Having hysterectomy next week for early cancer and panicking about silly things. Tell me not to be stupid.

[MrsCarrot]

I had loop diathermy recently for an abnormal smear test and it turns out it is early cancer, really early, stage 1A1 adenocarcinoma. The consultant tells me a hysterectomy is curative, I shouldn't need chemotherapy, as long as there isn't a further developed lesion after biosy but that would be rare. I go in next Friday but I am getting really anxious about everything, even stupid things.

Mostly I am worried about ds2 (15 months) who still breastfeeds at night, I have bought a bottle for DH to give him some milk but still, he is unlikely to be impressed. But I keep going over pointless things like the anesthetic, what if I don't come round or what if I come round during the op and can't tell them. What if I get a hospital aquired infection, how will I feel about asking everyone if they've washed their hands. I run through little scenarios several times a day thinking how I can keep asking without them thinking I'm awkward.

I know it's my right to check, I know I shouldn't be obsessing about it, I know ds will survive four days without me, I know dh will cope with all three, I know I am unlikely to get MRSA or die during the op but My God, I cannot stop all of these thoughts. I am freaking out and I now it is probably displaced stress, only found out a few weeks ago so am still shocked I expect but I can't seem to calm down about it.

Anyone experienced this, weird panics before an op, or had a hysterectomy? Am also terrified of how I will feel after, though they are not taking the ovaries so I won't have the menopause and I have had three children, you don't expect this at 30. I keep saying pull yourself together and get on with it but the anxiety is immense some days.

agree - loads of mags

That NO was to MrsCs list rather than the trashy magazine suggestion.

Warning: if you have an abdominal incision, it may hurt to laugh for a few days.

Or cough.

MrsC, so sorry to hear your news.

My friend had a hysterectomy last year because she had had surgery to remove cysts and they discovered she had ovarian cancer.
She has had chemotherapy since.

As far as I know it was a straightforward operation - it's something very routine to surgeons nowadays. She recovered well despite the seriousness.

My mother also had a hysterectomay several years ago and is now very fit and cycles everywhere. Much fitter than I am!
Again it was a very simple and quick thing for her. She was tired for a while afterwards but did her exercises and was back to normal within a few months I think.

I'm glad it is a 'good' prognosis for you xx

I'd be worried too, by the way - but I imagine the reality will not be so bad. This is your brain doing the preparation, I find if I am freaked out beforehand it usually enables me to cope when I really need to, ie at the time. If I am complacent before, I usually freak out at the crucial moment

MrsC I have been off MN for a while and had no idea you were going through this.

Sending big positive vibes your way.

MrsC,Sorry to hear your news.

I had a hysterectomy last june ,I was only 31.I had the op as I suffered terrible periods and a prolapse,although a completely different circumstance to you,I really really know how you are feeling at the moment.

I was bloody petrified the few weeks before hand,anxiety levels were sky high and I had images in my mind of being barren and unwomanly,loosing my sex drive etc.

The operation went well itself,I had adominal incision because I kept my ovaries,I think I was down in theatre for 2hours and spent at least 2 hours in recovery.You will be hooked up with a morphine pump and they will also give you oral meds if you need it(paracetamol),my advice is to keep pressing that pump! It makes you woozy and sleepy but its best to sleep it off for the first 24hrs really.I wouldn't say it was highly painful,just bloody awkard moving about with a catheter (hate those things!!)

MAKE SURE YOU TAKE PEPPERMINT TEA/CAPSULES!
Really helps with the wind pain -which is really common with gynae ops.(I took hand cleaner in too)

Let me know if theres anything else you want to know about the op *wracks brains

I was really tearful on the 3 rd day,infact I was a complete bitch to my dh when he came in to see me,think it all just hit me and I felt quite low and unsure of how I would feel at 31 and being without a womb,be prepared for some emotional times,its alot to go through.Allow yourself some time to grieve for your loss,it helped me to think of it as a loss.

I was ok after 5 weeks,tummy had healed and less swollen..remember NOT TO lift anything heavier than a full kettle for 8 weeks-difficult when you have little ones! Just take it very very easy at home,I spent a week in bed and did nothing.

Nearly a year on,and I feel bloody great,no periods/no pain and I don't feel any different to before really.I was sooo worried that I would almost shrivel up and lost my femininity but that hasn't happened-thankfully!

Wish you well,MrsC..You'll be fine,Promise!

MrcC - the fact that something is "rare" isn;t really relevant wehn you've got it, is it?! It doesn;t matter whether one person in the world or 1,000,000 have it - you are the only one that matters!

Cancer support will also give your DH someone to confide in about his fears without him having to "worry" you with it.

My mum is doing well - long terms after effects of the radiotherapy but she's alive and still cancer-free and lived to see my DS which she wouldn't if she had stuck to the plan of dying within 2 yrs! The hospice who were visiting her once a month in advance of her needing to use them were very reluctant to stop visiting her!

exactly, Kewcumber, it feels very real and makes rare things feel very possible! I/we hadn't thought of DH getting some support too, of course that makes sense, it must be hideous for him. Your mum sounds amazing. Sorry if it's inappropriate but I smiled at the thought of her having to fend of the people from the hospice!

Poshwellies - it's really helpful to hear positive stories from those having had the op. Sorry you had to go through it but glad things are ok for you now. I am really hoping I don't feel too barren/weird/unfeminine afterwards but I guess you can't tell how it will affect us. The consultant pulled a very po face and said without looking up, 'it shouldn't affect any social activity'. I've never heard it called that before. Hopefully things will be ok though I suppose it can't be exactly the same with an organ missing or can it? I was looking on a hysterectomy forum and one woman said she felt like her sex life was never the same again after her vagina had been sewn up like a cave! I stopped reading things at that point, what a horrible image.

Flight - I know what you mean, a friend described dealing with things before the event as paper tigers, which, although a faintly nauseating term, has been quite a helpful concept. I'm glad your mother and friend are ok.

Boco - light and easy it is then, although, as expat points out, they better not be too funny as laughing will be agony. I will get magazines though having a few days to read books sounds like a treat.

Cupsoftea - Thanks. I will speak to the nurses and explain my neurosis a little. They might think I am odd but rather odd than arsey iyswim.

Lionhart! Where have you been? We have missed you, I asked where you were the other day. Yes, this is all a drag, I have all my bloody smears and loop excisions but still it goes on. Hopefully this will be the end of it now and I can look forward to the summer. Will you be coming to the picnic at Franny's?

MrsC, I can completely understand all these worries and am glad you have had lots of reassurance on here. I don't think you are going to be able to beat all the anxiety no matter how well informed and comforted you are, though, so I would take some positive steps to combat the anxiety directly - eg meditation, massage, reiki, whatever would soothe and calm your whole body. It's only a week away but you could make yourself much more comfortable if you can work on the panicky feelings, I reckon

'They might think I am odd but rather odd than arsey iyswim.'

they won't, MrsC! they see this all the time and now it's part of the patient's being anxious and scared. it is normal and it's part of their jobs to take your concerns into consideration.

wishing you the best!

You are right, Franny, some anxiety is normal. I had shiatsu today and I feel a lot calmer after that, though I was spaced out and floaty afterwards and kept looking blankly at people in shops. I am going to be very nice to myself over the next week. Weird though, how even under these circumstances it feels self indulgent.

Poor expat, you keep giving me all of this useful and sensible reassurances and I keep fretting and hand-wringing and infuriatingly thinking of new angst.

You are right and I am very grateful for your advice.

especially the hot water bottle, that is a marvellous idea.

mrs c, best to just let it all hang out!

it's a scary time for you. that's why MN is here.

just by this thread, you can take along some things and knowledge which will hopefully help you with your procedure and recovery.

i liked the hot water bottle under my back.

it can get a little sore laying around a while.

MrsCarrot - I read something the other day that was going on about not letting visitors sit on your bed as MRSA is present on healthy people's skin. Would be worth looking into I think in case your children want to climb on the bed to see you.

As for anaesthetists - they are lovely! Last two I had were chatting away to me as I was taking longer to go under than I should and they said would I like a gin & tonic while I was waiting!

O sweetheart, how awful for you. I had a similar situation in 2006. DS1 was 18 months at the time so bfding wasn't an issue but you could have been describing me when you talk about the stress anxiety you're feeling. I had gall stones, early liver failure and pancreatitis so while not cancer, life-threatening in itself and I had to have several procedures and my gall bladder removed under GA. Its very very scary but nearly 2 years down the line I rarely think about it and neither will you.

My husband has this trick when he has to do something unpleasant which sounds quite trite but actually help me alot...just think this time tomorow/next week/next month it will all be over. This helped me focus on the future post yukkiness rather than dwell on the few days that just had to be put up with.

Re the hand washing thing, I have mild OCD so this was HUGE deal for me. I took a large bottle of alcohol rub with me, put it on my bedside and intended to hand it to anyone who came near me. In the event, all the nurses and docs were carrying their own and they all used them.

hope this helps a little and all the very best luck with your surgery {{{hugs}}}

a gin and tonic, fortyplus, that is exactly what I would like before I go under! Actually I fancy one now, going off for anniversary night in a bit so I can have one.

Phoebe - Glad you have recovered so well. I will definitely have a bottle of gel with me, if the nurses and doctors carry their own then that would be great! It is hard leaving little ones isn't it, he should be fine, he's with his dad but I still worry.

Right, must stop thinking about hospital bag for a minute and pack some stuff for my anniversary night. There is a en-suite jacuzzi and I am going to sit in it for ages with a big glass. Ds2 will be in the travel cot of course.

Enjoy your anniversary visit - sounds great. Expat is right - do let it all hang out. These "neuroses" are real fears and everybody has some of them. Talking really helps.

Quite a lot of nurses/doctors have a little bottle of spiragel around their waists. They are all really trying atm and they know most of us are worried about the things we have read and heard.

have a LOVELY anniversary night and enjoy those gin and tonics

just to say yes the adhesions were lots of scar tissue, but also both my fallopian tubes had wrapped themselves around my remaining ovary. God knows how I managed to concieve reasonably quickly (in fact 2-3 weeks after the operation with DD )

I really don't think scaremongering is helpful in MrsC's health situation HERS....did you actually read her orginial post?

MrsC Hope you had a lovely anniversary. Can you find my post about mortgage/insurance on 10/10 when you get back - will be lost in the depths by the time you get back. Hope it's not totally inappropriate.

Reported hers PW

mrs carrot where i work you have a choice on a menu, just pick bland foods the first couple of days avoiding too much veg, the staff can help you!

re the beds it does vary, usually we are good at geting our patients in, only very rarely do we have to cancel or outlie them (stick 'em on a different ward)! the fact you have been diagnosed with cancer bumps up your priority too.

reading this all your anxeties are so 'nomal' write down all the questions you have and anything thats been raised on here and take to your pre-op

enjoy your weekend away :0