Cancer Support thread 86 - Stay Positive

[LemonDrizzle10]

New thread as other one nearly full.

@FangedFrisbee I am so sorry you’re not-so-DH is being an arse. He is definitely subscribing to the school of “My domestic appliance is faulty” husbanding. He needs to understand you can’t do housework until your armpit has healed properly. Either he steps up or you pay a cleaner to come in while you are recovering. Is this a blip or should we be shouting LTB in true Mumsnet viper style?
I’ve had a fab day running a bike event for 150 happy mountain bikers then came home and cooked the supper. Go me! I’m really scared of starting Cape tomorrow but hopeful I can carry on recovering despite it. I’ve cleared the diary till I know what it’s going to be like.
My DH has been brilliant for the last three years but I think he has forgotten we ever used to have sex. I sometimes remind him wistfully of past pleasures but I think he is afraid to bother me. Occasionally I will pounce on him but if I didn’t he would never bother.

This is a blip. He has apologised but I think I shocked him by going absolutely nuclear with him. He has apologised and I do t think he'll treat me as a skivvy again.

Thanks for the support x

@SierraSapphire I'm in the same boat as you as I am single and my FOO still expect me to remain as the supportive one. Hugs, I know how hard it is to deal with this alone.

Thanks @Fantasea. I have some amazing friends, but it’s not the same as having someone there day in and day out who cares almost as much as you. I am okay most of the time, but it is difficult when I’m waiting for results or there’s something else going on. Having no other money coming into the house isn’t great either. I have got a lot better at setting my own boundaries though as a result of this. I used to not go away because of my mum, but I’m doing lots of stuff just for myself now. to you too!

@Fantasea @SierraSapphire Yes, it’s difficult doing this on your own with no partner and other members of your family depend on you. I have an elderly (gorgeous) mother and an adult son who is neurodiverse and needs a lot of emotional support .
I have had a difficult month with bone scan ( done x2) and a colonoscopy and now I have my first mammogram this week. I’m extra anxious as my sister (and like you @TopOfTheCliff ) found she had cancer in her other breast at her one year mammogram.
Im feeling incredibly fatigued at the moment. I do go for an hours walk in the fresh air and see to mum every day but I just feel I need to rest the remainder of the time. I rang McMillan to query if this level of fatigue was normal and they seemed to think it’s a combination of long covid ( when I was scanned when ill with covid in 2020 it had attacked my lungs, trachea, jejunum- which a whole loop was distended and kidneys . I then got covid again last year and was in hospital with tachycardia and pleural effusions)and anxiety.
Just to add the icing on the cake my fridge freezer packed up last week and I’m waiting for a part before it can be repaired.
I find this thread amazing. I really appreciate all your posts as they give me strength that I’m not on my own. Warmest wishes and love to you all from me and my pretty cat

Good luck with your mammogram @Mycatispretty. And your fridge! I was tipped over the edge a couple of weeks ago, by somebody doing damage to my car, which cost £300 to repair, and there was the hassle of getting it sorted out, sometimes it’s the little things that prove just to be too much

@SierraSapphire thank you, I'm also lucky to have wonderful friends but I try to limit my moaning with them. I find the times around appointments and getting results are when I feel most alone. I seem to always have a little weep in the waiting room for scans, that's one of the worst times for me. I'm pleased to hear you're setting better boundaries now and my ongoing treatment also has had this effect on my relationship with my (very difficult) mum.

@Mycatispretty thinking of you for your mammogram. I understand your fridge making it all too much, I used to juggle everything and these things would just be fitted in but now I feel overwhelmed with extra stress. My recent car service and (failed) MOT was really out of all proportion.

@Fantasea @SierraSapphire I too have developed boundaries I didn’t have before as a former people pleaser. Some of my friends have given me phenomenal support and some have disappeared but that’s ok.
Thanks for good wishes re my mammogram on Wednesday. My fridge freezer is unfortunately toast. I might of cried a bit when the appliance engineer told me that this morning. It was only just out of warranty. New one arrives on Saturday. Managing without a fridge isn’t great but I think there’s a small one lurking in the attic of my former marital home where my ex lives. He is going to look this evening and bring it round.

@Mycatispretty just out of warranty is such bad luck and I would have cried too. Before my diagnosis I would have been horrified at crying in front of anyone but now I just don't care, if there's a tear coming then I just let it out. I'm also a people pleaser and have found it hard to implement boundaries. The tipping point for me was after Christmas 2021 - having done everything to entertain my DM for the full 'season', I was then in bed for a week and my closest friend said to me 'you've got to step back, she'll kill you', harsh but true. When I wobble, I remember her wise words.

Hi guys

I've been lurking for a wee bit but thought I'd dip my toe in.

I'm 35 and recently diagnosed with stage 3c1 cervical cancer.

Treatment planning scans etc happening this week, plan is 25 rads with weekly cisplatin followed by three brachetherapy if everything's in the right place or a further ten external rads if it's not.

My head is spinning with it all, to be honest. I lost my husband to cancer a little over two years ago so it feels very weird going through the process again, not to mention bringing up some very painful memories.

Hope everyone is having a peaceful Monday

Welcome @ClashCityRocker It's good you felt you could join in. Do you have real life support?

Hi @ClashCityRocker, I'm six months out of treatment for Cervical cancer.

I was stage 2, I believe the treatment is the same. I'm just playing the waiting game now, on a contract until September!

Sorry, it's such a shit place to be, but everyone is lush here x

@ClashCityRocker I had exactly the same treatment so if you have any questions, I'm happy to answer anything either on this thread or via PM.

Welcome ClashCityRocker So sorry to hear about your cancer diagnosis and the loss of your DH. Do you have any children?

Hello @clashcityrocker sorry to hear about your husband and your diagnosis.💐

Thank you for the welcome.

No DC - and prior to this I wasn't planning on having any. I know the loss of fertility can be devastating to some who hoped for more or even any children, so I'm grateful I don't have that to contend with.

JIL yes it seems to be a very standard treatment! How did you find it? Any tips?

@ClashCityRocker . Honestly it was fine. No side effects for two weeks then a few gastro issues. Loss of energy and appetite. I took the week I did Brachy off work and didn't go in for the chemo days but otherwise worked through it all (that might be to blame for the lack of energy)

Chemo takes about six hours plus you will have radiation that day so it's a really long day, take lots to read/do. No hair loss with this chemo but my hair did thin quite a bit, not sure if that was the chemo or the menopause though. If radiotherapy is in the same building as Chemo ask them if you can go and do radiotherapy once the actual chemo has gone in and they are just putting in fluids, cuts the day down a bit.

I didn't get a port for chemo so I can't give any advice on that one.

I ticked all the appointments off as I went, that helped me quite a bit.

Lots of little snacks, I went right off eating actual meals. Completely went off spicy food.

You will likely get some rather fetching tattoos this week, I was not expecting this, they were just three dots though and didn't hurt.

Oh and you will probably loose your pubes, in rather fetching patches.

@JlL2013 something I have been wondering about lately, the fine hairs on your face, do they go too??

@Scandimandy they didn't for me unfortunately. I'm now sporting a moustache, thank you menopause

@JlL2013 typical then! all the downsides with none of the upsides!!

@Scandimandy yep totally.

I did loose some weight though, thats the only bonus I can think of.

@JlL2013 I like the sound of losing weight. I have plenty of bandwidth for that :)

Here I am again using this thread as a Rage Room. Yesterday I had my first radiotherapy appointment and getting to it by car was a total nightmare so I decided I’d cycle the 32 miles today as it was sunny. DD decided to wake up at 3am for the first time in weeks. I got up at 5:30, let dogs out, DDog 1 started acting like an absolute dick in the garden, discovered that there was a deer in the field out the back, her barking woke DD up so that took away my coffee and breakfast time so set off on my cycle without eating anything except half a baby oat bar left over from yesterday. Took a wrong turn on my bike that added 4 miles on. Road full of bullying men in massive cars or vans beeping and swearing at me as I avoid all the sodding potholes that have appeared and aren’t being addressed. Bike starts making a funny noise. Route much hillier than I anticipated so I’m bloody slow and tired (I live in the Surrey Hills, I know it’s hilly but I’ve never cycled this route before I’ve only driven it) I stop, fix the bike, realise that I won’t make it in time for my appointment unless I stop at the nearest town and get the hospital shuttle bus but that’s fine, plenty of time…until I get there and see swarms of people at the bus station. Police have closed the one way system because of an accident and there’s been no bus for 45 minutes. Called radiotherapy people in tears, they told me not to worry as everyone else was late as well but I hate being late and I had got myself into a right old state - plus I was really tired and hungry. Had my treatment, cycled to the station and got the train home (2 miles either side, all downhill, lovely) only to find DH mowing the lawn as he had completely forgotten that EDF were coming to fit a smart meter because ours is legally out of date, which I didn’t know was a thing but I told him SO many times he needed to clear the cupboard under the stairs and be ready to let the guy in. The second I took my helmet off, the sodding engineer is at the front door and I couldn’t find anything to put on my head so had to open the door with my tufty bald head out for all to see and for some reason THAT’S the thing that tipped me over the edge. Had a massive go at DH for forgetting and making me answer the door without a hat on, stormed upstairs in tears, and it’s quarter past fucking 1, I’ve cycled 36 bastard miles today and I STILL haven’t eaten anything. FML.

I couldn’t put my helmet back on as I’d left it on my bike, outside the bloody front door. Which I never do so I don’t know why I did it today. Not only was the engineer out there a couple of my neighbours and a bunch of walkers going to the pub were there too because of course there’d be a bunch of people out there when I’ve got nothing on my head.

Big hugs @WorryMcGee