Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread

[BrassicMonkey]

The last thread will close soon, but I want this one to be about everybody, not just me. So Hidesit, Earlgrey, SoSo and anyone else that needs support please post and keep me company.

I've lapsed again tonight, which is a shame as I hoped I'd be able to start this off on a postive note.

Link to the last thread.

Hi BM (it's N here, I had to name change again). It's so good to hear you doing things like baking a Christmas cake. I am nowhere near that together. It would be good to catch up soon (MSN?). Lots of developments in my life since we last spoke (I cant exactly remember when that was) but I spent last weekend in A&E and now DH and the DSs have moved out, so I am more than a little lonely.

Hello to everyone else

PC
x

Hi PC

I'm so sorry to hear that. Please try and use this time effectively and please don't drink tonight. Try and change your feelings with a chick flic or a favourite CD instead. I know it must be so hard but drink won't ease the loneliness - it might amplify it though

Oh, and I'm not that together. DS and I are playing Nintendo in our pyjamas

Take care xx

thanks BM - and it was good to chat earlier

PC
x

How come I have drunk nearly a bottle of wine and am not at least half drunk?

actually dont answer that

I am in the same boat as all of you here. I drink 'only' maybe twice a week but see off a couple of bottles of wine each time. I have started to just srink once on the weekend but am realy annoyed with myself as yesterday went to pub with husband and sat there two hours and had 4 cokes and then MIL texted to say she would give kids tea so we could stay out for ours so I ordered a bottle of wine, drank it then had a pint. Went to collect kids and then went to shop and got another bottle wine. Thankfully there is some left this morning but I feel like hell. Kids both up during night so have had hardly any sleep. Am realy annoyed with myself.

how are you now monkeybutler?

Hi Paperchain, was at work last night so not online. Had great sleep last night and obviously no wine as at work. Feel great today (still annoyed about weekend though), have run 6 miles while DS at playgroup and DD at school and done some xmas shopping. Working again tonight so temtation wont be there. Weds should be OK as am out at swimming and Friday am working again. Thursday I am going to go to bed early I think! Trying to keep busy - fairly easy with a night job and two kids under 4!!

Welcome to the thread monkeybutler

Isn't it bloody freezing today?

Haven't got anything to 'report' really, just wanted to say hello and see how others are. Over the past 3 weeks I've cooked a meal for 6pm every night - I know this is just the sort of thing that every mum is supposed to do for her DC, but it used to be such a big deal when I was drinking, and so much food ended up in the bin because it was rotten by the time I'd even thought about what to do with it. So, over the past 2 weeks we've had shepherds pie, omlettes, spaghetti bolognese, roast dinners, pasta with homemade sauce, toad in the hole and others. The change in both me and DS is immense. I've got so much more energy and DS's behaviour has improved loads. He's recently started staying dry at night (probably because I'm not offering as many milk drinks of an evening because I know he's eating healthily) and he gets up in the morning, strips off and places his clothes in the laundry basket. He also puts his plate in the dishwasher after he's eaten breakfast. Things like this just didn't happen in our home before and I was so depressed because I was spending the little energy I had on picking up after him and getting resentful.

Today I was at ex-p's flat cleaning up because he's moving back in with me due to financial problems. It was quite depressing because I'm not sure how I feel about our relationship and talking to him about the future is difficult. I wanted to cry today opening his cupboards and seeing food that I'd associate with a teenager who was feeding himself while his mum was on holiday, cleaing a toilet with a great big crack in it, vacuuming filthy carpets. I felt so guilty about all that I've put him through and leaving that horrible flat as the only thing he could afford while I was very comfortable in my nice flat with all the things that we'd bought together.

Lots of things have happened recently that have made me have to face the selfish choices that I made when I was drinking and I haven't felt ready for much of it. Then again I know that all these shitty things won't go away if I pick up a bottle so I'm plodding through. I'm having a hard time knowing whether I should allow myslef to feel rotten or try and shrug it off like I used to, but without the aid of drink. I know the most important thing is for me to remain sober so I'm doing that and I am concentrating on all the progress I've made as well.

So how is everyone else?

Kokeshi, are you home yet?

Hye BM - well done you. That must have beenb really hard today. I know there is so much tied up with Xp moving back in, butyou know that if you stay sober you will remain stronger to cope with him and all the emotional baggage that goes with it.

And it was lovely to read about you and DS. So wonderful to see those positive changes.

Keep going girl - you are doing brilliantly!

(Alas I am not doing so brilliantly, so the least said about me, the better I thinlk)

HI BM- you are doing brilliantly. Its just so nice to see you writing positively about stuff. I think its quite important to recognise all the small changes because they really make a difference, and it all helps doesn't it?
Hope ex DP moving back goes ok.

Hey there,

I'm home at last (and freezing!). Welcome monkeybutler, it really helps to keep a record of your drinking and feelings associated with it so you can better understand your own problem with it. You sound like you are aware that it's becoming a problem so it's a step in the right direction.

BM, what a fantastic post; these are the small but significant changes that it's difficult for us to appreciate will occur when we finally start to deal with our drink problems. I love the 12 promises of AA here. When I first joined I was so skeptical, I rubbished all these things I was told that would change in my life if I did what was suggested in AA. As I look back now I can see how at different points, each one of these promises was fulfilled and brought me closer to living a "normal" life. Before I couldn't even imagine a going a day without drink, now I rarely think about it.

I also think the fact that you're feeling for ex-p is brilliant. We spend so long immersed in our own despair and shame, that it's rare that we have any empathy left for anyone else whilst we're in the throes of alcoholism. You are making amends to him already, by working so hard on your recovery and helping him now that he needs you. Don't waste any time fretting about the past. It's important only what we do today, and I'm sure he realises how much things have changed for all of you.

I know it's a difficult situation with him moving back in, but hopefully it will give you all some financial breathing space. I bet ds is delighted?!

Paperchain, how are things? Have you managed to get back to AA yet?

kx

Oops, forgot to ask how you were teasle? And the lurkers, c'mon join in!

hi kokeshi - glad you are homne safely (sorry about the cold!)

I havent been to AA for a couple of weeks now. I just cant face it. And I am drinking daily again, albeit not at the level I was drinking earlier in the year. One of my problems is that I keep getting mixed messages from my consultant. He insists I am not an alcoholic but that is is just a prop. I disagree - but it is hard when he keeps saying it. Makes me think, oh well I may as well open that bottle of wine then

Hi Paperchain, good to see you posting, unfortunately many mental health professionals do no really have a clear understanding of alcoholism, in fact I would go as far as to say the only people who can really understand it are alcoholics ourselves.

I do know you have a lot of other mental health probs to deal with, but I can assure you from personal experience that it is so much easier to deal with those when you eliminate alcohol from the equation. It may be a "prop" but it is really taking over your whole life, is it not? Have things at home not worsened considerably since you started drinking again?

You seemed to have made so much progress when you have been sober for those 4 months, so if "alcoholism" isn't the problem then drinking definitely is, in which case AA can help you. All you need is a desire to stop drinking. The label "alcoholic" isn't helpful when it leads to misunderstanding like this.

What so you think yourself? Do you agree that alcohol is having a negative effect on your life and the lives of your family? Is it hindering your progress with dealing the emotional and mental health stuff? When you look at the AA questionnaire, how many yesses do you get? Lastly, what do you have to lose PC?

I really think it would help your self esteem if you can attempt to sort out this aspect of your life. And, if you're not an alcoholic like the consultant says, that should be a lot easier for you that it is for me, eh ? If nothing else, AA can provide some face to face support, because I know you've said before that loneliness is a problem for you.

Honestly, even making a decision to do something for yourself can really help you feel like you are taking control of your life. It's not a great feeling relying on those doctors who so often seem to get it wrong or make it worse. Again I speak from personal experience. Once you stop drinking, it becomes easier to uncover what actually is going on with you emotionally. For the whole time we drink, we just remain in the same place, not dealing with stuff. On top of that we keep adding the guilt and shame and remorse, which makes us feel even worse about ourselves.

Give it a try PC, and put everything you have into it. If it doesn't work, then at least you know you've given it your best shot.

Does anyone else here get bladdered so much, they go to bed too late and then oversleep the next day? My kids are always late, my alarm is going off for hrs before I wake up

Do you think you have a drink problem purpleone? Before I stopped drinking, I couldn't manage my life at all.

hello everyone

hi kokeshi...yes i have a prob.

i enjoy it, but am always skint, permanently hungover, sleep too much and so damn forgetful.

it just numbs the pain you know! im sure everyone here will understand that.

Hi to PC x x

PO, did you try the AA questionnaire? The question to ask yourself is (and only you can answer really) if alcohol is is taking away more from your life than it's adding. Do the negatives outweigh the positives? When you consider this, don't just think of what it does for you, but the effect it has on the others around you too.

Also in my experience, it does numb the pain in the short term, but all the shit is still there being added to, and has to be dealt with at some point.

My life with the kids is just plain and simple chaos from the minute I get up to he minute I fall asleep.

Does it make sense when I say....its all positive when I'm actually drinking, but negative all other times of my life?
My kids are sick of seeing the endless conveyor belt of empties when they wake up for school....sometimes I even wake late and get my kids into school for eleven. Can't remember the last time I took my kids to school anyways. Twice in 18 months maybe?

I am a DV survivour and have been out since 2003. Used to abuse cannabis, and had done for 3 years. My dealer fell through last year, cant get anymore. Was drinking then but not on such a huge scale as I am now.

I can drink 3 litres of White Lightning in one evening and still be standing! I have endless scars from drinking injuries where I've fallen over and made a complete twat out of myself or fought with my furniture.
I just have to numb the pain. I don't have anyone to talk to, not even a local close friend. ExH is as unsupportive as a cupless bra, I don't talk to my parents anymore (not drink related) I cry a lot. My dp lives in Los Angeles, I'm in London which doesn't help. I don't go out anymore, I don't get invited not do I get the chances as exH is so unsupportive. He doesn't pay his way, so therefore I can't work legally. I have to work off the books cos of all the debts and people knocking for money.

I got diagnosed with bipolar last year.

So sorry to ramble and witter on...yes I am drunk

PS I scored 14 yes'es on that AA questionnaire!

weeps

Oh shit PO, you do have a lot on your plate don't you? You know what I was saying in my previous post to PC about drink not mixing well with other mental health stuff makes sense in your situation too.

Well, first, keep posting on here. If you have no-one to talk to in RL for the moment, then you need to know that you're not alone. On this thread there are various posters at all stages of drinking, so yes of course we understand. I went right down the line with drink (hospitalisations, police involvement, suicide attempts, disastrous marriage to another alcoholic) so have a fair idea of what you're going through.

I stopped drinking with the help of AA, but the one thing that I still abide by is trying to take a day at a time. As long as I concentrate on the day in hand and tell myself I won't drink for today, it makes it seem all that more manageable. I guess that makes even more sense if you have accompanying mental health problems and can't predict how you will feel from one day to the next.

It does take a lot of willingness and you have to be ready to say that you want things to change, but I can assure you that a wee bit down the line, my life has improved immeasurably. I couldn't envisage ever going without some kind of crutch to help me suppress how I felt, and I thought my life was over when I "had" to go to AA.

Please know that you're not alone, you've been really brave coming on here and being honest. No one will judge you on here, see it as a safe place to came and share about how you feel. I know it helps me to gather my thoughts when I write things down.

Take care.

kokeshi,

id also like you to know i have been there with the suicide stuff. i often sit here at the pc, drunk as hell with packets and packets of citalopram in my hands......

i feel guilty posting here cos reading so many posts of people who are getting sober, i dont want to enable? i hate ringing the samaritans and AA through fear of wasting everyones time?

I write things down all the time, I keep an online journal, it does help me offload, but it doesn't stop me drinking, no matter how vile i feel when i've just got out of bed. i miss my kids school plays, i make excuses for time off work, i miss appts for the kids. i know i should be getting to the docs, but for one i can't get my hungover ass out of bed, two i'm working and three my gp is so damn judgmental and critical.

she wanted to send me for a liver test, i never got it done. i'd much prefer counselling?

Don't worry PO, I found that despite how hard I tried, I just couldn't stop drinking by myself. We need support to tackle our drinking, and one of the cornerstones of AA (and any method of recovery you find) is talking and being honest with yourself.

I've tried quite a few different treatments. it's been quite a long journey for me dealing with my drink problem. I've been to rehab, been under the care of GPs, tried one to one alcohol counselling, called the Samaritans, even was admitted to a psychiatric ward at one point but I've found the solution needs to be something that addresses my problem of dealing with life on life's terms. There is a programme of recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous, which is a design for living on a day to day basis. This stops us from needing to numb that pain by providing a tried and tested way to deal with issues as and when they arise.

We all need help and by coming on here and sharing you're also helping me and the others, we need to keep being honest or we'll go back to hiding in the bottle. A big part of my recovery is knowing that I am not alone, and finding that I am not some total weirdo who is beyond help. In AA, nothing you have done or felt is bizarre, people identify absolutely with where drink takes you and that is very powerful in itself.

Well done for writing stuff down. You're already taking steps to help yourself, and that is a crucial to dealing with your drinking. Do you think you could give AA a call? The website is here, and they can arrange for someone to take you along to a meeting. If it's causing so many problems in your life already I really think it could help you.

Feel free to ask me anything at all about anything I've posted.