Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread

[BrassicMonkey]

The last thread will close soon, but I want this one to be about everybody, not just me. So Hidesit, Earlgrey, SoSo and anyone else that needs support please post and keep me company.

I've lapsed again tonight, which is a shame as I hoped I'd be able to start this off on a postive note.

Link to the last thread.

Hi all, ps there is hope for everybody that comes through the doors of AA. We just have to honest and willing to do something about it.

If you want to keep drinking then no-one can stop you, but there is no respite from alcoholism. The end result is insanity or death. Is there really a choice for us?

I wish you well and when you're ready to embrace AA and so what's suggested, then the fellowship will be there for you. A word of warning though...loved ones get tired of the continuous relapser. After a while they lose patience and you can find yourself with no-one there for you. I had to go through this before I realised I had no options left. AA was a last resort for me, but it was only then I was ready.

Don't be fooled, with drink it can always get worse. What do you have to lose?

Hi everyone

How are you doing PS? I know what you mean about feeling like a fraud in AA because you don't really want to stop drinking. I didn't either at first. I just wanted my alcoholism to go away, and if that wasn't possible then I'd have preferred reality to have gone away so that I could be left alone, to live in peace with my bottle. I don't get any 'peace' when I drink now though - just paranoia and hysteria and depression - so I don't feel like a fraud at meetings anymore. I wish I'd have been able to speed up that process as it would have saved me and my family from a lot of horrible experiences, over the past 6 months, at least! I hope you find that 'want' as well soon.

Did anyone see that programme on addictions last night? They had 3 people with different addicitons (alcoholism, narcotics and prescription drugs) and took them into therapy. I only caught the end but it looked really interesting. Watching the alcoholic detoxing made me feel a bit sad, but I could relate to a lot of what the prescription drug addict was saying about shame and guilt, and the panic she felt when she couldn't have the dosage that she was used to. In last nights show they were doing art therapy, which I'd have thought of as a bit silly before, but I quite like the idea of alternative therapies now. I'll try and catch it next time it's on.

Hello everyone,

I've just read some of the more recent posts after not being on this thread for ages. Phoenix, I felt really sad when I read your post - you're NOT a hopeless case at all!!! It's very hard work and you and everyone here is doing brilliantly!

I have completely fallen off the wagon, back to drinking every day and hating myself for it, but at the same time really enjoying a few glasses of wine too and, I suppose, not wanting to stop. I still think that for me it's a habit that I need to get out of rather than anything else but it's just not happening. It's easy through the day to say that I'm not going to drink but after DS has gone to bed and DH is in the kitchen drinking a glass of wine/beer/sherry it seems to happen anyway which is SUCH A COP OUT!! I think it is that I don't want to stop. People think I'm pregnant because my stomach's so bloated and I'm about to be refused the therapy for which I've been on the waiting list for quite a while because it's being classed as 'self medicating'. But I keep on going . Plus I'm trying to come off ADs and I don't think drinking helps that.

Sorry, I've been rambling on, I know my situation is nothing like that of others on here who are going through seriously tough times - loads of love and support to everyone.

Hello everyone,

I've just read some of the more recent posts after not being on this thread for ages. Phoenix, I felt really sad when I read your post - you're NOT a hopeless case at all!!! It's very hard work and you and everyone here is doing brilliantly!

I have completely fallen off the wagon, back to drinking every day and hating myself for it, but at the same time really enjoying a few glasses of wine too and, I suppose, not wanting to stop. I still think that for me it's a habit that I need to get out of rather than anything else but it's just not happening. It's easy through the day to say that I'm not going to drink but after DS has gone to bed and DH is in the kitchen drinking a glass of wine/beer/sherry it seems to happen anyway which is SUCH A COP OUT!! I think it is that I don't want to stop. People think I'm pregnant because my stomach's so bloated and I'm about to be refused the therapy for which I've been on the waiting list for quite a while because it's being classed as 'self medicating'. But I keep on going . Plus I'm trying to come off ADs and I don't think drinking helps that.

Sorry, I've been rambling on, I know my situation is nothing like that of others on here who are going through seriously tough times - loads of love and support to everyone.

Hi everyone

I'm new to this thread - please may i join in and ask you all something?

I've found life very hard recently as have had 2 miscarriages and a termination for medical reasons (anencephaly) in the past 3 yrs (also have ds (5) & dd (2) so not all bad!!). My last baby's due date (the termination) is coming up soon and am finding it really hard to cope. I've always drunk more than most - even had times when i got worried about how much i drank, but that worry made me stop. However, i'm struggling now and would really be grateful for some honest advice.

I know that I'm drinking more than the recommended amounts but how worried should i be about drinking a couple of bottles of wine a night? Not every night, but most. I get to about 5pm fine then start wanting a drink. Quite badly. And even if i do drink too much i don't really feel that drunk. In the past 2 bottles would have had me out cold!

What do you think - just part of the mass over drinking problem the media is full of at the moment or something to worry about??

anyone around toinight?

I'm here.

Well on my way to getting slaughtered (again)
I feel vile, but I can't help it.

Been doing one of those online drink journals, not even finished the first week...and to see the current total is making me feel so vile.
x x

hi purplpe one - have we met?

I used to do an oinline journal - gave up months agp

I'm not doing v well this evening - what about you?

Pretty lousy actually PS.

shakes hands pleased to meet you!

Been onto that drinkaware thing, where you keep a note on units over the week...I'm really not impressed at all.

Just take it all day by day, is all I can say. I am a hopeless case!

Feeling really awful here. Don't feel well.

I know that I have a problem.

Is there anyone here?

Hi everyone

Sorry I haven't posted much lately. I've joined FlyLady and have been setting up my Christmas Control Journal and blitzing the place. Last Christmas was awful - rubbish last minute presents for everyone, no decorations and I didn't get out of bed until 3pm on Christas day. I really want to make it special for DS this year. I'm quite proud of myself actually, but knackered too. I went straight to bed after dinner last night, hoping to catch up on some missed sleep. It was bliss until I got woken up by snoring . So, thought I'd vent some frustration on here before trying to get a few more hours in.

Nice to see you back EnglishTeeth. Earlier on this year I started an online diet journal. I remember working out how many calories were in vodka. Instead of considering quitting drink or cutting down I actually decided to stop eating all together...before dismissing the diet. It's frigthtening that we'll put drink before our health.

Hi Jamjac. Of course you can join in . I'm so sorry to hear about the babies that you lost . You've really been through a lot of trauma and sadness over the last 3 years. I do think that 2 bottles of wine a night is way too much, but also understand why it's happening. Our drinking histories are similar. I always drank too much too, but could leave it alone for long periods if I wanted too, but when DS was DX'd with autism and I wasn't coping, it was the obvious choice and that led to alcohol dependancy. Ironically it didn't help me cope anyway. When I stopped drinking, all the anger and pain was still there to be dealt with.

Are you getting support from any organisations or from your family? Are you able to talk openly about your feelings?

Wishing you strength. Keep posting xx

Hi PS and PO. I shouldn't think either of you are still up now. Are you both ok?

Hi BM whats FlyLady then?

Hi Teasle. It's a website set up to help motivate people to do their housework (and some MNrs like to take the piss)

www.flylady.net

It is a tad nauseating to be fair

hey guys

Sorry I'd gone to ground recently, especially after all your lovely messages of support. Firstly I've been battling a few deoms, and secondly we went on holiday for half term.

I've managed to cut down a lot, but haven't stopped entirely, and I have been limiting myself to atwo glasses of wine, and tat's not every night.

I feel so musch better with regard to my depression and am coping better with the kids (at the expense of the house)

I promise I will be on later to catch up, but I have to go meet a friend for lunch.

BM, you sound like you are doing brilliantly, I'm so happy for you and hope your Christams is eveything you planned and more.

hello to the new faces. I've been lurking a bit, but haven't posted. this is a good place to come for support and I will try to keep up.

I'm thinking of outing myself on here....well using my regular posting name at least (my mini AA )....alcohol and subterfuge don't mix and I've nearly posted on my regular thread as CL and this thread as my regular name in the past. Too complicated, and I doubt my regular thread buddies will condemn me for being open about my problems. I've confided in one of them off-board already, so have taken the first step.

I'll talk to you all later

CLx

deoms....I mean demons, obviously!

Hi CalaLily. Hope you enjoyed your break!

Well done for cutting down on the booze. Good to hear that you're coping better too.

I'm sure no-one will condemn you for being honest. In fact, I can't believe how many threads keep popping up about alcohol dependancy/over-indulgence. It's a big comfort to be open about fears and problems and get support.

Thanks for hoping my Christmas goes well. I've just ordered my Delia Christmas book from Amazon - can't wait to to do a menu plan now

I've started planning and getting stuff sorted too. Its nice to have the money spent on positive things now, rather than being absolutely skint and struggling all the time, like when I was drinking.

It used to exhaust me, in the end, keeping up my dependency- getting the drink, hiding it, finding the money,thinking about it etc.
I just didn't know how to stop, and I couldn't admit I was an alcoholic, they are all stinky mangey old men aren't they?!
I wanted desperately to be able to sit in my house, read a leaflet, understand it, and become better, just like that, but it took me a while to accept that recovery is slow, and requires effort and change, and uncomfortable honesty. I'm still early in recovery, anyway.

Anyway, thats where I'm at, and it was a big thing, personally, to post things on here, and read others posts- still is, so I hope you all keep on posting.

Hi everyone

It's great that everyone's thinking about Christmas already! Even I've managed to buy a few presents and cards.

I'm not sure if I'm going to have a drink this evening yet - I'm coming off my ADs, down to one every other day now and feeling pretty lousy to be honest. Also, my father's just had a heart attack and is in hospital. He's doing really well, it was just a random blockage and not heart disease, and the doctor says he should be home on Sunday, but it was still a huge shock. Still, pleased that I didn't deal with it with the usual method of just reaching for the wine bottle and getting hysterically emotional - not had a drink for 2 days now.

Teasle, it's great that you feel that you can post on here. Everyone is so supportive, non judgemental and REALLY understands what it's like. This thread is where I get my support from. I haven't been to the GP or anyone like that as I fear it would just be tutting and head shaking. Here I know that it's OK and the support is fantastic. Hugs to you and everyone!

Cheers, EnglishTeeth!

BrassicMonkey - thanks for your kind thoughts. Am struggling to talk to my dh about all this. in fact have just finished argument and am now a bit wirse for wear....

OK, well I'm a regular posting under a different name for anonymity's sake. I had an epiphany last night and I just can't, can't carry on like this.

I can't relax properly without a drink, and once I have the one, even if I'm determined, I always have more. I've been drinking in the morning just to get going. I'm on some new anti-depressants, and I had a bottle of red last night and then spent all night throwing up. I'm doing my best, but I can't do it to my kids anymore. I've had very bad health all their lives, and the drink is just making me incapable.

There, I've said it. How the hell do I stop?

Hi mimsymum.
Tell people close to you, if you can. You need the support of people around you. You could ring AA if you want to- all the people there have been in the same position as you. A lot of people there have nearly died from their drinking, and are well today- this should give some hope? You have admitted and acknowledged to yourself you have a problem, which is a big step.
I had to admit that I couldn't stop drinking by myself, I needed help.
Take things slowly and be gentle on yourself- everyones path of recovery is different, and just because there may be a relapse, it doesn't mean everything is lost, at all.

I'm crap at knowing what to say.

When I very first started to tackle my drinking, I first tackled practical stuff- like trigger times, making plans to do something round those times, avoiding situations where I would be tempted to drink, or that I associated with drink, not buying alcohol, getting alternative drinks in. I told my close friends, so they knew, and helped give support.
I drank heavily and also had withdrawals- if you are worried about this its usually a good idea to see your gp or drug and alcohol service.

This was just initially, and got me through the first few weeks of sobriety.

I hope this has been some use.

Please post on here, even if you are still drinking, we've all been there. The thread is often a bit more active- I was waiting to see if anyone else would answer you first.
You can always CAT if you would rather not post details publicly.

How is everyone else?

Hi folks,

Sorry I've not been about much, we're still in Oz and travelling around.

Mimsymum, well done for admitting you have a problem, this is a really crucial point for you and can mark the beginning of a real turning point in your life. First, you're not alone. I'm a recovering alcoholic, as are some of the others on this thread, and I've found AA absolutely vital to my recovery.

It may be a scary step for you, but I've found that I can't do this by myself, and the support and understanding of others who totally empathise with me makes the world of difference.

Do you think you are an alcoholic? Do you want to stop drinking? If you're taking it in the morning, I would say that it's probably quite likely that AA can help you, but please don't be ashamed or scared. You've done one of the hardest things - admitted it you yourself - and from here on in, if you accpet the help and suggestions given to you by others who've been in your position, I can promise you that your life can be a wonderful experience without the shackles of drink.

The number for AA is here

Please come back on here and tell us a bit about your story and tell us how you're feeling. I've been there and I know how hard it is. Feel free to ask me anything at all.

Apologies for this rushed post, it's after 3am here and I really should be in bed! Take care and hope to hear from the others too.

Hi Kokeshi, nice to see you back! Hope you are having a fantastic time.

How is everyone else?

Hi everyone

Sorry I haven't posted for ages. I've been really busy this week and then my computer was playing up.

Haven't got much time but wanted to say hello anyway. I'm baking my Christmas cake today - I soaked the fruit in a bit of brandy last night and then gave the rest of the bottle to a neighbour. The smell of it was making me feel sick . My arms are killing me now and I've got a LOAD of clearing up to do, but I feel like a proper fuctioning adult this morning .

Mimsy, I agree with teasle and Kokeshi. AA would give you a lot of support and you've identified so many reasons to want to stop drinking. It's surprising how much easier it is to keep on the wagon once you get going - much easier than I thought it would be anyway. I've found it helpful to eliminate the option of having a drink. For me that means not having alcohol in the house (hence my giving away the bottle of brandy last night - not sure I could have done that with a bottle of vodka though), and not letting myself get to the point of debating the negatives and positives of drinking - drink always wins with me. Since my last relapse I've told those closest to me that I can't promise I won't ever pick up a drink again, but that I won't have a drink today...and that's what I've said to myself every morning too. Well done for being honest

How is everyone else doing?