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Original poster

I've gone mad

140 replies

milkybarkid · 10/09/2004 16:50

I can't keep this to myself any longer; I need to tell someone I feel.

Some of you may have seen my thread about feeding my son a lot to get him to sleep; at first I thought it was the tiredness from lack of sleep, bf whilst pregannt etc making me feel low. I said onthis thread that I didn't have anyone round to help and my partner had left and wanted a divorce.

Now I realise its not the tiredness; I think I have true clinical depression but I am too scared to see my GP, I'm scared SS will get involved and my son and baby I'm carrying will be taken off me.

My son is so demanding, I feel isolated, for some reason I've started thinking about the rape again even though it happened ages ago, and it hurts so much that someone who I thought the world of hates me so much now that he has left me when I'm pregnant and have a baby to look after when he knows I have nobody else to help.

I am almost constantly crying and although not really actively suicidal, I wake up every morning thinking "Oh god, why am I still here". I am not enjoying my pregnancy or my baby and I have become such a shit mum

OP posts:
Original poster
milkybarkid · 03/11/2004 23:07

I've tried talking to hv she doesnt seem to realsie how bad things are,of course she never sees me when I am like this

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wobblyknicks · 03/11/2004 23:08

mbk - the police can help you get him out, if that's what you want to do then don't let him stop you!!!

Original poster
milkybarkid · 03/11/2004 23:08

and he keeps saying how he has a right to come whenever he wants to see his son

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Original poster
milkybarkid · 03/11/2004 23:09

if id didnt have a ds upstairs I would be overdosing now, sorry to talk like this but I need to talk to someone

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MummyToSteven · 03/11/2004 23:09

wk or somebody else will know the detail on that - but that is utter bobbins. since you aren't married IIRC he has very few rights at all

wobblyknicks · 03/11/2004 23:10

he doesn't have any right of the sort. he has a theoretical right to see his son, but that's at set times, decided between you or by a solicitor, or court, at a place that suits you and not whenever he wants!!!

blossomhill · 03/11/2004 23:10

I don't know your whole story MBK but how about talking to your gp if they are sympathetic.
I have been on my ad's for 3 months now and it has been a life saver. I don't know how I would have got through without them to be honest.

Original poster
milkybarkid · 03/11/2004 23:12

i am married altho he wants a divorce

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Original poster
milkybarkid · 03/11/2004 23:13

cant takk to my gp, tried to register elsewhere to get someone better but they wont take me on as Im already registerered with a diff doctor

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MummyToSteven · 03/11/2004 23:13

sorry mbk, for some reason thought that you weren't married. but even if you were married he would only have rights to visitation if they were agreed between you or ordered by the Court.

have you been to your GP/discussed ADs at all?

wobblyknicks · 03/11/2004 23:14

mbk - I really have to go now but I will be back tommorrow morning. Please don't do anything rash, you have a lot of rights you can use to make things a lot better for yourself and he doesn't have 10% of the rights he seems to think, trust me.

Original poster
milkybarkid · 03/11/2004 23:14

what have I done to desereve this, I dont think Ive been that bad, and Ive been so stressed out after being told about downs syndrome after that scan, how can he treat me like this when Im feeling so worried about the unborn baby

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MummyToSteven · 03/11/2004 23:17

as i posted earlier on this thread i had a lot of problems with my GP, but got help through the maternity hospital referring me to the disability support midwife (disability as in mental health issues(!)) and to a psychiatrist. would you feel able to speak to your midwife or gynae doctor at your next appointment?

is there only the one GP at your practice.

cardigan · 03/11/2004 23:17

mbk - Please call samaritans now to help you. Best wishes.

blossomhill · 03/11/2004 23:17

How about going to a walk in health centre and explaining to them? It is so important that you get help as the longer it goes on the more damaging for you. I also had PND after my ds was born, nearly 7 years ago. There is nothing to be ashamed of, no one is going to take your son away. 10% of new mums get some form of depression. It's not a choice but a real true illness that needs real treatment.
The way I look at it is if you had a broken leg you wouldn't keep walking on it and depression is an illness too. So therefore needs treatment.
I don't want ot sound harsh but I am saying it because I really care that you get the right help and I have experience of depression. Blossomhillxxx
I really hope things move forward for you.

MummyToSteven · 03/11/2004 23:18

it's not you/your fault. either he is depressed and taking it out on you, or just plain controlling/unpleasant. either way it shouldn't be your problem.

essbee · 03/11/2004 23:19

Message withdrawn

blossomhill · 03/11/2004 23:20

Hi Essbee. Are you okay?

essbee · 03/11/2004 23:21

Message withdrawn

MummyToSteven · 03/11/2004 23:26

i think you have to be very blunt with your HV - say that you have been feeling suicidal and that your partner is verbally abusive towards you and completely unsupportive

i am sure that the last thing you feel like doing is having to fight for help/to be taken seriously, but unfortunately sometimes that's the way the system works. if you can start on medication in the near future, and find one that works well for you, you would feel a lot better in a few months time

Original poster
milkybarkid · 03/11/2004 23:26

hi essbee, its terrible isnt it

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blossomhill · 03/11/2004 23:26

Sorry essbee - just read your post and I really don't know what to say. I have posted a reply though

Original poster
milkybarkid · 03/11/2004 23:29

i wish i could stop crying, i feel so alone

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Original poster
milkybarkid · 03/11/2004 23:30

I dont mean to sound ungrateful, i know im not alone cos i have mumsnet, you are all so kind, im sorry to be such a pain

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blossomhill · 03/11/2004 23:31

MBK - You poor love. You so badly need help. Do you have any girly friends or family you can talk to?

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