Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread

[BrassicMonkey]

The last thread will close soon, but I want this one to be about everybody, not just me. So Hidesit, Earlgrey, SoSo and anyone else that needs support please post and keep me company.

I've lapsed again tonight, which is a shame as I hoped I'd be able to start this off on a postive note.

Link to the last thread.

Hi Verso.

Well done on saying no to the booze.

I often find myself imitating my mother too [shudder]. She's a bit like a working class Hyacinth Bucket [double shudder].

I've had a good day today, making the most of DS's dad doing the school run due to the Royal Mail strike. I do still have the occasional craving but they don't worry me as long as I can stay away from the reasoning that I do to decide that a drink would be a good idea. My psoriasis on my face, body and hair is hideous at the moment so I need to look into that. I keep meaning to make notes in a diary to try and find if it's connected to my menstrual cycle or something I'm eating. I look terrible at the moment and my face is so sore

Hi everyone, how are you all?

Anyone...?

hello (naswm/losty here) just saying hi again after a v long time away.

Am still here - just not much to report... apart from the not-so-earth-shattering revelation that I find I can manage fine without drinking during the week, but at the weekend I HAVE to have a drink. I spend most of the time in a state of low (or high) grade annoyance, it seems, and BOY does a G&T take the edge off.

P.S. naswm welcome back. How are things?

Brassic - "LAIDEE of the house speaking?" Really? Truly Mrs Bucket? My Mum used to have such a scary message on her answering machine that I got her to change it... she lives in the North but was at pains to sound like the Queen.

P.P.S. I have had a lot of 'issues' over the w/e - Mum and my DH are not a good combination because they are both USELESS practically, which means I run around like a headless chicken making sure everyone is ok etc and wear myself out in the process. Silly, I know, but I do it.

Quick hint at my Mum's priorities:

In A&E after I was taken there with severe complications following DD's birth. Finally saw a doctor, who was deciding whether I was really ill or faking it (well, that's how it seemed) in order to decide whether to admit me. Mum pipes up "I'm due to go to Barcelona tomorrow. If she is admitted, will I get a refund on my holiday? You will give me a letter, won't you?"

Dr: "If you're not that worried about her then she'd be better off at home"

48 hours later both me and DD were admitted - both of us dehydrated and me with severe blood loss as well. Hey ho.

She brought DD a mobile (decorative, not phone) from Barcelona.

P.P.P.S.

Not meaning to imply that I blame my Mum for my problem with alcohol, just that I am starting to see the kinds of feelings/anger/disappointment/sadness I am blotting out with drink, if that makes any sense.

I am sure those sorts of things are the causes and also parents too as there's a genetic element.

Hi everyone, nice to see people posting again. This dropped out of my 'Threads I'm on' list last week, but I checked it today on the off-chance. I hope you're ok teasle??

Verso, I was being a bit unkind about my mum, comparing her to Florence Bucket, but there are similarities. She's very shallow and is morally outraged by anyone that doesn't share her need to 'keep up appearances' - she's bloody hard work as it goes

I know how you feel about not wanting to appear to be blaming anyone for your own alcohol problems. I get really paranoid about this as the line between drawing a conclusion and making excuses is blurry. I think I have a genetic pre-disposition for developing compulsive behaviours and coupled with not learning how to deal with feelings and being shy and reluctant to express myself, addictions and substance abuse are easy for me to fall into. I'm careful how I put it to myself though as I don't want to fall into the 'poor me' trap again - I've spent enough years there already!

I know you're not doing that though, and I think it's good that you're recognising that you're shutting your thoughts and feelings up with a drink. It's really odd though, because I used to do that and it worked temporarily - although obviously it's not effective because you're not dealing with the issue - but at the end of my drinking, I was drinking on those feelings and becoming hysterical. I don't get that temporary relief from problems when I drink now.

Weekends are still really hard for me and I'm still not brave enough to face one alone. It's frightening for me because it's not really about craving anymore, just not knowing what the hell else to do with myself.

Hello PheonixSoaring - love the new name . Great to have you back on MN. How is everything with you?

Florence??? Meant Hyacinth obviously...actually, now I'm not sure which it is

Hi BM - msn??

I am ok. not great, just ok. Would love to chat sometime soon

PSx

bump

failed failed faled

I am pissed

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhh

Hi folks, how is everyone? PS, welcome back andI hope you are OK? If it was a relapse then don't worry, it happens to us all! Just pick yourself up and start again. Whatever time you did have sober is not wasted at all. Think of all those 24 hour period - one day at a time - that you got. For an alcoholic, that is truly amazing.

Phoenix, if you have been in some kind of rehab or treatment centre, it's absolutely normal to feel quite shaky when you leave. After all being in there you are protected from all stresses and strains of normal life. It will take time for you to adjust and get back on your feet. Are you attending regular AA meetings? Are you being totally honest with everyone including yourself? These are all things that will help keep you in recovery. PLease join us on here, don't keep it inside...we know what happens when we stop talking and let it fester. Relapse. For alcoholics like us, that is life threatening.

How is everyone else doing? Are you guys still going to meetings? How are you finding coping with life on life's terms? That's always the hard one for me.

HAs anyone heard from hellobello? If you're reading this please let us know how you are. Tyanddye, jump right in the water's fine. And any lurkers too! x

Hi all,i used to be on the original thread,way back when,fell off the wagon straight on my arse,

Nice to 'see' you again Kokeshi. Are you back home now?

Hi T&D. Welcome to the thread

I heard from Phoenix yesterday and she's away for a few days so won't be able to post. She was at a meeting on a Sunday night though, so doing really well to get back on the wagon so quickly.

Phoenix when you get back, please post and let us know how you're doing. Saturday nights are a killer for me, and I don't think I've managed a sober one alone yet. I hope you're not being too hard on yourself, but also that you remember how bad your relapse was. However bad reality feels sometimes, it's better than that, isn't it?

I need to kick-start getting to meetings again as I've been very lazy with them lately. I haven't been to one for almost 2 weeks now and I know I can't afford to take risks like that. I got resentful about the amount of time I was spending travelling to them and I keep being tempted to just potter around at home instead. I should have thought ahead as this week will be difficult for me as it's half-term and EX-P is ill, so I'll be lucky to manage 2 meetings. I'm not weakening, if anything I feel happier than ever to be sober, but I'm isolating myself again and I know that's not good.

I don't like this time of year much anyway - far too many celebrations coming up! - but I'm worried about it this time round. I'm worried about how I'm going to cope with socialising, refusing drinks, seeing all the adverts for booze and obviously family get togethers (I don't class those as socialising).

I've felt really lethargic lately. I'm happy to sit around doing jigsaw puzzles and watching DVDs, which is much, much better than drinking, but I'm not moving forward anymore. I still haven't found anyone that I'm comfortable enough with to ask to sponser me and I feel a bit of a freak because of that. I don't want AA to just be a metaphorical pill that keeps me away from drink, I want to start recovering and I don't think I am and I still feel really vulnerable. I've been staying sober by using the trick that I started with - passing over responsibility of the first drink to my higher power. If I know I can't make the decision to drink then I don't enter into a debate with myself - which always end up with me in the off-licence. That's not right though is it? I don't think it should work like that.

Sorry, this is a waffley post. I should have been in bed hours ago, but I needed to get my thoughts in perspective.

How is everyone else doing?

Hey BM, I'm still in Oz, will be back middle of November. I think it's normal to feel a bit stagnant after a bit if you don't feel like there's much progress but in order to move forward, I've found I had to move out my comfort zone and actively work on my recovery.

I guess for you this means going to more meetings and thinking about starting the 12 step programme. This is a really difficult time of year for all AA members, right up through Xmas and New Year so we really have to have some defence against the first drink. We have to be prepared to go half way before we can really see some results. Also this takes time. We're an impatient lot and are used to the quick fix of drink to numb our feelings. It's just a case of chipping away slowly.

It's amazing how lazy we become in sobriety. I often think if I put half as much effort into my recovery as I did obtaining, hiding, thinking and lying about drink, I'd be sorted! But I guess we're all looking for the easier, softer way.

I also think it would be good to get into some of the literature BM. HAve you read the 12x12 and the Big Book? They're best read when you have someone else to discuss with, are there any discussion meetings or step groups round you?

I guess what I'm saying is that when I found I was a bit more willing to proceed and put the work in, I spent less time thinking that I wasn't progressing. Do what's suggested and expose yourself to as many AA members as possible. I think it sounds like you could do with a sponsor right now. Someone told me once a sponsor ain't gonna drop out of the sky!

In the meantime, we can discuss anything you like on here or email or whatever. It wouldbe great to open this up so that everyone benefits from it.

One other thing...be careful not to take on too much yourself. You are only very early in sobriety and need to take care of you first.

Take care x

Hi everyone.

Kokeshi- good post! You always seem to know what to say.
I understand about moving out of your comfort zone, in order to start a more active recovery.
BM- last week I went to more meetings, but this week I just can't, due to family commitments and half term. Last week I felt that I was really starting to 'get' things though, I suppose because I was more immersed in AA. I'm also looking for a sponsor. I know I need to commit to more meetings but I do have to consider my family.

Someone told me last week not to think about Christmas, just to cope with things as they come along. I went to a party at the weekend, and I don't mind being around people who are drinking, but I left when they started getting drunk, as it just got a bit annoying!
Even so, that was different to visiting family, as I come from a very heavy drinking culture, almost where a degree of alcoholic drinking is the norm.

How is everyone else? please post!

HI teasle, great to see you posting and thanks for telling us about your own recovery. Of course don't worry too much about the festive period - it's the day in hand we have to concentrate on - but it's worthwhile preparing ourselves and being ready for things that may affect us externally.

Well done for getting to your meetings and I'm glad you're feeling involved. I know it's difficult with family commitments and also putting yourself out there but in the end we're all the same really. Even when I've been really fed up with AA, if I force myself to go along I always feel better. That's a power greater than myself that I know that I can trust and have faith in. If I was to sit at home stewing on my fears and resentments the only place it wold lead me is back to the bottle. It's happened to many times before, so I know self-will alone is useless in preventing me relapsing in the long term.

I can't intellectualise my way out of being an alcoholic and that was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn!

Look forward to reading the posts. Let's get this going again.

I have no idea how the hell to stop,very desperate and depressed atm

Hi tyeanddye - I'm here, if you want to post?

Hi tyeanddye - I'm here, if you want to post?

thanks,im signing out now,on another thread in the depression section and cant say more now,too down.x

hello all

I am back from a few days away with the family. I drank every night I was there. Not excessively - but we all drank and shared a bottle or two of wine - so the max I had was half a bottle. But the thing is, it was every night. And when I got back last night I had a drink.

I am a member of AA - but I feel a complete fraud. Becuase I dont think I want to stop drinking. I like drinking and plan binges when I can go for total blow out.

Actually I am just a very sad case and there is no hope I guess.

Oh dear pHoenix. I think I know exactly what you mean. I love drinking. I love 3 (or more) glasses of wine in the evening, and I love binges.. I love it all.
\

But I also think that everyone else would say that's because we're still in denial.

I know that I drink a lot more than anyone else when (very occasionally) friends come for lunch or dinner. And that I drink in a different way from the way they drink.