Emetophobe's dd just been sent home from school feeling sick - support needed please

[DumbledoresGirl]

Hi, it's me.

I am quivering and can hardly move for fear.

Need some calming words.

minko, bloody well done. And hope that the memory of coping this time reduces the fear of next time.

I have had CBT for this very phobia, whilst having the therapy- yes it did help, made me rationalize the situation. Trouble is I am now over 8mths from having the last session and there are lots of bugs going around - I could really do with having some more sessions. Shame really as I had to wait so long for the first lot, the sickness season will be over before I get a new appointment!

Sorry strike 'but it would be worth it' replace 'but it might be worth it'.

Dumbledoresgirl - firstly glad that your DD is OK, but even more importantly thank you so much for bringing this awful phobia to my attention (sorry, that sounds selfish just typing it, hope you understand what I mean!)

I've suffered an abnormal fear of being sick and watching/hearing others being sick ever since I was about 5 and had to endure any form of travel with my sister who suffered from extreme travel sickness. I had no idea it is a recognised, and extremely common, phobia.

I thought I'd get better with age, but of course looking after 2 young kids just makes the fear worse. Especially at this time of the year with so many bugs flying around. DD, DS and DH have all had the vomiting bug in the last 3 weeks but I'm still continually paranoid. And DH is abroad for the next 3 days so I'm really panicking that one of us will be ill.

Anyway, rambling a bit cos I'm making myself feel ill & nervous after reading about emetophobia, but thanks again for bringing this to light (of course now that I've searched there's loads of info on MN!)

Glad again that your DD is OK

Amazonianwoman, if you come back to this thread (and I would understand if you did not as I know it does not always help to be continually reading about this subject) then I want to say to you: you are not alone. I understand your dread of your dh being away. I live with this constantly as my dh travels virtually every week with his job. It is awful and I hate it (though, as long as there is no perceiived direct threat, it does get easier). I can't do anything to practically help you, but just to let you know, I fully understand where you are mentally right now.

I am not sure if facing the fear helps or not. I was quite happy before I was a mother, never having to really face the phobia, except when I felt nauseous myself. I have got a lot worse - a lot more nervous, more anxious, more introspective, more obsessed - since having my children. I do cope OKish when they are ill. I go into a highly charged coping mode. But I now know that I will always go through a huge bout of depression afterwards when the adrenalin rush leave me. Depending on how bad the whole experience was, I can be depressed and feel completely hopeless and unworthy for days or even a week or two. And the worst thing for me, the thing that makes me so angry with myself, is that I can't stop myself running through the circumstances of what happened, in some cases, for months afterwards. I do think that maybe some sort of therapy could help me with that.

But of course, I would only need that therapy in the weeks following an illness and so it is hard for me now to go through the process of getting that help when I don't actually need it.

Thanks Dumble, it does actually help to read/understand more about it. My friends/family think I'm a nutter because I'm so not squeamish in other ways - I can watch needles being stuck in my arms for bloods/injections, I've had loads of moles removed as well as extra flesh following a melanoma and have watched all the ops, I asked if I could watch my c-section being performed (they wouldn't let me lol), I can cope with kids' other illnesses (diarrhoea, yucky snotty noses, chicken pox etc etc).

I was reasonably OK before I had children, as long as I didn't have to endure others being sick (and DH is unbelievably loud, I can't even be in the house). For me the anticipation is worse than the actual events. DD frequently says she's sick, but it's usually hunger or downing eg some apple juice too quickly, but I still starting shaking & sweating & my stomach starts churning. I even rang the mother of one of DD's pre-school friends (I barely know her) to find out why her daughter had been off school for a few days. I was elated when she said it was an ear infection, I was so worried that she might've been sick & passed it on to my DD.

I'm actually quite impressed with the way I managed to bundle soiled bedding/towels into the washing machine, and can even clear up floors etc if I hold my breath and just go into robot mode. But I just can't bear holding onto my kids incase they're sick again (how terrible does that sound?) esp DD (3.5yrs) as she leans right into me. DH is fab, he'll hold them or get into bed with them and even say "just be sick on me". Yuck yuck yuck. And I can't eat for days afterwards until I'm sure I haven't caught the bug. Not a bad thing in some ways as I need to lose weight!

As a child I also used to be sick every Xmas (hope you don't mind me waffling) because I got so excited, combined with the awful smell of turkey cooking. I had a dreadful bug last Xmas day and was sick loads & had the runs (and was 6.5mths pg), DD was sick the year before, so I'm dreading this Xmas I've only been sick 3 times as an adult - thank God I didn't get morning sickness!

There's no way I can cope at all if another child is sick, so I worry if I'm ever babysitting for friends, I just start retching immediately.

I've considered therapy before but always thought the therapist might suggest facing up to the fear ie watching someone being sick or making myself sick, which I just won't do. Might now reconsider now that I've read about some of the various forms of therapy available.

Thanks again for replying, much appreciated

Amazonianwoman, I could have written virtually every single word of your last post. Every word just confirms in my mind that you are a classic emetophobe. Even your Christmas experience I can relate to, as when my ds2 was 4, he had what was supposed to be his birthday party on 22nd Dec (his birthday is one day before) and we had to turn children away at the door as he was sick just minutes before the party was due to start. His little sister was then sick on Christmas night and several members of the wider family felt ill over Christmas. That haunted me all year but I thought lightning wouldn't strike twice in the same place. Well, blow me, if on 22nd December the next year, ds1 wasn't sick! And mine are vitually never ill, at all. Fortunately, no-one else caught that bug. It certainly made me dread Christmas for a few years to come, but now I am thinking that we all have a couple of Christmases blighted by bugs, but I got mine out of the way early on!

There is therapy which involves facing up to the phobia. It is not for me either. But now that you know about other forms of therapy, and you know that you are not being weak but that you have a well-known and recognised phobia, maybe you will be able to go to the doctor and ask for and receive the right therapy for you. There is a therapy dh wants me to try called NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). I don't know much about it, but you might want to consider that too.

Only just read this thread so I hope noone minds me bringing it up again (for want of better words ) I am also an emetaphobe and until I joined MN I tought I was just weird LOL. I can't beleive someone would verbally attack someone who has a very real phobia. I'm not as bad as I used to be but it just makes me so mad that in your time of need someone thought fit to be so bitchy! Grrrrr. This phobia has stopped me doing so much with my life that I would of liked to do (I would of loved to be a nurse or midwife). Some people just need a good hearty slap eh? LOL!

Haribosmum I would love to be a nurse or midwife too I am unsqueamish about everything, except vomit of course. DD has had the bug twice over the past 6 weeks and DS once. I'm a nervous wreck.