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Cancer Support thread 86 - Stay Positive

996 replies

LemonDrizzle10 · 20/03/2023 10:40

New thread as other one nearly full.

OP posts:
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48
Timeforchangeithink · 19/05/2023 21:21

@Brunonononooo sorry you've arrived here. I had anal rectal cancer in 2017. I also have Crohn's. I had 28 days of radiotherapy at Beatsons Glasgow, one IV chemo and the remainder tablet form. It put me into menopause which as I was in my 40s didn't bother me. I was fine until last year when it returned and I had stoma and 'barbie bum' which having spent many years being terrified about was actually brilliant. Unfortunately regular MRI found lymph node groin cancer so have just started chemo. Feel free to DM if you want to x

Remaker · 19/05/2023 23:14

I don’t think I need the rage room but if there’s a highly irritated and frankly outraged room I’ll take a spot in there. After an awkward encounter at a child’s sporting event, where it was obvious an acquaintance knew about my diagnosis but didn’t want to say they knew, I decided to take control of my own narrative and put a message on my socials about my cancer and that I’m currently having chemo. All went well with lovely supportive messages. Naturally the people I know who have had or currently have cancer were kind and supportive and nobody claimed to know exactly what I was going through because once you’ve bern though it you know everyone’s cancer experience is different.

But a friend/acquaintance who is a complete drama llama couldn’t let someone else have their moment. She sent me a private message telling me she understood completely, she’d had ‘similar surgery’ and was ‘a month ahead of me’ with her surgery for ‘suspected cancer’ that required no further treatment. But she totally knew how scary it was.

She had day surgery during which they found something which might have been cancer but ultimately wasn’t and she was back at work and complaining about her kids minor illnesses within a couple of days. I was told after a colonoscopy that I had cancer and would need major surgery. Due to the number of enlarged lymph nodes that needed to be removed I had a full incision leaving a 20cm scar the length of my abdomen. I spent 10 days in hospital, had my colon removed. My recovery required wearing an adult nappy as diarrhoea would pour out of me completely uncontrollably. I can’t eat a normal diet, I don’t know yet if I ever will be able to. Now on chemo my primary side effect is diarrhoea. Nobody likes to talk about it, it’s not pleasant. My cancer is genetic, there’s a 50% chance that I’ve given this gene to my children.

Of course I didn’t say any of this on my SM. I said I’d had surgery for bowel cancer and had started chemo. But what kind of person thinks the best response is to say they’ve had similar when they basically had a near miss and a small surgery. I responded as kindly as I could manage and described what I have experienced and her response was to send a little heart emoji. Actually the correct response would be to apologise for trying to claim you have shared my experience when yours was nothing like it. To claim you’re a month ahead of me when you’re back at work leading a normal life and in a month’s time I will still be having chemo. I can’t work due to my hands curling up from the drugs so I am not getting paid. And I am actually super lucky that my treatment is so much shorter than what many people go through and my prognosis is good at this stage, but with a genetic cancer there is always the chance of another cancer later. I’ll need a hysterectomy next year so it can’t come back in my uterus or ovaries.

OK so perhaps I did need the rage room after all haha. Sorry it was so long!

Timeforchangeithink · 19/05/2023 23:59

@Remaker there's always one isn't there! After my first cancer in 2017 I found out who my real friends were. After my second cancer last year I got rid of those non friends. This year's cancer, got everyone I need and don't have the hangers on pulling stupid nonsense like this. Makes life so much easier. You ranted very eloquently though 😀

TopOfTheCliff · 20/05/2023 00:23

@Remaker that was a beautiful rant! Respect xx

Remaker · 20/05/2023 00:57

Thank you @Timeforchangeithink and @TopOfTheCliff. I think there may have been just a little bit of pent up rage that needed to be released. Just a teensy bit haha.

Yes I can already see that some friendships will be changed forever. But on the bright side there have been people who have stepped up for me in the best way. So I will focus on those relationships.

HerbalRefreshment · 20/05/2023 08:49

Question about night sweats - Im 3.5 years in to menopause (2 years post ovary removal and on letrozole) and have never had a problem really with menopause except last night I woke up absolutely drenched and had to change pajamas and will be doing some sheet laundry this morning. Can this happen at any time post menopause? I have also recently been increasing my physical activity to get over this hip tendonitis problem, would that have been a contributing factor?

Essentially, do I raise this with oncology next week at monthly chat or is this par for the course of post menopausal life.

ClashCityRocker · 20/05/2023 09:16

@Brunonononooo sorry you're here. It does sound complicated with the Crohn's on top.

First week of treatment ticked off, was feeling pretty ropey yesterday but still OK enough to potter about and get on with my day. Touch of nausea and generally feeling a bit spaced out. Feeling brighter today. To be honest the worst part of it all so far has been the travelling to treatment - currently a mix of bike, train and walking. I think it is doing me good in a way as it means I have to keep reasonably active but we will see how that goes as treatment progresses!

Bookist · 20/05/2023 10:00

Thank you @TopOfTheCliff I think that's an excellent approach.

@Remaker God, some people. I blame the rise and rise and rise of social media and too many vacuous people genuinely believe they are the stars of their own lifetime, and that others are fascinated by them.

SummerCycling · 20/05/2023 11:16

- RANT ALERT -

What is it about having cancer that makes complete strangers (with no medical training whatsoever) think it appropriate to tell you what you should be eating?

None of my colleagues, friends or family have done this, so I am lucky.

BUT the heating man, the electrician and a hairdresser FULL OF TOTAL SHIT said with TOTAL ARROGANCE and THEIR ADVICE WAS COMPLETELY NOT WANTED

Example advice:

You just need an alkaline diet

You need to eat Amaretto biscuits

You should eat garlic bread

You must not eat any sugar (note - any - none!)

You must drink 6 glasses of water with lemon juice

ETC ETC

Strange how my oncologist thought I needed 6 months chemo, major surgery, 3 weeks radiotherapy, a year of immune therapies when all I needed was some garlic bread.

END OF RANT -

SummerCycling · 20/05/2023 11:22

OH AND OF COURSE, make sure you keep a POSITIVE ATTITUDE

This is my positive attitude reaction to the unwanted ridiculous dietary or positive attitude advice:

FUCK OFF

and then

FUCK OFF AGAIN

(what I was thinking - what I actually said was that my oncology team had recommended oily fish twice a week while on chemo, just about managing a polite response while wanting to scream shut the fuck up you ignorant person and stick to advising me on eg the house fuse box, or whatever)

Do they give this sort of advice to people with other medical conditions, or is it just us cancer patients they feel the need to save with their quackery?

SummerCycling · 20/05/2023 11:32

Someone asked earlier on this thread about Herceptin and heart issues.

I have tried to locate the post but can't find it....

I just wanted to say that I am on Herceptin plus Perjeta, and yes, it can be very cardio toxic. I have very high blood pressure, palpitations and a feeling my heart is suffering, although this started on EC chemo.

They do heart echoes to check the LVEF heart pump when on Herceptin, but that doesn't check everything in the heart by the sounds of it.

I wish I could find the post the person wrote asking about this!

Vinorosso74 · 20/05/2023 12:24

Oh the "advice" is quite something.
Via Macmillan, my hospital offer a course called the C-Factor where the patient is played by an actor and his story is taken from patients stories. Anyway, the story includes him being given cook books to beat cancer and bags of kale which did make us all laugh. All of us had received ridiculous, unwanted dietary advice.
The "stay positive", "you're so strong, I couldn't do it", "you've got this messages" just made me want to scream.

ajandjjmum · 20/05/2023 12:29

Hello to the newbies - sorry you're here, but I know the brilliant people on this thread will make your path a little easier.

Having had cancer treatment for four months for a small breast cancer but none healing wound, and been Miss Positive (outwardly) all of the time, when the oncologist told me I needed stronger calcium supplements and my face dropped, he told me I needed to keep a positive attitude as he was working on a paper, and it was showing that a positive attitude helped. Probably the closest I've been to committing murder!

ajandjjmum · 20/05/2023 12:38

Another post - thoughts and advice appreciated.

After a lumpectomy in the Autumn, I had radiotherapy just before Christmas despite a significant hematoma, and the wound opened. I have subsequently been at the dressings clinic twice a week trying to get the wound to heal. It hasn't, so my consultant saw me this week and agreed to do a clean out op under GA, which could be i. A simple clean out and removal of dead fat, ii. A clean out and replacing some fat from elsewhere in my body to give my breast a less deformed shape or iii. A clean out and flap reconstruction.

DH was with me and we agreed that she is the expert, and should make a decision when she is operating, as it is only then that she will see the extent of the damage to be repaired. Appearance is not important to me - I just want the wound healed so that we can start our retirement proper!

I had a phone call yesterday from a member of the medical team, who I have seen regularly over the past few months. They said not to say they had spoken to me, but if they were to give advice, they would say stick with the simple option - ie. cleaning and dead fat removal. They said that having seen me over the months and the struggle I have had with healing, just get it dealt with and move on. I can always go back late for any aesthetic work if I feel it necessary.

DH is mad as he thinks it has just put more pressure on me, but I actually get the point. And as a fully qualified wimp, keeping things simple is always my favoured choice!

Sorry for such a long post. Chatting to a friend about it on Monday (she has experience) but I'd be grateful for any thoughts.

HauntedDishcloth · 20/05/2023 13:07

@ajandjjmum I had DIEP reconstruction in Oct. It's pretty major. Did they say which type of flap that option would be? The site of the flap donor tissue influences recovery & possible side effects/complications I don't think I'd be happy to go in & potentially come out with that compared to the other options that seem less invasive relatively speaking because to me they need different psychological preparation (& practical).

Also I wouldn't call reconstruction purely an aesthetic procedure. I think there's more to it than that, especially when going from completely flat to having something there. The result is arguably not better aesthetically speaking, when you are left with massive scars, could be nipple-less and very different in shape & size between the reconstructed breast & natural breast. The results tend to be better though if they can use as much of your own breast area skin as possible (& retain the nipple) which sounds like it could be the case for you if you do have a reconstruction. Definitely lots to think about.

Fantasea · 20/05/2023 14:09

@Remaker oh yes there's always one isn't there. I had a friend compare my open surgery with a total abdominal hysterectomy, omentectomy and removal of endometrial lesions on my peritoneum compared with her elective caesarean section and how she 'totally understood the recovery'! She got a healthy baby from her surgery and I'm still on chemo over two years later. The ignorance and insensitivity of some people is staggering at times.

RedRosesPinkLilies · 20/05/2023 16:29

@Fantasea
I think I may have a similar cancer - just starting out…

Ive been told I have a high grade serous primary peritoneal cancer. I think in retrospect that I had endometriosis and was on oestrogen only HRT (had the progesterone coil) - and that this lead to the cancer

Did you know treatment would be so drawn out at the start? So far I’ve been told chemo x3/4, repeat CT, surgery to remove everything that’s removable and then maintenance therapy.

Just wondering if you’re willing to share your experience

I have my first oncology appointment at end of May.
x

Fantasea · 20/05/2023 19:00

@RedRosesPinkLilies I'm so sorry to hear about your diagnosis and it's such a lot to take in when it happens. Yes, of course, I'm very happy to share my experience. I have stage 3c high grade serous ovarian cancer and I believe they treat primary peritoneal cancer in the same way. I had 6 cycles of paclitaxel/carboplatin from January to June 2021 with the big surgery after the fourth one. It was going to be after the third cycle, but the timings meant that the fourth one was approaching so the surgeon said I 'might as well have that one'. Then from June to the end of September 2021, there was a huge amount of faffing around as I have a lesion on my liver which they eventually decided was a benign haemangioma. I went onto oral maintenance chemo at the end of September and am still on these tablets now.

To answer your question, no I didn't know that treatment would be as long as it has turned out to be. I was told at the start that it would be a 'tough six months', referring to the main infusion chemo and surgery. The subject of maintenance didn't come up but this was in 2020 in the pandemic and everything was chaotic. I had genetic testing for BRCA and other genes around March 2021 and also had my tumour tested after surgery. These results inform the type of maintenance you go on.

I'm very happy to answer all the questions you may have.

FangedFrisbee · 20/05/2023 21:47

Hi all, been a while since I posted. Had a lot to absorb. Found out my melanoma is stage 4 by being invited to a support group, clearly an admin error I thought but no they just didn't realise I hadn't been told. So I had an appointment where I asked a few questions and I have a couple of nodules in my lungs, start immunotherapy next week.

I feel really shit about it all tbh.

Hope you're all ok

RedRosesPinkLilies · 20/05/2023 22:54

@Fantasea
Thank you. Out with friends tonight. Not been a good night - as diagnosis has been elephant in the room
I will message more once I think a little more.
sorry you’ve gone through all this x

RedRosesPinkLilies · 21/05/2023 06:20

@FangedFrisbee That’s a really crap way to find out. Bad enough to be in these type of situations- without finding out almost by accident.
I’m sorry, and I hope you get a good result from immunotherapy

@Fantasea I’ve seen that combination of systemic chemotherapy mentioned a few times - did you have many side effects?
I’ve been told three treatments- then surgery, I did wonder if there might be more afterwards

Out of interest - what maintenance therapy are you on? Is this forever?

Do you get much of normal life anymore? My husband hopes we will be able to go abroad later in the year - I am not so sure

And lastly - is there anything would wished you’d known/ books you’ve read that were helpful/ just any advice.
Thank you for your generosity in sharing. x

Makemineadecafplease · 21/05/2023 08:32

@summercycling, that's me with the question about herceptin. I have pm'ed you as thread has moved on quite a bit. Thank you.

Fantasea · 21/05/2023 09:30

@RedRosesPinkLilies I had a lot of side effects from the IV chemo, particularly on the first cycle. They reduced the dose to 80% after this one. I had dreadful constipation, nerve pain, nausea and some vomiting. Subsequent cycles weren't nearly as bad as the first and the last two after my surgery, although the same dose as the previous three, were very manageable in comparison. I lost all my hair after the second cycle. It's hard on the first cycle as you don't know what to expect, for instance, some people get diarrhoea and not constipation from the same drugs. I found the first two days after the infusion were fine, I didn't sleep much due to the steroids they gave me, but it the side effects kicked in on about day 4 and lasted about a week. I then had a week and a half to feel normal again - the infusions were 3 weeks apart. I found my taste was altered and nothing was appealing. It's best to just eat what you fancy, which wasn't much for me, so smooth things like soups are easier as you can eat more. I had jacket potatoes (just the inside) with grated cheese on these bad days.

You're given anti-sickness tablets to bring home when you go for your chemo and take these regardless, don't wait until you feel nauseous as it's hard to 'catch up' with it. Other things like laxatives I got from the GP - for constipation Laxido sachets are best and again, if you find you're affected, get ahead with them and take one the night before you go to the chemo unit and another that morning.

The idea of cycles of chemo after surgery is to 'mop up' any stray cancer cells.

I'm on a PARP inhibitor called Niraparib. I had some nausea and tiredness for the first few months on these but now I just get some tiredness if I overdo things and a sore mouth at times. I have a mouthwash from the GP which I use every night to keep it under control but when I get an ulcer, I increase the frequency of taking it. I still have constipation but have it under control now with daily lactulose which is a sugary liquid. I no longer have any nausea, in fact, I could eat all day! I have put on quite a bit of weight but some of that might also be my menopause as I'm in my late 50s. I still get very tired and have to sleep for an hour in the afternoon at least twice a week.

I was told I'd be on this maintenance for '2 or 3 years or maybe beyond'. It's unknown as it depends on my symptoms, my blood counts (it can cause these to drop) and whether it's working or not. I find it hard living with this uncertainty. I don't know whether I will stay on them beyond the two years, which will be September for me.

I am quite restricted as it's still chemo so my immune system is weakened. Much of this is self-imposed though, I have high anxiety and have been on daily beta blockers to help me since my troubles began. I am also single and am mindful that I don't have anyone to look after me full-time if I were to catch anything so this is a big factor. My people live a fairly normal life on maintenance chemo and can return to work. I'm retired but I wouldn't honestly feel well enough to work some days. Some people can go abroad but I understand insurance can be a problem. The other ladies will be able to help you with this.

I read far too much about my condition! My like to be informed so that I feel more in control and can ask the right questions. There is madness in this but I can't stop! I would say stick to Cancer Research and Macmillan, much of the information on other sites is out of date and you will scare yourself silly.

Oh and make sure you apply for free NHS prescriptions, you get a very simple form from the GP.

The biggest thing I wish I had known from the very start was to stand up for myself and not be afraid to be persistent about getting treatment and appointments. My diagnosis and treatment was in the pandemic and there were so many delays and always the reminder that 'we're in a pandemic don't you know' and I was made to feel grateful for being treated. Some of this attitude prevails now in the NHS as many of us here will know. I will never forget the degradation and feelings of defeat that I felt. I've realised now that being a bit of a 'nuisance' around getting things moving along is the only way forward. If I hadn't found my voice after my diagnosis, without being dramatic, I don't think I would be here now. I am the last person to assert myself and avoid confrontation at all costs but it's necessary. You'll be glad you did when you look back.

I hope the picture I've painted isn't too bleak - please ask away for anything and I'll help as best as I can.

Lisdeflores · 21/05/2023 09:44

@FangedFrisbee I also found out that I was stage 4 by administrative error. My GP wrote a letter to me and in it detailed my stage 4 cancer. I guess she assumed that as the oncology team had written it in a letter to her they had already discussed it with me. It was an bit of a slap in the face on a perfectly lovely Saturday afternoon. I got some lovely advice on here at the time which I still try to remember, it is possible to live with a stage 4 diagnosis research and treatment is moving forward all the time. I'm still here and when I received that letter I really didn't think I would be.
@RedRosesPinkLilies I was diagnosed with Fallopian tube cancer in 2020. I had chemo carboplatin and paclitaxel 6 rounds) surgery and then 18 cycles of Avastin. I was No evidence of disease (NED) until November 2022 when I was diagnosed with peritoneal cancer. I have just finished a course of carboplatin and caelyx. I'm due to start on Niraparib soon . If I can be of any help please msg me, as well as this thread I have also found that Ovacome site very helpful and the support site on there is very knowledgeable and supportive.
I hope everyone is enjoying a lovely sunny Sunday I'm going to put my winter wardrobe away😀and then get my son of Minecraft and doing his homework😱! X

RedRosesPinkLilies · 21/05/2023 10:08

@Fantasea and @Lisdeflores
Thank you. I really appreciate the information. We are having a few days away - so I may not message soon, but I’m pretty sure I will have more questions.

Thank you. I’m sorry you’ve both been through this.