfectly normal and reasonable to panic before an op. I had a minor wobble when I had an op and I am notoriously sensible .

Have you said these fears out loud to someone? Could you call a nurse at the hospital where you are having the op and just have a chat? I found all the nurses so kind and reassuring that the minute I was at the hospital, I felt SO much better.

(thinking about it, I'm sure the hospital will have a service where you can talk to someone about your fears - I'm sure if you ask your consultant they will be able to help you - when is the op?)

probably the same as you avenanap! I know the sensible answers but can't seem to apply them in the night when I panic about something happening and me not being here for the children. I can barely breath and feel gaspy. Normal, I expect, with the C word. I am told I will be cured but the whole thing has made me freak about leaving them.

The doctor is good, I just worry she will think I am stupid for worrying about germs and the anesthetic as much as the illness. Does that make sense?

good luck mrsc

just to let you know my mum had a hysterectomoy for early stage cervical cancer when she was in her 30s

she was off work for a week or two and has been right as rain ever since

hope it all works out ok

i'd be more worried about the aftereffects of instant menopause.

they really should be discussing these with you.

You are absolutely in your right to ask them Mrs C, but on the ward I work on it is second nature to wash hands before and after each patient, I think it is on most wards. You might not see them do it if they have used another sink.

next Friday, foxinsocks, so still over a week to go. I have the pre-assessment on Wednesday so I thought I could ask questions then but maybe the surgeon isn't the best person to ask.
I don't think I have been assigned a nurse for questions like my friend had with her bowel cancer but she was much more advanced. I will ask the GP.

she won't think you're silly MrsC. Honestly.

The anaethetist came and had a chat with me before the op last time so maybe you could ask for this? I found it v helpful actually.

Thanks Tutter

Expat - I shouldn't have the menopause as they are not taking the ovaries, I think I will still have a hormonal cycle.

ah, they still should have discussed after effects, on the pelvic floor, for example.

Mrs C - Although not the same thing I had an operation at 20 weeks pregnant with DS1 and got so worked up, that I nearly didnt do it, outing both my life and his life at risk.

It is very ulikley you wwill wake up and if you do and are still paralised they can tell my your heart rate and blood pressure, I was assured this.

Infection is more likly in the elderly, immobobile or inumosuppressed.

Take care and talk to your aneasthatist before the operation, as they are the most important person in the theatre.

Good Luck

MrsCarrot your anxieties are totally normal. I'm sure you know deep down that you will come through the anaesthetic, you won't get MRSA etc, but you are about to undergo such a massive life changing event that you have little control over, so the anxiety about that is transferring onto small, controllable issues.

I found a breast lump when DD3 was about 9-10 months old and within 24 hours I had myself in such a state imagining mastectomies, death, leaving my children, DH being on his own etc etc. I can laugh now but at the time it was terrifying. My lump was benign, but you are having to face up to the reality of cancer; luckily your surgery will be curative but it doesn't stop the associated thought processes.

If it's any consolation re the hospital the nurses will totally understand your fears. They can put you in touch with cancer support groups if you want, eg Macmillan, BACUP etc. You don't have to have terminal cancer to benefit from their input.

And IME 99.9% of nurses are fanatical about washing their hands! Don't hesitate to remind them though, so what if they get huffy you're the one that will be vulnerable to infection not them.

I hope all goes well for you

I don't think she would. I used to work in a hospital. I know that a parent who analyses every detail of their child's care is doing this because they are worried about their child, not because they think the hospital's rubbish.
The anaesthetists are highly skilled doctors, so are the surgeons. They do this kind of procedure all the time. They are also aware that you are a person, you are frightened and need support. That's why they are there. For you, to help you get through this. Fear is a perfectly natural thing but it stops us being logical. How many people do you know who have had operations? How many have died? As for the germs, they do exist, you can't ignore that but the hospitals are clean and the staff wash their hands. In the two years I worked in a childrens hospital not once did any child I work with contract MRSA. I must have looked after hundreds. My dad on the other hand, was not any where near a hospital when he contracted this, he's clear now. Not bad for someone with hardly any lungs. You are fit and healthy otherwise. There's no reason why you should get this, if you do, they can give you antibiotics. The chances are you won't though.

Late night thinking is a nasty thing. The night places alot of people, ill or not, in a place which they don't like. It gets people thinking of lost loves, people they miss, jobs they never applied for, lost chances. When I feel like this I go into my son's room and watch him sleep. He's so peaceful and it makes me realise that all the things I worry about are not as important as him. Sometimes it's a good thing to let it all out. Someone suggested to me once to write down all of my anger and worry, place the tag on a helium balloon and let go. I don't know if it will do the trick but it's a start. You can't control what is happening to you now, worrying gives you some control back but it's not a good way for you to do this. My mum had a hysterectomy, she was 35 and had 5 children. She saw it as loosing her woman hood, her ability to bear children. She grieved for this for a long time. This was ok. Take all the support you can.

Thanks, madhouse and Sidge - I hadn't really thought about cancer councelling, seems stupid but I hadn't really thought of myself as a cancer patient.

Expat - what about the pelvic floor?

avenanap - yes, the night is dreaful for dark thoughts. DS keeps me busy during the day so I don't think of it as much. Is the consensus that staff will find me really annoying if I keep checking about handwashing then? I am otherwise healthy so should be fine. This is the strange thing about it, I have this thing but feel completely healthy and well.

It can be weakened by the loss of the uterus and by the loss in hormone concentrations.

There may also be feelings and emotions following hysterectomy, again in part due to hormone concentrations, that should be explained.

They should also have been more detailed about exactly WHAT is going to happen to you as a patient - re: anaesthesia.

You can request a pre-operative sedative once you check in and get a cannula put in.

This can help relax you and bring down your BP.

The staff will not find it annoying. They should be doing this anyway.