It's not summer yet, but we are on cancer support thread 69. Join us if you've got cancer or are having cancer-related tests.

[WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo]

Good evening lacies and welcome to another thread. We filled the previous one rather quickly with dog stories

Hello to any new posters. Feel free to join us if you've got any sort of cancer, or if you're waiting to find out if you have it. We are always happy to share our experience and hold hands, and even happier when we get to wave goodbye to people who have had the all clear :) (please do come back and let us know either way - sometimes people just disappear into the sunset, leaving us wondering whether they were OK or not!)

It's helpful if you can post a quick (re)introduction, even if you're a regular on the thread, to save people having to remember or to refer back to previous threads. There's no need to "catch up" - just join in whenever you want to.

Waves to everyone. Lovely to hear from Leslie.
We are all In Awe of your determination 💖
Today has been an OK day. DH and I had a lovely walk in the sunshine and chatted with our neighbours at each side of us. They have all been so lovely and offered to taxi me round if needed and I've had flowers too.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow will be horrendous as we are going to go tell my parents. Both in their 80's and I'm still their little girl. DH is going to start at the end as opposed to the lengthy tale.
Wish me luck, about 11am tomorrow 🤞🙏

Ah @Borntobeamum that's really tough . I have to admit it's the first time since my parents passed that am glad they're not here for some news. Good luck with it all.

Yay for a short break out @Tahitiitsamagicalplace !! Fingers crossed for more of those!

@WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo the fact you're able to name check is amazing, I can't go back more than a few messages! Much love sweetie (very unMNly but fuck it )

Good luck tomorrow Born. The worst part of all this for me is telling family, only my husband and you lot know that if I can't get on this trial then I only have months left. I'm dreading telling them. But a lot of people have said that their family have coped better than they were expecting them too so hopefully your parents will surprise you

Good luck Borntobe. I'd recommend giving the bare minimum to start with as they might not absorb much. Then you can repeat or fill in gaps as needed once they've had a chance to process the news. I've found some people had to be told multiple times

Thank you KeepCalm this is a special corner of MN, where the usual rules don't apply!

Fluffy I hope the side effects aren't too unbearable

Tahiti yay for day leave! :) it's frustrating not to know what the problem was.

purple thank you. The biscuits were very tasty. My cousin visited and brought a kit. It's lovely having my sister here :)

I'm knitting in bed so nothing new there! Good wishes to all of you

Hello all. I'm feeling very melancholy tonight and don't really know if I should post but I'm going to.
Long story short - I have a friend who has lung cancer. My path has followed hers. she had the same surgery as me, but her cancer returned. Unlike me, she had chemo and radiotherapy. Sadly her cancer returned and all treatment has failed. She has given up. The fight is too much for her and she now refuses to get out of bed. She has been taken into hospital and doesn't want any visitors. She refuses to see the palliative nurses. I understand how hard it is for her and it is her right to decide but I adore her and don't know what I can do. Well I know that I cannot do anything,. I don't really know why I'm posting this.
I just feel so sad. I am losing a friend who I have loved and valued for a long time. Where do I go with this?
Leslie this is the friend I told you about.

I stopped drinking when I was diagnosed with cancer , well I limited it, but tonight I want to drink myself into oblivion.

Anyway, forgive me for my self pitying post. It's not about me. I am struggling with the mind fuck that is cancer.

Love and positive wishes to you all

Oh wombat that must be very tough to get your head around, esp as your treatment has been successful. Everyone reacts differently and she sounds to be still processing the information. I expect as she is in hospital the palliative team will manage to speak to her eventually & she may be open to contact again once she has processed the information. I have no experience of this though, it is just a horrible situation which will not have a happy outcome
I read a post on FB about grief being love with no place to go.

purple Glad you are feeling a bit better, gravity blanket & red meat combo is doing the trick. Is it next week or the week after that you find out about the trial? I can imagine telling everyone how bad you are will be really tough, hopefully something you won't be doing any time soon.

cazy thanks, my ex actually took the girls out yesterday (1st time this year for various reasons, none of which his fault obviously ) so I met a friend for coffee and had a lie down after with an episode of Cold Feet on the iPad. A bit of curiosity around the cancer storyline, so was a bit of a bus mans holiday tbh!

knicker How is your DH? That sucks. I hope the docetaxel/herceptin side effects are not making you feel too rough.

Leslie glad you have your sister & cousin there, oh and bunny biscuits too.... 🐰

peapod & thehorse lovely dog pics. Leslie is right about finding out as the sooner you find out, the sooner you will stop worrying about this lump thehorse you will kick yourself for not going sooner if it turns out to be a cyst....

tahiti sorry you are in hospital again & so soon. I hadn't realised you were back in. Well done on the day release yesterday

When is your next scan TQ? Will be crossing everything that the trial is doing its stuff.

Sorry you've had extended hospital trips london I hope the chemo goes as planned next week and you get to enjoy your birthday.

Waves & hello to everyone. I have 4% charge on my iPad so going to post now before I lose all my post! Have a good Sunday, I hope everyone feels as well as possible (& apologies to anyone I have missed) xx

Morning all and hello Sunday 

@Wombat22 am so sorry regards your friend. Could you try a letter that she could read when she's feeling strong enough? I'd be tempted to send her in a wee note every day so even if she doesn't read them she knows your sincere with your thoughts and efforts?

Morning @noodles44! I've been watching Cold Feet and think they've handled it well up till her wheeching though her chemo 🙄. To be fair this is coming from the woman who cried through How to Train your Dragon with DD3 yesterday and then Mamma Mia 2 last night

Pups are up and causing havoc full of beans. Meeting a friend later who I haven't seen since before Christmas. Am looking forward to that but is anyone else exhausted explaining the same thing over and over again?!

Morning lacies. It's nice and sunny here today. May go for a walk with my beasts if I can be bothered!
@TheHorseYouRodeInOn your canines are gorgeous
@WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo bunny biscuits sound good my DD is bunny obsessed!
Quick question for the BC lacies. I had my single mastectomy just over three weeks ago, no drains. There was a build up of fluid which the surgeon drained at my 2 week check up. It's built back up again. I asked the BC nurse last week if she would drain it and she said as it wasn't pressing on the wound she would rather leave it. She said my body would absorb it in time. It was very much my choice what I wanted her to do. I've left it but it is getting bigger not smaller. Am I being impatient or should I see if they will drain it next week?

@ranoutofquinoaandprosecco I think we were the same time or similar?

I only had drains overnight before they were removed. About a week later I felt uncomfortable and they told me to pop in and drained off some fluid. Anything else has been left to drain away BUT (and I stress this as the important bit) the BC nurse said it was always entirely MY choice as it was my body and I had to be comfortable.

I bump into my skin under my arm as I never noticed before due to large norkage. This has taken me a wee while to get used to as well.

If you're not comfy sod that. Phone the breast care nurse and just say you want some drained that whilst you appreciate it may go eventually it's making you uncomfortable.

Hopefully they'll have you straight in

Hi @KeepCalm I think did have surgery around the same time. The nurse did say it was my choice last week and to call back but I just wondered how long it would take to settle itself! I also want to know when I can go back to the gym and when I can fly!
I'll give her a call in the morning, that will be a nice trip out for the DCs in half term!

Ranout I had my fluid drained 4 times so if you're not comfy, please do ask them again. Apparently they don't like to put needles in willy nilly because of the risk of infection, but my fluid was definitely not reabsorbing!

Noodles thanks for asking after DH. He's playing golf today in the sunshine, of which I'm glad as he'll not be playing over the summer. We told the girls yesterday - lots of disbelief - poor kids.
I've had an awful night, keep telling myself I only have to do this twice more... woohoo!

Apologies for not name checking everyone, I'm not functioning very well today x

Just popping into say to ranout if it’s bothering you get it drained. I had drains for about a week. It went back to see the BCN as I didn’ t think the amount of pain I was in due to the swelling under my arm was bearable.

She said there was some fluid build up and drained off about 20 ml. It did make me feel more comfortable.

She said they don’t like doing as they are putting a needle in and always risk of infection, but I felt better once it had been done. I haven’t needed it done again. It didn’t hurt because where she put the needle is was numb anyway!

born - thinking of you today. I found telling my mum just as bad as telling my DC. But everything was so much better when it was done. It felt so unfair to be giving someone in her late 80s such a piece of shit news. But she is such a trooper, and she’s on my side.

I hope it all comes good got you too

Lots of difficult times on the thread right now, so just sending out unmumsnetty hugs (As Leslie said we are an exceptional corner of MN!!) to all who need them, especially KBG and Wombat - life is so fucking unfair sometimes...

Thanks Lacies. I'll call the nurse in the morning.
To everyone that needs a hug I'm sending them your way.

wombat I'm so sorry about your friend. It must be awful as an "onlooker" when she won't let anyone in. But having been in her position I think she is just trying to process and deal with things her own way. She hasn't given up - she's trying to accept what is happening. Hopefully now that she's in hospital the palliative care team will be able to guide her treatment, even if she won't actually see them herself. Please don't let this be a trigger for you drinking more though. Do you need to seek some support for that?

ranout good luck with the nurse :)

Borntobe thinking of you here too

KBG do the children have good pastoral support at school? I think there are also some charities that can help, if they are struggling more than "normal"

noodles nice that your ex finally deigned to see his children

KeepCalm I hope you had/have a lovely time with your friend. I also found I was repeating myself a lot. Now I just post updates to Facebook as pretty much all of my friends are on there, and at least one member of each family in my extended family. So then everyone had the same information and I only have to say it once. Obviously people still ask questions, but it at least saves repeating the basic details.

Waving to Fuzzy, iVampire and Mrstraveller

I hope everyone is having a nice Sunday. I'm waiting for the district nurse to come and set up a syringe driver with morphine and levomepromazine (antisickness) as my pain keeps reappearing. They want me to try having midazolam in it too, to help my breathing. It might make me drowsy so I wasn't keen, but I've agreed to try it for 24 hours and if I don't like it they will remove it.

Leslie I had the syringe driver with morphine and antisickness for a few days while I was in hospital and it really seemed to help, I brought it home with me but it kept falling out during the night so I gave up on it. It didn't make me any sleepier than normal, if you're not moving around much hopefully it'll help but it's a bit faffy having to carry it about everywhere

Good luck with the syringe drive Leslie I hope it eases things and doesn't knock you out.

Wombat sorry about your friend. It's so difficult to know what to do for the best.

Noodles scan and echo tomorrow pm....

Leslie I hope the drugs make you feel more comfortable, I’m thinking of you

Wombat I also gave up drinking - completely - nearly 4 years ago now. While not ever drinking has removed it as an option in my day to day life, I really understand the desire for that oblivion... I’ve been feeling that myself quite strongly lately... happy to chat with you about this if you want, here or by DM

Hello all. Thank you for your kind words.
My friends DH has been in touch and says that she has now spoken to the palliative nurses. They are arranging for a hospital bed to be delivered to her home, hopefully tomorrow, so she can go home. She is feeling a little better today now that her medication has been adjusted and her breathing is easier.
KeepCalm that is a good idea about writing to her - thank you. Maybe not everyday but one letter might help.
Leslie thanks for your thoughts. I can only imagine how difficult it is to process such news. Loving the bunny biscuits you and your sister decorated
Fuzzy thanks for your offer of a chat. It's so kind of you. I don't really think I have a problem with alcohol as I can take it or leave it. I had been out with friends last night and drunk more than I usually do. That led me to thinking that getting wasted was a good idea. It wasn't!
born I hope it went ok with your parents today
ranout good luck with the nurse
TQ I hope your tests go ok tomorrow
tahiti I hope you enjoyed your days leave and the sun shone for you
and for anyone who needs them.

wombat that's good news :)

purple did you have midazolam? That's the one that can cause drowsiness. I'll see how it goes.

I feel sleepy at the moment, but it's too soon for the driver to be taking effect yet. It's been quite a hectic day.

I had some family to visit, which was lovely apart from thwarting an attempted gatecrashing

thwarting an attempted gatecrashing

We need more info on this

It's a long story and I don't really know exactly what happened. Some people tried to visit without even telling us beforehand let alone checking if it was OK. We already had visitors and I'm exhausted. Thankfully we found out and cancelled before they turned up on the doorstep.

I agree. Don't drip feed us!!! Who gate crashed?

I’m glad they were successfully headed off!