Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread II?

[kokeshi]

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone, who is having any trouble with their drinking, to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

Hi everyone

Not much time today as it's DS's school play this afternoon. Just wanted to check in and say hello.

How is everyone today?

I think it's going to be one of those days.

After my mum's comments to DD1 last night, she also forgot to tell me some rather bad news. Am I really that insignificant to her now?

My 'friend' is on the ponce for money again sighs. I wouldn't mind so much if it was a couple of quid, but it never is.
Keep telling her not to bring her dogs here. It's not my house for one, and they're untrained for two. As soon as they pissed on my carpet (in the space of 5 mins) she legged it out of here. It's ok, I'll be giving her the cleaning bill, just like she handed me her receipt for head lice lotion a couple of weeks ago. Cheeky cow.

I'll prob be back later on, this day cannot get any worse??

Hope everyone else is well and wrapped up warmly? x x

PurpleoNe, stay strong and keep posting, you're doing really well. This pal doesn't sound very supportive, can you not bin her? Are there any meetings you can get to today?

Thinking of you.

hi everyoone.

sorry you've not been having a good day, purpleone, but I second kokeshi about you being really strong.

gfc, that article was very insightful. some ofwhat he says rings so true for me.

I've snuck back up to a bottle plus of wine a night I've been up visiting my mum and it has been so hard seeing her so ill. No excuse for sinking back into excessive drinking, but as the man in the article said.......

I did something completely shameful as well when I was in Scotland. I took my DD out of bed, put her in the car in her sleeping back and drove to the all night garage as I didn't have enough wine to last the evening . I'd only had one glass, so wasn't drunk, but fuck....is this the thin end of the wedge or what? I feel so terrible about it, and haven't dared breath a word of it to DH.

I had my final appointment at the neonatal unit today, and didn't mention this to my psych, for obvious reasons. I breezed through it, telling him that I was doing great, in spite of things being the way they are with mum.

Feeling shitty shitty shite about it, and writing it down here is making it seem so much worse than it probably was. I've had just the one glass tonight, but the thought of any more is making me feel rather sick, so I think I'll just off to bed

TTDOC

I've been there where you are. Not having enough and dragging kids out of bed, or sneaking out and leaving them asleep, or even leaving them to run riot fully clothed in here while I'm out. Or even failing to get up and get the kids to damn school.

Sometimes, as you say, strength is just not enough to battle it all yourself.
My mantra right now is NOT to get pissed in the week, no wine and no cheap cider. If I fancy a beer, I'll have a beer, and consciously buy just enough to enjoy but not enough to render me hoplesss the following morning. Using this method, even though I'm still drinking. I AM getting much MORE done in my life and I like that. I'm happy with that.

Had enough of a few underlying issues that are rearing their ugly head....and I have no way of sorting them cos my mother won't pick up the phone, and my dad who has caught dd1 in the middle of his childish issues that he can't sort himself....yet he can't text me or send me a note, or call me.

Today I found out that my 42 yr old cousin with autism has died almost 4 weeks ago. Was searching online for some family history stuff and on google pops up an obituary for my cousin.....nobody has told me! Just so fed up right now, words cannot explain it. x x
Just having a tough time right now.

purpleone, I'm so sorry about your cousin Can you go visit the grave to say some personal goodbyes?

families can be such hard work can't they? I thank my lucky stars that ours get on reasonably well, apart from my mum had a huge fall out with her brother after my gran died 20 years ago and they still don't speak. She's seen him once in that time, at my dad's funeral, and has actually told my sisters that he isn't welcome at her funeral.

I hope things look up soon, andwell done on controlling your drinking.

I was violently sick last night, so I'm off everything fr a few days as I've got some horrible D&V bug. Maybe this is the break I need to help break the cycle?

coughs at the ITV post/request looking for women who drink to much..

Not a chance of my ugly mug going on tv and declaring that I have a taste for wine of a evening

lol gfc....there hasn't been a great response to it so far

Jesus, for a woman (never mind a mummy) to admit that it like saying 'hello, I'm Myra Hindley'. bet they are wondering why a poor response.

I had my appointment yesterday,and I'm effectively cancer-free! No chemo, no radiotherapy, no hormones, no bowel cancer... Hooray hooray!! I think there is cause for celebration!

Great News hellobello

Will you get regular follow-ups for a while?

Now all you need is the colitis under control, and you can start to feel more normal again. fingers crossed for you!

Brilliant news Hellobelo!

Congrats on the all clear Hello

That's fabulous news hellobello, you must be so relieved. Perhaps it will make it easier to deal with the drink issue now that you don't have that to worry about?

congrats hellobello xxxxx

great news Hellobello, so pleased for you.

I have been rubbish this week. I had only one night off the booze, I got trashed on Thursday night and last night and I am really suffering today, my first hangover for a very long time.

I just cant seem to handle one or two drinks, it has to lead to more and more and more. I think maybe giving up completely might be my only option now.

Congrats Hellobello.

Chardonnay....yeah I'm with you. Been trying hard the past few weeks and have done really well, this past few days however and things are slipping. Not so much with the booze, but family issues are rearing their ugly head, stress of first xmas totally alone, a mate being a total PITA and a shedload of work this week.
Pat yourself on the back for being one night free...maybe you could make it two nights next week? [fgrin}

Hope everyone had a fabulous weekend? x x

Hi folks,

Just popping on to say hi.

CL, I think you've probably come to a cross-roads with your drinking - and the fact that you are admitting that abstinence is maybe the end-point - is a good thing.

I know how scary it is to imagine life stretching out ahead of you without drink, and how that would feel. I always thought that sobriety would feel like it did when I was in between drinks, you know that horrible anxious, fearful, unsettled feeling? The one that you think can only be taken away with drink? I don't experience that any more and haven't for a long time.

What I feel now, that I don't think I ever experienced before I started on my recovery in AA is a real joy of waking up every day, feeling grateful for all the things I do have, and safe in the knowledge that I am not alone. I don't spend my life thinking about not drinking either. The day-at-a-time approach really works, and after a relatively short space of time I started to feeling more alive, more able to participate in the world. The key point is that I was not dragging around that horrid sense of guilt, shame and remorse that was always with me.

Sure, there I times when I think about drink - especially this time of year as it's ubiquitous - but not in the obsessive, be all and end all way that I did before. I never believed it when AA members told me that sobriety could be enjoyed, not merely endured, but here I am a couple of years on saying the very same thing.

It's nothing to be ashamed of that you have a problem with drink. You can't beat it by willpower alone and it's not a personal failure. The problem is, I think, that society has such a schizophrenic attitude to drinking...you're somehow weak/boring if you can't drink normally and admit this, but shame on you if you can't stop and are an 'alkie'. The stigma and lack of understanding is what leads to the death of so many people. It's getting worse too.

I really admire people who are at the stage of admitting this to themselves and are willing to do something about it. You're the only one who can decide to change your life, but if you do, you will rea[p the benefits. Please keep posting.

PurpleOne, sorry to hear about the problems with your family. These are the sort of issues that will lead us to lifting the drink and getting back to the same drinking patterns. I really think maintaining your attendance at AA meetings will support you in dealing with your family issues. Alcohol - cunning, baffling and powerful - can take over time and time again. Any periods of 'controlled drinking' very soon revert back to the patterns that got us into trouble in the first place. I do wish you well and hope you feel that you can keep posting. Whatever the problem, even if we drink to get the temorary relief, will always still be there in the morning, and possibly worse for not dealing with it when we should.

I posted this link on an other thread a few days ago, written by two PHDs on the definitions of alcoholism. I think it will interest many people on here.

How's everyone (including lurkers)?

HI Kokeshi- good post.

CL- when I was drinking, I couldn't imagine sobriety being anything other than scary, and it made me incredibly anxious and nervous, as Kokeshi described, especially as for a long time my experience of it was rare days, usually forced, or through panic.
I felt very scared when I finally had to admit to myself that I had to make a decision and change something.
But its not scary- its one of the best things I ever did. I wish I could write something useful, but Kokeshi has pretty much said it all!

Just be honest and keep posting! Easy to write that, I know- I really struggle with writing things down when I am struggling, and I really admire all youse who do it.

Hows everyone else then?

hey teasle.

I'm doing OK. We had a mad dash up to Scotland at the weekend as mum wasn't good (being very optimistic), but she has rallied round again. We came home yesterday, and again today she hasn't been great. This is getting to be really hard, and she is in so much pain and distress that surely it's better that she died than carried on like this. They think the cance has spread to her brain as she is getting very confused and coming out with soem very odd stuff.

I've been doing OK with the booze; partly as I've had nasty tummy bug, partly cos it was late when we got to Scotland. I did tank a bottle of red in about an hour on Saturday night and felt bloody awful for it. I've had two glasses tonight and had two last night as well, so muxh more moderate.

I'm determined to beat this dependance on the stuff; and am aiming for a sober rest of the week. Too much to do with wrapping pressies etc, and I haven't written any cards yet

good article and post kokeshi. That article is very interesting as I do all of that sort of justification to myself and to my DH. He is very supportive though of my need to get alcohol under control (would I need to control it if it wasn't a problem?)

The festive period is going to be very hard; as my family are all very sociable drinkers and given our situation with mum there is going to be a lot of it about. I know I will find it hard to abstain, but as I'm BFing my DD I tend not to drink in the day. She sleeps all night, so that lessens my guilt at drinking in the evenings.

bloody hell, I'm tired and rambling, so I'm off to bed now.

CL, I hope you are doing OK....and keep posting; being honest on here has helped me enormously.

Hi everyone

Hellobello, I'm made up for you. What a relief! I've just read your post and it brought back to me when you first mentioned your worries about cancer. You've had a rollercoaster year and I'm so pleased that you've had some reassuring news to start 2008 with. Good luck to you, and hope you enjoyed your celebration...whatever you got up to

Sorry I haven't been around for a few days. I haven't been feeling very good and have been thinking of relapsing - it's quite depressing that I can't even go into a relapse with the blind enthusiasm that I used to have!

We've had (like a lot of people) a bout of illnesses in our household, but I've not caught any of it. I feel like shit though, really run down and lethargic so maybe I have a viral thing. I'm not a winter person anyway, and rather than looking forward to Christmas at this time of year, I'm more thinking with dread about the next 3 months of cold weather (bah humbug ).

I used to be a New Year person, but I've no idea how to even do it without a drink. I'm sort of being deliberately flippant here, but in all honesty the idea of a sober festive season is making me want to cry and I can't even really explain what's behind that. Like I said before, I'm not a Christmas person anyway. One of the things that I faced up to when I first sobered up is that I'm afraid of feelings. Now I'm wondering if I got that wrong because I'm now afraid of not having any happy feelings (that drink used to give me) at the time of year when everyone is supposed to be so bloody jolly.

God, I'm really sorry to come on here with my Christmas name and post so depressively.

Hi BM....from my POV you are definately not alone in feeling like this; it's very hard to undo the habits of a lifetime, and we are conditioned from early on that Christmas and New Year is about eating, drinking and being merry.

Can you do something different on New Year's Day; a trip to the coast or walk in the country? We went to Scarborough on NY day a few years ago and it was rather nice; a crisp fresh day and it was quiet and rather lovely. We even found somewhere open for a cup of tea and some food.

Hey Baublemonkey!

Its good you don't go for relapse with blind enthusiasm isn't it? Personally, I think its because you have come such a long way, although it probably doesn't feel like it.
I think that is one of the things of recovery- we stop doing those things we used to without much thought.

Christmas/New Year is a difficult time for probably just as many people as it is a nice time for others, remember that. Its just everyone concentrates upon this false image and expectation that is supposed to exist. I'm trying not to think too far ahead, and thinking positive things, as if left to my own devices I'll start to spiral down.

Try and think positive thoughts- as you know, AA is full of sayings...! Remember, things pass, and I'm glad you posted, I admire your ability to be honest about how you feel. Wish I could tell you a REALLY good joke, but I'm shite at jokes.

TwelveDaisy- Its awful to watch someone so ill, I hope you all get through ok.

Hi all I'm kind of a lurker. I have been drinking loads lately, it has got worse in the last few weeks. I just want to get through Christmas and then sort myself out.

All I want really are friends, not sure how to go about that.

I'm a bit lost really, just feel lonely, can't see any way that my life will be different.

HI Havalina, sorry to hear you are feeling like that. Is there any reason in particular re.- the past few weeks with respect to your drinking? I identify with that feeling of lonliness, and its horrible.