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Original poster

Does anyone here have a debilitating phobia?

279 replies

Lonelymum · 23/11/2004 13:13

I almost wanted to change my name for this, but thought hell no-one really knows me anyway and I don't like the thought of covering up more than I am doing anyway. It is very hard for me to write this though (I am shaking and my hands have gone clammy so bear with me if this doesn't seem to make much sense).
I have had a phobia pretty much all my life. I don't want to say what it is as I am not sure how accepting many of you would be of the idea. Suffice to say, it lives with me constantly, has become worse lately, and really affects the way I live my life. One of the consequences of it is that I find it very difficult being alone with the children at night which is why I freak out whenever dh goes away (a lot at the moment.)
Then last week, browsing on the internet, I discovered my phobia has a name (never knew that) and is apparently quite common though not often spoken of. Surprisingly this made me feel a bit better and has given me the strength to talk about it now here. However, it has also upset me in a way I can't describe. Also, I read that this phobia can be cured but the only people offering cures on the web have been American. I wondered if anyone had had a phobia and had had it cured by medical/psychiatric means here in the UK and feels prepared to talk about it. My phobia is apparently not curable through aversion therapy.
Shaking sooo much now. Have to stop. Can anyone offer any support?

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prefernot · 29/11/2004 12:40

LM, and others, do you ever worry how your phobia is affecting your children?

My dd, 25 months, is a terrible eater. She eats an incredibly limited range of foods and even those in minute amounts. She never eats at anyone else's house and rarely has anything if we're out. I really do worry that she's inadvertently copying me. Although she's the same with dp and he's a big big fearless eater.

lisalisa · 29/11/2004 12:43

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Hausfrau · 29/11/2004 13:13

This reply has been deleted

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motherinferior · 29/11/2004 13:25

I'm phobic about heights. At its worst this has also meant phobic about buildings with very high ceilings, or going under bridges as well as over them. I can be got over, say, Hungerford Bridge in central London but only if I shake and cry and hang on to someone.

blossomhill · 29/11/2004 13:31

Animals. I am so scared of lots of animals which makes going to the farm a complete nightmare.
I am also petrified of snow to the point that if it snows I feel panicky until it has all cleared away. I think I am scared of falling over.

Original poster
Lonelymum · 29/11/2004 13:34

Yes Aimsmum! You haven't told us how you managed at the wedding. How did it go?
Prefernot, you are being coy too because you haven't said where you are in the country, even though I have told you where I am! Don't worry! I won't be inviting you round! I would probably start to feel sick just seeing you not eating because you thought you might be sick IYSWIM! What complicated lives we have!

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Original poster
Lonelymum · 29/11/2004 13:41

In answer to your question Prefernot, yes I do worry that my children will pick up my fear of being sick and be afraid and phobic themselves later on. Not so long ago, dd had a cold and rushed to the loo claiming she was going to be sick. I think all that happened was that she coughed hard and brought up some phlegm and that panicked her as she was sick a couple of months ago having not been sick for a year before that, and she clearly was nervous about it happening again. Anyway, I guessed that she was not going to be sick but had just coughed up some phlegm, but didn't want her to leave the loo just in case the worst would happen. So I told her to stay leaning over the bowl for a bit. I stood outside the room. All went quiet. Then she said, "Mummy what are you doing?" and I could hear the worry in her voice. I had to reassure her that she was all right and Mummy was just scared of her being sick, but I was really conscious that I was making her more nervous than she needed to be.
Having said that, my eldest seems quite OK with the fact that Mummy screams and shakes and cries when anyone is sick and doesn't seem to have the same fear himself.
I do worry what your dd must be picking up from you, but as you say, your dh eats well so there is no reason why she shouldn't follow his example rather than yours. A lot of two year olds are shockingly bad eaters, and she is too young to have a phobia yet, so I think you still have something to hope for.

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Aimsmum · 29/11/2004 13:45

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Original poster
Lonelymum · 29/11/2004 13:50

Aimsmum, the page boy incident fills me with horror. Thank God I wasn't the bride, that would have ruined my day and (I'm afraid to confess) would have ruined the way I felt about the poor mite forever more. Still, it is good that you coped with it (even though you didn't see anything at the time!)

I shall be thinking of you on Wednesday. I hope all goes well for you and dd. Try to think how much better she will feel whe it is all over.

Hurry up and do some work now before the boss notices you haven't!

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Aimsmum · 29/11/2004 13:55

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prefernot · 29/11/2004 15:24

Yes, good luck for your little dd, Aimsmum!

LM I'm in SE London, sorry, didn't mean to be coy.

Urg ... that page boy incident ...

Aimsmum · 29/11/2004 19:34

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mum2jay · 30/11/2004 10:45

Hi, just reading your messages about passing the phobia on to our children. My DS age 3 has picked up on it already but uses it to his advantage!! If I say no or shout at him, he tries it on by saying 'I;m going to be sick!' of course I know that he won't because I know what he is up to, but just hearing the words makes me go all shaky and the adrenaline starts going! But also, he is very bad at going to sleep/bed and gets upset when left in his room (even though I'am only across the landing and go in every five mins - Feber Book) but he cries to the point where he makes himself heave and has been sick with it, the health visitor just says clean him up and leave him but its not that easy for me. But he cries and says 'I'm not going to be sick' and that upsets me because I feel like I have made him think its naughty to be sick. So I'm not sure how he perceives it really? I'm panicking at work today as a woman has come in and I heard her say she has been sick and looks awful, we are on the 3rd floor and in a large open plan office and the toilet is on the fourth, her colleague said to her if you feel sick you will just have to do it in your bin, I'm a nervous wreck - wish she would just go home. I can't stop looking at her and someone just ran to the copier and I thought it was her running to be ill and I nearly dived under the desk!!

mum2jay · 30/11/2004 10:46

Sorry to ramble - its panic!!

Aimsmum · 30/11/2004 11:11

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Original poster
Lonelymum · 30/11/2004 11:19

Mum2jay - what a selfish woman she is, coming in to work when she is ill. Or is her illness not something catching? Maybe she is hungover or something. Even so, you have my full sympathies that she is there with you. If she is sick and doesn't go home, I would go home myself, so console yourself with the thought that you could always do that.
With regard to what you said about your son threatening to be sick, I am surprised none of mine have thought of that although, to be honest, if they even make rude noises or burp loudly, it makes me jump and I tell them off severely, so perhaps they know better than to mess with me!

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mum2jay · 30/11/2004 12:39

Aimsmum - I hope everything goes ok, I will be thinking of you. xXx

Lonelymum - That selfish woman is still here, I keep hearing her moaning, but I think if she felt that bad she would have been sick by now - bet she just wants the afternoon off and has no idea of what she has inflicted on me all morning!! What you said about telling your children off - I feel the same but I didn't want to say it, I think that is where DS picked it up from and now thinks its naughty, thats why I feel bad.[

Yes - I just found the smileys!!!!!

mum2jay · 30/11/2004 12:39

And messed up the sad face! meant to be

Original poster
Lonelymum · 30/11/2004 13:04

Try not to use . You might find or or even work better. Hope the selfish cow has gone home now!

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mum2jay · 30/11/2004 13:49

Hi, she has gone now, she looked to me like she made a bit of a rapid recovery too! I went to the loo about 5 mins after she left, couldn't go all morning because of her! And there she was putting on her lipstick, she is definitely skyving, so my ordeal this morning was a complete waste of time - although I'm thankful she wasn't sick!!

Aimsmum · 30/11/2004 13:55

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Aimsmum · 30/11/2004 13:58

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prefernot · 30/11/2004 17:17

I had to face the 'real thing' at work yesterday. The woman who went off with the bug the week before returned yesterday and came into my office to give me my pay slip and tell me all about 'it' ... Can you imagine??? I didn't want to touch the payslip, it was absurd and I rushed off to frantically handwash the moment she'd left. AND I spent much of the time she was in the office holding my breath.

I'm 38 years old FFS!!!

Janeane · 01/12/2004 00:48

Lonelymum - you may not feel it but you and others here are very courageous women. Facing fear every day is draining and I applaud you all because it's not easy to talk about it. I haven't read the full thread (so it may have been mentioned before) but there is a national UK website for all kinds of phobias that might be useful for you. Try this link: Emetophobia and help . I just looked quickly at their website but there were only a few paragraphs on your phobia. But it's worth checking, especially because their newsletters are very informative and are bound to have some leads. They offer loads of info on further support and treatments. You have to be a member for around £16 for 6 mths to receive the newsletters and access some of their site services - it will have gone up. You can also get in touch with other members for support locally or nationally in their contacts section. I was suffering with anxiety about 2 years ago (which is fine now) and I joined for 6 months and I was very impressed. Hope this helps and you get all the help you need. XXX

Original poster
Lonelymum · 01/12/2004 09:37

Don't suppose you are around to read this Aimsmum, but just wanted to send you my best wishes for you and your dd today (isn't today the day she goes into hospital?) Anyway, best of luck. Had to laugh when you wrote your boss was hoovering behind you and then said you meant hovering. I have an image of you in an office and then I thought oh how odd, her boss is hoovering, I wonder what sort of work place she works in then?

Thanks for your post Janeane. I had seen that website. I found stories from other emotophobes about their treatment attempts rather off-putting because no-one seems to have had a success story and, as I am about to start therapy, it was a bit disheartening. However, it is good to know that there are these sites to turn to if I feel I need the support.

Off to do some substantial Christmas shopping now so won't be around today, but best iwshes to anyone coming on to this thread today...

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