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Cancer Support Thread 94 - Sweetness and light - the two noblest of things.

958 replies

LemonDrizzle10 · 20/04/2024 23:44

@tilllly and Daisy.

OP posts:
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SewingBees · 27/04/2024 19:53

I'm sorry I missed the night out at the Patience Inn but I raised my lunchtime non-alcoholic Guinness to @Tilllly's memory. So sorry she's gone from our ranks.

@Whatevershallidowithmylife Your news is the tonic I needed. I had a very small personal wedding and made my own dress. Looking forward to hearing all about yours x

Penguinsa · 27/04/2024 23:56

Thanks Sandwich Yes I can rest easily here, DD is quite independent and DS is a sloth so its only Floof poking me for a game and DH took over so had a good sleep. Was a lovely evening though I couldn't avoid the sparkling wine but managed to still stay standing and one guy at the dinner asked me if I studied at the same time as a woman he was with who was 18 years younger than me. 😂

EachandEveryone · 28/04/2024 20:58

I’ve got scan anxiety can you believe I’ve got two fasting scans tomorrow? One at 1245 then one at 430 in two different hospitals? Will that be two cannulas as well I wonder?

Enigma52 · 28/04/2024 21:05

@EachandEveryone that's harsh, two in one day! Wishing you lots of luck, particularly for canulas. Two different hospitals though?

LemonDrizzle10 · 28/04/2024 21:14

Blimey @EachandEveryone that’s a tough day. Do they know you’ve got two?

OP posts:
MothralovesGojira · 28/04/2024 21:58

@Enigma52
When I think back to my menopause I have a shiver of horror. I got to the point that I never left the house unless I had to for things like shopping or school stuff. I was bordering on agoraphobia. My HRT was stopped in 2019 and then the meno madness (MM) reached its peak in 2020 during lockdown 1. I was having a breakdown nearly every time I went shopping which I obviously had to do on my own and I scared myself over how out of control I felt. DP's the type to just say/do nothing in the face of emotional outbursts and he then tries to reason with me rather than just actually listen. I think that he found it frightening as his ex wife was very unstable /shouty so he was probably a bit at a loss. Once lockdown was over I looked for some voluntary work to get me out of the house and found a job through it for 2-3 days a week. Things then improved as I finally reached the other side and my body settled and the overwhelming anxiety disappeared. I describe MM as a big ball of negative feelings that someone has shoved into your brain & heart after which they then sit back and watch the fireworks go off in a fireworks shop that has caught fire and is exploding every which way.

I've now got all my test results from my GP and they go back years - they show that every single blood test prior to 2019 indicated low B12 levels. So it's very possible that my issues were exacerbated by a lack of B12 and that my 'proper' menopause was between 2019 (stopped HRT) and 2020 when I started to 'normalise'. I'm a bit cross as I was told every time that I had a blood test that all was 'normal'.....and it wasn't.
I don't know if that's a bit reassuring because it means my MM actually lasted less than a year when I thought that it was years longer.
How are you feeling at the moment? Are the calming exercises working? You absolutely will get through this but yes, I think that AD's will help the process in trying to balance it all out.

I'm ok today but Thursday was an absolute bitch. I got a cold so felt really crap. At work I managed to drop my coffee over the counter top, a customer accidently kicked over a whole can of cola across the shop floor and to cap it off some delightful person stole a whole bunch of clothes. I got home and DP told me that our local friendly wild squirrel was hit by a car & then dragged off by a local cat. I cried and went to bed at 9pm. So, so, so shit...poor Ethan Nut the squirrel.
I found out from work that I only have 20 weeks of sick pay left and that has to last until April 2025 so that's not going to cover treatment if I opt to have any.
I also discovered that a recommendation was made by the CT/radiology consultant last year that my stomach issues needed to be investigated properly and it was never actioned. I was never told despite asking about it last May. I have now done an econsult to see a GP to get this sorted out as it's causing pain. Oh...and my bone scan last month has shown that I've got spine degeneration and that's f**king hurting too.

I'm busy supporting youngest DC with their exam prep as their first final assessment/exam is this week and there's a lot of practical stuff to do. They seem to doing well so far so the decision not to tell them about my cancer is paying off I think as they seem very focused. I ordered them some supportive bits & pieces from Sugar&Sloth (who do support stuff for anxiety) and kept a mug mat sticker. It's a cartoon of a panda sticking its tongue out and has a poem:
"I'm a motherf**king badass,
Living life full tilt
I take naps in the day
And I drink my almond milk"
It makes me smile every time I look at it as I'm always on the go then nodding off and am dairy intolerant.

MothralovesGojira · 28/04/2024 22:03

I also have no idea why some of my post is randomly in bold type Blush

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 28/04/2024 22:15

Thank you everyone, just need to decide where (our local registry office isn't nice at all), and as soon as that's decided full steam ahead. Have a good week everyone!

doublec · 28/04/2024 22:48

It's been a while since I have posted on these threads, but have thought about many of you, particularly @tilllly, often. Am so sorry to learn the sad news, and just wanted to send much love and all good wishes to @DDClancy, friends and family; sincerest condolences for your loss. As soon as I'm able to imbibe once more, will drink a huge G&T in her honour 🍸❤️

catmomof3 · 29/04/2024 13:45

Finally meeting my oncologist on Wednesday and I am terrified 😢

TopOfTheCliff · 29/04/2024 15:04

@MothralovesGojira what an awful day Thursday was for you! All you can do is go to bed and cry really, unless you drink alcohol. You have made me look back at what I presume was my perimenopause back when I was 50. I was irritable, found my DH intolerable, took up high adrenaline adventure racing and had hot flushes panic attacks and palpitations. I had a mad affair and ended my marriage. Looking back it seems like a huge thunderstorm that shook my life upside down and changed everything. But now, despite the cancers, I am happy, easygoing and very glad I made the changes I did. HRT would probably have accelerated my BC and I might have stayed married to a selfish bully.

@catmomof3 what is it that is terrifying you? The reality check that this is actually happening? The prospect of chemotherapy? The prognosis? Can you break it down into small chunks to help you deal with each one? Just keep breathing in and out! It will all be fine.

catmomof3 · 29/04/2024 15:28

@TopOfTheCliff It's the reality of everything and soon to be constant cannula or picc if my veins decide they hate me lol, I have an appointment with my gp tomorrow to get some diazepam to help calm my nerves because the mirtazipine I take for my anxiety is doing nothing

doublec · 29/04/2024 15:57

Given all the comments about menopause, I thought I might add my twopenneth as well as a few words about me as it has been a while before contributed to these threads. I think I last posted last October?

Anyway, about me -

Diagnosed July 2023 with a 50mm grade 3 IDC ER+, no lymph involvement or spread, thankfully. Opted for a single mastectomy, no reconstruction as I did not want additional surgery or scarring, and implants weren't for me. Plan was mastectomy, radio (due to size of tumour), and tissue sent to be sent for oncotyping. Oncoptype score high, and confirmed chemotherapy needed, and around this time I discovered that I have not one but two BCRA mutations - BRCA 1 and BRCA 2 - which rather threw the MDT as Bart's as they had never seen this before. When I met my oncologist, his first words that t'hey would have thought with my genes, I would have triple negative', to which I quipped 'there's still time'. At that point, I very much wanted to wait and see rather than start cutting off and out my other breast, ovaries and fallopian tubes.

Completed eight cycles of ACT - four doxorubicin - four docetaxel a little over a month ago. Tolerated the red devil surprisingly well, more so as I refused steroids after the first cycle as they made me so so manic. It was terrifying, and not something I wanted to repeat. That said, the final cycle made me so unwell, I spent all of Christmas on the bathroom floor. Regrettably, from the outset, docetaxel made me horrifically sick, but as a result, scored the fabulous (if slightly scary) anti-nausea meds Levompemazine which meant I pretty much slept through the final cycles. However, am still horrendously tried, yet struggle to fall asleep, bones and joints ache, terrible pins and needles in my hands and various other unwanted side effects of chemo. Am due to start five sessions of accelerated radiotherapy next week after which I have to tell my team that I am refusing endocrine treatment.

And that takes me back to menopause. I went through premature ovarian failure in my late 30s which triggered an early menopause. Yet, due to my age, my GP refused to send me to the menopause clinic even though I had told him about my family history of breast, ovarian and pancreatic cancer, and that my first breast consultant I had seen at 15 years old had told me he suspected I was oestrogen dominant and should never take oestrogen-based contraception. I had every symptom going and pretty much suicidal that no-one would listen. My quality of life was non-existent. Finally, a different GP prescribed me HRT - everol sequi - which I knew wasn't right as all my symptoms got one hundred percent worse during the oestrogen phase of the patch. Again, I asked to be referred to the menopause clinic and was refused. Eventually, I threw my savings at the problem and went to see a private specialist. And guess what? She told me I did not need oestrogen, just lots of progesterone. And she was right, my symptoms abated within days. HRT saved my life, not to mention my sanity. When my hormones shifts again, we needed to add both testosterone and oestrogen into the mix, along with vagifem). Due to my concern with oestrogen, I took the barest minimum, and every other day at that.

I was absolutely gutted finding out I had a hormone positive BC 8 ER/5 PR as I knew I would have to stop HRT. My MDT never ordered me to stop, they only suggested I consider it, which I did, more or less immediately. My GP put me on a v. low dose of prozac to regulate my mood, something HRT had been marvellous for, and to try to stave of the hot flushes returning. At one point, I was having hundreds of hot flushes a day and had to change my clothing several time. For a time, this worked well. Even though chemo brain plus meno brain was a real challenge, the insomnia did not return, nor did the hot flushes, sweats or anything else really. That said, I do think not having hair did help keep me cool while I slept. Ha! But now I am post chemo, the hot flushes are starting again - am sweating profusely as I type this even though the widows are open and am sitting here in my underwear. My bones, particularly in my legs and knee joints are so painful, some days I have to climb the stairs on my hands and knees and the pain keeps me awake. Each day is a reminder of how much I love love loved HRT and how much I miss it. I can't be dealing with this getting worse. It's already as bad as it was when I first dealt with menopause. I just don't want to start ET for it to get worse, only to have to stop taking it in x years time and for the cancer to return. Also, with my genes, I have been told I'll probably get triple negative anyway, and/or ovarian, pancreatic or well, pretty much any cancer full stop. They have decided my double BCRA is a positively welcoming environment for cancer full stop. But that said, even with two BCRA mutations, I might not get any of these cancers either. And hey, could get hit by a bus tomorrow anyway.

So, what to do?

Initially, I was very much of the opinion that I would rather wait and see what happens, particularly with my remaining breast. I last had a lump in it thirty years ago. However, having been through chemo, gosh, it has made me think differently, and have decided on a second mastectomy which I hope to have once I finish radio. Am still determined to refuse ET due to menopause symptoms, particularly bone loss and osteoporosis - am still under 50. Am due to see gynae oncology this week who want me to remove my ovaries and fallopian tubes, something I don't want to do because again, am concerned about the consequences. Mania was also something I struggled with during perimenopause, and why I refused steroids because having to deal with it again would have pushed me over the edge. Having been through a debilitating menopause once that robbed me of almost three years of my life, and made me consider taking my own life several times, I am more concerned about quality of my life, not quantity. Going forward, I have to live in this body post cancer. I do not want to be miserable.

So yes, solidarity and sympathies with all on here, not just those with cancer which is shitty enough, but having to deal with menopause, be it due to chemo or surgery. It's fucking shit.

Eeek, sorry for the essay, typos too - chemo has fucked my eyesight, pins and needles in the fingers make it difficult to type and chemo/meno brain is still plaguing me!

MothralovesGojira · 29/04/2024 16:18

@catmomof3
First things first - deep breath in & deep breath out. Okay?
Your mum is going with you (from what I remember) so let her absorb all the information.
Don't forget to tell them about your difficulties and ask them to write down all the important details for you like what type, what grade, order of treatment, what exactly the treatment will be (like chemo types), how long, side effects etc
Clear your mind and write a list of questions for your mum to ask for you and ask her to write down the replies. Record the consultation if you can so that you can listen later. They will probably produce consent forms to be signed so expect that.
Stop focusing on the minutiae of the situation (like cannulas) and start looking at the big picture which is your survival. It's hard - we know. Once you have your schedule then you can, as Top suggested, break it down into sections if that's easier. I get it I really do - I hate being touched but so many people had to touch me to do stuff that I just had to allow it and be a bit stoic about it although it has jacked up my CPTSD. Fear is normal in these situations
Do you have a Maggie's Centre near to your hospital? They are fantastic at support if you need it or try Macmillan who not only can give counselling to you but also your family. They also do complimentary therapies etc - not that I've ever had any because I hate being touched but plenty of people on here have and apparently they're fab!

Enigma52 · 29/04/2024 16:31

@MothralovesGojira Yes, unfortunately, that all sounds very familiar and so scary. The panic attacks are the worst, as is the overwheling waves of anxiety. I am also accutely aware that there is still some fluid around my lung, due to the cancer and each time I begin to feel slightly out of breath, my anxiety kicks in and I think it's spreading or the drugs are not working. Then there's these hormone blockers, adding to the joy of it all. Think I will speak to the GP next week and see what the best course of action is. Deep breathing and lots of essential oils, doesn't seem to be helping the rage and panic right now. I have also had bloods recently including vitamin level checks, so will see what they reveal next week too.

I've been okay (ish) these last few days, but then I am not at work or driving my car. These are two challenges I have yet to face. I have been off work since last November now and really need to think long and hard what to do. All I know is menopause and cancer are not a good mix! Any recommendations for a good anxiety SSRI, or do you think I should go back to sertraline and give it a good shot?

Thursday sounded a right shit bag of day for you 😥RIP Ethan squirrel.
20 weeks of sick pay? Does that mean if you are off sick again, that is all you will get until next April? Are there any other benefits you could claim, if you did need treatment? (apologies if not and you have mentioned before). Bloody health issues, they do my head in. If it's not one thing, it's another.

I am glad that DC are focused ( I wish DS was!). Sometimes, you just have to go with your gut feeling and do what is right for you and those closest to you.
I wish I had not disclosed my diagnosis to a few people now, largely because they haven't understood and as a result, make unknowingly annoying comments. Actually, a couple of people clearly couldn't give one, which is fine by me, as it means ignoring them becomes easy!

Love the poem! 😆

@TopOfTheCliff Yes a thunderstorm is a good way of describing life right now. There are always rumbles, waiting to explode! They do say that menopause can cause/force you to revevaluate life. I am doing that right now and getting no where!

@catmomof3 Definitely get the drugs from GP and then deep breaths, one foot in front the other and that is fine. Take a notebook with you to write down key information. Will your mum accompany you to the apppointment? If so, she can be your ears. There will also likely be a nurse specialist in with you too.
Try not to think too far ahead. I have crappy veins and there is usually at least one super skilled medic on standby to get that cannula in first time!

I am currently a treatment break (hurray!) then back on the ribociclib next week, on a (hopefully) reduced dose. If I can manage that, I will need to start gearing myself up for returning to work at the beginning of June. My fitness levels are atrocious and so are my patience levels and general attitude towards life right now. I told DP that I thought I had turned into a lemon: bitter and twisted. He did not disagree!

MothralovesGojira · 29/04/2024 16:42

@doublec
Oh my gosh I have just blubbed in the downstairs toilet very quietly so none of the DC can hear. Yes, the word is robbed. Robbed of sanity, health and peace of mind. So much of what you describe has resonated with me. And on top of that we have fucking cancer too. I'm scarred by my experience and still damaged. I still have suicidal thoughts and can't take SSRI's because I have alexithymia - AD's don't really work on someone who can't feel emotions.
Why are GP's so shit at this stuff? Anyway I appreciate your candour and shared experience - sending a big hug x

Enigma52 · 29/04/2024 16:46

@catmomof3 Excellent advice from @MothralovesGojira
It is everything I meant to say, but brain fog puts a stop to that!
Will be thinking of you on Wednesday.

Enigma52 · 29/04/2024 17:16

@doublec
Thanks for sharing your story. Believe it or not, it really helps to know you are not alone in dealing with this shit because frankly, it is shit.

I remember taxotere from my primary diagnosis, bloody brutal it was; joints ached for England. It is horrific what we have to go through to prolong life and unless you have been through it, no one can understand, no one.

Some of these GPs, my word they are unbloody believable. Do they even cover menopause as part of their lengthy training. Most seem clueless!

My primary was aso hormone positive, so when menopause symptoms kicked in aged 48, I knew I was in for a battle. I also paid to see a very knowledgeable MS and she prescribed me an oestrogen patch and progesterone. I later had a coil fitted and I was in heaven. I could drive (even exceed 40 mph!) my confidence was lifted and overall, I felt more grounded and balanced. I was also gutted to find out that the very hormone sensitive cancer had returned last November. Yes some might say I deserved it, it was bound to happen, you caused your own cancer blah blah.. but for me also,it was about quality of life. My thinking at the time was, I did not go through the hell of diagnosis, surgeries ( of which there were many for recon.. my choice ) chemo and years of tamoxifin, to suffer these horrific symptoms. So in the end I made peace with myself (with the help of my gynae surgeon).

Fast forward 6 months, on hormone blockers, no HRT, no ovaries (crawling with SBC cells, so full hysterectomy) and suffering terribly.

I take amitryptyline for sleep and the MS has allowed me to try the new non hornomal drug Veoza, to hopefully tackle the night sweats. I too loved HRT @doublec and miss it daily. I have even contemplated buying it over the internet, just to get a month of relief, as I know the patch works instantly for me.

Going forward, I have to live in this body post cancer. I do not want to be miserable. This is why I took HRT post BC the first time round.

It is indeed, fucking shite all round.
Sorry, have gone on again about my own crap!
Again @doublec thanks for sharing and wishing you well going forward.

TopOfTheCliff · 29/04/2024 17:28

@Enigma52 you have just given me a lightbulb moment. I had FEC and taxotere for cancer no 1, and Herceptin for a year. I had cripplingly awful pain in all my joints, and blamed the AIs that I was taking. With cancer no 2 I had EC and taxol, which gave me awful bone pain with each cycle but that stopped when I finished chemotherapy despite going back on the AIs. It hadn’t occurred to me that it was the different taxane that changed the outcome. My joints are definitely better now than at any time since pre menopause.
I went down to the allotment today and did three hours of weed bashing. I’m now lying in bed exhausted but happy! Resurgam!

Enigma52 · 29/04/2024 18:25

@TopOfTheCliff Congrats on completing 3 hours of weed bashing. I could happily bash anything right now!

Interesting re: the joint and bone pain. I had the same regime as you for C1. I do remember hideous aches and pains in joints. With letrozole it feels different; but I still ache. I don't honestly know what's causing right now, but it ain't good!

Enjoy relaxing in bed, think you deserve it!

doublec · 29/04/2024 19:04

@Enigma52 @MothralovesGojira Thank you for your kind words. Am so sorry you're dealing with this too.

It's the injustice of it all. The treatments offered give the idea there we have a choice when really, we don't, and we're forced to make choices that no-one should have to make. Not only that, we have to live the consequences of not only the lack of choice and options, but having to make do with whatever treatment we're offered irregardless of if it will actually work or not. I think that's the biggest pisser, we have to go through mutilating our bodies, poisoning ourselves with toxic chemotherapy, radiation, a myriad of drugs etc. etc, and there's no guarantee it will work. Am just so fed up of it all.

I don't like moaning or feeling sorry for myself, and even though it might seem like I am, am not. Prior to this, I have always been in good health, but my forties has been utterly shit, and spent a huge chunk of it not feeling or even looking like myself. I had a terrible peri/menopause that I struggled with for three years before finding proper help. I gained 40 pounds during the first nine months that took almost six years to get off, and for about six months, I felt great, looked great and was back to my usual weight/could fit into all the clothes I hadn't worn for six years. And then I find out I have breast cancer.

But you just get on with it, don't you. That's all you can do. It's not about being brave, battling, or fighting, it's about not burying our heads in the sand and getting on with it. Because that's what you do. However, like I'm sure everyone on this thread knows, the parameters are constantly moved, treatment changes, results unclear. There's nothing concrete. Things are constantly changing and nothing is ever as it first seems. It's just so out of our control. And no matter how much we think we're taking control, we're not. We're just trying to make the right choices and taking the options offered. No-one should have to be dealing with any of this.

I think anyone who has been through cancer is fucking amazing. It's truly shit, particularly chemo. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

I don't know if any of you have seen Moonstruck, but if you have, there's a scene in the basement of the bakery where Nicholas Cage is angry and raging about the fact he has no hand. His anger is palpable. That's how I feel about losing my breast(s), and at times, have almost raged in public in a similar way. I don't, obviously, but my goodness, have done so in my mind's eye many a time!

doublec · 29/04/2024 19:07

I realised a few weeks ago that I have been going through the various stages of grief with regards to my breast. Am now at the angry stage. It's been a long time coming mostly because the prozac has kept my rage at bay for far too long!

Enigma52 · 29/04/2024 19:53

@doublec If it helps, I went through a huge grief type process back in 2011/12/ I had the mastectomy in 2009. Spent a week in hospital (because back in the day, they kept you in forever!) Once I was home, I had to focus my children, who were then 5 and 3.

The surgeon fitted a tissue expander at the time of the mastectomy, the idea being that it is inflated with saline (I think) every so often to create a "breast" Honestly (and I do not wish to put anyone off recon as it was my personal choice) it was hideous. It sat way too high and was uncomfortable as fuck.
The long and the short of it was, that the whole thing collapsed on me, whilst we were holidaying in Devon in 2011 and I had to find the nearest hospital to get it patched it up.

Eventually I found a real plastic surgeon at a different hospital and he took me under his wing and repaired me. Horrific doesn't come close.

It was only in 2012, after the new recon had settled, that the anger started. Real rage that I had trusted this surgeon and it had failed. I was angry at everyone. I was angry with women who dared show any cleavage, either in RL or on TV. I was angry with my oldest friend because she didn't understand my trauma. I was angry at any woman who had both comfortable breasts. I was jealous because mine was fake, it was numb and was just a mass of implant (but it was my choice). Eventually over the years, I finally accepted the new "lump" and never much looked at it. So yes, I do understand your grief very well @doublec as I have been there too. Would counselling help do you think? You will ride those waves of anger and rage, trust me. It's painful because it is still raw for you.

You are not moaning or feeling sorry for yourself. What you are thinking and feeling is very normal, to an abnormal situation.

I haven't seen Moonstruck, but can have experienced the rage of losing my breast. No choice, just do it. Chemo, I refused initially, but they pulled on the emotional heartstrings " did I want to see my kids grow up?" So chemo it was.

We can only deal with the cards we are dealt with any one time. Once they change, different decisions need to me made.

Will they offer you any kind of support/ input from a psychologist re: the potential removal of your other breast?

thesandwich · 29/04/2024 20:15

@doublec
@MothralovesGojira @Enigma52 and everyone else thank you so much for sharing your stories. It really helps to hear others realities post main treatment. I am really struggling with menopausal side effects- and with her+ breast cancer my onc is very reluctant about me using any estrogen based topical stuff….
@TopOfTheCliff I am in seriously impressed with your weeding!

Enigma52 · 30/04/2024 09:03

@thesandwich you should be okay with topical stuff. I use vagifem pessaries and Ovestin cream. The amount of oestrogen they both contain is minimal.

Menopause just sucks! 🤦‍♀️