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Original poster

I've gone mad

140 replies

milkybarkid · 10/09/2004 16:50

I can't keep this to myself any longer; I need to tell someone I feel.

Some of you may have seen my thread about feeding my son a lot to get him to sleep; at first I thought it was the tiredness from lack of sleep, bf whilst pregannt etc making me feel low. I said onthis thread that I didn't have anyone round to help and my partner had left and wanted a divorce.

Now I realise its not the tiredness; I think I have true clinical depression but I am too scared to see my GP, I'm scared SS will get involved and my son and baby I'm carrying will be taken off me.

My son is so demanding, I feel isolated, for some reason I've started thinking about the rape again even though it happened ages ago, and it hurts so much that someone who I thought the world of hates me so much now that he has left me when I'm pregnant and have a baby to look after when he knows I have nobody else to help.

I am almost constantly crying and although not really actively suicidal, I wake up every morning thinking "Oh god, why am I still here". I am not enjoying my pregnancy or my baby and I have become such a shit mum

OP posts:
motherinferior · 11/09/2004 19:20

Nothing to add but hugs and more support.

EvesMama · 11/09/2004 22:32

please contact your health visitor! i have suffered with pnd since daughter born and am still finding obstacles (also suffered sexual abuse as a child)this causes me more distress than ever, but health visitor put me in touch with phychitric nurse and feeling a little better. also changed doc's now got male doc as women were SOO unsympathetic (both no children!)he's wonderful and is prescribing me a form of prozac which will eventually enable me to get on with life. you wont be able to take anything like this at minute i wouldnt think, but best thing you can do is tell health visitor how you feel, they are they to help (ring doc's to get number for yours if you dont know it) good luck and please come back to me if you want a chat.xx

MummyToSteven · 11/09/2004 22:34

MBK - i'm nowhere near you unfortunately, but happy to make phone calls for you to docs/HV if that would be any help. Also just to reiterate; it is possible to be prescribed Prozac when PG - i was given it by a psychiatrist when 30 weeks PG - they are obviously going to be more wary of giving it unless you really need it, but if your quality of life is being seriously affected by your depression then they should be willing to prescribe it for you. Take care

x

MummyToSteven · 12/09/2004 12:13

bump!

MummyToSteven · 12/09/2004 19:19

just wondered how you were doing today MBK. Hang on in there

Isla · 12/09/2004 23:27

I have suffered with depression for 3 years now and have been on Seroxat for the whole time. Initially it was diagnosed as PND but now I think it was more to do with circumstances I was living in. Am still on them, there is a social stigma about depression, which is gradually lifting fortunately, it is not about you being inadequate or unable to 'cope' its about seratonin levels in your brain, nothing you have control over. Nobody knocks a diabetic do they? You must go an see your doctor, even if it takes 3 weeks make that appointment, the pills take about 2 weeks to kick in and you may feel awful to begin with but then you will start to feel 'normal' again. You are not a bad mother and Social Services will not be informed about it. Take care and I hope you feel better soon, there is light!

nikkim · 13/09/2004 00:16

I was going to say exactly the same Isla, great minds think alike.

MBK, I know you said homestart don't have volunteers but they should run groups that you can attend, or are you in a sure start area. There might even be a family centre to go to. I can't see how old your son is he might benefit from going to a group, if only it it helps him work off some excess energy which might make life a bit easier for you.

From my own experiences I found that going to the doctor was a big step on the road to living life again as I felt i was doing something constructive. Do you have a health visitor who could help you? Depression gets worse if it is left to fester. I got the help I needed by walking into the emergency recetion of the Maudelsy with my dd when she was three months and refusing to leave until something was done! I am amazed looking back that I had the confidence in such a dark period of my life to do this but you would be amazed where you find strength from when you really need it.

Blu · 14/09/2004 17:03

How are you Milkybarkid?

Socci · 14/09/2004 18:57

Message withdrawn

mummytosteven · 15/09/2004 17:02

Just wondering how you are MBK. Hope you have managed to speak to a doc/midwife/HV that can offer you some support

mummytosteven · 15/09/2004 18:09

bump

mummytosteven · 16/09/2004 21:10

Milkybarkid, thinking of you, and hope you are feeling a bit better

zippy539 · 16/09/2004 22:11

Milkybarkid - delurking to say I hope you're ok. I know just how hard it is to speak to health professionals about this kind of stuff - I'm a gobby kind of person but when I realised I was depressed after having my dd it took me weeks to pluck up the courage to talk to my health visitor. It was the best thing I ever did. Please get the help you deserve. Don't be scared.

mummytosteven · 22/09/2004 20:59

MBK, wondering how you are. Has anyone heard from MBK at all?

Chinchilla · 22/09/2004 21:25

MBK - hugs to you. Sorry you are in such a sh*t situation now. Lots of us on here know what it is like to be depressed and/or alone. Keep posting. xx

MTS · 30/09/2004 18:19

Hello MBK. Just wondering how things were.

sweetkitty · 30/09/2004 21:13

hi MBK just saw your thread, admitting you have depression and need help is one of the biggest hurdles, you have nothing to feel bad or embarrassed about. It is an illness, it doesn't care if your young, old, skint, loaded etc it's like a monster that can get you at anytime.

Our docs is the same as yours but you can usually get emergency appointments if you go down to the surgery first thing in the morning.

Take care of yourself

Original poster
milkybarkid · 01/10/2004 19:51

Hi, not posted for a while becuase too low. Nice to know people are still thuinking of me. Thankin you.

Unfortunately, am actively suicidal now. Can think of nothing but suicide

OP posts:
Original poster
milkybarkid · 01/10/2004 19:57

Can't even spell now!

OP posts:
charliecat · 01/10/2004 20:02

Milkybarkid you really need to talk to someone, im sure one of the other more wise MNetters will be here with some numbers soon. Where do you live, are there other MNetters nearby?

Original poster
milkybarkid · 01/10/2004 20:06

I live in the midlands

OP posts:
charliecat · 01/10/2004 20:08

There must be lots of other Mnetters near you then, is there anything youdd like to talk about?
Ive read your first post about your son, my daughter was a screaming horror of a baby who wouldnt sleep..i have sympathy.

charliecat · 01/10/2004 20:13

You still here?

popsycal · 01/10/2004 20:18

MBK - i have only just read this thread
please please please call someone. anyone.
are you still there?

charliecat · 01/10/2004 20:31

Im still here if your still about MBK..

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