Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread II?

[kokeshi]

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone, who is having any trouble with their drinking, to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

Hi folks, I think one of the best NY resolution any of us can make is to try to be honest about our drinking AND do something about it.

We can only do this a day at a time, so if the recent festive period hasn't been good for you, just put it behind you and make sure that you put 100% into getting on track in the New Year.

I did often find when I relapsed that many of the horrendous times I had could be turned around and used as learning experiences. If you've had a shite time this year, there's no reason why you have to go through it all again. AA is there to support anyone who needs help.

Wishing you all well.

I intend to make this a forefront goal in 2008.
Have piled on so much weight in 2007, drinking made my hungry late at night too.

So dieting and cutting right back can be solved with 2 golas in one. I intend to go into this, and stick with it in 2008, felt so good when I had it under control.

Happy new year everyone x x

Good for you PurpleOne, you were doing really well and that was only a glimpse of how it can be in sobriety. By the way, beer and cider is loaded with calories...I was like a blimp whhen I was drinking even though I didn't actually eat that much. I've been told by many people I look totally different (and better).

The best thing for me is not waking up with that horrible feeling of dread, and then the shame and remorse when it came back to me what I did and said the night before.

You'll probably see a huge change in your DDs when you get it together too. DD1 was really supportive of you wasn't she?

Oh the feeling of dread, I hate that! and the 'what the hell did I do?' feeling.

I have to be honest here, I think I broke my toe. Was wasted on Saturday and my elec meter went off. Grappled in the dark to find the button for emergency release, walked into the hoover and kicked it so hard, hoover flew across the room.
Found meter, lights sprang into life again and my toe is pouring with blood. The only thing is missing is the chalk figure on the carpet. I can lol about it, but the scars and injuries I won't forget.

Totally trashed a clothes horse in the summer, walked into it and wrestled with it and scrabbled to the ground. How bloody embarassing!

A blimp? How tall are you kokeshi?
I am 5'4 and now weigh 11 (eleven) and a half stone. I have one main meal a day with dc's, but the beer made me so hungry. I am now so fat that I try and cram my huge pg looking gut into size 14 jeans, I leant down tonight and the button pinged off across the room! dc's found that hugely funny. Yet I didn't.

DD1 is still supportive of me, she knows it's xmas and she knows I'm going to finally sort it out in 2008. I just want my energy factor back again.

I can't lie and say I've enjoyed it cause I haven't...it was just habit? And as you say a glimpse into the unknown. A glimpse that I loved, so energetic and spring out of bed with a leap in my step. And maybe depression cause of the 'family' crap associated with xmas? I hated it. But it's a goal for me, and a goal that's set first and formeost in my mind. Lose the beer and then lose the weight!

I think it's a good thing that you didn't enjoy it, it kinda shows that you're probably more ready and prepared for sorting it out.

I found everything was so difficult when I was drinking, I used to think I was really unlucky, that I was jinxed that so many things went wrong in my life. It was a real surprise to me when I started to go to AA, stopped drinking a day at a time, and my life just got better naturally. I was always expecting my luck to change at any moment but actually instead of life being a f8cking drag with occasional bright spots (or oblivion like it was for me), my life is mostly happy and I enjoy being sober.

Of course I don't get immunity from life and bad things have happened in my sobriety. But, I am more equipped to deal with them now...possibly more so than if I'd never found AA and the 12 step programme.

Your toe sounds painful, I hope it gets better soon. I've had so many drink related injuries, the worst of which was nearly losing my leg in a motorbike accident. That was also the time I first experienced really bad withdrawals...seizures, DTs, you name it. You know what? It didn't stop me. Thought I was too young at 24 to be an alcoholic...

I'm 5'9" by the way.

kokeshi you talk so much sense.

i'm a failure. i had three days straight over christmas with no booze then had too many last night. i think the only thing i can do it stop altogether, i'm just kidding myself that i can take it or leave it i think. though i don't crave it, but when i have one it always turns into 10. i tend to post alot of rubbish on here too that doesn't make sense the next day, so maybe mn isn't the best place for me during the evening. i really hate myself and feel i've let dp down. fecking booze. why can't i just drink like normal people.

southeastra, you're no more of a failure than I was, less in fact, honestly there are times from my past I can't bear to think about. But I'm not too hard on myself nowadays - it's an addiction that some of us are prone to, that's why we 'can't drink like normal people'.

You may be right though that it's easier to give up altogether. If you drink 'sometimes' then there's always a decision to make and the battle every day of shall-I-shan't-I have a drink. I gave up entirely, helped by stay in hospital and Librium mind you, and it's never been an option to go back to it. It never feels the same again anyway, alcohol has lots of bad memories for me. I had a glass of mulled wine over Christmas, just the one, and hated the looks I sensed from my family, also remembering past times and probably wondering if I'd stick at just the one. It wasn't worth it.

Poor Purpleone, sad to think of you with your poor old broken toe. Hoping you can find what it takes this year to get free of drink. I can promise you the weight will drop off. I shudder to see how puffy and bloated I looked when I was drinking

Hi Kokeshi! And BaubleM! and everyone!

i know all about the looks sensed from family. i never drink at family get togethers anymore, but i sneaked a few in last new years and could sense my dad's worry.

it seems like i drink alot at home, only in the evenings but i promised dp that i'd stop after one too many on boxing day and yet here i am again. no will power. i have done some ridiculous things i'd much rather forget and tons of things that i cannot remember. i nearly always have blackouts, not good is it. it helps to post these thoughts on here. and reading this thread has given me hope. i worry so much that one of my sons will inherit this problem with alchol. and that makes me so sad.

what a day to pledge to stop. happy new year! (ironic grin) sorry if i'm waffling.

SEA, it's good to see you on here, please don't feel like a failure about not being able to stop drinking. It's really NOT about willpower at this stage, it's physiological and emotional dependency. These are strong powerful forces. First of all, be kind to yourself, admitting that you have a problem with drink and are powerless over your actions once you lift the first one, is an amazing release. All those years I battled and battled trying to 'win' over drink. It was totally futile, and all that happened is that I got progressively worse and more lost.

There are quite a few of us who've decided that the only way to really move forward is by stopping drinking, a day at a time. Like I said, my back was against the wall when I was admitted to rehab, but it just takes a wee bit off courage and honesty to make those first tentative steps and you won't regret it.

There are different ways to go about it. Obviously I went to and still go to AA as I feel I need the ongoing support. I did start with rehab, which was a fantastic way to break all my previous associations with places, people and situations that triggered my drinking. What I would say though that it's important thatyou do get support with it, denial is a really strong element of drink problems and convincing yourself that it really isn't as bad as it is.

I've 'known' you on MN for a while SEA, and I recognise a lot of myself in you and how you've described your drinking and the effect it has on you. Don't be afraid to admit that you have a problem. It takes a lot of courage and you will get fantastic support if you ask for it.

If you want to know any more about AA or anything else I've mentioned before, please let me know. Join us on here too. There are still a lot of people struggling and just doing their best. It's your own personal journey and how you achieve it is up to you, but I can promise you this: your life will be infinitely better without it.

Hi to oenophile...also a fab example!

what worries me is that today i say that's it and maybe tomorrow, but the feeling of wanting that 'feeling' will creep back in. i have battled this for nearly 20 years now. i can't do it alone, i've tried.

i went to an aa meeting when i was 22, only one meeting, i felt out of my depth but maybe i need it now and am more mature to cope with it. i have one hideous scar that i caused myself aged about 18. i did it again a couple of months later, it's on my wrist. i never want to get back to that stage again. i just want to cry. i'm wondering why i have reached this stage now, and why it's taken so long. i don't want this feeling anymore.

SEA, the thing is, all any of us have is the day in hand. We don't know what will happen tomorrow but we can say 'I won't lift that first drink today'. EAch day you tackle how you feel on that day. If it helps, I've never promised myself I won't ever drink again. I don't think it's possible to do that. What I do know is that if I do what's suggested in AA, I can arrest my alcoholism a day at a time. You can't change what happened yesterday, or 20 years ago, so there's no point in beating yourself up for it. See it as a necessary part of your journey to get you where you need to be.

Similarly, there's no point in fretting about tomorrow. We waste so much time regretting the past and stressing about the future that we never really enjoy the moment. And when you think about it, all we have is this moment in time. You can do with that what you chose, but you'll never get it back again. Do you see what I'm trying to say? It's actually a very simple concept, but our brains over analyse everything to the point of imploding.

Let go, trust other people and ask for help. You can do this.

Hi everyone

I just wanted to post before I head off to bed - not interested in the countdown tonight.

Hi SEA, I don't think we've chatted before. Please don't beat yourself up for drinking, there's no point. It's a whole new year tomorrow and we can all try and make it a sober one. I've been mostly sober since June, with the odd relapse but I've really fucked up over Christmas and am looking forward to starting again fresh tomorrow. If I can get to the end of 2008 and look back on a sober year (and I know I can do it) then I'll be so proud of myself.

I've not been to many AA meetings during December but I'm starting afresh with that tomorrow as well.

Keep posting

Happy new year, everyone.

Happy New Year BaubleMonkey...a day at a time

Happy New Year everyone. I would love to be able to see everyone keep posting this year.

I hope you are all ok, regular posters and lurkers.

SEA- I had to admit that I coulcn't stop drinking by myself. Its ok to have help in this. Its actually one of the best things I did. Help is there for you, like it was for me, I just had to go and actively ask for it.
Its not shameful.

Hi BM and Kokeshi

thanks kokeshi that's an inspiring post. thanks to others too and happy new year.

dry last night even though had housefull and have been left with tons of unopened bottles.

so far, have no great desire to crack them open. but sort of wish they weren't there.

Hi everyone and happy new year!

I've tried to start this year in a positive frame of mind - not doing toooo great, but I am trying anyway.

I thought I'd straighten my hair this morning, but I think it was counterproductive. I feel really low after looking at myself in the mirror for that long Psoriasis is bloody awful again and I had to go braless for a few hours as it was close to bleeding in some areas. Lips are so sore as well but I think that was down to a KFC zinger burger rather than booze.

I've restarted FlyLady today . DS and EX are out so it's peaceful here - bliss after almost 2 weeks of constant noise!

I got one of those silly Happy NY texts from my best friend last night. I replied and she's sent something back that has really touched me:

I'm so pleased u made contact. I will always be at the end of a phone if you need me. Close or far always friends x Hope you and L had a nice xmas and new year. New start but the diet starts Monday xxx

I've been the crappest friend possible throughout 2007, and she knows nothing (at least I'd like to think anyway) about my drinking or AA. We've been texting back and forward all day

Everyone else ok today?

I havent been on mn much at all lately, but I wanted to say hi to everyone here (hugs to BM). I am doing ok. I am drinking again (sigh) but not to the extremes I was. I had a nasty accident on Saturday night. (A candle blew up in my face and I have second degree burns to my chin, cheek, neck and chest) so I am feeling a bit sorry for myself.

PC (aka naswm & losty)
x

How did a candle blow up in your face?

hi teasle. It was a tea light in a holder. the holder ignited, so I blew it out. But instead of going out the fames flashd up into my face. No one seems to know why it happened (the tealight holder was about 15 years old and has been used extensively) but according to my friends who were with me when it happened (thank God) it was like a fire ball rebounding off the wall into my face.

Someone suggested that maybe it happened because I had alcohol on my breath (I had had quite a lot to drink) but I checked wih the nurse dressing my wounds and she said that was rubbish. But it did make me think.

Ouch! Hope it heals quickly. Sorry I sounded a bit forthright and downright nosey, thanks for replying!

no worries teasle! most people have seemed incredulous about it - unless they have seen me!

God, sorry to hear that PC. I bet that was bloody petrifying if you were a bit woozey from the drink when it happened. I must admit that it did cross my mind if it might have been something to do with fumes on your breath - but yeah, actually it does sound ridiculous

How was your Christmas and new year PC, apart from your candle disaster, of course?

Happy New Year everyone. Hope it's going well so far. I was up till 4am playing monopoly, after cooking our traditional steak pie for new year's day. What a difference to previous years! I don't have a hangover and it was actually great fun, except I'm sooooo tired and think my brother passed his lurgy.

PaperChain, sorry about your accident. I was just thinking about you the other day and wondering how you were. Do you have plans to make changes to your drinking situation this year?

BM, flylady sounds like a fantastic idea... I think I'm just too lazy!

How's everyone doing?

Hi everyone

Kokeshi, sorry to hear you're not feeling well. I've been up coughing for the last few nights and have a sore throat today. I hate not feeling well! Glad to hear your NYE thing went well in the end though - even if it was a day late

I've wasted today looking for a digital camera for DS's birthday. I know that seems like an extravagant gift but I always find it really hard to come up with ideas at this time of year. I wanted one that's relatively cheap (max £60), looks fun (character and brightly coloured) and takes fairly decent pics (at least 2 MP). I would have compromised on all of those things but there's virtually nothing like that at all. All I can get is a really babyish, chunky V-tech/Fisher Price one ages 3 yrs up (he'll be 6), or a basic, boring, complicated adult one. They've got a cars one in the Disney shop that I might get but it's crap - not even 1 MP .

Has anyone seen a better kids camera anywhere? I started looking at the Kodak Easyshare ones and asked him what he thought of them. He said they looked boring so it definitely has to look noveltyish.

I've booked tickets for a Star Wars exhibition for his birthday weekend. I know he really wants a party but I can't face it and I think this is a good alternative. I hope he enjoys it anyway - I'm looking forward to it myself, as is EX-P.

Anyone got any news?

Hi BM and Kokeshi

I am feeling sore today. And a bit sorry for myself. My face really hurts.

BM I bought DS1 (6 mnths younger that your DS) the Fisher Price digital camera for Christams. It is great! He loves it. It is not babyish at all. I got it from Argos for £40.00 but that was back in Nov when they had a special offer on, so it may be more now.

PC
x