Cancer Support thread 86 - Stay Positive

[LemonDrizzle10]

New thread as other one nearly full.

Thanks @JlL2013 My rational side knows this. I really think I need to see someone re anxiety as the way I feel in these few weeks is just intolerable.

@AGreatUsername I've also had all of the combinations of good/bad news and in-person/telephone appointments. I think departments are reverting to more in-person appointments now automatically as the telephone ones were so popular in Covid and many people prefer to go in. I've been meaning to reply to a previous post of yours from a few days ago when you mentioned you were worried about ascites. I have developed quite a podge on my front which I've put down to too many biscuits and also my menopause. A hysterectomy will put you into immediate surgical menopause. You were a lot younger than me when you had your surgery so the drop in hormones would have been a lot more dramatic for you, I was nearly though my perimenopause at that stage. I'm really hoping your scan is clear, the worrying and waiting is awful Xxx.

@AGreatUsername I know how you feel, it's absolutely awful and you can think of nothing else. I'm six month out the other side but I have an irrational fear of the postman and horrible horrible anxiety before any scans and appointments.

@JlL2013 I also have an irrational fear of the postman! Post brings appointments and therefore anxiety. I have been on daily beta blockers since my troubles began over 3 years ago, I take 3 x 10mg Propranolol a day with the option of an extra one if I'm feeling really mad. They 'take the edge off', they don't take away the thoughts but they make me feel a bit calmer.

@Fantasea thank you, I have definitely noticed a difference in my body shape and how I burn calories (or don’t) since entering menopause. Again I think the ascites fear is just a scan-paranoia thing. I have put weight on that’s all I think. So easy to turn every tiny symptom into a worry. I said to my friend this morning that I see why some people self harm if they feel like this, so frightened and hyped up with no release. Awful!

@Fantasea I am so glad it's not just me. Beta blockers sound like a good idea, I might look into those.

I'm also in the middle of the chemical menopause at 43. I have spots, night sweats and insomnia. I've got an appoint with the Oncology Menopause clinic in July so will try and keep going until then.

@JlL2013 ooh an oncology menopause clinic? I feel I was treated very poorly around that, especially considering I was 36 and had no idea about the menopause at all. No one has spoken to me at all, just said I can’t have HRT so can get an alternative from the doctor.

I’m fortunate that I only really suffer with hot flushes and this weight gain but still, some advice and help from the doctors or nurses would be nice!

@AGreatUsername yep I was surprised as well. I do have to suffer until July though.

You would have thought they would have referred you straight away being on your 30's. Could you ask the cancer nurses if such a thing exists where you are?

@AGreatUsername
that's horrendous with no hrt or help too! Hope the wait for your appointment isn't too bad.
It's stage 2 womb cancer, tumour had migrated into the cervix but all cells contained within the tumour and no evidence of disease elsewhere in my womb/cervix. Feels weird to say delighted with that as a start point but given the long lead up and the wee tear my original consultant had with me, I'd steeled myself for far worse if need be.

Feeling totally and utterly pissed off at the moment, probably at the prospect of enduring a colonoscopy on Monday. I know some people find them no problem but I am a very narrow, small build and the last one I had was extremely painful. I’m sorry to complain but I’m just not enjoying life at the moment. I have had one bad thing after another over the past 5 years.
on a positive note I went to a “ look good feel better “ session and it did perk me up a little although my 87 year old mother said I didn’t look any different 😂. My male friend said he liked the new look as my normal eyeliner is “very harsh” ….. oh well

This is me with fake smile after make up session with red eyes as I couldn’t stop crying about Paul O”grady yesterday. What on earth is wrong with me?

@Mycatispretty I also have at lot of narrowing in my bowel after years of Crohns disease they always use a slimmer camera for me. I always take the gas and air and the sedation which always makes me feel that the ' modesty ' shorts are fair more hilarious than they are! X

Ahhh @Mycatispretty you look absolutely lovely, fake smile or not. The worry can be awful. I’m sorry you’ve got so much of it at the moment. I second talking to your GP about it. I have a diazepam prescription to get me through appointments that set off panic attacks like scans. I have a CT scan every 3 months so it feels like a short period of relief in between the worry before then waiting for the bloody results. I also try and do other stuff like writing or drawing which is calming but honestly unless you’ve experienced it, it’s worry like no other isn’t it. Anyway, you are pretty & I'm sure your cat is too! There might be, ahem, some cat tax due as well.

also utter shock at such a thing as the oncology menopause clinic existing! I went into immediate chemical menopause after ovary removal age 45 & had two awful, awful years. & by the time I’d been graciously gifted an appointment with the non-oncology menopause clinic my bastard cancer came back & they discharged me. Couldn’t make it up. I’m going to find out if I can access such a service!

@Mycatispretty you are stunning! I never looked as good before getting cancer let alone since.

@AGreatUsername I am sorry you are feeling so wound up and scared. I have found to my surprise that the whacky yoga breathing has worked wonders for the days of terror. Just keep breathing! It does settle the vagal nervous system as my lovely teacher promises.

Just on my way home from a day out cycling with DH. 97 km on the tandem and I’m so happy! Also full of delicious high calorie food as I earned it! It’s so lovely to be doing something normal for us.
All the weight I put on with steroids hangs round my middle like a tyre. I know it will go if I am active but it’s such a slow process. I feel like the Michelin man.

love to all
Top x

@Mycatispretty another one echoing you look really lovely.
brilliant news about the cycling @TopOfTheCliff .I’m in awe.

You look beautiful. I have been so sad about Paul O’Grady too and cant stop thinking about his dogs looking for him☹️ to cheer myself up I just bought Ricky Gervase tickets who is another man thats kind to animals. Im not sure if his stand up is my thing but its a night out. Today I went to Reiki I have seven sessions from the local charity. It was different. I know I fell asleep. My tongue is tingling tonight. I have a blood test at 0745 and then my last chemo on Monday! Scan a week after that. Im not taking anything in on Monday as I dont want to tempt fate. I cant believe its the last one its gone so quickly. I might put a box of something in my bag and see how I feel. Ive noticed theres no bell on our ward. Thank god.

@Mycatispretty you look gorgeous.
@TopOfTheCliff excellent cycling

I’ve barely left the house these past two weeks. I’m off to chemo number 2 tomorrow. I’m going to eat as many Kit Kats as possible from the tea lady. Hope she’s stocked up.

@Mycatispretty you look amazing! I’m doing look good feel better next week.
I’ve been admitted to hospital overnight as my haemoglobin went too low. Still waiting to actually get hooked up to some blood. I felt awful leaving the kids at home alone but we had talked about this and I know they’re fine really.,

Thank you so much for your kind words.
@Lisdeflores those shorts are a picture to behold!
@mowly77 yes, you’re spot on, it’s all the anxiety around tests and the waiting for the results makes me really low in mood. Unfortunately my GPS don’t seem to be very sympathetic about my feelings and get frustrated because I don’t want ADs. I’m not depressed and I don’t want another lot of side effects. Anyone would feel a little after going through test after test. Next it’s my one year anniversary mammogram. I have Ben having horrendous pains in my healthy breast so this is also a source of worry.
@bringonyourwreckingball i really hope you enjoy your pampering session as much as I did. It was seeing @TopOfTheCliff picture that inspired me to go. ( I hope you receive many kitkats)
@EachandEveryone i also love Ricky Gervase . I love all animal lovers. I hope you enjoy his standup.
Here is a picture of my beautiful girl, Stevie

Reading all your posts on here humbles me and I really feel like I shouldn’t complain .I suppose being diagnosed with cancer makes you reflect on your life and mine hasn’t been fantastic ( but then who’s has I suppose?). I had a pretty hideous childhood with an abusive father. My mother was so controlled by him ( she was living with him in Tasmania at 18 and pregnant) that she was unable to protect me so I protected myself by remaining silent and tried not to be noticed.
I married two men who were controlling like my father because it felt normal to me. I am now 62 living in a flat going to all my appointments by myself and facing cancer on my own. It’s not how imagined my “glorious retirement “.
I was really ill with covid in March 2020 and my small bowel, lungs, kidneys and larynx were severely attacked by the virus. I’ve been told it’s remarkable that I am still alive as my jejunum was almost occluded. In some ways I wish I hadn’t survived because I then went straight from Covid to cancer. I feel like I’ve lost the old me and I will never be that person again. I have morphed from a fit, sports loving person in my 50s to an anxious, fatigued person in my 60s. Love to you all on here. I know there’s many of you going through much worse and I’m sorry for moaning

@Mycatispretty you are very brave to look at your life so dispassionately. I think you might be being a bit harsh on yourself. I share your sorrow at being transformed from a fun loving sporty fifty something to a wrecked exhausted bald fat 62 year old. But I know that two years ago I picked myself up and worked hard to get back my life and it worked. My fabulous round Britain sailing trip with dolphins was my comeback. Then I plunged back into the depths of cancerland again. It will take will power and effort to crawl up out of the ditch but today showed me a glimmer of hope. I hope you can share that hope too. Xx

@Mycatispretty you are definitely being too harsh! I’m sorry you’re going through this alone. The whole thing has taught me that we are all very ignorant about life, we always just assume we will reach a retirement age and then be free to enjoy ourselves and that absolutely isn’t the case! We really should make the most of every moment but that is so easy to forget. Especially during the treatment journey. I completed chemo in November and while I still feel I am crushed with fear and worry I am trying to do more. Days out, meals out, see family, don’t just get sucked into the day to day mundanity. You will get through this and you will feel joy again and you will have good days where you forget all this happened. Those flashes are wonderful.

I am posting some pictures of 2 of my cats for you. Both are Chemo kittens, I got Baxter the ragdoll when I started, and Digby the Maine coon when I completed it.

@Mycatispretty you look incredible. I know what you mean about the ADs. I am still so low I’m in tears most days and doctors keep telling me to go on them but I won’t do it. From past experience they make me put on weight. According to the consultant last week I should be “happy” as I have “one of the better cancers”. I think he got annoyed with me…“why aren’t you happy?”

@TopOfTheCliff well done on your cycle ❤️ I did 50 miles on my bike yesterday, from my house to Brighton. Four weeks to the day since my last chemo and 8 weeks to Ride London. I had a horrible headwind for most of it but an enormous slice of cake at 30 miles perked me up. It was from Victoria’s Sponge in Steyning if anyone is in the area - really lovely ladies and the cake was delicious.

I'm currently in limbo and was wondering if anyone minds if I wait on this thread? I feel a bit of a fraud as I don't have a cancer diagnosis (?yet) and the type is highly treatable if I do (thyroid) but I'm getting mightily fed up of the waiting and unknown, primarily because I'm a lone parent to a DC with complex health needs so being organised and planning is vital. Timeline is this:

January- found lump on thyroid, wasn't worried as I've had them before. Had bloods done and ref's on 2 week pathway. Bloods show thyroid is functioning fine but I'm very anaemic. I can't take iron tablets but agreed to pretend so I can be ref'd to haematology.

Feb- Ultrasound done, indicated it was suspicious so I had biopsy. Unfortunately results were inconclusive. Next biopsy booked for end of February.

March- had my results appt, except I didn't. The results still aren't back, it's now over 4 weeks. They've graded the lump as a 4/5 on the ultrasound and when they did the second biopsy they found another nodule on the other side of my thyroid. I didn't know about this until the results appt. Consultant was lovely but advised the second may be a met and it's likely I'll need at least a hemithyroidectomy but likely a total. I'm being discussed at the complex case mdt next Thursday, hopefully they'll have the biopsy results by then - why on earth are they taking so long?

As things stand I'm no further forward than I was when I found the nodule in January. I'm just getting on with life as normal but it's all beginning to grate on me a bit. My DC has multiple hospital appts, issues with school, I have a highly stressful job and unfortunately some underlying health issues already which impact the use of my arms and legs. I still haven't got back to the GP about my anaemia either, I honestly can't face more appts and I don't know how I'd fit them in anyway. If I have got to have surgery then there's going to be a need for some significant planning. I'm lucky in that my parents will definitely help but they have never had to make decisions about my DC's health before and judgements do have to be made (aware I'm getting ahead of myself here!).

Well, that's my moan. Feel better for getting it out. Does anyone have any light to shed on biopsy timelines at all? I really hope I haven't upset anyone by posting on here without a clear diagnosis, apologies if so.

@BiopsyWait you are just the right place! This thread is for all who might have, do have, or have had cancer. The waiting is the worst part and if your results are good we will celebrate with you.

I’m shattered today. DH has invited all his DC for the weekend but I don’t know who is coming when. He hasn’t bought extra food yet and although I have made up beds there is so much clutter to sort out. I am tempted to go back to bed and let it all pass me by!