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Original poster

Today I have accepted that I must end my love affair with white wine.................

525 replies

mummypoppins · 10/09/2007 08:59

I adore it............consume it in bucket fulls and like a gorgeous man it takes over my life and leaves me feeling shite most of the time. Im fat, pasty , dry skinned and constantly tired and now it is starting to affect my work and home life. Yes I function very well and my children are happy and healthy cared for a lot of the time by a nanny as I work 60 to 70 hour weeks but I dont like myself very much and I know I could do so much better without this obession in my life.

So no more wine ( red or white ) or beer etc. Its gin and slimline tonics from now on and only at the weekend. Goes well with the weight watchers plan too.

Anyone else want to join me in suuport ?

OP posts:
LoveAngelGabriel · 09/11/2007 16:06

Yes, undoubtedly I have more energy during the day. I am trying to find a way to unwind in the evening without wine, though, and that's the difficult bit. I love the ritual of putting DS to bed, getting the dinner on and sitting down with a glass of wine.

ladylush · 09/11/2007 16:07

Me too, I miss that bit.

monkeybutler · 12/11/2007 10:09

I have aso been trying to limit mself to the weekend and have been successfull this week no probs. Went to bed early got more kip and felt good. Then spoilt it Fri night by drinking two bottles of wine. Then a bottle and 3 pints in pub on sunday. Off it again now till next Sat night. Would love to say I am not going to have any then but will be doing a 9 hour shift at work and cant promise anything (work in a supermarket so easy to pick up wine on way home!).

I definately have a drink problem but like most I flinch at the word 'alcoholic'. But I am. Have had several scans and blood test which are all OK but it is the effect on my relationships that is the worse. DH well pissed off with me now.

DettaJnr · 12/11/2007 21:48

Ladylush, the 'off drink for November' thing is to do with it being the month dedicated to the souls of purgatory. So, it's kind of a little like lent. It's hard to put into words and don't want to sound like a raving bible-basher (which I don't think I am).

Had half a bottle of wine Friday night, a whole bottle of wine Saturday and a couple of glasses yesterday. Will do my utmost to stay off it for rest of week. Complete abstinence, even for a month, is just too difficult.

ladylush · 14/11/2007 09:07

Aha, Catholic thing. Yes I forgot. Lapsed one here. Well to be fair I was really only a pseudo one as mum sent me to a Catholic school cos she thought it would be better (she had gone to a convent school herself). The reality was that it was one of the roughest in the area! Good luck with the abstinence - or reduction. Over the weekend I had a bottle of wine and 2 glasses.

ladylush · 14/11/2007 09:08

monkeybutler, are you sure you are an alcoholic if you can drink at the weekend only? Or are you a habitual drinker?

monkeybutler · 15/11/2007 10:11

Hi Ladylush, find it reaaly hard to just drink at the weekend and indeed fell hevily off 'wagon' last night. I would LOVE to think I am not an alcoholic though. I drink at the most two nights a week (usually Weds and either fri or sat). But when I drink I have about 20 units each time. Thats 40 in a week - surely thats alcoholic behaviour?. I work Mon and Tues nights so feel that i 'deserve' the booze on a weds. I have a lot of bottled up anger and resentment towards my husband as I feel I do everything for the kids and he does very little. I darent confront him about it as I am scared he will leave me so i just get on with it. Wine is m way of coping (and Prozac!!). Any advice on breaking the habit ladylush?. I am a great mum but a shit wife.

ladylush · 15/11/2007 11:45

Ok well I am not an addictions expert but I would say you are an emotional drinker and probably not physically addicted, but emotionally dependent. Do you want to work things out with your husband? If so maybe you could try to bite the bullet with him and be completely honest about how you feel (but do it when you are sober - that is important). You could carry on as you are but it sounds as if you are unhappy with the relationship. If you feel you bear the responsibility of the kids too much, how about going to a spa with friends for the weekend leaving him to have the kids. It sounds as if you need a break tbh. I totally understand the wine being a coping thing as I have a stressful job and it was the best way of unwinding after a difficult day, but I only felt good that night - not the next day. My top tip is replacing the wine for something that makes you feel good but is healthy eg I go for reflexology, health spa etc. I look forward to the weekend though I think you have more resolve than you think if you only drink two nights in the week. It sounds as though you drink to get blotto though - maybe you can limit yourself to half a bottle max per night - more at weekend. I don't know if that would work for you, it didn't for me - that's why I had to just stop in the week. Also I doubt you are a shit wife - just a sad one. Don't be so hard on yourself

FioFio · 15/11/2007 11:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ladylush · 16/11/2007 11:50

monkeybutler the only online survey I found was an American one which said my drinking was harmful to my health! I dismissed it. I went back and changed some of the data (eg have you ever had an accident after drinking - I said yes cos I broke my arm one NYE when pissed) and it said I was fine but still drink more than the average American woman. Er yeah...but so what!

monkeybutler · 16/11/2007 12:56

Hi ladylush, wil have a look at those links thanks. Dont reckon the half bottle wine thing will work, I think i have a point of no return and the choice is taken out of my hands after then. I would rather not have that first glas and save it till the weekend. I agree that I dont have a physical addiction, it is emotional as now I have started looking at my trigger times (and keping a record) and they are when I am hungry, angry, lonely and most of all tired (HALT it is called!). I KNOW I can get on top of this but it is finding the way to break the habit that is the thing. I am on Depn dependent drinkers thread too (see Health) and am looking into AA or CBT. Thanks for advice XXX

ladylush · 16/11/2007 13:30

Good luck mb. Don't heed the American one. I think enjoying yourself is against the law in the US

ladylush · 16/11/2007 13:34

I think CBT (or motivational interviewing) would be good for you as you are able to see link between emotions and behaviour.

DettaJnr · 16/11/2007 21:10

How did we all do this week?

I am afraid that I gave in on Wednesday night and had three glasses of cold, crisp chardonnay and it was nectar from the gods. Had a bit of a headache yesterday though as I didn't have any sparkling water to go with it.

Good advice Ladylush.

ladylush · 17/11/2007 11:12

I gave in on Thursday night and had a cold crisp LARGE glass of white. It was lovely

ladylush · 17/11/2007 22:42

I've had a bottle over past 3 evenings.

DettaJnr · 18/11/2007 11:09

A bottle over three evenings is ok. For me, I can be quite restrained at home but when we go out I have all great plans to stick to a certain amount but after I've had a few I just can't always control myself. The next day the hangover lasts all day and sometimes into the next day. It's just not worth it.

ladylush · 18/11/2007 21:57

I don't go out that much cos ds is still young and I think that is why I got into the habit of drinking at home. Still, at least I have wised up to it. You know Detta - I think we are somewhat reformed ............... slainte

monkeybutler · 19/11/2007 11:20

Hi all, woould love to report that only had one glass of wine. In fact would love to report had only one bottle but again saturday night I had 2 bottles. Yes, there is a difinate link between emotions and behavour here as I was pissed off wit people at work, tired, hungry, bored etc. I know my triggers but cant really avoid them. Felt fine Sunday though, went to pub for lunch but only had diet coke. No urges to drink at all during day or any other days other then weds and Sat. How strange!

goingfriggincrazy · 19/11/2007 11:41

Can I join in with you ladies?..I'm having a tough old time of it lately.My intake has rocketted into self destruct mode and monkeys posts are very similar to my life at the mo.
I have a addictive streak and wine is a great release for me of a evening and yes,saturday night I had nearly had 2 bottles of the stuff-suffered yesterday with self pity and all that negative thinking hungover crap.
I really crave at about 7-8pm and usually have to curb that by going to bed early.This is day 2 of not drinking...........feeling a little wobbly and a bit feeble at the moment,like I'm about to crack.Unsure if I can stick to the treating myself at weekends,once I start I find it hard to stop-all or nothing kinda person.
It helps reading your posts.

monkeybutler · 19/11/2007 12:12

Hi GFC, I am the same, I am a woman of extremes. In my early twenties I smoked 30 a day and then developed an eating disorder. I didnt have periods for 3 years due to too much exercise and not enough food. I managed to quite smoking and got over the eating thing by the time I was 25. Have always had a destructive relatonshi with wine, never able to have just the one glass. Seemingly the easiest way for me to cut my consumption down is by limiting the opportunities I have to drink. Going to work, bed early, running etc all help. I know my trigger times like you do.

Keep posting with updates etc and for a bit of moral support. Everyone on here has or has had a proble wit alcohol, we are all at different stages bt we all understand the guilt, negativity, depression and slef loathing you feel. I was once told that depression is a disease of the strong. We keep taking the pressure ntil we go under, the 'weaker' people are more canny, they say when they have had enough before it starts to destroy them. Good luck for tonight XX

ladylush · 19/11/2007 23:57

Interesting post monkeybutler. You are right - we need to keep supporting/encouraging eachother (and not lecturing when we don't do so well). Good luck everyone.

monkeybutler · 20/11/2007 09:34

Fuck it. I drank last night. Feel terrible today. DH has left me a note saying he will leave mne if I do it again. Have no option but to get help now or will lose everything.

ladylush · 20/11/2007 09:39

mb. Guess that really is an ultimatum. Does he want you to stop completely?

monkeybutler · 20/11/2007 09:56

No he left me some 'rules'. I can drink on a Saturday night if I am not working or a Weds night if I work saturdays. He still doesnt get it that I am addicted and the only way forward is to stop drinking. Wh would he get it he is not addicted.

The letter he left was really nice though. He stressed how much he loves me and that it would break his heart to leave. He put 'all my love' at the end. I dont deserve him.