The Great Cancer Recovery part 3

[TopOfTheCliff]

You may have finished active treatment for cancer, be in remission or NED. You want to look forward not dwell on the past. You know you ought to be eating well, exercising more and picking up the threads of your old life. Join us and share the ups and downs of recovery. We understand!

Here are some resources we found helpful:

The Mountain Lion
https://www.cancerpal.co.uk/post/what-it-s-really-like-to-receive-a-cancer-diagnosis

Peter Harvey on Psychology of recovery:
https://workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

Resources from Penny Brohn:
https://pennybrohn.org.uk/our-approach/resources/

Breast Cancer Now Moving Forward:
https://breastcancernow.org/information-support/support-you/moving-forward

Get your Oomph Back with Carolyn Garritt
http://www.oomph.london/home.html

Charity providing treats for cancer patients:
https://somethingtolookforwardto.org.uk/

Exercise is good for you:
https://www.webmd.com/cancer/features/exercise-cancer-patients

Any more suggestions? Post them below

There is also a thread for those suspected to have cancer, or newly diagnosed and facing treatment, and also a thread for those with Stage IV cancer who want to talk to others in the same boat.

I’m having a lovely time! Nice to hear everyone’s news!

Aargh I am so irritated! I’ve been decorating and tidying and helping DH prep for his big event on Sunday and just blew my top! I’ve had to retreat to a quiet place to try to recover my equilibrium. Within the space of an hour DH pointed out a bit of ceiling I had missed painting, then when I offered him fancy pickled beetroot he noted they are 2 days past their Best before date. They are pickled!! Also I bought them for him a week ago and I don’t like beetroot. I got so cross I went through the whole fridge and chucked out everything past its date (which was lots to be fair), and told him he can do the shopping and cooking if he’s going to find fault. I’m not sure why I am so upset. I think I feel taken for granted. He gets all the laundry, shopping, cooking, washing up, cleaning and tidying done for him now I am well again. I may just go off sailing for a few days to get him to appreciate me. Bah! He needs to win me round if he wants me to serve 150 cream teas on Sunday. I am officially in a huff!

Oh @TopOfTheCliff so sorry to hear that! Do you think he’s stressed about the event? Or is it all a sense of readjusting to changing circumstances?
Hope he is building bridges.
@Penguinsa the job sounds really intriguing!
@SierraSapphire hope your Manchester trip went well. Had a lovely day in Birmingham with young nephew which was great fun and exhausting! We both enjoyed a wacky art gallery with a pool table exhibit- (to be used)
Still waiting for dms house sale to go through here….

@thesandwich I think it’s both of us. We are tetchy and irritable. I am over sensitive and reading too much into his comments and he thinks I feel he is useless because of all the mess and unfinished jobs and he beats himself up far more than I ever would. Once this event is over I expect things will settle a bit.
I am getting over my knee injury but have realised that the Exemestane is causing problems like this tendinitis. I need to be cautious with my training and not step up the intensity too quickly. I am definitely making progress but not fast enough for my liking.
Your trip to Brum sounds fun. I lived there for a while. It’s a lovely city but too far from the sea for me.

Your day out with DD sounds wonderful Top Sorry about the little squabbles with DH, think that's normal. I've always been quite obsessive about best before dates especially if worried about health so am as bad as him on that, maybe he's worried about his health. Not nice to not feel appreciated and would go sailing if you feel like it.

Thanks Sandwich Glad you had a good day out.

ISA Hope surgery goes well and glad you had a good break.

Had lovely day out with DH today, washed silkies and dropped them off as DH is off to France soon, they loved it, then went to Sezincote, house tour, lovely homemade basque cheesecake and tea and gardens visit then on to tour Oxford.

@Penguinsa when you say “washed silkies” do you mean the chickens? I am boggling at the idea of you bathing them. It never occurred to me to wash ours when we had them. Don’t they go all skinny and forlorn being wet?
Thanks for reminding me squabbles happen. I am a bit miserable today after being so upset yesterday. I may put a self ban on discussing the mess for a few days as it always seems to lead to strife. But honestly if you could see how bad it is you would be horrified, and when I try to discuss it DH gets so defensive and upset I don’t know what to do. My parts of the house are beginning to look really nice though. There is a huge contrast!

Top We don't normally bathe the silkies but if they get very muddy we do as they can get infected easily. They absolutely love it which we weren't expecting. DH does it and they chirp happily and wiggle their bums and calm with it. It's very quick and just use a washing up bowl and baby shampoo. Though yesterday DH did all 3 as he did the very muddy one then the other two wanted it as well. You have to dry them very quickly but was 28C here yesterday so not an issue. It's only about once a year we do it though think the silkies would like it as a regular thing. 😎Its strange having silkies that love water but Floof who is supposed to love water as a Maine Coon hates water. He obviously didn't read the job description, most of them love swimming and playing with toys in water but Floof is horrified by me bathing never mind a drop of water near him. He always looks most concerned.

Yes think it's normal to squabble a bit especially when you are tired, stressed or together a lot. My DH is pretty untidy as well and seems oblivious to it, same with garden. But with garden I suggested we do it together and he loves it now and loves how it's transforming and has really embraced it. Apparently he even took our retired neighbour who gardens 24/7 and has a garden which could win a RHS show to see it yesterday though we have not finished yet and DH also mowed his lawn as the neighbours lawnmower is being repaired. House have gone through room by room and decluttering helps a lot. One other thing that worked well was getting a cleaner as he would tidy for the cleaner. Though if you can shut door on it and have enough rooms otherwise I am not too bothered if it's clean enough. Our house here is not that big, it's just the right size but nothing more. Maybe if the charity events are tiring stop them for a while, it does take longer than I always think to do house and garden. Or get help in if you can. I think sometimes it's something's a massive mess it's hard to motivate but if they can see improvements they will continue. When we were first married DH put so much all over my small, perfect flat which he never used but would not get rid of and that caused a few squabbles but in the end he took much of it back to his Mums 10 bedroom house. Still not used any of it 25 years later. Or is storage an option, again seems like burning money to me but gets house tidy and DH has used that for pianos. Could you go away together and just forget about these things initially, not somewhere you are doing things for others but just somewhere can both relax then once both reset maybe easier to agree. I try to depersonalise as well with mine so not you need to but so it appears they have a choice like I am getting a special collection of rubbish for x, anything you would like to add. That's an asd thing where they can react badly to do x, but if it appears a choice it's OK. And compliments. With things like the kitchen ceiling I would be annoyed to but tend to respond with you are so much better than me at this why don't you have a go. Or get someone in. That's how DH started doing the cooking he moaned about a couple of things I cooked then I told him he should try and he would certainly be much better than me.

Sorry to hear about the bickering @Top, we've got it here too....

DP and I are currently in the throws of a much needed house sort out - we have a skip! He's got a totally different attitude to clutter than me and all surfaces seem fair game for dumping stuff on rather than finding a home for it...I'm sick to death of clearing multiple jackets and rucksacks off a certain chair in the living room and then two days later again it's back in the same state.

We're also turning the land at back where we used to park the car into an actual garden which will be wonderful when it's done....so I've sort of allocated dp to project manage that.

Sympathies to all squabblers and hope you feel better soon Top. It's miserable having low level "stuff" going on.

I have similar issues here. It.seems quite common for the 2 halves of a couple to be clutterer/ tidier and it does make for disagreements. I'm verymuch a chucker outer and boyfriend is a keeper of anything and everything. Gets me down.

Some pictures from yesterday.

Lovely pics @Penguinsa!

I am toying with getting a cleaner once I've finished decluttering. We're not bad between us at keeping vaguely on top of the surface level stuff - washing up, kitchen sides wiped, hoovering etc but the not everyday stuff seems to creep up on us! I think having a cleaner coming round would help us keep a kid on making sure things aren't just left everywhere too!

It's finding the time between full time (and fairly intense) work, DP's dd8, medical stuff, more urgent house stuff....I feel like ive spent all weekend working on the house and don't have much to show for it!

Do it @ClashCityRocker ! You can always stop if it’s not working for you. I started with a cleaner when I realised instead of spending 3 hours a week cleaning toilets and hoovering I could go for a bike ride. I was working 40 hours a week so it seemed a good use of cash to free up time. Then I got ill and it kept us afloat. Now I’m fond of our cleaner and like being able to delegate to her. I have spent the morning cleaning and putting away stuff from the weekend while she does the house.
I am feeling a bit better than I was on Friday. I think I am a bit burned out doing stuff for others. I’ve spent two weekends in a row organising fun events for other people and in between cleaning decluttering and decorating. I want to be selfish and do some fun stuff just for me! My DSis has come over to see DM so we will go over there for a gathering but I am going to have a day out first by myself. DH is going to do the food shopping since his ill judged comment last week 😂 I shall have a think about how much volunteering I want to do in future.
My knee is getting better, but I will try to avoid jumping around. I don’t like getting older!

Although I’m retired I am contemplating getting a cleaner once we’ve sorted all the last of dms stuff in the house. Life is too short and cleaning does not spark joy.
so do it @ClashCityRocker !
@TopOfTheCliff thats interesting about being burned out with voluntary stuff- it’s that challenge of working out what truly fuels us and what consumes us. You and your dh have had so much to deal with recently. I think so many of us leap to be helpful/ do stuff that we’re really good at but isn’t necessarily what we need.
And also the elation of finding we can do stuff we’ve not been able to.
it’s all a balancing act…also discovering what new life looks like.

I have a cleaner @ClashCityRocker - you're right, it does make me clear up once a fortnight, although it doesn't seem to have the same effect on DD! I'm shit at cleaning though I can't make myself do it and even when I do it, I'm really incompetent and nowhere actually looks any cleaner! Are you still waiting for your results? I haven't heard anything, although I did get a letter from the hospital today to say that my appointment at 1:50 on the 7th of January has been cancelled and moved to 1.50 on the 7th of January! A bit of a fuck, what now? moment when the letter arrived.

Where are you thinking you might go for your day out @TopOfTheCliff?

i've got a start date for my job, two weeks, so I need to make the most of my comparative freedom. People keep asking me to meet up before I start, but actually I would rather just have the time to potter around the house a little bit. I played tennis and had a swim earlier in the day, and then I've been out for a meal with a friend this evening, it's been pretty unheard of for me to go out for anything to eat on a weekday for years and years, being able to throw off the feeling that I should be doing something to build my business all the time or study for my Master's has been great.

That’s insane @SierraSapphire . Is there any point responding? It may change again before January.
I’m going to down to see my boat on Wednesday and maybe take her out for a sail. My friend is going too so I could either go in convoy or on his boat. We raced our shared boat tonight and laughed such a lot. We bought a new sail on eBay and it is huge! In the light airs we whizzed along. It was a fun evening and made me feel better.
Yes @thesandwich you are right as usual. Just because I’m a good organiser doesn’t mean I have to step forward. Others can do it too. Food for thought.

I seem to be going through some deep inner joy experience at the moment. I’m awake listening to the birds. I’m so in love with life right now…

Seeing friends and family every day. Just enjoying simple stuff like a cup of tea and a look around the charity shops with a dear friend and I’m so happy! I’m not dead! (Yet)

So I’m about, but just being a bit wafty!

Wonderful!

@TopOfTheCliff squabbles are not good when they leave that feeling.

My best cabinet is being colonised by warhammer figures and the pairing table in the dining room has been jacked up with a couple of bricks to make it higher….I’ve been away a week!

Tackle one small thing at a time. First go and give him a hug and tell him you love him…

I seem to be quoting the Beatles a lot at the moment ‘ life is very short and there’s no time for fussing and fighting!’ :)

I’d love to bath a chicken! The dog gets a bath every Sunday whether he wants it or not, all we do is wash stuff!

The pic below is of dog being ‘sad donkey’ after his bath!

In an unusual and surprising bout of efficiency @TopOfTheCliff they agreed my six month follow-up date at my last appointment instead of sending a letter saying can you do this? And then you phoning up and saying no I can't, and then saying they'll send you another letter then giving you another time. I already had one letter confirming it. It's purely a follow-up clinic, so no really emergencies I don't think to derail things, but I have had quite a lot of appointments moved.

Glad you're having a good time @FairyWren7 - big change from all the stress of work you've had!

I've just done a 3 mile run cross-country, I seem to be managing fairly easily but my hamstring is still twingeing a bit, got physio later. This morning is set aside for life admin, including trying to sort out a care agency that will do cleaning for my DM, I think she has finally agreed to have someone who can provide a bit of extra support, though not assuming anything until it's actually in place!

@SierraSapphire no results yet and we're coming up to two weeks so I'm in the no news is good news camp... I don't yet have an appointment to discuss then either. Well, I did have one but we're away so told them this and they said they'll send a new one out.

I need to pull my finger out and give them a ring really ...

@SierraSapphire if you have a branch of Home Instead near you take a look. They offer a spectrum all the way from a regular cleaner to live in dementia care. My DM likes her “ help”. The high cost guarantees they send somebody even when her regular lady is away, sick or it’s a holiday.
@FairyWren7 things are settling here. DH has done some food shopping and we are out several nights this week so not much food prep needed happily. We are friends again.

I need to pull my finger out and give them a ring really ...

But why bother when you could remain in denial @ClashCityRocker ?

Which I should add is the approach that I take ! I tend to agree with you about two weeks. Mine is just a CA125 test though so probably wouldn't be treated with the same degree of urgency as something definite on a scan.

Thanks Clash I first got a cleaner in chemo and they were amazing, I did the one off cleans around once a month, one off cleans can be useful to have first to see how the cleaner is and ours was excellent. Ours work in a pair. I would strongly recommend it if have spare cash. I still sometimes have them maybe once every three months now as it's improved but it was great and also DH would tidy for them. Hope you get all clear soon.

Glad you have some lovely things lined up and feel a bit better Top

Also should try a cleaner Sandwich and wise words.

Great about start date Sierra

So glad you are having a good time Fairywren and thanks.

DH is away in France so it's the kids and I and Floof here. I got lots of food in, in advance and DS has eaten an impressive amount and is a medical mystery as to how someone can eat what seems like 5,000 calories a day and stay stick thin. DD also eats loads but is often doing sport 5 hours a day so her I can understand. He is tall now and a teenager but still.

I had my interview for job on very remote island, not sure when I will hear back but lovely people and very interesting role. They said people start up to 4 months after offer which is great as can recover from diep op first. Not totally sure what to do with myself now, DH and I also tidied house and garden before he left. I don't want to think too much about op or cook and eat too much but don't drive and it was very full on pre him leaving. I could research island more but wary of getting too attached if I don't get an offer. I am looking forward to Olympics starting.

Well done @Penguinsa - when did they say you'd hear?