I'm polluting my body with shite every evening

[PinkOrchidD]

I feel like shit. I drink, take pills (Valium and Codeine) and smoke weed every evening. I wake up feeling awful.

I have two young kids and I worry that I have to drive them to nursery and school each morning.

I really want this to change.

Then you must not drive in the morning. You can buy a breathalyser. I’m sure the results will shock you.

How many empty bottles do you currently have in your recycling bin?

@PinkOrchidD

I have thought maybe I'm developing a problem.

You're long past "maybe developing a problem". You're at least knee deep in a serious problem. See your GP.

We got through most of a box of wine and some beers last night

How do you even get hold of valium? I'm so naive.

And did you drive this morning?

Through a guy I know

Yes I drove

Please reach out to your GP or a 12 step programme, they will be able to give you fantastic support.

I think you need to have a conversation with your partner. Making this change if he continues to make these habits easily available to you will be difficult.

Are you going to drive tomorrow morning, if you drink the same (never mind the drugs)?

Lots of people have seen their bad habits worsen during the lockdown.

Don’t continue to beat yourself up. Negative thinking will undermine your desire to change.

Spend some money on nice things for yourself that aren’t drugs. Vitamins, sheet masks, body treatments, manicure gear, smoothie blender, big basket of fruit, crafting materials if you do anything like that (or used to). Deliberately put good things into your body and give yourself home spa treatments in the evening or make something, so you’re busy and doing something healthy for yourself. You need to pamper yourself and break the evening routine. Then try to muster up the courage to join a 12 step meeting in person, or online.

The other big issue is how your OH feels about his using. Is he ready to stop or scale back! It would be easier to do this together but you can go it alone if you have to.

Doesn't the weed smoke affect your children?

This situation is untenable and you are placing your children at serious risk, daily. Please seek help.

@OrrisRoot that's exactly what I want to be like. To take pleasure in healthy things

That should be a ? not a !

@Phyllis321 not as we only smoke outside, way away from them

You need to stop driving. You're most likely drink/drug driving in the mornings and it's not acceptable to put your children and members of the public at a risk that they have no choice in.
Then seek help from a professional.

The local child who was hurt due to drunk driving of their parents, is currently with foster parents and is very unlikely to ever live with their parents again.

Be honest with youself and dont make excuses. This is awful. I don't do any of this shit and drive my daughter to nursery, i have to share a road with you when you are fucked off your face still? You could kill someone, yourself, or your own kids.
What happens if your kids need you in the night, theres a fire or one of them is ill and you are too fucked to wake up?

If that is the case you most definitely have a very serious problem.
Your children are at risk and you need help to break this cycle.
Seek help from your GP AA and NA. Only you can do this. You have taken this step in recognising this is not normal behaviour it is now up to you to continue to seek help with your addictions.
Good luck.

[quote PinkOrchidD]@OrrisRoot that's exactly what I want to be like. To take pleasure in healthy things[/quote]
Start. You can. I quit smoking and drinking at the same time because I’d just had enough of feeling yucky and guilty and generally shit. If I can do it, anyone can. Load yourself up with vitamins before you start. It makes it physically easier. Speak to NA for advice first though, if only in the phone, there might be tapering guidance.

@Mummamama berating addicts does not help. OP has posted for help because she wants to stop. She already knows what she is doing isn’t good.

OP well done for recognising the problem...every night you get messed up, is a night you can't help your kids if they are sick, or have a nightmare or need you, & you might literally be doing every school run over the limit each following morning, as the alcohol isn't out of your system from the night before.

If you get pulled over even once on the morning school run, and police find alcohol, codeine & valium in your system, that could lead to major consequences when it comes to your kids & SS involvement, etc, and that's apart from the risk of being charged with dangerous driving, etc.

You've been lucky so far not to be caught out but that can't last forever. Well done on knowing you need to make a change, that's a hard step in itself. I hope your husband gets on board too.

What does your DH say about it?

@OrrisRoot the OP is driving whilst under the influence. She needs to stop that right now, whether she stops drinking, taking weed etc. She needs to stop driving her children now.

I think she knows.

[quote OrrisRoot]@Mummamama berating addicts does not help. OP has posted for help because she wants to stop. She already knows what she is doing isn’t good.[/quote]
She's posted that she does it after the kids are in bed implying she thinks its ok and that it doesn't effect them (though it does) i am trying to point out that the assumption that its ok because kids are asleep.is wrong