I had loop diathermy recently for an abnormal smear test and it turns out it is early cancer, really early, stage 1A1 adenocarcinoma. The consultant tells me a hysterectomy is curative, I shouldn't need chemotherapy, as long as there isn't a further developed lesion after biosy but that would be rare. I go in next Friday but I am getting really anxious about everything, even stupid things.
Mostly I am worried about ds2 (15 months) who still breastfeeds at night, I have bought a bottle for DH to give him some milk but still, he is unlikely to be impressed. But I keep going over pointless things like the anesthetic, what if I don't come round or what if I come round during the op and can't tell them. What if I get a hospital aquired infection, how will I feel about asking everyone if they've washed their hands. I run through little scenarios several times a day thinking how I can keep asking without them thinking I'm awkward.
I know it's my right to check, I know I shouldn't be obsessing about it, I know ds will survive four days without me, I know dh will cope with all three, I know I am unlikely to get MRSA or die during the op but My God, I cannot stop all of these thoughts. I am freaking out and I now it is probably displaced stress, only found out a few weeks ago so am still shocked I expect but I can't seem to calm down about it.
Anyone experienced this, weird panics before an op, or had a hysterectomy? Am also terrified of how I will feel after, though they are not taking the ovaries so I won't have the menopause and I have had three children, you don't expect this at 30. I keep saying pull yourself together and get on with it but the anxiety is immense some days.