I've gone mad

[milkybarkid]

I can't keep this to myself any longer; I need to tell someone I feel.

Some of you may have seen my thread about feeding my son a lot to get him to sleep; at first I thought it was the tiredness from lack of sleep, bf whilst pregannt etc making me feel low. I said onthis thread that I didn't have anyone round to help and my partner had left and wanted a divorce.

Now I realise its not the tiredness; I think I have true clinical depression but I am too scared to see my GP, I'm scared SS will get involved and my son and baby I'm carrying will be taken off me.

My son is so demanding, I feel isolated, for some reason I've started thinking about the rape again even though it happened ages ago, and it hurts so much that someone who I thought the world of hates me so much now that he has left me when I'm pregnant and have a baby to look after when he knows I have nobody else to help.

I am almost constantly crying and although not really actively suicidal, I wake up every morning thinking "Oh god, why am I still here". I am not enjoying my pregnancy or my baby and I have become such a shit mum

Message withdrawn

no

mbk - please call the samaritans now- they will help you. Check out www address - www.samaritans.org/talk/phoneus.shtm

The phone number is 08457 90 90 90, cost of a local call.

you're not a pain, you've just had a lot of sh*t in your life that noone should have to go through. just try and hold on - depression does pass and doesn't last forever - it's just a painful time when it has you in its grip. if you are feeling so low you do need treatment - and realistically to get quick treatment you need ADs. counselling/psychotherapy would also help as well as ADs - but then there's the waiting list issue....

i just have mumsnet

Sorry hun, I really hope I haven't made things worse. As you say you do have mumsnet though

of course you havent made things worse,you are great you all are

im exhausted, i really should trya nd get some rest while I can before ds wakes up

okay MBK, sounds like a good idea for you to get as much rest as you can. if you feel you can't cope during the night, please try and call the samaritans as cardigan has suggested

take care,
x

Milkybarkid, if you're up fine, if you read this tomorrow, fine. PLEASE, don't let him do this tomorrow. If you have a joint tenancy it doesn't matter. GO to the police. Explain that you need him out of the house. They;ll get him out to prevent a "Breach of the Peace", that being, that when the police turn up he's going to probably kick up a fuss. Don't let them fob you off at the front counter, say you want to speak to someone from the Community Safety Unit, and don't think this is JUST about Domestic VIOLENCE because it's not. Please tell them the whole story, even if you don't want them to proceed with anythimg. They WILL help to remove him from your house. If he hasn't been living with you though you could go to the council and get him removed from the tenancy. I'll check this out tomorrow for you. Sleep tight.

Not to sure of policies in England, live in Scotland but up here local authorities will change locks if you are experiencing domestic abuse and usually there's no charge. Also check out if your local police have a specialist domestic abuse unit, they can often help with alarms etc. As for rights, what about your rights? Think you'll find that he doesn't have near as many rights as he thinks. Again don't know what systems like beside you but here our housing officers can help with issues like this without involving ss - might be worth checking out.
Think you really need someone to talk to properly though - what about samaratins as Cardigan and Mummytosteven suggested- might be good starting place.
Take care please!!!

MBK - hope you got some rest last night.

1. Definitely get the police involved to get your DH out of the house and go to the CAB or a free session with a solicitor to find out what your rights are. Someone doesn't need to physically touch you to be abusing you - mental/verbal abuse can be far more powerful at times because it gets inside your head and make you doubt your own thoughts and feelings, and that's the last thing you need right now.

2. Talk to your GP, HV or anyone else you can find, throw a tantrum, scream, whatever until someone listens and helps you. Don't worry about SS, they can't do anything just because you admit that you need a bit of help - they'd say that's what they want - if you're asking for help then you're obviously a considerate mum.

3. Totally ignore your DH atm - and if you need then I mean literally - if that means not even speaking to him and acting as though he doesn't exist then so be it. His accomodation etc is HIS problem and it shouldn't even take up 1 second of your thinking time, leave that all to him. He's a grown man so get him out of the house and he can fend for himself.

4. Don't think for a minute that any of this is your fault - you could spend years thinking that and its not true and won't help you. PND is just a fact of life - you wouldn't blame yourself if you got cancer and in the same way if you have PND its not your fault.

5. Find out about domestic violence help in your area - I'm not in a position to judge your realtionship and what your DH has/hasn't done but they can give you a shoulder and some very good advice on emotional abuse, how to define it and how to deal with it.

Please go and get all the help and advice you possibly can and don't feel that you have to handle this all by yourself or that you have to do what your DH/anyone else want just because they're demanding it.

Lots of hugs coming your way too.

Hi everyone, you'll be pleased to know I have not had any conmtact with him all day and have had the locks changed and I feel so free

Hi MBK, thanks for posting again, and so glad that you have managed to sort your ex out.

Hope that things continue to improve. If you get any hassle from your ex, call 999.

take care
x

Hi MKB,
glad to hear things are a bit better. Good luck. Thinking of you.