I am ill- ill enough that I can't lift my baby who has croup and is on steroids. DH has to go to work. What can I do?

[ArtistFormerlyKnownAsSOH]

Title says it all. My parents are in Greece, ILs are on a narrow boat somewhere. I can hardly breathe and certainly can't lift 19lb dd who is pretty bad with croup. No friends nearby who aren't working. Is there anything I can do? DD needs regular trips to the bathroom for steam which is making me faint.

There is no chance of dh's employers agreeing to time off.

It is very, very complicated. And I promise you had I been able to find no other option he would not have gone to work. He's by no means heartless.

TYG knows the ins and outs of things- he was severely bullied at work when I was pg, made him suicidal and close to breakdown. I do not want the feelings to resurface.

He would not leave us if there was no other way.

OK, will not judge your DH without knowing the WHOLE situation. Get thee to bed and feel better!

Sorry, but your DH sounds like he is being very selfish. Can't believe that he is willing to let your brother lie and come over rather than him looking after his own wife and baby!

xposts

Good on your brother

Your DH is being an arse by the way

You should ask him what will happen if something REALLY bad happens - my back went a couple of years ago and since then DH has had to take days of work when I am physically unable to move

There ain't much you can do about these things

Jeez, am teetotal, brandy might have me flying out the window.

I promise, dh is a lovely, sensitive man who I could have lost due to work pressures but has been leaving work early, booked as much holidays as possible on days that he can for the next few weeks and is a very good, kind man. He researched and bought as many breastfeeding friendly remedies for this infection as he could find. It is so complicated I cannot even go into it now but he would not abandon us like this if I had found no other option. He has been up all night every night watching dd and me, has done all housework and cooking since she was born 4 months ago after a very traumatic birth. And he is warming the room, bringing pans of wwater, putting olbas oil on rags, massaging the baby, on the phone to everybody. He was the one who asked if I could come on here and find another option before he made a call to work. I wanted him to just call without me researching other options but his fear of another depression can be debilitating.

I promise you MrSOH is no monster.

SOH - am less than impressed with your dh (can he go & get his magazine wtf?) & if his employers are really as heartless as he says then something should be done. Good on your brother for coming to help & I hope you & dd are both better soon.

you REALLY need to make some friends locally

it would be easy to just lie in a spare bed with your baby in someone else's house

Have you joined the NCT?

Won't join in the DH bashing, will keep my I hope you and DD are better soon honey.

Maybe DH can get councilling (sp) to help with this issue.

Never mind. Most important thing is that little ASOH and you have someone around this arvo, and that's been sorted.

SOH, I bet colleagues would rally round if they knew you were in this sort of predicament.
Wishing you both better health soon and massive sympathies on dh's recent work worries, that sort of thing can cut the legs out from under someone

I hope you feel better soon I know the situation with nasty bosses and Dp's been there myself

sending get well vibes to you and dd [hugemotion]

He was joking about his magazine.

He is on the phone to work telling them he's staying at home after reading this thread. He is sobbing that you all think he is a nob.

Marina- work not back functioning till October and two colleagues are away.

SOH - I meant what I said about your DH needing coucilling or something. He can't go through life struggling like this - none of you can. (((HUGS)))

Awww can't bear to think I have made a grown man cry.

I don't think he is a nob. I just think he needs to understand that life is different now. Before the baby, you could have muddled through the day as best as you could and he could have gone to work with hardly a qualm.

But now you have a baby and things are different. If you and the baby are ill at the same time, that is a very unusual but also very stressful time for you all, and he needs to understand that at times like that, his work can take a back seat. It sometimes takes a bit of insistence to get through to men on this issue. I remember having to beg and plead with dh on the odd occasion, but now we have been parents for years, I have noticed that if I am really ill and say I can't cope, he understands that I really mean that and stays home without any fuss.

Your dh has taken a knock in his confidence over the work issue and maybe has lost sight of what he is entitled to at work, eg respect and also time off in times of family illness.

Glad he's seen the thread. Glad he's staying home.

also agree that things sound like they have been v tough for you both and hope dps work and your isolation sort themselves out soon.

Maybe this is one of those dark spots of life that in the future you'll look back and wondered how you coped, but at the time, you just cope and get through it.

Thanks once again everybody. DH's work has phoned 3 times asking stupid questions, asking if he can 'nip in' for a few hours. I'm taking the phone off the hook.

I am cripplingly shy and did make an effort by joining baby signing and baby music classes. Made it to 1 before dd got struck down with croup. I am an intelligent woman who has lots to say but in social situations I'm a total mess. I promised myself that when I had a baby I would change this and I will.

Thanks for everything again. DH is playing with dd and has run me a lavender bath.

He is really the kindest soul I know, would hate for anybody to think otherwise.

SOH..just seen this..how are byou fixed for the rest of the week?Can come if you need me to?

Im glad he's stayed home, but really, i'm amazed its taken so long for him to make that call.

My DH offered to stay home and not go to work THursday night last week simply because id badly hurt my foot and needed to rest it.. not easy with a 1yr old and a stupid dog to chase around after.

He has been through the mill of late though..its easy for all of us to see what he should do, not so easy for him to just do it I think ..sooner he leaves that work the better..will he start with the police soon SOH?

Well done MrSOH, and I hope you enjoyed your bath SOH (although lavender? yeuk!)

Really glasd that DH is staying home wth you both. Sorry he was so upset It sounds like he had a dreadful time in the past over his work, and this is what has probably clouded his judgement today over taking time off. I am sure he really is a lovely person, and more than capable of looking after you all. Hope you and DD get better soon, and DH finds his work situations get easier with time.

Echo what hula has written. Think that just about covers it.