Today I have accepted that I must end my love affair with white wine.................

[mummypoppins]

I adore it............consume it in bucket fulls and like a gorgeous man it takes over my life and leaves me feeling shite most of the time. Im fat, pasty , dry skinned and constantly tired and now it is starting to affect my work and home life. Yes I function very well and my children are happy and healthy cared for a lot of the time by a nanny as I work 60 to 70 hour weeks but I dont like myself very much and I know I could do so much better without this obession in my life.

So no more wine ( red or white ) or beer etc. Its gin and slimline tonics from now on and only at the weekend. Goes well with the weight watchers plan too.

Anyone else want to join me in suuport ?

Yes you do deserve him but maybe it is time to step out of the dependent role and make a decision for the sake of you and your relationship. He doesn't understand your addiction because you don't drink every day - he thinks you are making a conscious choice to drink in a way that compromises your relationship and that probably makes him feel like he is second best. mb you said it yourself - it sounds as if you need to stop completely. Have you reached the point where you want to stop?

what job do you do by the way?

I'm sorry that you slipped last night Monkey,get back up and dust yourself off and keep on battling on huh?
Have you been to your GP before to ask for help? Hope you can get through the day without beating youself up too much.Positive vibes coming your way!

Some women find it hard to go to GP about alcohol dependence if they have children.

Yeah I agree lady.Was just wondering though.I took the plunge and went in to see mine after debating over it for months,I was petrified that I would be classed as a unfit mother too,but my GP wasn't greatly bothered (which really hasn't helped me)he just told me to make sure I was alcohol free for at least 2 nights a week-I don't think I put across how much it was affecting my thoughts and life.I'm still here thinking about going again.

I have been to GP and skirted round the issue when I was prescribed ADs. I agree ladlush I am scared of the unfit other thing.

I want so much to be free from alcohol. I know how good life feels when I a not a slave to it - I remeber that. I didnt drink at all for the times I was pregnant and breastfeeding. I think I felt that there was someone in me worth saving. Now its just me it doesnt matter???.

DH has emailed from work about how much he loves me and accepts that we need to start taking care of each other. I told him after the letter that I was sick of being ignored and not listened to. I have nothing left in my life apart from clearing up and feeding people.

BTW I wor nights in a supermarket. This is another problem (V tired).I went to Uni for 7 years and had a good career before I had the kids. I gave it up as I couldnt bear to be apart from them. So now I work at night in a shit min wage job. DH works all day and we have kids stuff other nights so barely see each other. I work all day saturday too. We have no family close by to help us out and have never had a night away from the kids. Its all a bit full on sometimes thats all. DH is diabetic and the stress is making him unwell too. Sorry to rant - I know we are lucky, we all healthy and have enough cash etc etc.

Why is alcohol so often the final frontier? I too smoked for Britain and had disgusting eating problems for years. My slightly warped relationship with booze is what's left of decades of self-destruct.

Although I can drink normally and sensibly I am also inclined to drink more than I want, just to sort of 'test' myself. What the reward for this test is going to be I do not know.

Do you have the same sort of drive to drink as you had with your eating disorder? With food I used to cut off from the world to indulge in my relationship with food. I've seen other people do it, disappearing into a plate of food, or a bottle, never to return. It's scary stuff.

I do hope you feel better soon.

The feelings I have about drink are very like when I was anorexic and towards the end of that illness I remember thinking 'I am just so bored of thinking about this'. I was bored of counting calories in my head, I was going mad. So I just stopped. Wheres that wil power gone?

I had all this energy to self-destruct with, but none to see a way forward. It was so so horrid.

Did you get a lot of help with your eating? Is there any way you could get a little bit of time for yourself?

Although it's bloody boring and pretty awful being banged up in hospital, it has given me a little break from my family, and it has made me realise that I'm still alive and still have a few ideas of my own. I'm not just a house-drudge.

I had a horrible dead-end job before children, and I ended up in the pub, pissed, knowing that it wouldn't make any difference to how I felt the following day, or what kind of day I would have.

I'm sure most gps are very used to mothers coming into their surgeries at the end of their tethers, trying to hold their lives together with alcohol.

You sound so sad. I hope it's just the hangover.

It is still there mb. You are bright, work in a low paid unfulfilling job, don't spend much time with your dh and have given everything up for your kids. No wonder you are drinking! Can you get a better job perhaps? How old are your kids? No friends or family to babysit? You really do need time on your own. Or have you thought about going to a family friendly hotel that has creche facilities? There is one advertised on mumsnet called Moonfleet Manor in Dorset that a friend of mine went to and said it was lovely (expensive but worth it).

Hi Hlosbello, I feel terrible talking to you about this as you have your own problems....

no, had no help with eating disorder, I just started to eat more and live a normal life. Just like that. I am sad but like you say, extra sad today as am hungover. Going to take DS to kids play thingy later as he has been watching telly all morning while I am on here. Poor kid.

Hi ladylush, kids are 4 and 3. 4 year old in reception and 3 year old just too young to start nursery this year. I do qualify for that nursery grant thing from Jan for him but there are n local nurserys (I dont have the car in the day). I would have to get a couple of buses to get anywhere with him. My Mum in Yorkshire, Dad in Oz, sisters down south. DH mum works full time and cant cope with the kids (they are lovely though!). I am starting to just stay in the house day after day which is no good for either of us. Next Sept DS will go to nursery for free for 3 full days a week and I will give up my job and find something in the daytime. I am aiming for that date as it just seems so complicated to do anything before then. I will have some spare cash after Xmas so am going to get a childminder for a few hours a week for him. But what shall I do?

Shopping, gym/swim/sauna, treatments........oh the list is endless Things looking brighter in few months then. Also, if your dh works nearby you could meet him for lunch. Another idea is to pay for a full day nursery for 3 yr old so you get a day to yourself. A mum at my son's nursery does this. I work 3 weekdays and one weekend day. I have ds thurs and fri - he has nursery mon-weds. It feels like a good work/life balance but I miss time to myself as well. He goes to school next year which I feel a bit sad about tbh. Desperately want another but 3x m/c unfortunately

Has your mil ever babysat sat night? Surely she wouldn't mind that once in a while. Or you could go to Yorkshire for wkend and you and dh go out for the night, leaving kids with your mum?

Thats not a bad idea actually. DH works within a bus journey from me. It would be nice to see him in the day. I would be able to get the nursery grant to cover a full days nursery I think. I need to start making plans for the future. MIL is retiring at easter so has offered to have DS a couple of days a week. My Dad is over from OZ in a couple of weeks and is going to babysit for us for a couple of nights too. Tanks for advice, better go, DS needs feeding.

I'm pretty much in the boat as you MB....isolated and at times fed up with the hum drum of life at home although I appreciate my life totally-2 healthy children,house,husband whos cares and does his upmost to provide.I just find it hard to switch that damn self destruct button off in my head....and in the clearer moments in my head I see I have been that addictive person.
Husband says to me that when I find a job (which has to fit with school and his career) that I wont have the time to think about getting wasted of a evening...I don't know.It's not really that bloody simple...

I felt like shite yesterday too..hungover blues-I really hope you are feeling a bit brighter MB

x

I expect you're eligible for Homestart help. You have to earn more than £75,000 or so not to be. They may be able to provide someone to help a bit, or just to provide a bit of company. I found them really helpful. YOur HV should be able to put you in touch.

Do you have a library nearby? It's really tough when your esteem feels like it's dragging along the floor to start making exciting plans.

My exciting plan for now is just to eat some good food and put some fat back onto my revolting old-lady skinny legs

Hello - can I join in? I am a fairly regular poster but have changed my name as I am so embarassed and ashamed about my drinking habits.

Pre kids I would easily drink one and a half bottles of white wine per night. Obviously I did not drink whilst pregnant and vowed after each child that I would never let myself get on the slippery slope again but each time it has happened. I dont drink as much as I used to but can easily get through two G and Ts and then two thirds of a bottle of wine per night. I try not to add it up as I know how bad it is for me. I dread to think what I am doing to my health, although my body must be so used to it because I dont get hangovers any more even if I have over a bottle of wine.

Last night I had my first alcohol free day in many months. And it was tough. So any words of encouragement would be gratefully received and I will try to reciprocate!

Hi CL..welcome

I'm pretty new on this thread and on the journey of cutting back so I am there with you.First small steps..I'm currently on day 3 and tonight is going to be a huge test for me (as is tomorrow and any other night I guess)as I'm going shopping and always come back with my tuesday night bottle of chardonnay.I have no answers but we've done the right thing and put our hands up and admitted to having problems,it helps to post on here.

Thoughts and strength for tonight MB and CL.

Thanks GFC -it is really good to know that there are other people doing the same as me and feeling the same way. Its so weird because even though I know I shouldnt do it, I just walk to the fridge, pour myself a glass and then I'm away. I am definitely addicted because even though I wake up in the morning thinking I wont drink tonight, every day by about 2pm I am starting to wonder what time I can pour myself something.

And its doubly alarming because all my friends dont drink much and so I feel like a prize lush around them. Even DH makes comments to me - he is 1.5 times my body weight and he doesnt drink as much as me

I am ashamed to admit that I buy sneaky bottles of wine and hide them in the garage so taht he doesnt realise how much I really have. Oh god, writing it down just makes it worse.

I'm the same with it controlling my thoughts CL.Sat here trying to distract my thoughts but they keep circling back to "one bottle will be ok midweek" etc
As for lush awards-I'm always the one hammered by the end of the night if we go out(I just can't say no) or friends visit etc.Its pretty fcking bad tbh.sighs*

Just hope posting here for reassurance and understanding will help in some way.Thoughts.

Well GFC, I feel better already just for sharing it. Its impossible to talk about it with friends as they would just tut at me as if they arent going through the same thing then they dont understand. At least nobody here is JUDGING me. I too am always the most drunk at the end of thei night - I dont do things to embarass myself any more, but by god I used to..........so much so that some friends almost disowned me.

AT least this way its anonymous but its with others who are totally in the same boat. DH bought 6 bottles of white wine for me on Saturday and I remember thinking that there wouldnt be any left by the end of the week and feeling so bad about that - I mean thats got to be about 70 units? Plus the odd G and T here and there and sometimes a beer as well.

Off to make a cup of tea now.

Hi Ladies - welcome to new posters as well. Have collected DD from school and arranged a childminder to have DS a few hours on a monday from January. I am off to work tonight and asking for a shift change so I can drop an evening and work in day. I WILL make changes to my ie - I think getting a da job will give me back some self esteem. Also emailed AA to ask about meetings and first steps. Have made appoinment for docs on Thursday so I can get referral for counselling. Bus day for hungover mummy.

Good luck ladies, GFC really liked your comment about how your husband thinks you will be too busy when you 'go back to work'. They expect us to fit round everyone else. Would love someone to consider us first hey?

Haven't been on here since Sunday. Welcome to newcomers.

I did yoga a number of years ago and our instructor got us to write down ten good things about yourself. Sounded a bit weird and nobody was writing anything at first. She said it could be anything as simple as having nice hair. So, we did this. She said to put it on the door of the fridge and every time you opened the door you saw these positive things about yourself. Or you could just read them when you were feeling a little low. And in a strange way it works.

Our partners still love us. Maybe we dont love ourselves. If we don't look after ourselves then we can't look after our families.

I find that if I haven't had a drink for a few days I don't seem as inclined to NEED it. I must admit that when I have a hangover I can't face it and have a glass of wine for breakfast! Shameful to admit but I HATE hangovers.

Good luck to everyone this week. I find this outlet great.

Slainte to you too, Ladylush.

Sat here with wine..I don't class it as a failure as I've gone 2 days without,maybe thats me in denial though.I just know I CANNOT drink every day or every other day-its supping my life away.I hope you guys are doing well and have strength.

Good news MB about the childminder and AA-woah-good for you.Hopefully you GP will direct you towards more support,be brave on thursday and be honest-its for your own wellbeing remember.

Detta-I think that the yoga instructors idea is fantastic-simple idea but maybe yes-we don't love ourselves enough..

Just read your thread on the other post Monkey,your husband sounds like mine.I too have contacted AA before via email and been met with "why-you don't need that,you just need to cut back abit".My husband drinks also (ex forces and shitty upbringing)...dunno what I'm trying to say but just go with what is right for you.