Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread II?

[kokeshi]

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone, who is having any trouble with their drinking, to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

Thankyou for sharing some of your story.
You aren't pathetic. You've had a difficult time.
Why do we always do that- be hard on ourselves I mean.

Yes drink numbs things- I drank to block things out, lots of people use alcohol for that. However, if we want to move on eventually we have to deal with those feelings at some point. I'm not having a go, I suppose I'm at the stage where I am having to do that now.

I have always been a vivid dreamer too. Sometimes the dreams feel as real as rl, they can be exhausting.

You are not being pathetic. It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge first to yourself and then to others that you think you have a problem with alcohol.

Hi folks,

Just back in, been to an AA meeting tonight. Welcome to the thread RMMP. YOu talk of not being able to cut down, is it realistic a time in your life for you to consider stopping? If you do a cost/benefit analysis of your drinking, how does it weigh up? Is it taking more than it's giving? These are all questions it's important to ask yourself when you're at this stage I think.

I, personally, would advocate abstinence for anyone who's lost control of their drinking; is obsessing about it; craves it; is psychologically/emotionally and/or physically dependent on it. That's not what everyone wants to hear granted. Many of us go of for years and years obsessing and trying in vain to prove that we can control drink, by switching drinks, putting limits on how much we can have, only drinking at the weekend etc, but many of us have found that eventually, we just revert back to the same drinking patterns that made us question it in the first place.

Where do you think you are on this spectrum?

Does anyone else have useful relapse prevention strategies?

PurpleOne, try just to put one foot in front of the other and not get overwhelmed by ALL of it at the one time. Can you work out what's the most urgent thing to be dealt with? What about the CAB, will they be able to advise you on your debts? Unfortunately when you stop drinking all the shite is still there, but at least you'll be dealing with it. It's not going anywhere and by getting blitzed we just delay the inevitable and feel worse about ourselves the next day. I asked you below if you've ever heard of Antabuse and would you consider it? Are you going to AA meetings? MAybe it would help to talk about this stuff in real life. I've had loads of great advice from fellow AAers - many of them have been in the same position: broke, debt-ridden and alone.

I've just cross-posted with everyone there!

Yay, thank god you're back.

I mean, because you're good with words.

hi ornamentalhaggis -what do you mean by cost/benefit analysis?
surely anyone would say that money/health outweigh need to drink.
i dont feel ill the next day so I guess thats why I continue.

to be honest, when with DP (which is only weekends) I drink far less and sometimes nothing because hes not bothered about drinking. We share a bottle of wine (something ex & I couldnt do - we would have 1 each)
I dont feel the need to drink when with DP cos I have emotional support.

Thats my problem. I can do all the child-care / house etc but need emotional support. My wine takes the place of this which is lacking daily.

There are day time and morning AA meetings in some places. If you have a look on The AA meeting Finder, put in your area and in the drop down box field either choose town or postcode, it will give you a list of meetings nearby with the times.

Do you drive? There may be suitable meetings further away from your home, it just takes a bit of searching. Or if you wanted to post where you lived (roughly) I could try and find some for you?

Keep posting, and well done for jumping in. It must be really scary to finally admit it to yourself. WRT telling people, it's entirely up to you but I would say that you're parents would be way more disappointed if you end up becoming ill through your drinking. It takes a toll on us woman way faster than men. But, you do what you have to do. It may be easier if you have some support though. Are you close to your parents?

Hey Daisy- Steve Earle was up in Newcastle recently- my dp went to see him. He's got all his albums. I looked on your profile- never done that before, feels a bit sneaky.

very close to my parents geographically and emotionally
thats why I dont want to worry them further or disappoint them
but you're right in that they would worry more if something happened to me & I didnt tell them

i will go & look at the AA site and see if there is something I can go to

feel embarrassed to be honest

cant go to CAB regarding my money worries as my dad volunteers at our local CAB & if he saw me there, he'd want to know why

OH NO

the local AA meeting is held at my parents church where my dad is one of the stewards

so thats a no-go - he would be embarrassed if the church knew I was going there

No-one from the church is at a meeting. There is no real reason why he would find out.

Sorry, that sounded a bit pompous . OK, a bit simpler then. Here's something called Wellington's choice. Get a bit of A4 paper and divide it into two columns. At the top of the first column write 'Reasons to Continue Drinking' and on the second write 'Reasons to Stop Drinking'.

On the first, list all the things that alcohol does for you, eg, helps you relax, switch off, wind down, forget about things, make you more sociable, cope with life etc etc and on the second all the shite that it brings like physical health problems, isolation, debt, mental health problems, divorce, family problems, arguments, fights, depression, anxiety, and any other specific situations in your life that drink has led to disaster. Then see which column has the most. Be brutally honest with yourself and you should be able to work out if continuing to drink is worth it.

Teasle is right. They're usually in church halls and the like and the only people who will be there are AA members. AA groups usually will have a keyholder. It's all very confidential. Does your Dad work there every day or just at mass/services etc?

Welcome to the thread RMMP. If your parents will worry then you could tell them you were doing something else. Doesn't your ex-h have them at all? I'm glad to hear that you've got someone in RL that you can talk to. Keep posting on here too, about anything that comes up.

I didn't go to my meeting tonight. I've had this headache for most of the day and it's killing me now so I'm going to go to bed after I've posted this. Maybe it's a sinus infection or inflamation? I ate a jalopeno (sp) pepper last night and it burnt my ears. Now I've got a throbbing pain in my cheekbones and temples. I feel crap.

Purple. I'm glad you've got the water sorted. I sucked in my breath a bit when I read that you'd called a plumber but didn't have any money to pay him. Sometimes you just know what you've got to do though, eh? Hopefully you'll have a bit of luck over the weekend and Tuesday's money will fall into your lap - I'll keep my fingers crossed x The rent problem sounds like a pita too. I've had so much pissing around with my payments now that I keep a spreadsheet going back to when I first moved in, and I've had to refer to it a few times now as well. It's always got sorted in the end, but it's another unnecessary headache.

Night everyone.

I had a migraine yesterday and spent most of the day sleeping, and I still went to bed at 10 and slept all night. I thought it might be from all the work I'm doing with my sponsor, on the programme, but it was probably not related.

thanks - Wellington's choice makes a lot of sense and put like that, I guess I would have to say stop has more reasons.

I do feel better for finally speaking out about it to someone albeit on MN BUT I found so much support here when my exH left that it seems safe to talk on here even though I am hiding behind a false name.

I have found 2 meetings at lunchtime in the town I work on the days I work so I could go there. I guess I think I dont need that kind of support but thats probably me just feeling too embarrassed. I just dont know how you walk into a meeting like that.

You're Dad sounds like a good sort. What would you do if your daughter was having a hard time with drinking? You would support her 100% right? You'd want to help her unconditionally if she was suffering? Don't you think your parents would do the same for you? I DO understand that you're reluctant at the moment, but don't write off confiding in them just yet. It makes it so much easier if you do have support from your family.

Alternatively is there anyway you could get further away to the next town or village for a meeting? I go into the city for AA meetings just so that my anonymity is assured and I can get a good range of times and variety of meetings. Not all AA meetings are the same, so it helps if you can try out a few different ones to see what you prefer. LAst night I went to a small Women Only meeting and tonight it was a 6-7pm short meeting in the west end. There are literally hundreds to choose from in my region. Are you alone in the day? Would you consider calling the AA helpline? They may be able to arrange for someone to take you to a meeting if you don't drive, or at least meet you there so that you don't feel like you're going in alone.

I try hard battling those thoughts. I've seen you on PND threads Daisy and that's when my AD diet kicked in. My PND was so bad I thrrew a knife across the room at exh and missed dd1 asleep in car seat by a couple of feet.

You know it's taken more bloody energy in staying focussed...than actually having a sodding drink? I'm sure you all understand that.

TBH I put more effort into controlled drinking...than not drinking! Like controlling it when I fancy it for the taste, but I got pissed last night..so I'm really a fine one to talk.
And just got my dp on AIM at last (we're in LDR) and he's lost his job. The cleaner grassed him up for an accident. (he's schizophrenic)
I plan on proposing in 2 weeks time, now he don't have a job to help pay for my visa (if he says yes)

Aw shit, it's just been one of those days x

Night BM, sorry you have a head-ache. The jalapeno burnt your ears??? Good God it must have been strong. Hope you get some relief from it.

I do drive. I work 3 days a week so I could go to the AA meet in my work town BUT I lived there from age of 3 til I was 27 so know a lot of people.

If I did tell my parents, they would probably come & sit with me every evening to prevent me from drinking - which would be a good thing I suppose but would worry that I would end up getting cross or lying or opening a bottle as soon as they left.

Thanks for all your comments tonight - I will post again as I do feel better - like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders for just saying out loud that I dont like myself for drinking every night.

Incidently is this a thread for people who used to drink but dont anymore? I get the feeling only PurpleOne is still struggling like me.

No, its just we are all at different stages in our drinking, from all over the drinking spectrum, so to speak,

I think that's the best illustration of how futile it is for us to try to control drinking. We are never in control in the long run, it always end up in a drunk sooner rather than later.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, as the say

I'm still up waiting for ex-p to get DS into bed.

RMMP. I think everyone on here recognises that their drinking is problematic but not everyone has quit completely, or plans to. I 'came out' last May and then came to the realisation that I'm an alcoholic and had to stop. It hasn't been an easy journey though and my last relapse was only 9 days ago.

OH, yes it burnt my ears. DS ate one first and didn't make too much of a fuss, so I tried one. Oh My Goddddddd! It burnt from my throat right the way down my ear canals. I considered pouring coke into my ears to cool them down. It was agony . I think it's probably because my EN&T are a bit sore from having a cold.

Anyway, there's no noise coming from DS's room now so I'm going to attempt to go to bed.

I'm only struggling RMMP is cause I have no RL support me thinks. Just me and the dd's. One ounce of stress and that's me written off until I can build myself back up again. The only positivity I get in RL is what I absorbe from this thread (seriously)
I've been struggling a long time TBH. I'm a single mum too, with a job and think nothing more of wanting to relax in the evening.

I have been to a few AA meeings though. They really opened my eyes and that's when I knew I had a problem.

Keep posting x x

do you think that 1 bottle (or nearly) of wine a night is alcoholic or isnt it as simple as that?