Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread II?

[kokeshi]

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone, who is having any trouble with their drinking, to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

HI everyone.

I had a very busy day planned today as it is DD1s birthday... but unfortunately she has been vomiting her heart out since early this morning, so it looks like her birthday is pretty much cancelled, poor thing. She was going to have her hair cut in a salon this morning(first time) and then go to the pictures with some friends and then a meal afterwards.

I would echo Kokeshi regarding keeping busy with finding things to do, especially in the early days when your drinking routine or habit is forefront in your mind. The first few weeks are very rough. Kokeshi is spot on about sharing feelings too, and it is good to find somewhere safe to do that. I have found talking to other recovering alcoholics invaluable, as they just understand the things I am going through. Having to accept I needed help was very difficult, but also now I know it was one of the most positive things I ever did.

Well done CL and Scarlett- how are you doing today?
Hellobello that sounds really rough. Families are so crazy aren't they? We grow up with this fallacy of 'normal' families when really its a myth. I think dysfunctional is probably far more prevalent than anything else.

Hello BM and Kokeshi

Hello everyone
Well I made it through last night as well, so that's 4 days now. I am shocked by how tough I'm finding though, I have to admit. Not physiologically but psychologically. I am also not working at the moment, as I left my job before Christmas, and I'm finding the empty time is pretty much HELL.

Those of you who have made it a long time without drinking, what did you do to take your mind off it in the early days? How do you deal with "living in your own head"? And when does this energy kick in cos at the moment I have the energy of a stoned slug

Sorry to hear about your dd, teasle. How horrible to be so ill on her birthday

Hope everyone is feeling ok today.

I hope everyone is well. It's been very quiet here lately.

tumbleweed rolls across thread

Having a bit of a crappy time right now. x

Hi PurpleOne! Was actually just about to ask where everyone is as well. I hope it's a good sign that it is quiet and not a bad one.

Sorry to hear you're having a crappy time.

HI I'm around for a few mins if you want to talk. Have been on vomit duty for past 2 days as DD1 has got sickness bug

Whats been happening Pupleone?

I'm off to bed now, but I hope everyone is ok.

warning this could be a tad long....

I have a best mate of 20+ years. I told her a while ago that I went to AA, she sent me an email when I told her this, saying that 'it can't be that bad'?

I went down to see her last week for New Year, really looked forward to seeing her again (100+ miles between us), she warned me there was going to be alcohol at hers, but I didn't quite realise just how much.....
Devoured 2 boxes of wine, 3 bottles of wine and 6 Stellas in 4 nights. Confided in her with a few things close to my heart etc etc
We said goodbye on Friday, hugged, kissed...with no issues. She even treated me to a girls night out last Weds and we went for a curry and a few beers in the pub, which was great.

However, she rang me last night. Very late and totally pissed out of her head. I couldn't get a word in edgeways, she just leapt into this tirade of yelling, criticism and abuse. (surprisingly no drink was mentioned)
She called me a 'fat, lazy, selfish, ungreatful fucking bitch' According to her I am a totally shit mother, she threatened to ring my exh and my parents (whom I haven't spoken to for 5 months now) She also told me that I treated her, her hubby and my kids like shit??? and that I am an 'inconsiderate c*nt'. She said I have a shit life, that I don't deserve my kids and i do 'fuck all'.

I helped her around the house, helped her with 2yr old ds, vaccuumed, tidied up, help cook, brought food down for NYE snacks etc etc. The latest I slept in was 10.30am which was surprising to me, and that was on NYDay! What an achievment lol.

I didn't get that pissed to start arguments, honestly I don't think this is drink related (rather I hope not) Didn't get any blackouts or crawl into bed at 5.30am. Yes, I did leave an empty bottle on her table, which she bollocked me for?

I just don't know what the hell is going on with her. She doesn't have a drink prob, belittled me for even going to AA, and lives in a bubble of hubby, ds, 3 bed house, 2 cars and half a sodding labrador. She doens't know what single parenting is really like.

Just feel that I've lost a left leg. I have emailed her, but no reply. My parents disowned me 5 months ago, haven't spoken to them at all...I don't wanna lose my mate too. Those little changes I made when I went to AA, were all positive and they are going to feature highly in my life this year, yet she never saw them!

I'm so sorry, I'm ranting. Just needed to offload a little, just feel like shit and haven't had a drink tonight either!! yay!

Hi Folks.

ChardonnayLover and ScarlettOHairy, well done on your fantastic achievements so far. It will be quite emotional, like teasle said, perhaps mourning the loss of drinking and then all the stuff that you've suppressed rising to the surface. When I went into AA i was told: 'the good news is you get your feelings back; the bad news is you get your feelings back'. Very apt I think. I thought it all felt really harsh and 'jaggy' when I first stopped drinking and it took me a while just to be able to sit with myself sober. I really didn't know what to do with myself as I'd invested so much of my time on drinking. That's what I mean when I say that it's important to get something to replace drink. For me, AA was a lifeline and helps me to maintain my sobriety. I found that it wasn't enough to just stop drinking, I had to deal with all the stuff that took me there in the first place. That's really difficult to do alone. When I started drinking, I was in my early teens and in my mid/late 20s when I stopped. I found that I hadn't really matured emotionally in all that time, I just drank through any pain and hard times. I was like a teen-ager in a women's body and that I found really difficult Thankfully, I get a lot of guidance from people who've been in my situation in AA and I don't think I could have remained sober without learning how to live life on life's terms.

PurpleOne, sorry your friend has made you feel ike this. It sounds like she has alcohol problems of her own and I do think it's important to find new friends who are in a good place when we embark on a life change. When we talk about tackling our drinking to people who have drink problems of their own they have to then question themselves. That's a really difficult thing to do and she may resent you for attempting it. Anything you confide can be used as ammunition to keep you in your place. I do think it you want to change, it's necessary to keep sober company and for a while at least avoid any negative influences in your life. Sending bitter emails to your family when you're drunk - although understandable - just makes everything worse.

I hope you consider going back to AA, like I said before you seemed to be doing really well. I understand the fear and holding on to people and the past but it's so worth it to make those changes.

Hope everyone else is well.

Hi PurpleOne

Just read your post. Hope you're ok today. My immediate reaction to what happened with your friend is that it sounds like something is going on in her life. Whether drink related or not, she decided to take it out on you. Especially if she belittled you for going to AA - why would anyone do that if they didn't have issues of their own?

Well done for not drinking last night! Not sure what is the best thing to do about your friend. I would just not contact her for a while, let her get it out of her system.

Oh PurpleOne, ((((HUGS))). A similar thing happened to me, and it was horrible. Such a gross betrayal of trust and everything. Members of my family still know their family. I have nothing to do with any of them any more. It took a long time to accept that my so-called friend is nothing more than a mad jealous bitch and I should have listened more carefully when her siblings told me she was like this. It is hard to accept that people are like this. It is important to grieve and be angry and sad and to feel whatever you feel.

My skin no longer crawls when my ex-friend is mentioned, and I no longer bother about it. My family was given a change of address card from her, but nobody knew who she was for a while. No point in keeping contact details of strangers, just to contact when really pissed!

Oh it would be lovely to be able to smoke again. I'm really struggling with that one!

Im drinking like a fish again,rows with mum,and exe dp causing strain on my lovely new relationship,feel like shit today

Oh Purpleone she sounds well fucked up. Sometimes you just really have to put yourself first, and you don't need this.
She's obviously got problems eh?

Whats everyone else been up to? I've still been on vomit duty, although DD1 is a bit better today. Looks like a bag of bones though.

Hi all - sorry so many been haivng a tough time {{{{}}}}}

PCx

i had a blip on friday but apart from that have managed a week. tonight not so sure. i suppose it's because i'm alone again.

wish it was summer, there always seems to be more to do and fill time.

I agree SEA - the dark nights are so foreboding arent they?

they are, son will be in bed soon and i'll be alone until 10ish. that's the danger time for me. but i know i'll just drink loads waffle rubbish on her, then spend tomorrow feeling depressed all day.

happy new year

twelvedaisy here out of my Christmas decorations.

Got back from Scotland on Saturday and am now trying to catch up with the house, all my e-mails, MN, facebook, etc etc etc.

sounds like the festive season has been a bit of an ordeal for some of us.

My mum is still with us , but is still very poorly. We stayed up there for two weeks so I could spend as m,uch time with her as possible. She has good and bad days, but has been pretty stable for the last week or so. The end is coming though

Needless to say I have drunk myself silly over the last two weeks , but tomorrow is my new start. I feel much more in control of things, and that now my PND is under control I have the strength to deal with the alcohol. I'm even coping better with my DS who can be very testing. He threw everything he had at us earlier and both DH and I managed to keep calm and not lose our tempers with him. Although how I'll feel tomorrow when DH is back in Lincolnshire and I'm on my own I don't know.

Off to catch up on the thread, and hope to chat properly soon

I am just the same SEA - but tonight I am really trying to fight it. (I wanted a drink when we got back from teh school run at 4pm

Going to eat now. Will be back later. Good luck {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Hi everyone

I've wanted to get drunk since the moment I woke up this morning. I'm obviously not going to do it and I've been getting on with my usual housewife stuff, as normal. I just wondered if anyone else has days like this. I don't have the cravings at a particular time of day - don't think I ever did really. It's just that some days the urge to lock the door, put on really loud music and get really, really drunk is there from before I even do the school run.

Don't know why I wanted to share that, but I suppose I thought it might help me work out why I get these urges. Life isn't stressful at the moment, EX-P is out and DS isn't behaving badly or anything. Why do I want to get away from everything sometimes?

I am the same BM. Some days I just know I am going to do it. But the difference between me and you is that when I feel like that, I usually do it

Email or come on msn if you want to chat more about this. {{{{}}}}

I don't give into it PC, because I know I'll be f*cked by lunch time and then it will take days to recover. I just want to have a laugh sometimes and forget about my dull life, but it's only a laugh for about an hour and then I get emotional and angry and then drink until I pass out.

Also I really want 2008 and to be different. I know I should take it a day at a time but knowing that I haven't picked up a drink this year gives me a psychological kick and I feel a bit safer from it.

How are you PC?

HI BM- yes I have days like that.
The difference between when I was drinking and now is that, like you, I don't do it. I have to remember what it was really like, and that helps me to not go back there. If I told myself I'd only have a drink today, I know that would be bollocks- I've spent so many years doing that and failing that its sad how long it took to realise I was just kidding myself- I suppose noone wants to admit they can't control it. In fact we go to ridiculous lengths to hide the fact we can't control it.

What else could you do today apart from all the home stuff?
Can you go and see a friend for a bit, have a catch up, or just get out of the house to do something? I know this helps me, but I have a lot of people quite geographically close who are often available- it just helps to alleviate the isolated thoughts- you know?
I have to be more active about things these days to stay on top. What about those meetings too?

I'm glad you feel proud about your progress so far- you should be. Its hard work for me too. x

Thanks teasle. I could get out of the flat today but the weather is crap. I'll pick DS up from school and take him to Tesco and let him choose his birthday cake. I've got to pick some shopping up anyway.

I think those specific, all-day cravings (which for me, are definite proof of what I am) make me feel a bit disgusted with myself. For a long time I did give into them and wouldn't face the fact that it was really bad for me and DS. I remember 1 morning, it must have been about 10am, and ex-p and I were still living together as a couple. He came home from work early and found me sitting at my PC, singing and looking at photos of an ex-bf . I think that occasion is where the paranoia comes from and why I lock doors when I'm drinking. I still cringe when I think about it now, and it must have been about 2 years ago.

How is your DD now? So sorry that she missed out on her birthday. What a pita.

Hi Brassic I identify with your all day wanting to get drunk and play loud music thing. For me really that feeling is wanting to connect with someone and have a laugh. I remember in my teens going out and getting drunk, listening to loud music with friends and having great fun, the night leading off wherever, and just being included, wanted and happy. I am so isolated now I just want that feeling again but obviously it never comes on my own. I have a minor obsession about going to a music festival and I think it's part of the same thing, I want to meet random people and have a laugh and be free, drink doesn't have to be a part of it, but I try to recapture it through drink.

I don't feel like a real person, I think I have that thingy, is it derealisation? I don't recognise myself in the mirror and feel like I have been floating through life for the past few years. letting life overtake me and shape me. I have no idea who I am anymore I still feel 19 inside but I have 2 kids now, I'm like a zombie going through the motions but half brain dead in a glass bubble.

Hi havalina. I hadn't heard of derealisation before, but it sounds a bit like how I am. I HATE looking at myself in the mirror and I don't WANT to accept that I look like that now. I do still think of myself as a teenager as well. I don't think I'm emotionally mature enough to be 31. I'm having my hair done on Friday, and although I'm looking forward to it as it badly needs cutting and dying, I'm also dreading having to sit in front of a mirror for a couple of hours.

I'm not sure I drank because I wanted to connect with people, but I definitely did want to disconnect with my thoughts, my face and my life. I never crave the taste of alcohol and when I've had a drink since I gave up last year the first few sips make me shudder. I do crave the associated feelings and I feel angry sometimes that I can't have them anymore.

How is everyone today. The thread is really quiet again. I thought we might have been busier with new posters with NY resolutions.