Cancer Support thread 86 - Stay Positive

[LemonDrizzle10]

New thread as other one nearly full.

I would be hoping that the pessimist/worrier section had a Rage Room in it, but that hope would be squashed very quickly by my assumption that there wouldn’t be one as nothing ever turns out the way I want it to and worry that I wouldn’t be allowed in to
find out for sure anyway 😂

That sounds hopeful then - and if I end up as beautiful and relaxed as Hubble, it can only be a good thing!

I'd never heard of such a thing, and as it was making unmentionable noises in the night, I was wishing I hadn't. My constant refrain at the moment is 'it wasn't me, it was the machine!'

I was firmly in the denier and optimist camp until the last couple of weeks which have put a severe dent in my optimism. I’ve developed a really nasty case of rosacea which has severely dented my already fragile self confidence and I can’t get my blood pressure under control so I am prone to keeling over if I do anything more taxing than walking upstairs.
And then I feel bad for whinging because I know I have it a lot better than many. I think I’m just tired of dealing with the whole shitshow on my own

This made me smile - I need to be in the worrier & whiner group too - the insanely positives who are going to kick ass just don’t do it for me :)

I attended a course where the lady kept referring to people who lost their hair to treatment as being “hair free” I just wanted to scream BALD whenever she said it (it was mentioned quite a few times!) I suppose we are all different in what we find comforting & the trick is to find like minded people to make the whole nightmare a bit easier to handle!

@bringonyourwreckingball I also got a bad case of rosacea, complete with acne. Got prescribed Soolantra from the docs and it mostly cleared it in two weeks.

@Onecattwocats I think you have identified something very important. The problem is people who think they know how to help us because they know how they would like to be treated and assume we are all the same. The hair lady saying “Hair free” probably thinks she is being cute and funny not irritating. The mad optimists who always want you to count your blessings and practise gratitude don’t understand they may be dealing with @WorryMcGee who just wants to be let into the Rage Room to smash up some crockery.
The truth is we may be a different person on different days. One day I might want lots of reassurance and comfort and on another I might want to make sarcastic jokes and use black humour talking about my funeral. This is why in the main I am keeping all the therapists well at arms length until the whole ghastly process is behind me. Then I maybe stable enough to behave properly and take part in some meaningful therapy. Or maybe by then I will just want to forget about the whole awful business.
Sending strength as always
Top x

@TopOfTheCliff this is spot on, can you do my counselling 😂

I have a horrible feeling that, at least on the surface, I've been in the insanely positive group up to now...but a recent upgrading of my cancer, the need for full breast rather than partial radiotherapy and the impending start of hormone therapy (plus the fact that my positivity is really getting on my own tits let alone anyone else's) means I think I may be slipping into the optimistically realistic worrier category.

@WorryMcGee I've tried counselling twice (prior to my cancer diagnosis) after a traumatic bereavement. The first person I saw was a disaster and kept trying to get me to role play (shudder). The second person was amazing and helped immensely...so it can work out well.

@AGreatUsername yes...Hubble is a Maine Coon! I also have his sister, Cassie (short for Cassini, clearly an outer space thing going on in our house at the time!) She does a good impression of looking like a bathmat most of the time and our house is more hairy than I ever could have imagined, but they're fabulous to have around.

My CT was all clear! Very relieved. No more scans for me though she said, 3 monthly CA125 tests and symptom checks.

We can definitely add a rage room in the worriers and whiners section Worry and a rage room plus for those with steroid fuelled rage to smash crockery and rage or write long rants. People in this section will only be allowed to sympathise and agree with this rage and rants. Under no circumstances should the person or thing that is the subject of this rage be defended. No positive phrases like be proud of you bald head, you are a warrior or think positive should be used. No mirrors allowed. Cakes, tea / coffee and alcohol can all be provided and may be either consumed or thrown.

I can also be a denier at times so when I'm in that phase an I don't have cancer today my invisible twin has it not me room is also needed where I am constantly on holiday, look beautiful (all mirrors showing effects of chemo and operations are not allowed) and its just a spa pool, jacuzzi etc with beautiful views. And life is perfect. But I'm definitely not a statistical denier, they would need a separate room. I would need a statistical obsessed room where data is analysed obsessively.

Ooh a statistical obsession room @Silkierabbit, I could pay that a visit when I’m done smashing shit up and having a welcome break from toxic positivity and having people tell me I’m still beautiful or that I’m their hero. I’d probably also get a lot of use out of a But What-If virtual reality suite, where you can play out every single possible scenario.

Well done on CT Great

I also have a chemo cat Maine Coon, looks like we may have enough to start a chemo cat café room. Mine's 1.1 metres now and trilling all the time, walking round with a pen in his mouth this morning.

Well bugger me. Today is the anniversary af my last chemo session, and I had to go to Drs to get lump on my scar tissue looked at. Thought they would dismiss it as nothing, but no, referred back to Cancer Clinic. Am so scared whole merry go round starting again, but also a bit embarrassed for being a drama queen.
One minute sure it will be fine, the next…
Why does cancer feel the need to just keep on giving?

My cancer kitties.

I think we may have the same duvet cover Podge 😂Lovely cats. Hope the lump turns out to be nothing, probably is nothing on scar tissue.

I also do lots of what ifs worry though my daughter said to me there's only 2 scenarios one where your dead which is fine for you as your dead or one where your alive which is fine for you if you are alive and what does it matter if there's a 10.5% chance of one or a 23.5% chance of one.

That’s great news @AGreatUsername really pleased for you.

And sorry to hear that @Podgedodge - let’s hope it’s nothing and you can just get on with your life.

All these lovely cats. Mine have got far to used to me being home. They are going to get a shock when I go to Glastonbury for five days.

what did you do about dental work during chemo? Ive got horrific tooth ache but Im not sure if its the chemo or an actual tooth.

Private dentist as no NHS ones available. Gave extra fluoride toothpaste and tips for chemo. It can be very tough on teeth.

I’m just de-lurking to share my experience of this. I used to be on these threads with the lovely whatwouldlesleyknopedo. I had treatment for triple positive BC in 2016. I had exactly the same - a lump on my scar tissue which sent the doctors into a froth of activity. After a scan and biopsy it turned out to be a bit of necrotic tissue- just gunk from the aftermath of surgery. I had a couple of them. I hope yours turns out to be the same. I’m thinking of you all xx

@AGreatUsername so pleased your scan was clear, that's lovely news!

@Podgedodge really hoping it's nothing to worry about.

@WorryMcGee so sorry to hear about your counsellor, I don't blame you for not wanting to return. Why do people always say, 'your hair will grow back'? We know it will, we don't think we will be bald forever but it's not there now! Losing my hair was a huge deal for me, I was trying to explain this to one of the nurses and she said, 'did you used to have lovely hair then?'. Honestly, no I didn't, but that's not the issue, for me it was the constant reminder that I had cancer. I could probably benefit from some outside help for my anxiety but am not in the right frame of mind to engage with it. I am definitely in the worriers and whiners section!

@EachandEveryone I am also treatable but not curable and don't think I've ever really come to terms with it.

Oh @Fantasea that’s just it. It’s a constant cancer reminder. I was coping so so much better when I had my hair even though it was just up in a scruffy ponytail every day not doing much, and people going “oh it’ll grow back” make me want to break things because - like you say - I fng know it will but it’s going to take ages and in the meantime I have to look like a cancer patient every day.

@dotty2 and @TopOfTheCliff thanks for the offer of your gloves and advice - I had totally forgotten about the cannula which would limit things somewhat. Plus after my last time at chemo, I’m sure the nurses think I’m some kind of diva anyway so asking them to pop things in the freezer might not go down too well!

I totally get the lack of hair comments but what really struck a nerve @WorryMcGee about your counsellor was the hrt comment. Ironically I had a doctor’s appointment booked to discuss hrt just as I was diagnosed. Is it wrong I’m raging about the fact I will be missing out on all those amazing hormones as well as a medical early menopause? I would have hung up on her too!

@AGreatUsername congrats on your clear scan!

@stolenstoat thanks for delurking and sharing…I always appreciate hearing about triple+ stories.

@Podgedodge hope it’s nothing to worry about and you get more info soon.

@AGreatUsername that’s lovely news. I’m so pleased for you.

@Silkierabbit its not my invisible twin being treated it’s the strange person on my birth certificate with a name I am only ever called by cross teachers and hospital staff. Think Elizabeth and Lizzie or Suzanna and Sue. This poor person has to undergo all the procedures and anaesthetics while I watch on amused. It’s dissociation as a coping mechanism. I think I may be a bit insane at times!

@stolenstoat thanks for dropping in. It all helps!

@WorryMcGee sorry your counsellor was so shit. Please try again with a different person!

I had my surgery yesterday I did it. I went to the hospital I used to work at for 5 years and got naked in front of my ex colleagues! Who all came in to see me as I was going to sleep in the anesthetic room. Just what you want when you’re already 💩ing yourself…. I woke up about 4 hours later, and they kept me in overnight because my oxygen was very low, my thyroid tried to kill me after surgery by going into a storm so my hr was 175 resting and I woke up with defib pads on.

Also joy of joys, I started my period 1 week early on the table, and my colleagues must have noticed because I woke up with an incontinence pad on 👍👍 fucking winning!!

I’ve got 18 stitches on my left shoulder, had 40 lymph nodes removed from my left armpit, my arm is blue, my wee was green! I’ve got 20 stitches in my left armpit which hurts more than than my shoulder and I’ve got 11 stitches in my neck on the right hand side because he wanted to stop me having more surgery but I might need more anyway.

Oh and I asked my husband to pack an emergency bag because I didn’t know I was staying in and said I needed underwear and pjs and he gave me a bag of 25 pairs of knickers and 1 sock! 🥰😂

You can laugh it’s ok! I have been! Hopefully find out soon what kind of immunotherapy I'll be going on to. I might need another wide local excision in a couple of months but I'll deal with that later!

its not my invisible twin being treated it’s the strange person on my birth certificate with a name I am only ever called by cross teachers and hospital staff. Think Elizabeth and Lizzie or Suzanna and Sue. This poor person has to undergo all the procedures and anaesthetics while I watch on amused. It’s dissociation as a coping mechanism. Same Top I also have a “cancer name”. I always fill in the “what do you want to be called” section with the diminutive of my name that I’m normally called, but no one has ever called me it.

On the HRT thing, I think HRT fed my cancer, and i don’t think I should ever have taken it, and I should have been better monitored, but I got caught up in all the hype. I get really fed up of all the women on generic menopause forums who try to tell us “Having cancer doesn’t stop you taking HRT” when they know naff all about it. Predominantly driven by a private clinic that’s recently been in the news for over-prescribing.