I'm polluting my body with shite every evening

[PinkOrchidD]

I feel like shit. I drink, take pills (Valium and Codeine) and smoke weed every evening. I wake up feeling awful.

I have two young kids and I worry that I have to drive them to nursery and school each morning.

I really want this to change.

[quote OrrisRoot]@Mummamama berating addicts does not help. OP has posted for help because she wants to stop. She already knows what she is doing isn’t good.[/quote]
Asking a bunch of strangers on Mumsnet what to do while saying she won't tell her support group because she's too embarrassed isn't going to help.

Embarrassed? While she's off her face on drink and drugs, at the wheel of a car, she could kill someone. And her children aren't getting looked after adequately. Especially if her partner is also like this.

@ChargingBuck

I feel it's too risky to speak to the gp with regards to safeguarding

It isn't.
You simply tell GP that you've realised you need to make changes, & the first of them was an honest appraisal of alcohol units consumed vs: number of hours elapsed prior to driving.

You explain that this was your wake-up call, & that until you have reduced or avoided the number of units, you will be taking taxis rather than driving.
Your GP will be pleased to be dealing with an honest patient who takes responsibility for her choices. They are the ones most likely to succeed in their recovery.
It's the patients who make excuses & blame anyone but themselves who will fail.
GP's like backing winners. Trust your GP. They want you to win.

Also, PP commented that GP's are useless & she cannot even get signposting to support services. I'm really sorry about that experience for her - but it's not generally true.

Don't allow either of these concerns to stop you ringing your GP - preferably today! - because taking action in itself will give you an initial, small measure of relief.

I would never suggest anyone not ask for help. I'm just saying that as someone who has struggled with this for the last 20 years and begged for help many times, GPs have never known what to do. It's not a catch all solution, we've had this huge push for awareness of mental health generally and telling people to ask for help but the help isn't very accessible and many GPs are either unaware of what services there are, or don't understand how to deal with so-called 'middle class' addictions.

I would also recommend SMART as well as GP, because the support from others in a similar situation really helps.

I would never suggest anyone not ask for help. I'm just saying that as someone who has struggled with this for the last 20 years and begged for help many times, GPs have never known what to do. It's not a catch all solution, we've had this huge push for awareness of mental health generally and telling people to ask for help but the help isn't very accessible and many GPs are either unaware of what services there are, or don't understand how to deal with so-called 'middle class' addictions.

Hiya @DonnieDark, I wasn't implying that you were advocating not seeking help, so apologies if I worded my post clumsily, it certainly wasn't a dig at you. I admire anyone with the guts & tenacity to take full ownership of their own MH.

I would also recommend SMART as well as GP, because the support from others in a similar situation really helps.

Good point, & a multi-layered approach is useful when first accessing support, so that the individual can establish what feels/works best for them.

I have had the good fortune to have great responses from GP's re: my own MH issue. Referrals to expert clinicans for C-PTSD diagnosis, a shrink for meds assessment, home visits/phone support from Community Psych Nurse, & back to GP for short routine "how are you doing" visits every 3rd or 4th prescription repeat.

But this isn't about me, it's about OP, & I want her to know that professionals like the ones mentioned above enjoy working with self-referred patients committed to recovery. (For them, it might be a refreshing change from working with court-mandated, or grudgingly acquiescent, patients who aren't ready to get better yet.)

And from what you have written so far OP, you seem like just the kind of patient who wants to engage, & is ready to change.
Best of luck to you :)

ODFOD @TurquoiseLemur, your virtue signalling & faux-concern are driving me to drink.

@ChargingBuck but the OP admitted she had never thought there was a problem with driving in the morning after drinking a box of wine and having a cocktail of drugs the night before

Were we all meant to say nothing about that and let her continue, whilst she sought counselling etc, and hope in a few months times it wouldn't be a problem.

As I have said before if I knew she was a parent at my DC's school I would be reporting her to the safeguarding team there. I would not be sitting back and thinking she has realised there is a problem so I don't need to do anything.

Yes I feel compassion for the OP that she is in this position and life obviously isn't great and I am glad that she is reaching out for support, but something needs to be put immediately in place for the safety of her children.

Op you must speak to a gp or a specialist facility.

Well done Op. it's so hard, esp when dh isn't wanting to stop. I've been there with smoking & drinking & could see myself going down the pills route if they were easily available. It's so easy for habits to form & we live in a culture of 'can't wait for a glass of wine'

I managed to cut it out over lockdown due to friend who I thought was 'worse' than me trying dry Jan. never thought I'd do it but I did. Agree with seeking support-that's great. I started with small changes. While you're waiting for a plan just do something to be a bit healthier-for me, I started a little morning walk & going to bed by a certain time. Also drinking more water. I'm really rooting for you here, it's not easy but so worth it.

Just catching up on all the amazingly supportive messages.

I'm meeting a woman who called me before the aa meeting starts tomorrow for a quick chat.

I'm happily drinking a non alcoholic gin (I did dry Jan amazingly and got more than a bit obsessed with AF gin!)

I'm not going to pretend that I'm going to be completely virtuous but the alcohol consumption is scaring me the most so not touching that.

Brilliant start! Good luck moving forward.

Is your husband supportive?

Haha! No @Sirzy he's suggested I have a 'recovery' beer and made us a spliff.

He wants the company

It's going to be hard if your OH is not on board too.

I know. He's a lovely guy, very chilled and not a dick so it is going to be hard.

Google your local area and Substance Misuse services and you will get local NHS Services. You don't need a GP referral, in fact they prefer self referrals as it shows a level of motivation.

You really need to do this, for your sake and your children. If social services become aware, it will act in your favour if you are actively getting help.

Good luck x

@PinkOrchidD does your DH drive?

Have you voiced your concerns to him about safeguarding issues with your DC. Fine that you are trying to sort your issues out, but there would still be concerns if your DH doesn't. A lovely chilled guy doesn't always make a good parent

Sounds like your DH is a bit of a waster tbh. He’s not a teenager and neither are you.

Yeah I’d be worried about that, your partner is a father, he’s two small kids in the house, he seems to still be more focused on getting wasted and he knows he will feel less guilty if the two of you are out of it. What happens if one of the kids gets up in the night and has a fall down stairs and the two of you are fucked out your heads? Don’t let him talk you into it op.

I'm very resolved tonight and have remained alcohol and Valium free. It's nice to feel ok with this.

It's not very fair to call him a waster. He's currently cooking up a feast for us after being at work all day.

Jesus Christ. The first thing you both need to stop is driving. Because you’re extremely lucky that you haven’t killed other people’s children, never mind your own. It’s absolutely fucking heinous that the pair of you are still driving. I get chills of fear for my own children when I read about people like you. Grow the fuck up.

Because you’re extremely lucky that you haven’t killed other people’s children, never mind your own.

Oh come off it @Summerdayshaze
Statistically, millions of people drive every day slightly hungover. Over 99% still manage not to kill their or other people's kids. Logically, it's not so much "extremely lucky" as "extremely likely" that OP's kids will be ok.

I'm not making a case for drunk/drugged driving, & obviously accidents are FAR less likely to happen to sober people than hungover ones. But this hysteria is pissing me off, because it stinks of manufactured outrage. Posturing via the medium of "concern" when the real motivation looks far more akin to a spiteful little parade of Holier Than Thou.

For all we know, OP times her intake to conclude X hours ahead of driving. She's been honest & humble about the need to be clearer headed in time for her school run, (RTFT FFS) so it's pretty obvious who's here for the pleasure of delivering an unnecessary kicking.

"Grow the fuck up" Charming. OP is already in direct contact with her AA person, has already set her intake reduction in motion, & is FAR more likely to engage in recovery behaviours if the encouragement to change is delivered without judgement. See PP upthread re: "shame spiral".
And then ask yourself who's acting like a proper grown up here.
(Clue - adulting tends to be more concerned with outcomes than scoldings.)

If we could cure addictions by scolding, we'd have a 100% recovery rate.

@ChargingBuck the OP can't remember going to bed and drank a box of wine, and that's without taking into account any drugs. How the hell could she time her drinking to not be over the limit the next morning to take her DC to school.

[quote ineedaholidaynow]@ChargingBuck the OP can't remember going to bed and drank a box of wine, and that's without taking into account any drugs. How the hell could she time her drinking to not be over the limit the next morning to take her DC to school.[/quote]
I don't know, Ineed.
Which is kinda my point - neither do you, or any PP.

Maybe she downed 15 units in a couple of hours (I've seen it done, astonishing but not as rare as you might think), then faded fast. Maybe that level of booze was a one-off, or a regular mess-up, or just too heavy a morning-after, that got her thinking hard enough to decide to make changes, & post about it here.

But this is speculation, as is the notion that she's as good as swigging neat gin behind the wheel while merrily ploughing into PP's kids.

I'm not interested in what OP drank or consumed before she posted here, because even if I were - my opinion doesn't change the past.

I'm interested in what she won't drink or consume after posting, & what expert support she can access to achieve that.

Because none of us can change the past, & regrets, shame & blame don't change it either. Quite the reverse, they fuck up the recovery process. Hence best avoided.

@PinkOrchidD

Haha! No *@Sirzy* he's suggested I have a 'recovery' beer and made us a spliff.

He wants the company

This is not good. He needs to support you. It's not funny.

Well done PinkOrchid for an alcohol free evening. One day at a time.

The OP needs support, not other posters snipping at each other

Take some help with your friends to make yourself quit these habits. you are already half won by the recognition of your problem, and now all you have to do is to put it in the action.