Cancer Support Thread 85 - Hoping for a positive 2023

[AGreatUsername]

Starting a new thread as the old one is almost full.

Welcome one and all, this is a thread for those with cancer and those who are awaiting tests for cancer. We offer support, a place to rant/vent/cry and ask questions without judgement. As always maybe we can do a quick who’s who at the start of this thread for newbies.

Heres hoping for a positive 2023 for us all.

I’ve done 3 EC with one more to go. Each time has been different but Top summed it up pretty well. I think the only thing similar across all the rounds is on day 6 & 7 I’ve had a massive ‘downer’ - hence my post a couple of days ago!
It’s so interesting to hear about all the different treatment plans - I wonder if there is some big flowchart in every oncology dept!

Yes, Top has described it well. It was only half way through that the nurse told me EC contained alcohol. The Red Devil nickname is fitting. It is like a massive hangover today.
I'd forgotten what the injections were for - so much information and medicines to take. I had to write all over the boxes. I've started with the cold cap, chose a wig back in Feb - going to pick it up next week so I'm ready. I've got the £140 voucher to go towards the cost now.

I have 2 wigs - boring sensible one I got on prescription which I’ve barely worn, and fun pink wig I got on the market for £30 and the kids think is amazing

its my first Mother’s Day. Won’t be in any photos as I suffered through that fucking cold cap al the way through only for it all to fall out anyway, plus all my eyelashes, this week. So I went through all that for nothing. She’s 1 next month, won’t be in any photos for that either. I look disgusting and no amount of “have you been on a look good feel better” (yes, lasted 10 mins before I walked out, I know how to do my makeup when I’ve got a face worth putting it on, I don’t need the patronising nonsense when I know I look fucking terrible) and “it’ll grow back” like it’s going to take a week rather than a year. I know I’m being fucking pathetic but I’m so sad I won’t have photos to remember these things. Nursery asked DH for a photo so they could make a Mother’s Day card and I didn’t have any after diagnosis, she was 16 weeks then and she’s 11 months tomorrow. So every other child had a card with a recent photo on and my card has one with a tiny baby because I’ve not got any photos of us since then. Wish I’d taken more, I thought I was ugly then and I had no fucking idea how repulsive I was actually going to get. I worked so hard on self image before I had a child, years of CBT etc, I was in such a good place and this has undone all of it. I’m falling into bad habits, not eating so I can lose weight as watching the scale go down is the only joy I get now. I’m a dickhead for it but I can’t help it.

Oh @WorryMcGee I can feel your hurt through the screen. Take the photos, your baby loves you, not your face. I have very few photos of me because I’m an ugly fat bug, but am trying to take a few now and then, just so my DDs have something of me in case I’m not here. It turned out we only had a few recent ones of their Dad , loads when they were little. I wish we had more, and he was no Adonis!
I have to have a front tooth out next week. Lovely. My dentist is v kind and has said a temp one will be put in straight away so I don’t scare everybody, but I know I will cry and be a big wuss, just because it’s all too much, more procedures however minor. Also I’m on zolodrenic acid, so risk of jaw necrosis although I believe risk is v small. No choice tho, tooth looks awful now, thanks chemo.
Thinking of everyone and wishing all well, whatever stage we’re at.

@WorryMcGee What about get inventive with your photos?
How about taking one of you from the side giving your little one a big kiss on the cheek? Zoom in on your lips on her face. Take photos of her tiny hand inside yours, your feet together.

My daughter is coming round today, she's with her dad at the moment. I'm going to try hard to not vomit while she's here. Feel horrendous again.

@WorryMcGee I just wanted to send you a virtual hug. Take the photos today…don’t look at them now but in years to come you will look back and enjoy looking at them together. She won’t see your lack of eyelashes but just her mummy. I too have avoid the camera but your post has reminded me not to. I just won’t look at the photos myself!

Huge, massive hugs to @WorryMcGee . Truly cancer is such a shit show and we cannot always plaster on our positive smiles. I’m trying to take one day at a time but it’s not always easy.
I’m single ( you may or may not remember I discovered my husband was having affairs with women in work and having liaisons with prostitutes). Some friends have been fantastic but others organise nights out and exclude me.I see them all dressed up on Facebook. I’m not a nasty/bitchy person and I’m caring to others so I can’t understand why they leave me out. I feel too jaded to go out but it would be lovely to get an invite or a text asking how I’m feeling. However, as I said my close friends have been absolutely brilliant. You really find out who’s there for you when you have cancer.
im feeling at a very low ebb. I’m waiting for the results of my bone scan, I have a colonoscopy, following positive FIT test ( wish I’d binned the bloody thing) and then my first mammogram since my diagnosis last year.
I'm a sole carer for my lovely elderly mother but it is difficult as she’s often incontinent and needs quite a lot of care. I love her to bits though so that makes it easier.
Life hardly feels worth living at the moment. I’m not normally a glass half empty person but all the tests and waiting for results are overwhelming me. Sorry for the rant.

God, I’m so pathetic. Loads of people on here cope so much better. I think my main problem is insomnia through worrying

No wonder my friends are don’t want to be seen out with me 😂
My cat loves me anyway ( probably because I feed her - I don’t kid myself)

@bringonyourwreckingball you look fabulous in those wigs, especially the long one

@Mycatispretty that’s really kind of you. I’ve really struggled with my self esteem since losing my hair - a few months before diagnosis I also found out my husband had been using prostitutes for most of our marriage. After kicking him out I lost loads of weight and was just starting to feel like me again when the cancer hit.
I think we all have days when we feel like we can’t do this. Without my kids I don’t think I could get out of bed some days.

Omg not you as well? It’s such a blow to your feelings. You start to question everything in your life when you find someone you thought had your back was actually putting your mental and physical health at risk. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. Like you I don’t think I’d have the will to get through this without my family. Big hugs to you x

Thanks @Mumsnet for deleting ( at my request )two horrible photos I posted of myself

Im not too bad with the hair thing, I was no looker from about 40 although Im not bad when Im made up. Its such a bloody effort though isnt it? I cant believe how bloated I am and yet I cant control my eating! Im starting what is supposed to be my third and last round tomorrow and my scans already booked in. I feel sick and just want to run away. I was up all night with reflux and the cat tapping me every hour for no reason whats so ever! My appointments in the afternoon now which means I’ll be awake all night after. I know this will all pass and I need to shake myself up. No kids and no bloke I might as well be like Kathy Burke and start smoking weed😂😂

ive been looking at cheap fun wigs for Glastonbury but they all have fringes so Im not sure. I know this company isnt great ethically but they have alot so Im just getting some ideas. I wish I was creative as Ive been bought loads of lovely scarves www.shein.co.uk/Ombre-Short-Curly-Synthetic-Wig-With-Bangs-p-12105356-cat-1924.html?skucode=I15qvo3svx45&url_from=sheglam-uk-pla-sb2211121976908191-_GPM&cid=19570641817&setid=&adid=&pf=GOOGLE&gclid=CjwKCAjw5dqgBhBNEiwA7PryaFCq7khft3-RKd8TeK0fQlCN2b-4A2VcrU1QNNkmqUSIMpNkaKiKGhoCy9YQAvD_BwE

@WorryMcGee I totally understand how you feel. Losing my hair destroyed me, it decimated all the confidence I had. When the lashes and eye brows went too I was just on the floor. I also never took pictures of myself during treatment , and I hate looking at the ones I did take for my hair diary post chemo. But, it WILL grow back. Yeah okay, it’ll take a year or more until it’s Bob length, but you will be surprised how quickly you adjust to short hair. I’m 16 weeks post chemo now and at the point where I can get away with people thinking I had a pixie cut. I don’t love it, but it’s a lot better than the bald egg I was a few months ago.

@bringonyourwreckingball I second the fact those wigs look great! I used cheap £20 ones a lot and found them a lot better than the NHS one.

@Mycatispretty sending you lots of love. You are absolutely not pathetic. This stuff is rough and you’re having a hard time. Chin up lovely, big fat F U to the ones who’ve excluded you from nights out, their loss not yours.

I have my 3 month CT tomorrow. Absolutely bricking it. Anastrozole symptoms a lot better than they were originally, just really hoping it’s working and the scan will be clear again.

@AGreatUsername Good luck!
Had mine on Friday, results on Tuesday.

@WorryMcGee I can hear the anger coming through in your post but you have turned it on yourself this time. You are still the same person your baby loves unconditionally. She probably doesn’t even know you should have hair. Be kind to yourself and direct that anger at the bastard cancer instead of yourself.
@Mycatispretty that is a lovely picture of you and the cat!

I’ve overdone things as usual and can’t move. I can’t decide whether to use my limited energy to get fit or to do the jobs that need doing. I can’t do both!

Somebody clever needs to start us another thread soon.
Top x

@AGreatUsername you’ve described exactly how I feel - this has decimated the little confidence I had. It took years to build that up. Years and years of CBT and finding a style that made me feel better about myself. All of that work destroyed just like that. I’ve never felt so repulsive and I don’t have the face shape for short hair (huge ears, I hide them with my hair, most of my family have had theirs pinned back that’s how bad they are) so I’m stuck like this for over a year, I don’t know how I’m going to go back to work when my work relies on talking to people all bloody day - also I’m known for my hair, I’ve had different rainbow colours for years, extensions, different updos etc, when I left on mat leave I had sunset hair and now I’m going to have to go back with nothing. I can’t face anyone like this. I’m having the last bits on the side shaved off today as it’s stupid leaving them there, they’re causing me more upset as I’m completely bald at the back and down the middle of the top of my head.

I didn’t take any photos yesterday. @LemonDrizzle10 your suggestions were lovely but I couldn’t even do those as I just got too upset I couldn’t do “normal” ones like everyone else I know.

It doesn’t help that I know I’m being a dickhead, getting so distraught over hair.

@WorryMcGee I didn't take any photos of me and my daughter either yesterday. We put a film on, I fell asleep. I've not told her yet and I truly do not know what to say. Just been on phone to breast nurse in tears, still in bed, feel horrendous still. Have appointment with oncologist on Wednesday, have changed it to telephone as I just can't make it into a hospital.

Will try to start new thread

www.mumsnet.com/talk/general_health/4767178-cancer-support-thread-86-stay-positive

First x Ray after treatment shows nothing of concern. Hurrah! (For now )!

Today was the day - so I thought. Got to the hospital really nervous to be told that they had cancelled my appointment weeks ago and I had a new one in a month. I dug my heels in and said that nobody had cancelled or given me a new appointment. Luckily surgeon saw me and did a biopsy. Now the wait.