Does anyone here have a debilitating phobia?

[Lonelymum]

I almost wanted to change my name for this, but thought hell no-one really knows me anyway and I don't like the thought of covering up more than I am doing anyway. It is very hard for me to write this though (I am shaking and my hands have gone clammy so bear with me if this doesn't seem to make much sense).
I have had a phobia pretty much all my life. I don't want to say what it is as I am not sure how accepting many of you would be of the idea. Suffice to say, it lives with me constantly, has become worse lately, and really affects the way I live my life. One of the consequences of it is that I find it very difficult being alone with the children at night which is why I freak out whenever dh goes away (a lot at the moment.)
Then last week, browsing on the internet, I discovered my phobia has a name (never knew that) and is apparently quite common though not often spoken of. Surprisingly this made me feel a bit better and has given me the strength to talk about it now here. However, it has also upset me in a way I can't describe. Also, I read that this phobia can be cured but the only people offering cures on the web have been American. I wondered if anyone had had a phobia and had had it cured by medical/psychiatric means here in the UK and feels prepared to talk about it. My phobia is apparently not curable through aversion therapy.
Shaking sooo much now. Have to stop. Can anyone offer any support?

Yes. Hi everyone. I feel I am with normal people again. (even though we all know we are not normal). Its great! Like re-entering the mad house! You don't want to know how I got on today do you?

Oh and a BIG welcome to Mum2jay. Your dp needs to wake up to the truth. Do feel free to print this off and if you want any more ammunition in the form of how other emetophobes (we even have our own name!!) feel and react, I will happily supply it for you AD NAUSEAM (forgive the pun!)

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Now Aimsmum, that IS sad!

OK give me a few minutes to write it down...

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Aimsmum, hello again, you asked about my GP, well part of it is my own fault, I have been in so many times thinking that I have every illness going that he doesn't take my problem seriously at all, before I had DS he even told me that DS being born would cure it, yeah right, its about 100 times worse because it is a situation I can not avoid. I get really down if he is poorly, I work full-time and he is at my Nan's (I can't face nursery with the bugs I know I'm just putting it off until school time) I'm on the phone constantly asking if he has been sick yet. You are right that if you don't live with this you have no idea of what it is like! Every now and again I try and pluck up the courage to go back to my GP but by just talking about it I feel I'am tempting fate. My partner had a bug a few weeks ago and I had to move out of the house, when I returned I could not use the upstairs loo as I knew he had been sick in there!!! Look forward to hearing from lonelymums visit to her GP.x

Well, a bit of a mixed experience, but having got over my tears, I can now let you know what happened.

First, I was kept waiting 40 minutes past my appt time which was not good as I was feeling so shaky and had a pain in my chest with nerves. Plus ds3 (21 months) played nicely for 20 minutes but then got bored (what a surprise) and started pushing his pushchair around the crowded waiting room and bumping into things. I got really mad with the doctor for keeping me waiting so long, but then, that is like her: dh once had the first appt of the day and still was kept waiting.

When I got in, she said "ooh you have lost all your weight since having the baby haven't you? You are rake thin" which made me burst into tears because, although I don't starve myself like prefernot, I am aware of the connection and suddenly panicked that I too was going to be labelled anorexic or bullimic (ludicrous in an emetophobe!)

Anyway, then I cried like a baby and couldn't speak at all for about 5 minutes and felt the prize wally I said I would.

Finally, got it out with a lot of deep breathing in between words. The best bit was that she wasn't rude about it at all and she accepted it for real. BUT that was about it. She actually said, "But you don't have to worry about that very much do you? I mean, I'm sure it doesn't happen very often does it? I can't remember the last time mine were ill.." I could have shaken her and said "But of course you can't, because you do not suffer from this phobia!" That is the whole point. The phobia manifests itself in a constant fear of when the next attack will be. Anyway, I can remember the last time one of her children was ill. Because we live in a village and her youngest is child-minded by my neighbour, I can remember my neighbour telling me her eldest son had had a tummy bug only a few months ago! Now that's an emetophobe for you!

Well, having discussed my absolute misery and how constant the fear is, etc, she then said that anti-depressants would be good for me and explained how the brain can't function properly without melatonin and the AD's increase the melatonin in the brain. Now, I don't want to alienate you folks, but I am not a big taker of pills and AD's are not the answer for me. So I declined the offer of Prozac and Seroxat although she said that any therapy I have will dig deep and bring up issues that will be painful for me and she thought I would handle it better if I was drugged to the eyeballs. I said I wanted to give therapy a go and if it didn't get me anywhere I would consider pills then. Sorry if this offends any AD takers - this is just me.

GP seemed to get a bit frosty after that but has referred me to a clinical psychologist specialising in "panic disorders". The waiting list (because I cannot afford private) is about 2-3 months apparently.

By the time the consultation ended, I had the distinct impression that GP was p*ed off with me, and I was definitely not happy with her, but who cares? The referral has been made.

Mum2jay every single word you have written about your phobia is slap bang on how I feel. Every single detail! Have a BIG hug darling.

lonelymum, well done! sod your (completely unempathic and downright crap) GP, you've taken a massive step today...and after xmas you'll be v close to being seen by a therapist...you should be so proud of yourself for how brave you've been and how you stood your ground and refused treatment that you didn't want and asked for the treatment you do want...you're a hero.
x

Sophable- weak smile. I feel I have done a few rounds with Mike Tyson.

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Hi LM. so glad that you got the referral through from your GP - a sympathetic attitude from the GP would have been nice, but at least she's getting you the help you want. am also glad that the waiting list isn't that bad. i certainly think it was quite reasonable for you to refuse the ADs - as firstly it's not what you wanted, and secondly it doesn't appear to be the main treatment for your phobia anyway. when you get your appointment through with the psychologist, you could always see if he thought there was any point to you taking any medication or if there was anything else he recommended that would help with the therapy.

of course it's a right nuisance having to wait a few months for the therapy - with this type of problem you tend to have put up with months if not years of anxiety and be at the stage where you don't want to put up with it any longer - but just try and hang in there, and keep as relaxed as you can the next few months

Yes, I did want to walk out many times!
I do wonder whether I should have just taken the prescription and just not collected the pills, just to keep the GP happy. Also, I am worried my appt won't come as soon as it might because she takes the attitude that someone who can manage without pills can wait longer for therapy.
I do not know where my phobia came from except that I have read that if you are not often sick as a child (and I wasn't) you don't become familiar with being sick and that can make you phobic about it. I feel I was always phobic but I suppose what I felt as a very young child was just normal childish fear of what is, afterall, a rather scary event, and I never got over that.

Hausfrau - like the MOOSE analogy!

MTS - the GP said rather cryptically re the psychologist, "You'll get on with her". Wonder what that meant?

I really hate my GP! It is not that she is so awful, but, living in a village, it makes me uneasy that she knows so much about me. Some things she said today suggested a familiarity with thich I am not comfortable. We are not friends, but she takes liberties as though we were, just because she knows incidental things about me because the community is so small.

My mother (rather strict) used to make me eat foods I didn't want to eat because I had been sick on them - I mean, I had had a tummy bug after eating them, not the foods themselves had made me sick. I think that held me in good stead actually, because there is now not much I won't eat (MUSSELS being a big exception - only ate one and brought it up a few hours later when I was about 20ish) However, I haven't the nerve to do that with my children, eg ds1 won't eat salmon (or most fish for that matter) after being sick after eating it once. Also, he used to love avocado but ate a rotten one once and threw it up - now won't touch them. I feel I should make him eat them for his own sake, but I can't bear the thought he would be sick again.

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Reminds me, when I had no.4, there were several women who had had Caesarians and one or two of them were sick when they came round from the anaesthetic. It wasn't pleasant, but it didn't bother me too much because I knew I couldn't "catch" what was making them sick. Having a food poisoning bug in hospital sounds horrendous! I would have sued!

Lonelymum, you have done really well today. I would love to get over this, I can't imagine what life would be like without this constant fear of someone throwing up! I'm going to take this in to my GP and show him that it isn't just me and there is a real problem. Well done xxxxx

Oh Mum2jay, I really hope you do. If your GP doesn't understand, could you ask for a second opinion? I had made up my mind that was what I was going to do if my GP had been no good. It is so worth trying to do something about it. If you feel like me (and I know you do) you must make yourself believe that it is worth jumping over whatever hurdles there are to try and change this situation.