Daughter with hairy legs

[cp5kc]

Hi I have a 10 nearly 11 year old daughter who has quite thick dark hair on her legs. Over the last couple of years it has started to bother her more and more. She won't go swimming with anyone except family and is worried about wearing shorts in the summer. I have tried to reassure her that it's totally normal and we all have it but if course what she sees is other women, including me, shaving or removing hair in any way. Many of her friends have hair on their legs as well but none quite as dark and "obvious". Does anyone have any tips to share on supporting her to handle this? What I'd really like to do is find a way to support her to cope with it until she's a bit older and mature enough to decide what she wants to do about it. Would love to hear others experiences. And yes I know I should probably stop shaving my legs etc too but it is a 30 year habit and deeply rooted expectation that I'm trying to break 🤷 I would love it if she could find the confidence to be proud of who she is and how she looks no matter what. But I also know that this is easier said than done for many tweenagers.

What would be the gain for her in continuing to not swim with friend and not wear short clothes in embarrassment, rather than get rid of the hair and enjoy her childhood?

I also had dark, thick hair on my legs as a child. Feminism is all well and good, but my mum supported me in buying a razor and shaving it off to avoid tween social humiliation. (While my stepmother tried to frighten me into not doing it, as she viewed it as something I was too young to do).

Personally, I would talk to her about depilation and help her find a solution that makes her feel good about herself, while explaining the feminist concerns you have. It's a bit too late to set an example unfortunately.

DD has this problem, when she was 12 I paid for her to get them waxed.

Buy her some Veet and show her how to use it, whilst all the while reinforcing the idea that it's her choice. DD is 13, sometimes she removes body hair and sometimes she CBA, it's up to her.

If the hair makes her unhappy teach her how to shave. Most girls want to start doing it by high school anyway. Then she’ll feel better about going and having fun with her friends.

If she uses cream hair remover instead of shaving then the hair should remain soft and not thicken, and she can always choose not to remove it later on.

I wish I'd used the cream from the start instead of razors as it would be a lot less noticeable now.

Just let her shave her legs!!

In my experience by Y6 girls shaving legs is normal.

Are you waiting for some magical age when she either won't care about her hairy legs or when you consider her old enough to shave them?

I'd use Veet or something similar on them so that she wasn't self conscious.

I had the same issue when I was younger prob around the same age. I doubt she will learn to accept it, it's very uncomfortable physically when it rubs for example on the bed sheets. My mum wouldn't let me shave it so I found a way. I managed to get a friend to sneak me a razor out of her house. Ended up cutting my legs to shreds because I hadn't been shown how to shave them safely. Then there's the comments from others which can be embarrassing. But they weren't the actual issue. I myself hated the look of the hair, nothing to do with societal norms or anything I just thought it looked masculine.

My friend is a beautician and waxes her daughters legs for her as she has dark thick hair too. Personally, I would speak to your daughter about what she wants to do. It wouldn't be an issue I would want her to experience at secondary school because the names will stick with her. If she accepts the look of it fair enough .... but I doubt she will as she gets in to her teens, Good luck!

If the hair is curtailing her enjoyment of life, I’d show her how to shave or wax.

Let her shave / cream / wax them. Then once she's about 18 treat her to a Lumea which will save her a fortune.

Ask her if she would like to remove/ reduce the hair while explaining that she doesn't have to and it's her choice etc.

If she does then explain the options and start with creams or waxing so it's easier for her to decide to let it grow back

What do you gain from making her wait apart from more discomfort, missing out on things, self consciousness and learning to hate her body more.

she’s come to you thinking you’re a safe space and can help her. So do it.

Why let her be miserable about something so easily fixed?

Buy her a razor and teach her to shave safely. I don't understand why you wouldnt?

You say you want her to be older and mature enough to decide what she wants to do about it, yet she’s seemingly old and mature enough to articulate that she is uncomfortable about the hair on her legs. I’d just ask her if she wants to ‘try and cope with it’ or if she would like to remove the hair so you can show her how to do it safely. The last thing you want is for her to go into the bathroom and find a razor that she doesn’t know how to use and hurt herself!

Does anyone have any tips to share on supporting her to handle this?

Yes you stop trying to get her to conform to how you think she should feel about her body and let her figure it out, while you support her.

You do that by offering up hair removal methods, if that's what she wants, and teaching her how to utilise them.

I've no idea why it's ok for you to struggle to stop shaving your legs while you try and project your own emotions about it through your (uncomfortable) daughter. Good lord.

I’m all for body positivity and not conforming to patriarchal expectations. That doesn’t mean I impose those things on my daughter. It just means I discuss societal expectations with her.

its time to discuss the pros and cons of hair removal with your daughter and let her make her own decision. She is old enough to make this decision for herself. It’s not even a lifelong commitment.

Personally for someone that young, I might go with a good quality electric razor. Little risk of nicks or cuts and no chemical exposure.

She is bothered by it so treat her to a Lycon hot wax.

Just let her get rid of it. She's old enough to do that if she wants to.

I’d let her remove the hair, if that’s what she wants to do. I’d show her how to do it safely and effectively.
Her feelings towards the hair aren’t going to miraculously change, and she will remove the hair as soon as you deem her to be the right age to do so anyway, so why put her through an extra couple of years of misery?

Just let her shave!

I can’t believe you wouldn’t just do this.

I’m baffled by your attitude to this.

This is not a big deal, just teach her how to shave her legs!

Just buy her a safe lady shave and help her to use it.