Cancer Support Thread 85 - Hoping for a positive 2023

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Starting a new thread as the old one is almost full.

Welcome one and all, this is a thread for those with cancer and those who are awaiting tests for cancer. We offer support, a place to rant/vent/cry and ask questions without judgement. As always maybe we can do a quick who’s who at the start of this thread for newbies.

Heres hoping for a positive 2023 for us all.

Not bruising don’t think. I’ve always had crap circulation in my feet though.

I went out tonight for wine and cheese with my running club friends. I wish I hadn’t. I was sat there in my stupid wig and my stupid drawn on eyebrows and fake eyelashes and uncomfortable in my clothes because I’ve put on so much weight (I don’t know how, I’m not eating badly and if anything I’m eating a lot less) and I just felt angry. I’ve come home early saying I’m tired, which isn’t really true because I’m more angry than tired and DH is on baby duty tonight/tomorrow morning as he wanted me to have a nice night out so it’s not like that’s the reason either. Don’t know why I’m writing this. I don’t think I’ll go to the next one that’s for sure.

@WorryMcGee I’m just going to bed but saw your post. I hear you! It’s okay to be angry with this horrible disease that steals our life, our health and our looks. It’s okay to be irrational and unreasonable too. Just hang on to the fact that there will be a day when you put it all behind you and can go running with your own hair and eyebrows and feel like you again.
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Worry, you made it out under difficult circumstances and having done it once you’ll do it again but next time you’ll stay longer.

@WorryMcGee that sounds tough. I bet your running friends were very pleased to see you.
This journey is also a marathon, rather than a sprint. Keep your eye on the finish line. Be kind to yourself. Xx

I know what you mean about your appearance @WorryMcGee, I was out last night for the first time in months following chemo etc. I have hair, but it’s uncontrollable and odd, my eyebrows are patchy at best and I have about 3 eyelashes. I’m also blobby and drab looking. It is getting me down but I have to keep moving forward. Just about to go out on my bike for an hour or so, trying to regain some basic level of fitness. I feel like cancer has controlled me for the last 10 months. Now I need to try to take back control of my body. It’s going to take time!

Thanks everyone. I really feel like I’ve hit a low point. I woke up this morning and still felt angry and tearful. I was so active when I was pregnant, I did a 100 mile hike with a friend, I ran the London Marathon, I did a 5k the day I had my baby - so I actually felt okay about my fitness etc at 4 months pp when I was diagnosed. I look at myself in the mirror now and I’m just horrified, and being out with my running friends in particular was probably not the best idea (even though they’re such wonderful women and I love them to bits) I just felt so angry and bitter and jealous ☹️

just felt so angry and bitter and jealous

Its ok to feel like this. It’s a process you/we go through regardless of whatever stage were landed with. I’m stage 1a. People think I should be okay with it because it was caught so early but it didn’t stop me avoiding the very nice lady who had her huge benign cyst removed the day after I had my huge stage 1a cyst removed. We’re only human and we’ll get there emotionally but it’s very often a few steps forward then one (or more) back. Don’t bury how you feel and don’t be ashamed of it either. It’s only by acknowledging and being honest about how we feel that we can move on from it even with tiny steps.

I'm currently at the hospital waiting. My poor boob is so bruised and sore round the edge - nowhere near my wounds. No idea if it's normal to be like this. Nurse on Thursday told me to keep an eye out for bruising. Such a worry.

Lemon, just to say Ive read your post and I hope you’re seen by the medics soon. I think nowadays we’re inclined to be told to watch out for the most (ultimately) inconsequential things but if something that was mentioned does crop up it scares the life out of us. Xx

Feeling for you @LemonDrizzle10 - don't be fobbed off! I quickly developed a large hematoma after surgery, and now feel I was pushed between pillar and post. The result is I still have an open wound 4 months after surgery! It's resolvable and hopefully the cancer has gone, but the whole thing has made the recovery (or lack of) so frustrating.

That’s annoying @LemonDrizzle10 I hope they were able to reassure you.

I am trying to do as little as possible while itching to have a huge declutter. FIL fell over today so we have been helping MIL who is struggling. He has only been home 3 days and she was a bit overconfident but that hasn’t lasted. It’s not much fun being 90 if you refuse all help!

In better news my DD1 got married quietly in South Africa yesterday and sent me the photos. She is so brave and beautiful and far away! My heart is full of love for her and my new SIL. I will see them in May.

Stay strong folks
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Lemons Hope they are able to help you recover, I think soreness is pretty common, bruising best to get checked out.

Each I would let your chemo line know about your foot and see what they say. They normally like to be informed of everything esp in early days and it can put your mind at rest to know they know and see what they advise.

Worry It is hard seeing people leading what was your life. I had to chose a holiday destination with no kids as ds is in hospital and miss him and when at one event during chemo remember looking at a woman with long hair and thinking I used to look like you and I wish I still did. People can also feel differently about wigs, I never had one, either went out with a hat or with nothing though did keep some hair and was with people didn't know or to chemo. I have a love hate relationship with my prothesis, I love it makes me look more normal but I hate my breast is gone and I had issues with bras and necklines, just any cancer reminders. You did well to be that fit before. Take a break from people if it helps, I did things with people there only I did not know. Generally I find it useful to see if I feel better or worse after things, better do it again, worse review why and consider a break.

Top congrats to your DD and her wife.

Had a breast reconstruction meeting but long delays before it. So just Tamoxifen for now. Supposed to have mammo on good breast have postponed it twice, then did check it by feel at appointment and fine. And endocrinology are chasing me. I am in hiding though, with Floof, as have enough to deal with DS in hospital since September. So many meetings for that.

@Silkierabbit DD has a new African husband! He is 6 foot 4 and very gorgeous.

I am ambivalent about the wig. With strangers I wear it and they don’t know it’s not my hair. With friends it’s obviously not me so I prefer a beanie. My new hair is rather fluffy and grey so far which is freaky. I look like Sméagol. Having been through all this two years ago I know I have to be patient and wait for some form of normality to return.

Home now after being checked
Bloods are fine
Doctor consulted with Surgeon
They've told me to call breast clinic on Monday
....and to take a photo of my breast every 6 hours

That sounds good for your DD Top

I have a very gorgeous boy in my life too though he is currently looking at me like this as I didn't share my Tamoxifen with him. We have reached a peace deal of Maine Coon kitten nuts.

Floof is growing up fast! Here is my other DDs new Viszla puppy having a cuddle with a strange garden gnome.

Good news @LemonDrizzle10 . My bruises came out today too.

Nice puppy Top

Yes Floof is getting big, my chemo kitten is now over a metre long and keeps growing until 4 or 5 years old but more cat the better. DH had said just to get a small cat but he is now in love. He is starting to talk now, Floof that is not DH.

Adorable puppy! My cats have decided they need to sleep with me now the chemo has started. Its both lovely and annoying as I cant use my lovely Neom vaporiser incase I poison thrm.

in other news, my mother has told me to stop posting on my small whatsapp group as its upserting everyone. Its simply a group with my lovely london work colleagues/friends who cant do enough for me transport wise, and my nearest and dearest from up north. The point of it was so that they has each others numbers just incase. Obviously I never said that bit out loud. My mum spent an hour talking about her neurotic narc sister and how stressful her life is. She just doesn't want to face me does she? Ive told her to mute it.

Hi can I join? I've just been diagnosed with melanoma. I almost feel like a fraud being here because it's 'just' melanoma but it's stage 2, extremely high grade and I'm having a wide local excision and lymph node biopsy +/- clearance. I am absolutely cacking myself about surgery.

The diagnosis came out of the clear blue sky because my gp told me I was being ridiculous. Then referred me to their skin lesion clinic where the dr told me it was fine. It continued to grow and it took a good while for me to convince them to send me back to their skin lesion clinic, he again told me I was being a bit paranoid and overreacting, but referred me to shut me up.

Went to dermatology and they didn't like the look of it and said it needed to come off. 6 weeks later it had tripled in size and the consultant who did the biopsy told me it was a wart but agreed to take it off told me the results would be in the post in 4 weeks and to crack on with my life.

Then 11 days later I get a phone call from the hospital arranging for an appointment the following morning to come in and discuss my results with the dr. I knew immediately it was cancer. I'm a nurse.

I walked into the clinic and the dr said 'hi xxx this is due your MacMillan nurse it's stage 2 cancerous melanoma, it's a good job it's off and in the pot'

It started as a tiny little dark dot next to a pale freckle (but not black because I'm very pale) and that's why i noticed it, and it ended up eating up the pale freckle entirely and it had grown from 0.1mm to 3cm in 4 months so not huge in comparison to other cancers but it's extremely aggressive for skin cancer and it's just so scary.

Sorry for giving you my life story

Hi Pumpkin. I saw your post on another thread and hoped you’d find your way here. Welcome to thread we don’t actually want see people join but now that you’re here pull up a chair and have a cuppa.

I was diagnosed with stage 1a Mucinous Ovarian Cancer and I understand what you mean when you say ‘just’. I haven’t needed chemotherapy but I do have 6 monthly checks up and the ongoing fear is very real. The reality is that there’s absolutely no ‘just’ when it comes to cancer regardless of where we’re at with it.

You’re experience from freckle to diagnosis sounds terrifying and it’s something we’ll all understand.

xxx

@EachandEveryone thank you for gorgeous pointed Coon ears & Viszcla puppy legs @TopOfTheCliff. @EachandEveryone Hope the cats find another sleeping spot soon so you can enjoy your Neom. Welcome @PumpkinPastiez, I’m sorry to hear your concerns were not taking seriously and it delayed your treatment. I would find it really hard not to be angry at the doctor. Cancer is cancer and it’s very scary, especially yours that you could see growing so quickly every day and couldn’t get treatment for initially. Do you have a date yet for removal ? I found it hardest waiting for dates to confirm. I have my operations for my tumour (breast cancer) behind me now and onto chemo. I still feel high as a kite from steroids on Thursday. Apart from that just a bit of a cold as side effects. Has anyone asked to reduce the steroids required with chemo ?

Hi @PumpkinPastiez that sounds like a tough journey, well done for convincing them to send you back to the clinic.
I don't think it matters what type of cancer you have, it's still the same shock to receive the diagnosis. You are not a fraud for being here. Be kind to yourself.
I've not had time to process my diagnosis properly yet, got results on 17th Jan and op on the 24th,. I got very weepy sitting in a & e for hours yesterday, I'm just at the beginning and I'm already finding it hard.
Hope you're not too sore @TopOfTheCliff.
Had I know to expect horrific bruising 4 days later my reaction yesterday would have been different, it was the look on my friends face when I showed her that made me go to get it checked straight away! What is the puppy called?
(Nice jumper!)

@PumpkinPastiez welcome to the thread that no one wants to join but in my mind is the most important on the forum. It’s full of people who understand your worries. Please don’t feel a fraud for joining. Any cancer diagnosis is terrifying and takes some time to adjust to. I’m a little further down the road from you with diagnosis on 23rd Dec of stage 1 breast cancer. I’ve found it easier to cope with since getting my surgery date. Waiting for that has seemed like forever! Hopefully yours will come through soon and you can start to plan and look forward.
Hope your bruising subsides soon @LemonDrizzle10. I’m sure that puppy has healing powers @TopOfTheCliff!
My therapeutic mammoplasty is booked for Wednesday. It’s getting real for me now.

@KefaloniaKid thank you. Hope all goes well on Wednesday, a school friend of mine has the same op this coming Wednesday. Will be thinking of you both.🌻