I'm polluting my body with shite every evening

[PinkOrchidD]

I feel like shit. I drink, take pills (Valium and Codeine) and smoke weed every evening. I wake up feeling awful.

I have two young kids and I worry that I have to drive them to nursery and school each morning.

I really want this to change.

@HugeBowlofChips

Get it all out of the house now.

And then don't get any more.

Get some education about the dangers of withdrawal, & please don't 'advise' anybody to go cold turkey ever again.

OP has taken a brave step posting here, & doesn't need to be scolded as if she's been a bit of a sillybilly for keeping too much tempting chocolate in the house.

This isn't about willpower, it's a complicated & long term process that requires expert support & a good deal of focused effort & intelligent self-analysis.

OP I trust you are just scrolling past any hectoring, judgmental or goady posts, & are feeling supported by some of the more understanding replies, e.g. @OrrisRoot & @Bumpsadaisie amongst others, who have written some stonking posts.

You need to change for your kids if anything. You e admitted you have a problem, now take the steps to seek help, only you can do that!

Please, please get support. Valium and alcohol can be a dangerous combination. I ended up in hospital as a result of abusing the two. Never again. Look after yourself, your children need you. Lots of love

You’ll need to speak to the GP about the Valium at the very least as you will need medical advice to come off it.

How long have you been taking it?

You’ve had some great advice OP.

I just wanted to add to anyone else reading that street Valium is not the same as actual Valium. It’s more potent, has all kinds of other stuff in it and can be deadly. I was in an inquest last week for a man who died after ODing on street vallies after being a frequent user.

Thank you all for the supportive posts. I'm not going to drink tonight but I'm being a bit more reluctant to say no to a small amount of the others esp the pills due to the dangers of cold turkey. I'm a bit knackered and going to come back to this thread later.

Well done for recognising you have a problem and looking to make changes.

As a retired social worker I can say that you are not the first, and will not be the last, person to get stuck in this cycle. I have worked with many lovely families where drink and drugs use (used together or separately) has escalated to problematic levels. For many of these families the problem only came to light after something happened to one of the children and we became involved. I am pleased you are taking action before this happens. Local addiction services can normally be accessed by self referral and are generally very good. I hope you can get the support you need.

I think coming off the booze first is very wise. Dark chocolate is often recommended as helpful when giving up alcohol. Good luck.

You've taken a really hard step admitting you have a problem. Well done - that's not easy and is a big deal.

Now don't get overwhelmed and hide from it. It's too serious. You know that.

For me, the ultimate motivation for anything in life is my kids. If you're the same, then use that. Use the desire not to put them in danger by driving under the influence. Imagine how they'd feel if you ended up in jail. Contemplate how devastated you're going to be when social services calls. I know it sounds harsh but I think it's useful to face up to what is at the end of the road you're on and not just sleepwalk into it.

@PinkOrchidD If you're getting the valium and codeine through your GP you can speak to them about it. I don't think it'd be flagged as a safeguarding thing if you say to them you think you're a bit too reliant on these meds and would like to stop being.

As to alcohol, I just try not to buy it/have it in the house. I developed a bad Justeat/Deliveroo habit which included wine.

I'm making some bank acounts to send most of my money/have my direct debits to I can't get easy access to, so I can't just hit that button and order stuff, or have money I can go down the shops with.

It's all very well people saying you shouldn't go cold turkey, but I've been involved with AA and I imagine that's what they'll want you to do. They're not a medical system. SMART recovery is more evidence based I think smartrecovery.org.uk/ but the advantage of AA is there are so many meetings (including online.)

If you think you're physically dependent on alcohol to the extent you might have fits if you stop (i.e maybe if you're topping up your body's alcohol level throughout the day) then you need to see your GP or cut down a bit before you stop. It's probably unlikely you're physically dependent to that extent, though.

You could call a drink advisory service to find out if you're likely to be physically dependent based on your level/pattern of consumption. Call 0300 123 1110 (weekdays 9am to 8pm, weekends 11am to 4pm).

www.nhs.uk/live-well/alcohol-support/

First of all OP, well done for realising this has become a problem and for wanting to change. You've been very brave to post on here.

Please do seek support from your GP and/or local drug and alcohol services. Dont just stop/go cold turkey as this could be dangerous, medically supervised is the best way. I understand you're nervous but there are people and places to help you.

Absolutely stop driving the children to school though if you have drunk and/or used the night before, walk if possible or taxi/bus if not.

I'd second the recommendations from other posters to access some therapy/counselling for the stress and other things going on, you may well be able to get this via substance misuse services.

The other thing I would say is that I think you need to have a serious chat with your husband if you haven't already - does he recognise that he has a problem and if so does he want to stop? I think it will be really hard if he is still using at home when you are trying to stop.

Lastly, I'd like to wish you the very best of luck. Recovery isn't an easy journey but I promise its worth it x

A box of wine is the equivalent of 4 bottles! 😲

How are the DC getting to school/nursery etc tomorrow, if you are still going to take drugs tonight?

You'll be OK, just make sure you eat properly. People go through phases which you obviously are at the moment but they move on.

I would just battle one thing at a time eg the pills but carry on with the others. Once your dependency on them go then move on to the next thing. Obviously get professional help too.
I know it’s not the same but when I stopped smoking I needed to completely change my routine as a lot of it was just habit. I would go to bed really early and watch Netflix, read, do word searches anything that I didn’t normally do and I knew that me staying in the front room would result in me having a fag. For the first few nights I couldn’t sleep but if you’re reading you get tired anyway so it doesn’t last long. I felt like the cigarettes controlled my life as everything was planned around them so I wanted to get my life back. I know your journey will be more difficult but wanting to have a better life means you’re already half way there

What is your relationship like? Could it be that you do these things as you are unhappy?

@randomkey123

And who's looking after your kids when you're high?

Stop driving, if you can afford weed you can afford a taxi.

And get some help for your kids sakes.

Geez, you're full of compassion and empathy aren't you? The OP's just been brave enough to come to terms with having problems, and is looking to address them but support her? Not you, just criticism and brusqueness from you.

Obviously you've never had experience of addictions or the myriad reasons behind them, but that doesn't excuse you for being such a dismissive, unhelpful, critical holier-than-thou.

Now that life is starting to become a bit more normal hopefully these everyday experiences will be enough to distract and motivate you towards a more relaxed drug free way of life. Always believe in yourself - the powers within you x

@a1poshpaws there are some things I can have compassion for, but driving with your DC whilst under the influence of alcohol and drugs is not one of them

I have had similar issues in the past although not to same extent - in that if I could get weed, great,if not alcohol or otc codeine so didn’t mix but still got wasted every night once kids were in bed.

I also knew I was masking mental mh issues, from PND and also childhood trauma.

I sought help from a private psychiatrist a month after going cold turkey from everything. I did have a breakdown but 8 months later, now diagnosed with bipolar and ptsd, and medicated, I am getting there. Now receiving support from nhs mh services and undergoing psychotherapy.

Have been clean from alcohol, weed and non prescribed meds for 8 months.

If I can do it, you can OP!

If you have friends.or have told anyone at all, about your drinking, sooner or later you may get reported to the police about drinking and driving, the affects of alcohol can stay in your system for some hours, and can be detected later, especially with the amounts that you consume.

I think the problem is that your own concern for yourself and your children is being projected out into others and being "translated" into shame in the process. And this is then stopping you take care of yourself.

In a "shame state of mind" you always imagining an "other" person looking in at you and judging. It becomes like the shame itself is the problem to avoid (rather than the actual behaviour which is hurting you and your children). So as long as no-one knows that you take these drugs and drink this alcohol, it is kind of alright, as long as no-one knows you can somehow get away with doing this harmful thing as if it isn't, deep down, really harmful. You take the pill or drink the drink, you know you are doing it but because others can't see, you don't worry too much about it, not really. In fact in a way it is kind of as if you aren't really doing it, because you haven't been caught at it. It is shame you are most worried about - not alcohol related liver disease, a car accident, the effect on your children, and so on.

A very different state of mind is a concerned state of mind. In this state of mind, I am worried about myself and the harmful things I am doing to myself. I know that this is the problem and that it is my problem that I need to solve. Because I can feel concern about myself, I know that others feel kind concern for me too. I feel worried about whether I can get out of the cycle alone - whether I have the strength. I can seek help, because I haven't turned my concern into shame, and I know that others are much more likely to be concerned and understanding than judgmental. If some people ARE judgmental, that is because they are stuck in a shame state of mind, and that is not my problem. That isn't going to stop me getting the help I need to address this thing I am very worried about.

It sounds like by making this thread today your concern has started to outweigh the fear of shame.

[quote ineedaholidaynow]@a1poshpaws there are some things I can have compassion for, but driving with your DC whilst under the influence of alcohol and drugs is not one of them[/quote]
Nobody's asking you to have compassion.
It doesn't take any compassion to disapprove, but decide not to contribute unhelpful & unnecessary remarks.

Q: How did you imagine kicking a woman when she's down & vulnerable could possibly help her address her situation?
A: You knew it wouldn't. But decided to stick the boot in anyway.

Here's a for disapproving of driving under the influence.
& here's one for me , because amazingly enough, I also disapprove, but realise that people don't overcome addictions by being berated.

I'm sure OP will be making other arrangements now, as she gradually reduces her intakes. The fact that she's opened up here, & been so honest, shows she's reached a personal 'rock bottom'. She should be applauded for that, not shamed.

Nice one @lots33 :)

& congratulations on 8 months clean.
PTSD is a bitch, & you rock xx

[quote ineedaholidaynow]@a1poshpaws there are some things I can have compassion for, but driving with your DC whilst under the influence of alcohol and drugs is not one of them[/quote]
I couldn't make a better reply to you than @ChargingBuck has already done.

Great news about speaking to AA. Congratulations! That's huge progress. I'm really pleased for you! I hope they call soon!

It's a long road, and that first step is so hard. But you're on your way now!

My main worry for you now, would be driving to school and nursery. It'd be so heartbreaking if something happened while driving, now you're taking steps to turn everything around! And it's risky for other road users, not just your family. Do you really HAVE to drive there? How far is it? Walkable, if you planned it in? If not, could you set aside some money for a taxi after, if it's been a bad night?

Or at least, set yourself a cutoff/curfew point, at which you stop taking anything - say 11 on school/nursery days? That way there's some time for it to work out of your system a little? It's crazy how long you're impaired, even after you stop.