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Original poster

Emetophobe's dd just been sent home from school feeling sick - support needed please

134 replies

DumbledoresGirl · 31/10/2007 13:13

Hi, it's me.

I am quivering and can hardly move for fear.

Need some calming words.

OP posts:
artichokes · 02/11/2007 11:24

just saw this dg. well done for surviving despite fearing the worst and being antagonised when you asked for help. would paws tell an anorexic to shut up an eat? or threatened an agrophobic that she would come round and drag her into a wide open plain. i doubt it. idiot.

artichokes · 02/11/2007 11:24

sorry for illiterate post. got cross and stopped concentrating.

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 02/11/2007 11:32

Actually, the thing that has bugged me the most throughout this episode, is that I actually cope OK with my children being sick. I don't like to be with them when it is happening, I can't bring myself to touch them, etc, but if dh and I are there together, he deals with the child and I am the one who deals with the mess. Dh actually says (and he is not phobic about it) that he is glad it is that way round as he wouldn't like to deal with the mess.

So although I am phobic, I cope. I do what has to be done. I don't abandon my children even if I might not attend to them in quite the same way as I would if I were non-phobic.

But I don't cope with it mentally. All I was asking for was someone to talk to me and help me mentally, as indeed some of you did.

Paws4thought sees a phobic person and thinks they are a drama queen (her exact words but I think they have now been deleted). What she doesn't realise is that any phobic person who faces up to a phobic situation (as I am forced to do on occasion) is actually displaying more courage that she might ever have to muster in her whole non-phobic life.

Rant over.

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 02/11/2007 11:35

I also think, DG, that people mistake what is written on here for what is happening in real life.

So you may write 'I want to run away' because, with a phobia, that is what your brain is screaming but practically, you are standing there hugging your child and being supportive iyswim.

Years ago, I wrote something on here about being annoyed that dd was ill again (how topical!) and someone posted about me being incredibly self-centred that all I could think about at a time when she was ill, was me. WHen actually, in real life, all I was doing was focussing on her but I JUST wanted a little 5 minutes when I could say, oh woe is me.

foxinsocks · 02/11/2007 11:36

glad dd is better anyway!

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 02/11/2007 11:39

Exactly FIS. I come to Mumsnet to talk about my concerns. Doesn't mean that I am not also thinking of dd's.

How is your dd now?

OP posts:
BurrrrrrrrrrningNbg · 02/11/2007 11:42

Bear in mind I cannot step one foot into a medical area at all. Be it a doctors or hospital, my Midwife has said that I am the best actress she has ever known (refering to when she used to see me at my ante natal appts last year).

It takes so much strength emotionally and physcially to do something you are phobic of.

FluffyMummy123 · 02/11/2007 11:52

Message withdrawn

BurrrrrrrrrrningNbg · 02/11/2007 11:59

its a hard step to take cod.

and if you've already tried different types of "help" and your still the same, it doesnt give you much hope.

FluffyMummy123 · 02/11/2007 12:01

Message withdrawn

GunpowderDragonsAndSoup · 02/11/2007 12:02

I think you were supportively blunt, Cod. Paws was just .

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 02/11/2007 12:03

I do not object to you telling me to get help Cod. I have tried on 3 occasions. Maybe not as hard as you think I should, but I have not sat and done nothing.

If you honestly want to know what I think about help, I don't believe any of it will be effective (certainly hasn't been so far). I have had this phobia all my life but it did not really impinge on me until I had children. My children are getting older now. I am certainly more than half way through their childhoods (on average iyswim). It will undoubtedly sound pathetic to you, but I am banking on going back to my phobia being in the background and not really affecting my life in about 5 years time.

Meanwhile, I don't object to you telling me to get help.

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 02/11/2007 12:04

oh she still has a rash but I dragged her to the doctor and he has said she is fine to be at school. Actually, he was incredibly helpful (wasn't expecting it as I'd told him I didn't think she needed to see him but the school had asked me to take her because of the rash!) and he gave her a thorough check up and told me not to worry!

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 02/11/2007 12:05

Sorry? In what way are you relating my phobia and reluctance to face treatments that may well be detrimental to me to another Mner's poverty yet blind insistence that she could afford a new rug?

OP posts:
Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 02/11/2007 12:06

Odd rash, but not unheard of. A friend of mine's son had an unexplained rash not so long ago.

OP posts:
Enid · 02/11/2007 12:10

Glad things are calmer for you DG. BUT...I have to agree with cod and can't believe that you aren't prioritising getting help with this. I would be. I hate flying and if I thought it anyway impinged on my children's lives I would be at a CBT therapist like a shot. So are you are planning to live with this for the rest of your life?

BurrrrrrrrrrningNbg · 02/11/2007 12:16

Its not that easy though is it

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 02/11/2007 12:22

Well, when you have lived with something for 42 years (or as long as I can remember) and it did not impinge on me until I had children, and even as a mother, it is only me who is suffering and not my children, and you can see the light at the end of the tunnel back to a life where the phobia is there but does not impinge on me again....and the thought of therapy fills you with no confidence at best and downright horror at worst.....then yes, it is conceivable that I might live with this for the rest of my life.

Do I want to? No of course not.

OP posts:
Threadworm · 02/11/2007 12:26

You are brilliant to cope with it. Mostly when people have a phobia they avoid the relevant situations. But in caring for your children you face it head on -- it's like an aracnophobe(sp?) becoming a zookeeper in the spider part of the zoo.

minko · 02/11/2007 17:52

Well I have to say I am a bit appalled at having to defend this phobia against 'sceptics'. It makes me angry. I used to think I was alone with this and mumsnet gave me the courage to go to the doctor. He gave me anti-emetics which is some relief, but I am still struggling to cope sometimes.

Like now in fact... DS has had a vomity bug for the last couple of days now and whilst I have coped pretty well, now I am living in fear of who is going to get it next... Thank God it is the weekend and DP can help me with the children...

Anyway, I'm far from a shrinking viiolet and this phobia is, well, 'out of character' I suppose. I'm an intelligent 36 year old with a career, 2 kids and a house to run. It is a stupid and irrational fear I know that, we all know that, but that by definition is a phobia. It's not an affectation for attention, so please don't belittle it.

Having said that, the best advice I ever read is that the best way to cope with a phobia is to ignore it. Banging on about it only seems to make it worse. (That's not to say I don't find mumsnet emet. discussions hugely reassuring!)

onebatmother · 02/11/2007 20:36

TBH, still astonished that someone who is educated enough to type can not understand what a phobia is, and that its not a lifestyle-choice.

FGS there have been enough crappy documentaries on this subject for us all to understand, if we didn't before, that the mind is an amazing, and still barely understood thing, and sometimes we can't control it.

Really don't understand people who get cross with phobics or anyone with any psychological problem. There are so many other people to get cross with in the world.

Aaanyways. I think I mentioned hypnotherapy before =- was very sceptical in the past but not now.

But - I do understand that sometimes you just can't get it together to do something about it, usually because all your energy is expended in simply coping. But it would be worth it.

haychEebeeJeebees · 02/11/2007 20:53

Can i ask, does facing the fear help?

I mean if and when it has to be dealt with, you all seem to report that you ended up coping well. Does that satisfy you slightly or reassure you that is all just anxiety and panic, and that you suprise yourself hiw well you did??

minko · 02/11/2007 20:54

Hmmm, a friend tried that for emetephobia with little success. Anyone out there tried hypnotherapy or CBT and conquered a phobia? (I may make this a new thread actually...)

coby · 02/11/2007 20:58

Cannot recommend CBT highly enough for the treatment of phobias and especially anxiety in general.

minko · 02/11/2007 20:59

Cross post there sorry haych.
Anyway, yes, having dealt with vomitty baby for 2 days I think I have done extremely well! Not that anyones going to applaud me cos they don't really understand what a big deal it is to me...
But yes, I've cleaned up DS/floor/myself etc several times in the last 48 hours. Coping with it when it happens is actually doable, it's the fear of it that is worse... Like now, waiting for DD to cry out that she feels ill... (ugh - DREAD!)