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Original poster

I've gone mad

140 replies

milkybarkid · 10/09/2004 16:50

I can't keep this to myself any longer; I need to tell someone I feel.

Some of you may have seen my thread about feeding my son a lot to get him to sleep; at first I thought it was the tiredness from lack of sleep, bf whilst pregannt etc making me feel low. I said onthis thread that I didn't have anyone round to help and my partner had left and wanted a divorce.

Now I realise its not the tiredness; I think I have true clinical depression but I am too scared to see my GP, I'm scared SS will get involved and my son and baby I'm carrying will be taken off me.

My son is so demanding, I feel isolated, for some reason I've started thinking about the rape again even though it happened ages ago, and it hurts so much that someone who I thought the world of hates me so much now that he has left me when I'm pregnant and have a baby to look after when he knows I have nobody else to help.

I am almost constantly crying and although not really actively suicidal, I wake up every morning thinking "Oh god, why am I still here". I am not enjoying my pregnancy or my baby and I have become such a shit mum

OP posts:

MummyToSteven · 11/10/2004 16:22

bump

cat82 · 11/10/2004 16:40

bump

Sandi102 · 11/10/2004 20:16

bump

citrane · 11/10/2004 20:52

hey MBK, you poor baby, look I live in Derby if thats close to you and will pop over to give you a break and a hug.

Thinking about you.

nightowl · 11/10/2004 23:48

bump

Thomcat · 11/10/2004 23:51

Just seen this, milkybarkid, are you there, are you ok?

MUMINAMILLION · 11/10/2004 23:55

MBK - please, please get back in touch with us if you can. We are very worried about you.

I will CAT you if you need to talk - or if you feel you can. You really are not alone in this. Keep speaking to us, please. xx

nightowl · 12/10/2004 00:43

i surpose there is a chance she may be feeling embarrassed about letting her feelings out so much and is keeping away for a while? ive done that myself before now. mbk....if thats the case let someone know youre ok and if you want us all to drop the subject im absolutely sure everyone will respect your wishes.

yurtgirl · 12/10/2004 10:58

Message withdrawn

Pippinthedog · 12/10/2004 12:41

dont suffer any longer. I was very depressed for over a year as i was too afraid to take anti depressants i had been prescibed.I had a young son to care for and a day didnt go by that i didnt think about packing my bags and disapearing,I thought i was going mad.2 weeks into my tablets i began to feel so much better the dark cloud lifted and i now cant believe how long i let myself suffer.SS will not be involved as depression is so common. my doctor was not surprised, find yourself a new doctor one u can talk to

Sandi102 · 12/10/2004 16:50

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Original poster

milkybarkid · 30/10/2004 22:30

Hi, everyone, sorry to startthis up again but I've started feeling really terrible again. s father came back and although I was really upset and worried about not coping on my own when he first went, I want him to go again. He is making life hell.

I dont have a problem with him wanting ot see a lot of his son, but thats not why hes back, hes back cos he couldnt find decent accomodation. He comes back, says he's staying until the new ones born, then says he's had enough and he's going again.

He makes so upset, he keeps messing me about, he always says he can't believe he was unlucky enough to ever meet me cos I'm so ugly and fat, he makes more work for me cos he is so untidy, he keeps messing up the house, leaving dirty underwear all over the place, he never washes, he doesnt help with ds, he moans if he's sick on him or if he cries, I've just had enough now.

By the way, anyone whos tried to CAT me, my email account was closed cos of me not signing in often enough so all emails were deleted.

And Im really really sorry to start moaning again, just needed to get it off my chest as terribly unhappy.

OP posts:

hunkermunker · 30/10/2004 22:42

Hi MBK - I'm quite new to MN and hadn't read your thread before now. I just wanted to give you big big hugs. If I lived nearer, I'd come and give you a real hug. Have you talked to your HV about any of this? Not sure if it's appropriate to ask if you've thought of ringing the Samaritans and please don't take it the wrong way - I'm just trying to think of ways to help.

More big hugs and I hope that someone who lives nearer can give you a hug in RL soon.

HM xxx

MummyToSteven · 30/10/2004 22:45

Hi MBK. Sorry to hear you are feeling low again. It sounds like you have already made the decision in your mind to try and get him to leave again. As you have said, it doens't sound like he came back for any positive reasons, or was willing to address any problems. It certainly sounds like the last thing you need atm is anyone not only not providing you with practical help but trying to drag you down with nasty comments. Has he always been unpleasant/controlling, or could he be suffering any degree of depression atm? would he be willing to go Relate type counselling with you?

colditzmum · 30/10/2004 22:52

Hi I am quite new on MN, but I have lurked on your thread for a few days, and was so relieved when your post just came up! You sound like a lovely person, and you have too much on your plate. ds's dad sounds like he needs a good kicking! I have suffered with depression most of my adult life and know how horrible it is, also I live in the midlands, 20 miles north of leicester. What area are you in? the gp's where I live are brilliant with depression

Original poster

milkybarkid · 30/10/2004 23:08

No, hv not much good and hardly see her. Ds father on the tenancy otherwise would ask him to go. Used to be lovely until ds was born then turned into a monster

OP posts:

colditzmum · 30/10/2004 23:21

by verbally abusing you your dp has violated his tenancy agreement and you're entitled to ask him to leave, and if he won't and you are desparate you can call the police and have him removed. I know that isn't much help now, but you may want to in the future..... sounds like you really don't want him there, can't say I blame you!

colditzmum · 31/10/2004 00:04

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MummyToSteven · 31/10/2004 00:08

is there anyway for you to get him off the tenancy due to him walking out on you previously? if you threw him out would he resist? the first year of having a baby can wreak havoc on any relationship but being verbally abusive is absolutely unacceptable.

mummyloves · 31/10/2004 00:17

Milkybarkid, are you still up? It's a joint tenancy right? Council or housing association or private? Who pays the rent? Sorry to be nosey but I'll see if I can help.

Please darling, I've had some of your issues in the past and I know they never go away. I'm still here though. Do you want to talk?

nightowl · 31/10/2004 01:09

mbk, you dont need to put up with that kind of abuse. you are worth so much more than that. dont listen to what he says and dont let him use you. i dont know much about tenancy but im sure that others can and will try to help you. if you ever need a talk im on msn...my cat i know isnt working (dont know what i did to it) but my email is jb _ 851 at hotmail dot com. feel free to contact me if you want...

Loobz · 01/11/2004 21:13

Hi MBK'
keep moaning honey if it helps - you need to get it off your chest. SS won't take you kids away, even if you are on antidepressants (I know, am SW and have been on antidepressants). You are going through so much and he sounds a shit! If SS were to be involved, any decent worker would put supports in for you and do what they could to help you get rid of him (if that's what you want).
Just remember you have the right to live your life without this abuse
I'd encourage you to see gp - you're not nuts or a bad mum - you're just under lots of pressure and whose to say any one of us would be different if we were in your place.
Thinking of you - try to be strong - for yourself - you're worth it!

Original poster

milkybarkid · 03/11/2004 23:01

When is he going to stop being such an arsehole, hed left and now come back again and has me in tears again now; I am trying so hard not to end it all

OP posts:

MummyToSteven · 03/11/2004 23:03

could you change the locks when he is out, then call the police if he hassles you?

sorry if that is useless advice, just don't really have any experience of how to get rid of a partner

MummyToSteven · 03/11/2004 23:05

have you had a chance to speak to GP/HV/Midwife any health professional about how down you have been feeling lately?

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