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Original poster

Circumcision - have you had your ds 'done'?

168 replies

monkeygirl · 13/09/2004 11:57

My dh wants to follow the family tradition of having ds circumcised (for non-religious reasons) but I'm not sure if I want him to go under the knife. If you've had your ds done, why and at what age? And do you think it's made a difference (ie health and hygenically-wise)?

OP posts:

Twiglett · 13/09/2004 16:47

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Original poster

monkeygirl · 13/09/2004 16:51

Twiglett, as a matter of interest, do you know up to what age they do just a topical anaesthetic?

OP posts:

Twinkie · 13/09/2004 16:55

I would not have DS done unless was necessary (he not even here yet bless him and I am talking about stuff like this!!) but equally if he needed it done I would not hesitate for the following reasons.

DP's parents never had him done and then his first sexual experience it split and he ended up having it done as an emergency and it didn't heal for ages and he spent 8 years in therapy as a result!!

I also went out with a guy who was 8 when he had it done and it left hom with problems and feeling like he was missing something and something had been taken away from him!!

Best friends DS had his done last year and he was perfectly fine with it - his father had it done a couple of years previous to that and acted like his whole todger had been cut off - moral I htink ishave it done when they are very young - as everyone says B4 3 years.

Twiglett · 13/09/2004 17:03

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Original poster

monkeygirl · 13/09/2004 17:22

Need a long talk with dh to see how dtrongly he does feel about the whole thing. I would definitely not want it done if it involves a GA.

Sorry Twiglett, another question - did you and dh both agree from the beginning or were the family ideas his or your ideas?

OP posts:

Twiglett · 13/09/2004 17:26

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Twiglett · 13/09/2004 17:30

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alexsmum · 13/09/2004 17:31

why take a pefectly formed,tiny baby and chop a bit of their body off?? Sorry but I think it's outrageous that people have this done for anything other than medical reasons.I don't even agree in having it done for religious reasons:if god hadn't wanted men to have foreskins why did he make them that way??
Dh was circumcised for medical reasons when he was about 12,but he wouldn't want our boys to be done just to be like him.
Monkeygirl,you said you will try to 'dissuade' your dh from this idea.'dissuade'??? You are his mother, just refuse point blank.
would any of you put a daughter through unneccessary pain and suffering so she could look like you???

Twiglett · 13/09/2004 17:35

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Original poster

monkeygirl · 13/09/2004 17:46

For me this is a very complex issue and not such a black and white one (or should I say cut and dried or is that in really bad taste???) as it obviously is for some people. Whilst I have been flippant about my dh, for him it is not a question of vanity but of tradition and health issues, misguided or not. So whilst I would definnitely not let my ds go under GA unnecessarily I asked the question because I do not know enough about the whole subject. And I must say twiglett you have put the cat amongst the pigeons for me!

OP posts:

Tortington · 13/09/2004 18:03

havn't we done this thread before?

pupuce · 13/09/2004 18:11

Oh yes we have...
For what it's worth 3 of my clients have talked to me about circumcision.

Family was South African, dad was, 1st born was so new baby "had to be"... didn't want to have 1 in the family be different
Family - dad side - was Jewish but not practising at all got married in church but wanted child to be circumcised (I think to be like dad)... they had a daughter!
Dad was Jewish, again not practising.... when child was born he had a nasty infection and mum said to dad... sorry but he has been poorly for 6 weeks, he is not being circumcised now... it was dropped, they had a 2nd boy - neither are.

My DH is circumcised (due to problem as a baby but his dad isn't), DS is not - it was never considered.

I think the argument "so he can be like me"... a bit short sighted.... the child will be like n o one else in the gym when he is 8 !

coddychops · 13/09/2004 18:12

idisagree with f emale circumcision.

suedonim · 13/09/2004 21:13

My ds1's wife is Jewish and hoping to start training as a rabbi soon. Ds1 will have to convert to Judaism and I asked if that meant he would have to be 'done'. The answer is no, but there is provision for a man to be symbolically circumcised, by just being nicked enough so a little drop of blood is drawn. That's in America, I don't know if it's the same here.

Davros · 13/09/2004 21:45

Can't read all of this but we had DS circumcised when he was about 5 weeks old (he's now 9). We had it done medically, not religiously and it didn't look anything like those two websites. A little plastic ring was put on the end which fell off after a while and hey presto. I wasn't actually there so there may have been more to it but it was done in a few minutes, no upset and no noticeable after effects. We had two main reasons for doing it:

DH is Jewish and therefore circumcised so it made sense for our son to look the same as daddy. By coincidence my dad was also circumcised (so I was told!)
Although DH is not religious he more or less knows that for centuries all the men in his family have been circumcised and we didn't see why we should be the ones to end that and felt it was quite a big responsibility

toddlerbob · 14/09/2004 03:07

I've not had him done and most of my dh generation here in NZ seem to be missing that bit. I cringe when my MIL talks about it in mixed company though, then again I cringe when she asks me if my nipples are bleeding (answer obviously is "what right now?- I'll just go and check") Sorry this is no help to you at all.

ernest · 14/09/2004 10:11

my son was done for medical reasons & I wished there was some way to avoid it. If ds 2 has problems I will put it off as long as pos. I really wouldn't do it unless absolutely vital.

my advice is don't. he's your son too

Blackduck · 14/09/2004 10:15

dp is (medical reasons) ds isn't (and won't be...) although I can see there being some interesting 'why does yours look like that daddy?' conversations to come...

prettycandles · 14/09/2004 14:54

If anyone does go ahead with a non-religious circumcision, I highly recommend having it done by a mohel, rather than a 'conventional' surgeon.
Firstly, mohels specialise in circumcision and do at least 2 or 3 each week, whereas for a surgeon it is just one of many procedures that they perform. Mohels are all medical doctors as well.
Secondly, it is generally safer for the baby precisely because mohels do not use anaesthetics as a matter of course, except for topical anaesthetics.
Thirdly, a mohel uses a 'shield' to prevent damage to the glans, which may not be used in 'surgical' circumcisions.
Fourthly, when the procedure is carried out at home, it is common practice for the mohel to stay for a while to monitor the child and to return a few hours later, and in some cases a few days later as well to check the child. With a newborn that is much more convenient than having to traipse off to the hospital.

Blu · 14/09/2004 15:19

Just as we can't predict whether a child will suffer any comlpications which require circumcision later in life, neither can we predict whether any complications will arise from circumcision. My friends child was circumcised (by a mohel), somthing went wrong with the cut (it didn't happen in the right place, I think) and the little boy has a choice between living with an unusual foreskin/penis, or having further sugery to correct and complete the circumcision.

Not wishing to be particularly contentious - the same could happen in a wisdom tooth extraction.

ladymuck · 14/09/2004 16:02

My ds's are a bit on the young side yet, but I seem to be missing something on the "need to look like daddy". DH is uncircumcised as are the ds's, but dss' penises looks nothing like dh's, and frankly I wasn't expecting them to be similar for some years yet. At what age will they start to stress that they are different from Daddy? I think that they are probably similar size/shapes to their contemporaries, but certainly different size, colour and shape from dh's. Or is this a concern that only arises in puberty - and again is it usual for the males of the family to make comparison? I rarely saw my parents naked, so not sure what the norm for pubescent boys is?

KateandtheGirls · 14/09/2004 16:05

Ladymuck, that's what I never understood about the "He needs to look like Daddy" argument either, but it's an argument you often hear in the US. Is it because people who don't have it done for religious or medical reasons don't have any better argument to make?

aloha · 14/09/2004 16:17

and do small children really compare foreskins with their fathers? I don't think so. surely the 'look like daddy' stance would be a good argument for cosmetic surgery of all kinds. Nose jobs anyone?

tex111 · 14/09/2004 16:24

It is definitely the norm in Texas to be circumcised. I had never seen an uncircumcised penis until DH (who is English and would kill me for talking about this) and it was ages before I worked out why his willy looked so different! It didn't even enter my mind that he would be uncircumcised.

We haven't had DS done and it has been a source of shock and amusement in my family. Whenever we visit everyone wants to see the 'turtleneck' as it's such a novelty. We did discuss having it done because if we ever moved back to the States DS would be teased and singled out in locker room situations and it could prove tricky when he started dating (has anyone seen the Sex & the City episode about the uncircumcised guy?). In the end we decided that we would probably be staying in England and it wouldn't be a problem. Very tough decision though.

Strangely enough, after we decided that DS would not be circumcised I discovered, through talking to my mother, that my father is not circumcised. He was born at home and didn't spend any time in hospital so it wasn't an option. This has apparently been a shameful secret in the family as it's seen as a sign of poverty (and they were extremely poor) so perhaps there are status issues too when it comes to what one's willy looks like.

Blu · 14/09/2004 16:31

I have never taken the 'look like daddy' reasoning quite so literally - thought that it was more 'follow the same habit as daddy's family'. Having spoken to a few men about this, I wonder whether they continue the tradition / habit because to break it - or challenge it, might be percienved as an invalidation of their own circumcision - which is a lot to accept.

(I am not referring to religious observance, here)

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