The Great Cancer Recovery part 3

[TopOfTheCliff]

You may have finished active treatment for cancer, be in remission or NED. You want to look forward not dwell on the past. You know you ought to be eating well, exercising more and picking up the threads of your old life. Join us and share the ups and downs of recovery. We understand!

Here are some resources we found helpful:

The Mountain Lion
https://www.cancerpal.co.uk/post/what-it-s-really-like-to-receive-a-cancer-diagnosis

Peter Harvey on Psychology of recovery:
https://workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

Resources from Penny Brohn:
https://pennybrohn.org.uk/our-approach/resources/

Breast Cancer Now Moving Forward:
https://breastcancernow.org/information-support/support-you/moving-forward

Get your Oomph Back with Carolyn Garritt
http://www.oomph.london/home.html

Charity providing treats for cancer patients:
https://somethingtolookforwardto.org.uk/

Exercise is good for you:
https://www.webmd.com/cancer/features/exercise-cancer-patients

Any more suggestions? Post them below

There is also a thread for those suspected to have cancer, or newly diagnosed and facing treatment, and also a thread for those with Stage IV cancer who want to talk to others in the same boat.

Happy New Year and thanks to all for being so welcoming to me, and for the support which is much appreciated.

My Xmas was fine, quite nice with elderly DM and DSis, plus Ddog, by far the easiest-going family member! NYE low key, pub to play board games early eve then home to see NY in with dog lying in bed watching fab Norwegian series State of Happiness. (Has anyone seen it? I'm nearly finished season 2. Easily one of best things ever seen on TV. Shades of Mad Men but Scandi - 1960s-80s)

Things feel tricky for me atm as am struggling a lot with uncertainty - I think cos I'm at that point when treatment has ended and I'm out on my own (diagnosed June 24, surgery July, radio Oct, ongoing tamoxifen). I'm fine in the day but it's when I can't sleep at night. Feel a bit like a cocked gun held to my head. Have signed up for Macmillan counselling, doing an EFT workshop. It's a period of adjusting I guess.

Sadly, one of my friends who has massively supported me, has now been diagnosed with lobular BC too - like a kind of sick joke and is having a mastectomy no reconstruction on 15 Jan. She came with me to radiotherapy and little did we know.

Hoping for good health and happy times in 2025. I will get cheerier I think!!

PS @SierraSapphire I love that you are so into your gigging! Pulp will be incredible. I saw The Wonder Stuff if you remember them from back in the day - I was obsessed aged 15-17 so was really lovely trip down memory lane, also a great show in its own right. I definitely want to go to more gigs - nothing so life affirming imho. Lovely that you go with your DD!

@PaperbackWrighter So sorry to read the news about your friend. I hope her journey through treatment is a successful one.

I've not heard of that tv series - State of Happiness - where can I find it (I player, Netflix etc).

Thanks @MissMarplesNiece - I'm hopeful for my friend too. The rotten thing is she had DCIS 21 years ago in the same breast. Seems so unfair to get another cancer so many years later, but at least it is a primary.

State of Happiness is on iPlayer - I can't recommend it enough. There are 3 seasons currently with the third having just come out. It's set in Stavangar where oil is discovered in the late 60s and all the business, politics and human interest stuff that comes with that. I cried at one of the episodes the other night. The acting, the story, the characters, are all just wonderful. I'm going to be crying again when I finish it soon and wonder what I am going to watch for the next few years while they make season 4!!

@PaperbackWrighter the time after treatment finishes is very strange. You will no doubt be feeling very relieved to be through and assessing what collateral damage there is. At the same time it is so terrifying to deal with the prospect of a recurrence.
I had just got my head together after BC1 when I got another primary BC and had to start all over again. Now I am through treatment again and have done the courses, addressed my rage at the universe and currently feel I can’t be arsed to worry about the future. When I get weird symptoms I have a little frisson “Here we go again!” but a few days later the symptoms disappear again. This week both DH and I have got aching teeth and sinuses. We also have strange loin pain which seems like a kidney problem. I don’t know why we mirror each other, except that we are empaths 😂 I can’t be bothered to call the GP or the dentist currently so hope everything settles.
Today’s excitement was meant to be the fitting of two new windows. Nobody arrived so I phoned up and it seems the fitters drove for two hours, got here at 8am, realised they didn’t have the new windows so drove back again! They are going to try again tomorrow.

Happy new year everyone!

We finally managed our Xmas makeup lunch. I suggested abandoning the elaborate meal and we just had a relaxing catchup and exchanged our gifts.

SIL was looking really well now she’s finished her treatment for lobular breast cancer. She’s noticed that I’m shouldering the load with mum and has volunteered to get my brother to do more. I gratefully accepted but I know it’s easier said than done with him!

DD has had a wobble about moving away to Uni (it’s not that common here so most of her friends will be staying in Sydney). But we’ve calmed her down and now the deposit is paid so she’s going. I’m sure she’s going to love it.

@PaperbackWrighter I’m sorry to hear about your friend’s diagnosis. We caught up with a friend of DH’s for a Christmas drink and he told us he had stage 3 bowel cancer - the same diagnosis as me. Except he is 39 with 3 kids under 5. He’s had successful surgery and will start chemo soon. It certainly brings a lot of feelings back!

I hope your shared niggles resolve themselves @TopOfTheCliff and the windows turn up!

@PaperbackWrighter I remember The Wonder Stuff, I saw them somewhere in London, maybe Camden Palais, we saw a few bands there around that time like The Wedding Present and Carter USM. I was going to a gig a week pretty much in my first year at uni, and then later on we got into festivals (DD is a Glastonbury baby!) then years of nothing (partly financial and partly because I was a lone parent and XP was a useless dick) until just after my cancer diagnosis made me decide to live more! However, I did spend all those early years of DD's life making sure she had great music taste!

I was okay for three months after my chemo finished just over two years ago, then everything hit me and I spent the next six months or so incredibly anxious, plus I had a recurrence scare. A lot of people say that the time after treatment is some of the most difficult, but it does get better as time goes on. Though I have a routine checkup next week, which is never pleasant! Hoping she's not going to suggest a CT scan or anything.

Bit weird that your window fitters didn't pop in and tell you they couldn't do it @TopOfTheCliff !

Morning all, second day back to work for me and guess what I'm doing? Avoiding working!! I will get on with it soon though. Leisurely coffee and catch up on TGCR seems fair way to get the morning started!

@TopOfTheCliff How odd that you and DH mirror each other's ailments. Am glad they then scoot off! Am just glad I'm not mirroring Ddog's (acid reflux and loud retching) - could lose me some friends! Seriously, though, I look forward to the day when my attitude will be more relaxed. I'm not Cancer Queen levels, but it will be nice when it's not so forefront of mind. Has crept up on me so a bit so was a little surprised. I meet with the Moving Forward ladies for coffee on Saturday, and that I think will be great. Sorry about your windows - what utter numpties and why didn't they knock on the door to apprise you of the situation? 🙄

So sorry to hear about your friend @Remaker - must bring a lot of feelings back like you say, and he is so young with such young kids. Horribly hard. Glad the surgery was successful and wishing him all the best with his treatment. Glad your SIL is looking well and she's noted you're doing the lion's share (or is that everything?). Good luck with DB - I have DS who doesn't do as much but she can be told and amend slightly. Glad DD is back on track for exciting away-from-home uni experience.

@SierraSapphire I love that your DD was a Glastonbury baby! Had to laugh as I'm so glad I didn't have the Glastonbury baby I could have had if you get my drift (in terms of who the DF would've been!). I went two years in a row, 1994 and 1995, so a lifetime ago! I used to see more gigs when younger but not at all as prolifically as you. I think it's brilliant you're seeing lots again. Think I may need to follow your lead when I've recovered from my garden office spend! And, thank you, it's helpful to know the anxiety improves as time goes on. I'm confident it will but not enjoying this current phase. Think meeting the others from the Moving Forward course I went to will help on Saturday.

Indeed @SierraSapphire I think they were too embarrassed to ring the bell. They are here today and very cheerful. It’s sunny and cold and there is a chill wind blowing through the house but they are cracking on while I make them coffee and use up Christmas biscuits and goodies on them.

@Remaker I expect your DD will be homesick for about a day then settle in and you won’t hear from her for weeks. Exciting times!
I managed to sort out my delayed mammogram quite easily. I phoned to find out what was happening and they have an appointment for me on Jan 22nd that they haven’t told me about yet. New year job list ✔️ I am tackling some of the annoying tasks that escaped me last year. Some need professional help so I am calling tradesmen and making appointments.
Tonight is murder mystery dinner night with friends. I am making a retro prawn cocktail so need to go in search of prawns soon.

@PaperbackWrighter you are doing so well already! The most useful advice I took on board with recovery has been to go gently. Don’t force yourself to move faster than you can deal with. It takes lots of time to process everything. I have found yoga, meditation, and mindfulness hugely useful in slowly down and calming my system. For me being outside in nature is very healing. I have developed a love of forests and I have always loved being out at sea on my boat. I think it has changed me for the better as I can now recognise when I am overwhelmed and need some quiet space. Before I would have pushed through and got stressed and shouty. Some good will come out of this experience I am sure.

I’ve never been a big festival person but we have some building work starting Monday and had a portaloo delivered today which is sitting under a tree in the front garden, giving us that festival vibe without leaving home 😂

I had a good day today, a nice bright frosty walk with DH and we went to see Conclave which I really enjoyed. I had a swim early this morning and the pool cover was slightly broken so wouldn’t fully retract, and we all had to swim widths, not lengths. I was a bit nonplussed to start with but actually really enjoyed the novelty and the 30 mins flew by. It was a good reminder that doing something unusual is fun

LOL @dotty2 - i've been to a day concert in Hyde Park, radio 2 in the park, and latitude in the past couple of years (though I feel I'm too old to camp, just been for the day) and the standard of toilet is definitely much better than it used to be! DD went to Boardmasters a few years ago though the toilet situation was so dire that they were all having to go off and pee in the hedge - toilets not emptied, so you can imagine (or perhaps don't!) how gross they became.

It feels cold! There's something about this weather that means I can't be arsed to go to the gym. Since I got my new car, I really miss my heated windscreen, I think defrosting the car is part of the inertia. I am going out for brunch with a friend and then we'll have a walk though, so that will be my exercise for the day. I was also really tired last night, after only having done two days back at work.

Hi and a Happy New Year to you all.
I am a very infrequent visitor here but find it a safe space every now and again.
I'm a 2021 breast cancer alumni. Well, radiotherapy was the start of 2022.
The time of finishing active treatment is weird. You spend all that time during treatment with so many appointments then all of a sudden, it's done. Everyone (who hasn't been through it) expects you to be happy and relieved but I felt quite the opposite!
I found my lump 4 years ago this month and find January hard as that was just the start of it all.
There's a thread referring to "fashionable" cancers which I've found triggering. People need to stop comparing them (and other illnesses), they are all shit.
I'm at a point where I don't want to spend time with certain people. I made an effort to be polite with ILs when we saw them over Christmas. DP is upset I muted the WhatsApp group but I don't care. I don't need fakeness or toxic positivity. No, you and your kids aren't perfect. In fact, you are soke of the most self centred people I know.
I also muted a WhatsApp group with some old school friends as that gets me down. I occasionally reply to the odd message.
Anyway, first gym visit if 2025 done.

@dotty2 DH and I went to see Conclave. We don't go to the cinema very often and I enjoyed it lots. I love Stanley Tucci so a film with him it was a bonus for me. I think I'd go to the cinema more often but modern films are so long. I saw a film advertised that I quite like the look of but it's over 3 hours long. That's a long time to be sat in the same seat.

I woke in the night with horrible rigors, vomiting and diarrhoea- a side effect of my surgery which should have been cured in February with further surgery but wasn't. Ive spent today in my PJs, wrapped up in a blanket on the sofa. My little Cockatiel has been snuggled on my shoulder all day, bless her. Funny to think of getting comfort from a small bird. I wish my CT scan appointment would hurry up & come through because until its been done and my Consultant gets the results, she can't sort out a treatment plan.

@MissMarplesNiece that sounds unpleasant! I hope you feel better soon and can get a treatment plan sorted.

We went to see Lee at the cinema for my birthday. It’s been out for a while so is only on at a few places now. Usually I will only go to one of the big chains that have fully reclining seats - love them! But we were at an independent one that has old fashioned charm and caters to an audience of a certain - ahem - vintage (that we are rapidly approaching!). We saw the preview for Conclave and I thought it sounded good but DH muttered ‘that’s one to miss’ so Netflix it is lol.

We are off on a little road trip into the Central West of New South Wales tomorrow. Will be spending a night in Parkes at their Elvis festival! Not quite Glastonbury more working man’s clubs. And a hotel not a tent! I require private facilities post bowel surgery so DH has had to give up his dream of touring music festivals in our dotage. We’re leaving the kids behind which makes me slightly nervous especially DS17 who is discovering a social life after being a late bloomer.

@Remaker Toilets are the worst thing about festivals. I find it especially difficult because I always have to get up in the night for a wee and walking across a field in the dark to find a loo is, well shall we say, an experience. DH and I only go to small festivals, I dread to think what it's like at a big festival like Glastonbury.

We've been going to the cinema more over the last year and hope to continue that this year. Just saw Conclave which we really liked. Before that - Megalopolis - 2 hours I will never get back...

Keen to see A Complete Unknown when it comes out.

One of my other go-to therapeutic resolutions has been more music - playing and live. I get lazy about it but it's really good for my mental health if I can just get over the effort-threshold.

I don't do tents anymore.

Happy Sunday all! Thank you so much @TopOfTheCliff for such kind and encouraging words. Gently does it is definitely a good approach - yesterday I did a 2-hour group hike, longest since my diagnosis, which was an hour's drive away, then drove back, dropping dog on way, and into London to meet Moving forward ladies. A v good day but today I'm giving myself a pass on the 12th night party I've been invited to tonight as I don't have the energy.

I hope the murder mystery night was fun - I do love a good old retro prawn cocktail!

Happy New Year @Vinorosso74 - I'm wondering by the 74 if we are both the same age!! I saw that thread too - I can never help myself and always bite! But I just made the point not to assume all breast cancers are fabulously researched. The one I have, lobular, isn't. It's a meanspirited original post I think, but I guess borne of frustration. The use of the word 'fashionable' was ill advised. I mean it's hardly, "Have I told you about this trendy new cancer I've been diagnosed with? The one everyone's getting now?" !!!!!

@dotty2 your portaloo made me laugh, I hope it's for builders' use and not because your toilets will be out of use!!

@MissMarplesNiece I walked past Stanley Tucci once in Barnes - he lives there with his wife, sister of Emily Blunt! He looked shorter than on screen, but nice and friendly. Sorry to hear about your horrid symptoms and I'm glad your cockatiel is a comfort. Hope it gets sorted soon.

Enjoy the road trip @Remaker sounds fun!

@Acinonyx2 I've heard one to miss at the cinema is We Live in Time. A friend recently treated for breast cancer was taken to see it by her son the other night. Was not the narrative arc she was hoping for, let's say!

DD went to see We Live In Time with her BF a few days ago. I've only just read in the paper that it's actually about ovarian cancer (which I had, but 1a so caught early, though my endometrial cancer was 3a). DD didn't mention that that's what it was about, I wonder how she felt, as obviously me dying could be an outcome, (although hopefully not!) One of the comments in the paper mentions a review about the "soft soap" attitude to terminal illness and death. I definitely won't be watching it!

I read about We Live In Time and saw a few clips - definitely one to avoid. When I was in treatment I went through a phase of watching so many cancer-related films like that - but I have no appetite for that now. I remember a friend sent me a book to read during that time - actually about a teenage girl (dd was also a teenager then) whose mother died from breast cancer. I mean - what on Earth was she thinking? I put it away somewhere and can't remember where - I suppose I will find it one day.

I feel like I will only trust anything written about cancer from someone who's actually had cancer, though to be fair I have no idea who's the writer of this film. I'm okay with real life experiences, but fiction, no.

We Live In Time sounds grim but I'd like to see A Complete Unknown. DH & I have tickets to go and see Callas with Angelina Jolie as La Divina.