Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread II?

[kokeshi]

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone, who is having any trouble with their drinking, to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

Teasle and Bauble..

I'm kinda feeling the way you both do. The xmas stuff...hm thats going to be really hard as it's the first one without my parents anyway and me thinks that xmas day eve, when the dd's are in bed will be the hardest.

I am sober tonight, which is a blessing. When I posted before I'd had 7 cans of beer.

The hard part is cos the kids aren't at school so I can find an excuse to drink cos I don't have to get up.
I've only been up since 10 and been on the go all day....it is really normal to be 'on the go' until 8pm? It feels good, really good, getting things done, organising things. Being a single mum don't help so all the pressure is on me...oh God I'm wittring aren't I?

But the pressure, the endless work, kids off, family issues...I'm feeling kinda cranky. Doesn't help that DD1 wanted to get a pork joint for the family meal on the 25th, apple sauce mum, hm white wine goes with pork mum, and the brandy for the xmas pudding?

What about the leftover bottle for the xmas pudding, when you dd's have gone to bed and I'm sat at the window watching the parties and 'family gatherings' going on. That's going to kill me.

First xmas without family and first one trying to be booze free, although I don't think that will last long?

Hope you all had a great day? xox

Hi folks, you know I think teasletinsel really hit the nail on the head; the image of people coming together and having 'family' time with drinks parties is, for many a far cry from reality.

More people end up in fighting, in hospital, in jail, and even dying at this time of years because of the pressure to conform to this. I'm not scaremongering actually, I've been doing a bit of research and I, for one, am glad I am choosing a drink free christmas and new year.

I think the pressure is there, but I also think it allows us a get out clause for over-indulging. Kinda like well, everyone else is doing it, it's a difficult time etc. If we really don't want to drink, we'll do our best to put things in place to avoid it - there are AA meetings constantly at this time of year, on chistmas day and new year. There are ready made excuses for the problem drinker and I think we thrive on it.

Then again, if we're not ready to admit to ourselves the true extent of our problems with alcohol, this stuff does seem real. By the way, you don't need to have white wine with pork or brandy sauce, you'll choose it because you want to.

By the way, it has taken me a few years to learn this myself, so it wasn't something I got right away. More like too many times bangin my head off a brick wall, repeating the same behaviours and wondering why my life was going down the crapper.

hi havalina, if you are still lurking

have we "met" on MN before as your name seems really familiar?

i used to post as daisybump, then I was daisyboo, then daisyandbabybootoo.

kokeshi, is the f in honour of Christmas....if so, very subtle ...I like it!

yes teasletinsel, I was inspired by the wee festive emoticons to the right of the "add message" box.

I like it

Oh, welcome (back) Havalina. How are things with you?

How's everyone else doing?

Hi haven't posted on here for a while but always read the posts to see how everyone is doing. Reason I haven't posted is probably because I begin to sound like a stuck record, even on here! I have drank every night for months and then this week decided to have a few dry nights. Very hard to do. Last night I backed my car into a wall when bringing the kids home from a lesson. I was just not concentrating, loud music, kids going on. We had had two drink free nights and the first thing I thought was right I'm going home to have a drink - nice cold bottle of white in the fridge which was open from Sunday. When got home said to DH that I was going to have a drink as so pissed off with the car damage. He said to think about it and take a step back. Had a cup of camomile tea which I am drinking when not drinking IFySWIM. Then thought I will have a wine in a minute. As time passed I kept saying will have one in a minute and ended up not having one. Think learned that I can be much stronger than I think and was very proud of myself as dealt with the stressful situation without a few glasses of wine. Just made me think really.
HB am so pleased with how you have come on with your cancer and wish you well for christmas and 2008.
Kokeshi and BM always great to read your inspiring posts have a great christams.
A Happy Christams to everyone and will post more in new year.
XX

HI Flowertop- thats a really useful tactic you described. There have been loads of times when I have thought I'll wait to have a drink 'in a minute' or 'after I've done this', because eventually that craving passes. Its actually nice to feel proud for not doing the easy habit thing of just reaching for a drink. Nice to see you post!

Great to see you posting again Flowertop and great post. Don't be a stranger!

How's everyone doing today? All the shopping done?

Hi all. Long time no post. Things with me have really deteriorated. Am seriously considering leaving my dh, as I am not sure that I can cope anymore. I love him so much, but a combination of his upbringing, his personality, his cannabis smoking and his disability are making him so negative and paranoid, shut off and miserable, and I'm just not really sure I can hold the family together single handedly anymore. But not sure if I can really go through with taking my lovely ds away from his daddy, either. God, it's so hard. Am thinking I may try one more visit to the drs and see if I can organise some counselling for him. And I have written him a letter explaining how I feel, and he finds it almost impossible to communicate seriously face to face, it just floors him and he doesn't know what to say. Basically, the letter says that although I love him very much, unless he is willing to get help and face his demons, I don't think I can stay. Although I offer to support him every step of the way if he is prepared to get help.

And needless to say, my drinking has not improved under the circs, although of course it should have. Am really sad, sad, sad..............

Oh, and a special hi to Kokeshi, my bestest and most wonderful counsellor on this thread, and Brassic Monkey too, who is my hero.

how much is too much

.

Aw cubby mate, so sorry to hear your situation is making you feel like this. You've had so much to cope with for the longest time and you can't expect to hold it together indefinitely for everyone.

I'm really glad you're back, and I think it's a good thing to think about yourself for a change. You're DH does sounds like he needs some help also with his own addiction, and it can't be easy for you when he's not doing anything to help himself.

Great idea about putting a plan in place, I think he probably needs to see that you're serious about your plans. It's all well and good caring for someone, but not to the detriment of your own and DS's health and happiness. Are there any agencies that the GP can refer you to, to take the pressure off you as the sole carer?

I think sometimes it does really need to be really bad - unbearable even - before we are able to see a way out of things. Welcome back and keep posting.

Rie, is your drinking causing you problems? Tell us a wee bit about you. Welcome to the thread

thanks you have NO IDEA how welcome that is. I haven't had a chance to read the thread lately, sorry, feel very selfish just to post on here when I'm desperate. Hope everyone else is doing okay.

Hey, we're here when you need us cubby! Don't worry about not posting, you're a long-standing member anyhoo

Hi daisy I have seen your name about, don't think we've met, but then again I tend to post and run .

Hope everyone is doing well

Sorry to hear about your Mum btw Daisy, my Mum died of cancer in febuary, and I don't think I have come even close to coming to terms with it. Not sure how bad your Mum is? but it's very hard either way.

Fell off the wagon and landed on my arse

What's happened Sue?

Hi everyone

DS has broken up for Christmas now, so he's here and keeping me busy. Not much time to post or preview so sorry if this comes out rambled.

I did relapse on Tuesday night. It wasn't much fun and the paranoia, guilt and depression all through Wednesday was horrible. Nothing too bad happened but it wasn't fun and it's served to show that I can't just coast through AA as I have been. I'm still at the stage of looking for opportunities to get drunk and I don't have anything to fall back on when I'm feeling vulberable.

Cubby it's great to see you back. I'm so sorry to hear that things with DH are even harder now than they were in the summer. Poor you, it's not fair . Please try and tackle your drinking before you make a decision though. I ended my relationship with EX-P when I was drunk and I didn't handle it properly. I've spent the past year or so trying to make up for what I said and did, and I'm still effectively stuck in a relationship that I don't want to be in because of that.

Hope everyone is ok and looking forward to Christmas? Does anyone think we'll have snow this year?

Hi BM. Hope you are feeling ok. Mine broke up today from school too- all really excited.
Take care x

fkokeshi - I bought a bottle, opened a bottle, finished it (of course) and Dh went mad at me. I know I shouldn't have, I know it was deceitful and awful and now I just want to crawl into the corner.

Hi folks.

BM, thanks for being honest and telling us about your lapse. I think it's so easy to forget just how bad it was. I know from experience what brought us to our knees in the first place will take us there again. Alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful and no matter how many times I've tried to change my dirnking, or control it or even just 'see what it's like', it continues to progress downwards.

Having a slip is nothing to be ashamed of, and I hope you can use it wisely to forge on with the next stage of your recovery. The emotional hangover is always the worst for me. I can deal with physical but the guilt, shame and remorse just about killed me. Be kind to yourself and use it as an opportunity to make changes to the things that weren't working for you.

I don't know if we'll get snow up here, it has felt cold enough but there's been this weird low-hanging freezing fog to contend with. My fingers keep going white and numb, I hope it's not early peripheral neuropathy. I'm still worried about the knock on effects of my self-abuse. I really don't think I got away with it all.

Havalina, I read your other thread last night and you sound so sad. Do you think AA would interest you? At the end of my drinking I had no friends left either, I'd isolated myself and insulted most people I knew so I needed to build up a new network of people that I trusted. Most of my friends now are members of AA, and they really understand where I've been. I couldn't even make eye contact with people when I first stopped drinking, it was horrible. Keep posting though, there are loads of women here who feel/have felt the same so you're not alone.

Keep posting folks, let's keep this thing active over this period. It's difficult for so many people and I think we all need a safe outlet. Let's support each other.

hi guys.

I'm feelinh a bit low at the moment and have had a bottle and a half of wine tongiht and my poor DH is getting the woart of it.

My sis phoned me earlier with my mum on the phone. Mum was taken into the hospice tyesterday, and I tried to get up there today, but just haven't been organised. anyway, Mum wanted to say goodbye as she was feeling really tired. she said that my Dad and some tothers had come for her, but she had two hours to say goodbye to everyone, and she was sorry she couldn't have me there It was the hardest phone call of my life. anyway, I'm off up there foirst thing ing the morning, but my sis didn't think she would last the night. I'm now just waiting for the phoine to ring (we spoke at ahlf past seven), and have tried all the mobiles but they are switshed off (obviously everyone in the hospice). I hate feeling in limbo like this, and wish someone would call to let me know how things are, but then again, no phone call means I might just get to see her and give her a cuddle one last time.

I've been sniping at my DH all bloody evening and hating him as rather than think Oh, D is in a bad way, he snipes back. I've been worrying about the funeral and what to do with a 6mo old DD; his answer is "just let her cry if need be, it would tivkle your mum to have her there", when he knows that I'll get myself in such a state about it and will need to take her out and also whether DS will kick off (he can be a bit challenging, especially whrn I am preoccupied about things). I'm worried I'll miss my own mum's funeral as I'll have to take DD (and probably DS) out of the chapel. And there's no-one to babysit, as they will all be at the funeral.

and then I feel guilty thinking about her funeral when she isn't yet dead, even though it isn';t expected she will last the night.

fuckity fuck I'm rambling a bit.

I won't have another chance to post before leaving tomorrow, so I hope everyone has a lovely Christmas and keeps positive and strong. It's a very difficult time of year no matter what your circumstances. wishing everyone strenght and abstinence.

I'll catch up with everyone next year, witha list of resolutions as long as your arm.

daisy x

suebaroo, sorry to hear about your blip. I wish I had something positive to say; you need kokeshi for that.

All I can say is try not to be too hard on yourself. It's one blip and all you can try to do is get back on track and stay focussed.

strenght and abstinence. x