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Original poster

ONLYJOKINGS THREAD

747 replies

TripleyTigger · 05/03/2008 20:49

Done!!

OP posts:
onlyjoking9329 · 09/03/2008 10:37

I have made excuses and tried to put myself in his families shoes so that I can be sensitive to how they feel I know that this is crap for them but I get the feeling that they think I have less importance to Steve, steve chose to be with me we have had 18 wonderful years together and three fab kids, I wanted to all pull the same way throu this but I can't see it happening, I am a tearful wreck today and I am trying to get myself togther so the kids aren't upset. I am going to go over to see Steve in a bit and I don't know if his family will be there.
rrna kids are asking lots of questions aboout death dying and funeralscos their mates grandad has died and I am finding it very painful to answer the questions knowing that I have to be careful what I say because all to soon it will be real for them.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 09/03/2008 10:53

OJ sending hugs

[sad

NorthernLurker · 09/03/2008 11:03

OJ - does the hospice have any staff who are trained in talking to children who have been bereaved? I know you need to answer their questions - but this is obviously an extra strain for you - and if there is someone there you could maybe talk to them now and get some support with it - and the children could see them whenever they need to?

I very nearly speechless about the family btw - nearly but not quite. The things is - you can't make them what they're not - in an ideal world you would all be pulling together and they would be caring for you as much as Steve - of course in an ideal world you wouldn't be in this place at all

I wondered about suggesting you write to them - laying out the dangers to Steve and your need for united support - but they would just show it to him wouldn't they?

onlyjoking9329 · 09/03/2008 11:18

our Mac nurse is trained in talking to children, just not kids with autism.
at some point the mac nurse and myself will need to talk to the kids but i don't want to do it any sooner than we have to, it has to come from me really but i will need the support of the mac nurse to do it.
i don't think writing to his family is the answer,they would only beat me round the head with the letter sitting down and talking with them might be but that would be difficult as it appears a them and me situation. the mac nurse said someone needs to enlighten them but she didn't think she should do it as they see her as on my side.

NorthernLurker · 09/03/2008 11:22

That's what I thoughht re the letter - it's a shame because that's often a good way for people to take things in - but Steve's family seem to be takingn denial to new levels. Is Steve's mum a churchgoer at all - if so could you talk to her minister/vicar/priest and ask them to intervene?

onlyjoking9329 · 09/03/2008 11:26

steves mum is not a church goer, now theres a thought her hairdresser or gym trainer could be useful

NorthernLurker · 09/03/2008 11:27

ok.....

MaryBS · 09/03/2008 14:06

Steve's Mum is NOT a churchgoer... thank GOD for that

I'd dread the day she turned up at my church...

onlyjoking9329 · 09/03/2008 16:09

it would be a challenge for you Mary!
I think she lives near you too.
visting went well no sign of his mum or brother. Steve was not in pain today he is still very down and still wanting to come home he still can't understand. Why he has to have 24 hour carers and is back to thinking we don't want him home

MaryBS · 09/03/2008 17:10

Lives near me?

Do you want me to go round and "sort her out"?

Its good to hear Steve isn't in pain but I'm sorry its causing such anxiety for both him and you re: the care.

Don't suppose there's any chance of getting his mum sectioned ....? No, thought not...

onlyjoking9329 · 09/03/2008 17:26

Thats a very kind offer Mary.
I just texted a mate to see if I could use their chainsaw I need it to take a fence down , she was worried that I had other ideas!

MaryBS · 09/03/2008 17:42

My DH says you can hire a hitman in Wisbech for £500 . I couldn't possibly comment! (apologies to anyone who lives in Wisbech, I have no control over my husband...)

bossybritches · 09/03/2008 18:21

Loads of places nearer to OJ than Wisbech MaryBS they'do it for a McDonalds & a packet of fags!!

Izabella · 09/03/2008 18:56

OJ, so sorry that you've felt so down today. Its not surprising. You have held up so well with all that you've had to deal with. Wish I could be there to give you a big hug. Could the cons talk to Steve's family? Someone needs to. Thinking of you & praying for you, Steve & the children all the time. xxx

yorkiemom · 09/03/2008 20:02

Dear OJ Sosorry to hear that Steve's family are still being such a pain.
Is'nt there anyone atthe hospice who could try and get through their thick heads just how much you have to deal with, and they could try and be a bit more supportive to you and your kids ???

Hoping Steve's 24hr care gets sortged soon, and wishing you lots of love xxx

LilRedWG · 09/03/2008 20:34

Sorry you've had such a crud weekend OJ. Would you like me to hold you MIL and BIL whilst you chainsaw them?

TheMadHouse · 09/03/2008 20:47

Hello OJ

Just catching up with the goings on and I am please to hear Steve had a better night.

I think that you are being incredibly understanding and strong in putting him first with his family, it can not be easy.

I hope that someone can talk some sence into them, so they are more understanding of what you and the children are going through, once you get Steve home.

Sending my thoughts and hugs as always

onlyjoking9329 · 10/03/2008 07:53

thats just it, they are not able to see past how they feel and how bad it is for them, they haven't even asked how the kids are in all of this, but i am not really surprized as they have never been interested in the kids, our kids have little value to them cos they don't have a degree between them unlike the other grankids i think they are embarassed by the kids autism to be honest
still the kids don't notice so they are not bothered, when steve has gone i think his family will continue to ignore me and the kids.

TheMadHouse · 10/03/2008 08:03

OJ, some people walk round in blinkers, they are very shallow. I think that you are so inspiring.

You and your children and of wonderful value a real crdit to you and steve. So what if they autism it is Steves familys loss not to know them. I know this must be hard for you.

But I think it is important that they show you and the children some respect and understanding in your own home!

Love and Hugs

Tickle · 10/03/2008 10:06

Let's hope the kids stay blissfully unbothered Do you have family OJ?

You certainly have loads of friends, so your kids can learn by example - even if their autism makes it more challenging - that it is best to really care about people

Hope you, Steve and the kids have a good day.

x

onlyjoking9329 · 10/03/2008 10:20

i have no extended family its just steve and the kids for me, maybe my understanding of families is a little odd, i grew up in kids homes and foster care so never really had a mother figure, i wished i did right now
i have spoken to Mac nurse who is going to get the doc to sit down with steves mum and tell her how it really is. i wonder if that will change anything.
not seen our resident mouse yet today but i am taking no chances i have my feet up on a stool.

fryalot · 10/03/2008 10:23

oj (((hugs)))

Tickle · 10/03/2008 10:27

We have loads of mice at the moment - what is wrong with the outdoors? Or the neighbours'?

I have a friend here who has no family, and she often says she would like to be adopted into a big family, even tho she is 44 - just to have those people to lean on once in a while.

Why can't Steve's mum just get a grip and see that she is needed as a proper MIL and granny? Hope the Mac nurse has some success.

sparklesandnowinefor9months · 10/03/2008 10:43

oj if you need any help with steve's family i'm sure there are plenty of people here who will come and kick arse help you

sending you lots of hugs and hope for a good day for steve x

onlyjoking9329 · 10/03/2008 15:30

been in to see steve he is still really low and in some pain when i got there
his mother turned up and was ok with me, i know she has spoken to steves brother so was expecting frostyness.
i went to leave at 1.45 and went to find steves nurse who said are you staying for the meeting at 2pm i told him calmly that i knew nothing about a meeting, then the SW came over ready for the meeting and i was getting very cross whilst trying to work out someone to pick the kids up from school bus.
nurse disappeared to speak to the consultant and then eported back that there wasn't a meeting today but that someone from the mental health team is coming tomorrow afternoon to access steve to see if he falls under the continuing care bit, if he does they will write a report to sumbit for the funding panel, SW thinks it could be 2 weeks before steve is back home i did mention my setting up private carers and funding it myself somehow but they didn't think that was a good idea
the consultant came to see me and apologized for the mix up she said she was hoping to go and have a chat with steves mum.