Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support IV

[lackaDAISYcal]

just popping in quickly...my it's been busy on here since i posted last Monday!

i was only going to lurk and read, but I couldn't not post given the dialogue that has been going on with gracepaley and kokeshi.

I have to say sorry gracepaley, but I'm a C , unless you can bury whatever bone you have to pick with kokeshi and join in with the spirit of this thread. The posters here have been nothing but supportive of anyone who has joined and it's usual to ask a few questions about the new posters drinking habits. Given that I'd read the other thread and saw the response that kokeshi got there, I took her initial comments to you to be tongue in cheek. You obviously thought otherwise, but it's only fair to assume that as this is a thread for problem and dependant drinkers and alcoholics, the fact that you are posting here means that you think you have a problem so it's not a wild leap of anyone else's imagination to think that too.

I'm not sure what you are expecting from this thread either. You are saying that you don't like people making wild assumptions about you, but you have yet to share with the thread the extent of your drinking, thereby kind of encouraging assumptions to be made. you also asked about the rules; not that there are any, but if you had read any of thread before posting, you would have seen that it's usual for newcomers to give a bit of background to their drinking and that the regular posters pitch their support accordingly.

This thread has been a lifeline to many people; myself included, and yes kokeshi has been integral to the support I've had. I wouldn't say she is the doyenne though as that would be giving her ideas above her station . She is just much further on the road to recovery than anyone else and draws on her life's experience in helping others. As her recovery involved AA, it's only natural that she should draw on this. I have never felt that she forces AA down anyone's neck or that she is trying to convince anyone their drinking is a bigger problem than it actually is.

I also think that some of the recent posts may have put people off from joining this thread as it doesn't look like a very supportive place at the moment. So, sorry if you're not hearing, "oh pull up a chair and just ignore that kokeshi one" from me.

I would like to think that you can open up a little and let some of the very lovely women on here try to help as I would hate to think of anyone slipping further into the mire that I nearly found myself in, but I really don't think that you are making any useful contribution to the thread at the moment. If you would stop being so defensive, you would see that we are all, kokeshi included, really nice and helpful on here, honest

I'm not normally a confrontational person btw, and it has taken me a lot to post this, but I did feel very strongly that the tone of the last week has been just wrong.

I dont think anyone needs to be suspicious of AA. I mean afterall its a charity paid for by its own memebers who are alcoholics, recovering or otherwise. Why get het up about it? Mind you I have to laugh about the sniffing out other alcoholics comment. Alcohol does smell you know

I am seriously ashamed to think that people smelled me in the mornings - I'm absolutely sure I reeked.

Am working at the moment, so signing off for now. Hope you're ok paperchain.

paperchain, are you still there?

and just to say Good Luck BM.....you are being incredibly brave. I'm hoping this works out well for you

well done oifoif on the thee weeks.

and hi to any new posters; we haven't met but I am an intermittent regular. I'm incontrol of my drinking now, but only cos I'm pregnant.

I actually wanted to say I've had a really tough few days. DH and i had a huge fight on Sunday and it ended up getting physical. My depression has gotten on top of me again, and when I'm deporessed and angry, I throw things . I'd thrown a whole load of things in DH's general direction (was too angry to aim so it all missed him). anyway, I turned to walk out the room, and he threw my handbag at me with such force that it knokced me off my feet (lots of heavy things in there). It hit me in the back of the neck and I think I now have whiplash . The pain has been getting steadily worse since Sunday and today I can't move my head. I've taken some co-codamol, but daren't take any more. It didn't even dent the pain. So I need to go to the docs but how to explain that one? I'm kind of thinking that I deserved it as he was only retaliating, but it doens't make it any easier. I very nearly ran to the nearest pub to get smashed on sunday and Monday night. He left on sunday night for work, and we've only spoken a few times on the phone, albeit very tersely. He is mortified that he hurt me. I howe we can work this out. I've gone back on anti-depressants for the time being as I just wasn't coping without them. i'm also due to be back at work on tuesday and have had to be signed off. Work are not going to be happy, as they were desperate to have me back.

sorry for the long post, just needed to get that off my chest. have told people in RL that I phad to do an emergenc stop in the car to explain the neck pain. Only feel I can share the real story on here.

lacksadaisycal, so sorry things have been so awful for you, and that you are in such pain. Well done for sharing the real story with us.

Hi to everyone else, newbies included. Paperchain, hope you're okay, just keep posting.

Will post again later.

hello

thank you for your kind posts. I am a bit calmer now and the mad cravings hsave gone. Altho I did have a small drink befor eI went out

as soona s the boys are in bed I will start tho

today ahs just been toop much

lacksadaisycal, have you been for any counselling together? (I sound like fucking oprah in here) and are there more problems in your relationship that you need to work through?

dh used to work away alot and it was hell, especially when the children came along. I resented him alot tbh all the time. Infact that was alot to do with my drinking episodes. He even went away when I had alcohol poisoning and I thought I was going to die so my mum drove 200 miles to stay with me 'just in case I did' I didnt drink for 18 months after that and I hardly drank after that hence my constant checking on it. Thats why I think I need to give up. Thats the hard thing with this thread, I try to give advice but end up trying to justify myself (my problem)

Oh fio, please don't be so hard on yourself, recovery is a rocky path(god now I sound like Oprah too). Noone is perfect, but hey you're still here, and you're a really supportive poster. Its never plain sailing is it, unfortunately. I blamed loads of things for me drinking- but they were all excuses really. Shaming now to think of it, but there you are-

Daisy- I'm so sorry you're having a difficult time, but its lovely to see you on here.

Paperchain- its really up to you if you start to drink again tonight. You CAN choose not to.
Get in touch with people, support services, whatever you need, to sort it out.
As they say, if nothing changes, then nothing changes. (Hope that makes sense)

Am off out to see friends for an hour- anyone about later?

if you always do what you've always done, then you'll always get what you've always had.

Definition of insanity, keep repeating the same action over and over again and expecting a different result.

Oh if only I could follow my own advice!

oif, we haven't been to counselling but it might not be a bad idea. We were meant to marry years ago and were on the verge of booking a venue when he said he wanted out of the relatnship. two weeks later I found out I was pregnant with DS, which he didn't take very well at all. He wanted me to have a termination, but I wouldn't for various personal reasons. anyway, things got quite nasty with lots of accusations on his part (it wasn't his, I did it on purpose, he'd cut off his little finger if I'd terminate) and we didn't speak for most of my pregnancy but I got back in touch when I was about seven months as he said he'd help me financially. He became very supportive and was even there for the birth and stayed for a couple of weeks afterwards. He used to visit once a month (he was in Leeds, I was in Edinburgh), then every three weeks, then every two, and then we had a holiday together when DS was 2, and we got back together after that. He wanted us to move to Leeds, and i agreed and we got married when DS was three. I still have this nagging insecurity that he only did it so that he could be with DS, and that he never bargained for a depressed borderline alcoholic wife and another two children. I think (donning my own counselling hat) that I obviously have deep seated abandonment issues where pregnancy is concerned and think he is about to leave me again.....he assures me that isn't the case, but it's like I have a need to push him away anyway. Maybe cos I did it myself first time around, I need to show I can do it again, I don't know. him not being here in the week isn't helping either. I feel like shit at the moment though

hello

I amj here and I am drinking

I have absolutely no intenstion of drinking atm. In fact my therpaist (whilst she totally condones my drinkgin has toild me not to stop atm). And I a beginning to feel some relief

Of course I wish I didnt have to drink. And I kow I can manage without it. But atm I choose not to. How bad is that? :

paperchain, i hope things improve for yoou soon. Can you talk to anyone tonight, one of th support organisations? a friend? or even keep posting on here and trying not to drink?

you sound like you're in a bad way, and I wish there was something we could do to help.

oif, I think we all do that don't we? try to talk to others about their drinking, but it is always rooted in how we are feeling ourselves, about ourselves. I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing; it's like therapy in its own way.

I've missed you guys, even though it's only been just over a week.

I'll come back sooner next time, but for now i have to go and apply some more frozen peas to my neck and get to bed.

BM, thinking about you and wishing you luck. xx

I am ok

I am ok nbow I am drinking

cos I will v be able to go to sleep an d forget everything

OOh- Hairybiker- have you got any more of those sayings?!
I liked the definition of insanity one. Yep, that was me every day with the vodka. god.

Hi Daisy- been a turbulent few years for you- hope you get some rest tonight.

Hi everyone else- its great to see everyone posting.

goodnight

Night PC, hope you get some rest.

Just popping in to say goodnight all!
Feel like i've been caught up in a bit of a MN whirlwind today and hope i didn't make things worse - just wanted an end to it so we could go back to being helped and helpful (to the best of our abilities!)

GP - I mean it, best of luck going drink-free til Saturday - you've effectively done til Thursday so you're doing really well...my goal is friday and it couldn't come a minute too soon!

Daisy - I don't really know what to say . I hope the fact you've felt you could post the real story on here means you get some help to work through it...I really hope things get better.

paperchain - if drinking is the only thing you feel is getting you through stuff at the moment then don't beat yourself up about it. Flowertop suggested the Samaritans and I think that's an excellent idea. I spoke to them when a very close friend died and they were amazing. It might be good for you to have someone to chat to who isn't immediately involved in RL...if you go to their website the number will be on there.

Hope everyone else is okay this evening. I've been using nicotine chewing gum (quite a lot) recently and it's given me REALLY bad wind - i keep blaming it on the dog .

Night night
Gerbra x

Thanks for your support the other day. What a long rant. I do feel better today but still bad. I find it difficult to post when I feel bad , so this post is difficult. Don't know what to say. Am forcing myself.
HAve atrusted person to look after biz for a short while but have to pay alot (but don't care actually) we're going to have the day offf today. ds has been sick a couple of times and had a bad bum so I hope he will be ok for nursery. doas that sound mean, packing him off when he's sick. He's fine in himself but the thought of one day off and then having to look after ds, just want to lie quietly and very still! i feel a bit fragile.
koshi-am a bit of a technophobe but would like to chat more privately, how do I join this other thread?
gerbra are you still not smoking? That's fantastic.

Glowwormish, I think that's fine. You really need a break.

you know daisy, I dont even know you but I think your dh would not have stuck around 'just' because of ds. Infact I would go as far as to say you obviously really meant something to him because he came back and got involved with his child and realised he still loved you. He sounds more of a man than most men, alot would just sever contact altogether. He sounds like he was just frightened. Of course I dont know all the ins and outs but maybe it is worth going to relate because if he is trying to constantly reassure you, you are depressed then it will help having a 3rd person to talk it through with you iykwim

Thanks everyone for last night. I do feel pretty useless atm. I know I shouldnt be drinking as my anxiety levels are terrible again. I have one bottle of wine in the fridge though which i know i will share with dh tonight and then I am getting back with the program.

thanks guys
oif, I know that you are right, and that he does love me, but the niggle is always there at the back of my mind, and it rears it's ugly head when i'm pregnant or when I'm feeling particulary low, or both, as is happening now. He is home now and in bits at the fact that he has hurt me. We are going away this weekend, so a change of scene will do us the world of good. I'm just trying to figure out to explain my injury to the doctor without making DH sound like a wife beater.

gerbra, that's great about you not smoking ...one down, one to go, eh?
glowormish, i think you are doing the right thing in still sending your DS off to nursery; sometimes we just need a bit of "me" time, especially if things have been diffcult.
gracepaley and everyone else who is on the wagon....good luck for the coming weekend. Bank holidays are much harder than a normal weekend as it always seems to be about drinking these days.
kokeshi....I saw your facebook status; not sure I get that channel down here, but it might be on cable somewhere; I'll have a look!
teasle, thanks for your message

have a good weekend and I'll drop in next week
daisy xx

BB abd Daisy, thanks for that. Daisy, I have been thinking about your recent probs and I would be inclined to agree with Oifoif. Its not whats gone on before thats most important but what you can do with that knowledge and relate might be a perfect starting point.
Maybe you can tell the gp the truth, they can't 'do' anything about it, whatever you tell them is confidential. If you lie about how exactly the injury happened then they might not treat the injury itself properly (not a medical person tho so that might be rubbish?) They might helpfully give you numbers and stuff but you know in your own mind what the situation requires. (And I do know this) They might even suggest relate-like we are? But Daisy- I am avoiding going to the gp myself so we all hide at times. Kick me and tell me to go!