Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread

[BrassicMonkey]

The last thread will close soon, but I want this one to be about everybody, not just me. So Hidesit, Earlgrey, SoSo and anyone else that needs support please post and keep me company.

I've lapsed again tonight, which is a shame as I hoped I'd be able to start this off on a postive note.

Link to the last thread.

BM, you aint rid of me yet! I don't go til next weekend

sauce I think that's a question a few people have had on this thread so I'd agree with kokeshi and say read through the thread and then post again?

kokeshi, you're trying to conceive but need to find a father? That means either you're gay or you have an infertile male partner? You'd make such a fabulous parent. I feel it in my bones.

Hi IF. Sorry, I thought you were off early this morning. Just re-read and it?s a week tomorrow. Where are you off to? Hope your migraine?s gone now.

Hi Sauce. Maybe you could try to have a drink free day next week where you think about what you?re missing through not having alcohol and if you don?t manage it try and work out what it was that made you give in. Maybe it?s just habit, you like it, you?re not worried enough to want to stop, it helps you relax, it?s your treat etc etc. Or maybe it?s more than that. I know it?s difficult to evaluate when you?re not drinking much as you?re not taking huge risks with your health, it?s not costing much and the hangovers probably don?t affect your responsibilities the next day. I think it?s always a worry when you can?t go without though, however small the intake is. It could be that you can not have a drink but there?s not enough downside to your drinking to keep your willpower up.

I hope that made some sense. I was talking to some friends from AA last week about non-alcoholics who drink regularly and how it is hard for me to accept that they don?t have a drink problem ? I really don?t understand how anyone can control it although I know that most people can. Try and do something about it now. If it?s this hard to not drink half a bottle of wine today, then imagine how hard it would be to not drink 2 or 3 bottles if your tolerance increased.

Hi Kokeshi. Your post last night really did make me think about how I see the deaf community. It?s a hot topic for me because having a child with communication difficulties I can kind of appreciate the frustration of being out of the loop ? not through my eyes but through watching how DS struggles. I know they are completely different DX? but I know exactly what you meant about a joke being a waste of time if someone has to repeat the punch line 3 times before you ?get it?. For you getting it is having someone communicate the words so you can ?receive? them. For him getting it would be hearing the words and then having someone explain why it?s funny. I think sign language is fantastic and I admire the deaf community ? from the outside it seems there?s an enormous amount of pride about how they communicate and I can understand why BSL users want to protect their culture. DS?s communication has improved loads in the past few years but at one point I didn?t think he was ever going to improve and I would have over the moon if he?d have been able to learn a skill that would allow him to get involved with life, even if he could only interact with other autistic people. Thankfully things have moved on and I think he will be able to communicate quite well as he gets older, but I know he?ll always have to try hard.

It?s none of my business and I realise that my opinion as a ?hearing? person is worthless, but I find it hard to accept the BSL using parents objection to their own children being given implants. I?m sure there?s much more to this than I know about though, and I?m basing my opinion on just the little that I understand. I?m not sure how DS would feel if as an adult, he fathered an autistic child and he was offered some kind of therapy to remove the traits and replace them with mainstream behaviours. It?s not something that will happen but I suppose he?d feel insulted that a child in his form was undesirable, or perhaps he?d want it because he?d want to save his child from the same hardships as he?d had to face. Maybe he won?t see it as a hardship though as he?s never known any different, maybe he doesn?t even know that he?s not communicating ?normally?.

It is an interesting and emotive topic.

Glad to hear that your implant is working well for you

"Glad to hear that your implant is working well for you". Sorry, what a crass thing to say . You know what I mean though

Kokeshi, yes! I paid WASPS! That space was a WASPS studio! They were brilliant. I have friends who live in Dennistoun who keep me up-to-date a bit. I'm a bit pissed so I'll sign off now

BM, being deaf made me release how ubiquitously used the word "hear" has become to indicate our taking in of information regardless of the media. It doesn't bother me in the slightest, so don't worry about it. I just noticed how much I used it myself when it was blantantly not true for 8 months or so . Also I realised how much I learned passively, just by being in an environment where people are discussing things. I felt I was missing out on so much and I had to put so much more effort into educating myself. I read so many books, which is not a bad thing at all!

I'm glad your DS is improving in his communication skills, it must be hard for you to feel you're doing your best for him. Whereas I can tell people what strategies they need to employ, it must be frustrating for him - and you - when it breaks down. Please excuse my ignorance on this subject, I only know about ASDs from what I've read on here but I'm definitely more willing to learn about problems that others have. Do you have a definitive DX for him? Apologies if it's a sensitive area for you, please ignore if it's too difficult for you. I hope you get support with it.

How are you feeling now? Have you found any groups that you fancy joining?

HB, WASPS are still really active up here and I think we're lucky to have such a wealth of talent.(For anyone reading it stands for Workshop and Artists' Studio Provision Scotland, not the religious acronym ) Did you check out the link?

How are all the others? Come back and tell us.

He was DX?d as being on the more able end of the autistic spectrum 2 years ago. At the time his development was way behind in all areas, but most noticeably in communication. It was really upsetting to see babies doing things that he couldn?t do such as pointing things out to someone and handing things over ? both being probably the most basic forms of communication. It was a really grim time.

It?s unbelievable how much he?s progressed in 2 years. At his last asmt he was seen by a new paed. who disagreed that he has ASD but won?t challenge his DX out of respect for the colleague who made it. He just told me informally that he has some oddities but nothing that warrants a DX of ASD. I still believe that his DX is correct though, but that he fits into Aspergers better. I?m glad the DX will stay as it makes it easier for other people to understand that he can?t help some of his behaviours. It makes me a bit cross that the original paed. spent hours observing DS and asking questions about his development and behaviour before giving her opinion, but this paed. can dismiss that just because DS drew him a picture when he asked him to and was a good boy when he was being weighed. It?s reassuring that his difficulties aren?t so obvious now though.

It?s quite funny because DS would never make the mistake of asking a deaf person if they?d heard about some news or a blind person if they could see his point, for example. He only understands language in its basic literal meaning. I asked him recently if he?d like to lie down or sit up in bed. He looked confused and said ?no, I?d like to sit down?. There?s been so many examples today of him misunderstanding something but technically being right. One thing that he?s brilliant at is remembering things. He will bring things up that happened 2 or 3 years ago which always amazes me because at that time I would have sworn that he wasn?t aware of anything that was going on around him. He didn?t react to anything.

I must stop going on about ASD though. I think I like to talk about it because I haven?t worked through any of it in my head. I just used to drink on it all.

I?ve got a couple of regular groups that I go to now but neither are particularly convenient transport wise. I?m going to 4 a week now but once the summer holidays are over I?m going to do 3 afternoon groups and really try and be brave enough to take on a job. They?ll have to be local groups as I won?t be able to guarantee getting home for DS otherwise.

Is everyone else ok?

Thank you for simplifying, BrassicMonkey. I don't have the courage to read through all 432 messages, most of which are rather lengthy, to find out if I'm an alkie.

But you've managed to hit the nail on the head. I realise that I do drink as a reward and as a treat. I adore the taste & sensation of cold glass of Sauvignon Blanc going down, especially after a long, stressful day! I also drink about half a litre of San Pel with a fingerful of whisky in the evening after the dc are in bed. This stops me from eating chocolate & other naughty things in front of the tv!

The point is sauce, that many people have come on to this thread and asked the same question..."Am I an alcoholic?" and given how many units they drink. You are the only one who can decide if you are an alcoholic and there and some suggestions (yes, rather long ones) that may be useful for you.

If you look for the CAGE questionnaire, not too far down this thread, it might indicate if you have a probelm. Nothing's definitive though. There are alcoholics who drink litres of spirits a day, those who can't do without their 2 or 3 glasses of wine at in the evening, and binge drinkers who can have days off but go mental once they start. I have met every one of them, and so many shades in between. It's more to do with your motivation for drinking (to change how you feel) that will tell you if you are an alcoholic and you can really only answer that one yourself.

Hello all. I felt so bad after the last time I posted because I couldn't remember doing it and I felt a terrible wave of gloom. The gloom is only now beginning to dissipate. Perhaps I'm a misery guts anyway and alcohol makes no difference! Dear oh dear.

DOn't be daft hb, you didn't say anything remotely out of turn. I just thought you were being nostalgic about Glasgow! (I think that's usually done through the haze of drink anyhoo .

How's the week going for all you lurkers? Hmm?

I AM terribly nostalgic about Glasgow! It was the first place I'd lived in and felt any sense of belonging. I don't feel at all like that about London!

Oooh come back hb and we'll love ye!

It's hard to feel terribly attached to London I think hb. Although when I manage to escape, some day, I'm sure I'll find an odd thing to feel nostalgic about!

kokeshi, I do lurk on this thread and don't post that often because I don't have anything relevant to add to the discussion. But I find it all fascinating reading and love to hear how BM's doing in particular. Because we were kind of there from the beginning. That first thread BM started should go down (anonymously of course) in some kind of chat-room history!

I'm off on holiday next Saturday so I will be silent for a week. I'm so excited! For dd more than for me. She's never been on a real holiday before let alone on a plane. She's constantly looking up at the sky and saying 'we'll be up there soon mummy' in a wistful voice .

Hello everyone- I've watched this thread since the beginning when BM asked if anyone out there...
At the time I had been sober for 3 months and have identified with so many different things you have all written, but have felt too 'shy' to join in.I've had a short relapse but now am back on track- as everyone knows relapse is part of the whole process, but after 6 months since I first really commited to stopping it still is at times incredibly difficult.
However the benefits of being sober really are worth it.Habitual heavy drinking really did affect my physical and mental health, my relationships and finances, and of course it had to affect the kids.
Anyway... just to let you know that I admire the contributors to this thread and the content.Cheers!(raising cup of tea!)

Hi all just had to post and say that I have had 3 free days! Feeling good but could murder a lovely glass of red! When we were coming home from our hols there was a girl on the plane who was drinking white wine from a bottle. She then ordered 2 half bottles of champagne and by the end of the flight she was pissed out of her mind. She was 37 but looked 10 years older. She was making faces at my DS2 who was thoroughly enjoying himself making them back. I looked at her face which was bright red and her eyes were big and bulging. She was slurring and staggering about. I don't know why I'm reporting this but I think it kind of had the desired effect for me. I really hope that I can keep this up and if I do drink not go back to every day and finding myself drinking more and more. Anyway I love reading all your posts and look forward to many more. Going on hols again on Sunday so will see how I do then.
Love to you all
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Hi teasle. Welcome to MN

Congratulations on being sober for 6 months (forget about the slip ? you?re back on track now). I really admire you. I know it?s bloody hard sometimes but you?re right, the benefits of being sober outweigh the temporary relief from craving you get by giving in. It?s true that a bad day without drink is still better than the shame and self loathing that you?re stuck with after a relapse.

It?s lovely to know that you?ve been reading from the very start. I?d like to be brave enough to re-read the first thread to remind myself of where I was when I was still drinking every night. It might help to strengthen my resolve when I feel tempted to give in, but a lot of it makes me feel low.

Please join in. It might help to write down how you feel when you?re struggling. If I don?t write it down or talk to someone then I don?t ever really discover what it is that?s making me want to drink. I just know that I?m wound up but having to type it out makes me think about what has happened and get some perspective. I don?t post as much anymore now that I?m going to regular AA meetings. I get a lot of identity from what?s shared at meetings and I chat on the phone to other members (I?m still crap at calling anyone when I need to talk though. Have you been to any AA meetings?

Hi FT. at the image of the woman drinking wine from the bottle and being pissed on the plane. Poor woman . I haven?t been on a plane for years but I?m surprised she was allowed to carry on drinking like that. Congratulations on your 3 drink free days. Think about the bulging, bloodshot eyes and the bright red face when you want red wine.

Have a lovely holiday

BM- thankyou so much.
I struggle to remain sober when I become complacent with my sobriety, as its at those times I need to remind myself of how bad I was when I drank heavily. I used to write a kind of drink journal which is useful to read as it reminds me of just how messed up and ill I had become.

I havn't plucked up the courage to go to an AA meeting yet...I do know it needs to be looked at...I do gain a lot by visiting the unofficial AA forums though-although I havn't contributed to any posts myself. I gain a lot by reading and identifying with the things others write, although I do recognise that I need to participate in things instead of being an onlooker. One thing at a time eh?!

When I was drinking I drank around a bottle of vodka a day.

Anyway, thanks for responding!

Does anyone else find the choice of non-alcoholic drinks offered in pubs shite? Although I rarely go to a pub, I have occasionally been out with my friends and ended up drinking water, although I guess thats ok...whats others recommendations?

How long did you drink that heavily for teasle?

Erm... I guess it would be definately the previous 18 months or so before I became sober around 6 months ago..before that it sort of built up from around the last 10 years, taking into account pregnancies, breastfeeding and bouts of attempted cutting down and attempted sobriety.

How did you escalate to a bottle of spirits a day? Were you always a heavy drinker? What made you quit? Did you have any health scares? Tell me to bugger off if I'm too nosy.

No I wasn't always a heavy drinker. Over a period of (difficult) time it first became a habit and then a dependancy. Tolerance levels build up- people wouldn't even know that I had been drinking when I had already drank half a bottle of spirits- its the same for a lot of people. I drank to 'not cope' if that makes sense? Anyway I knew I had a problem for years, but its difficult.
There are lots of reasons and implications that I could no longer hide from which led to the decision to acknowledge alcoholism and do something about it. Its weird answering questions because there's all so much more to the development of a problem isn't there? Same as for everyone else, ther's lots of contributing factors.

My you ARE a nosy beast! Thanks though

I think I know what you mean about drinking to 'not cope'. If I have to deal with something unpleasant or mundane I crave drink. If I have a deadline for getting something in the post and it's really important I'll want to drink. It's not that I want to sabotage, it's because I have become really lazy at dealing with anything and I know that I won't stress about it if I'm drunk. I won't worry about financial penalites that I can't afford if I'm too drunk to know what day of the week it is. I won't worry or care about anything. I think Kokeshi referred to it as getting an exemption from life - I miss that a lot. It was the easy way out of every situation that I didn't want to deal with - but the costs are too high.

It's nice to have someone else posting that was also seriously abusing alcohol. I've been on the AA chat rooms but didn't find them that helpful. I don't join in much at the meetings. I share if I have to, but I get quite a lot by just listening. Also the effort involved in finding out where I'm going, getting clothes ready, washing my hair etc is beneficial as I'm out of practice at looking after myself and being independant. Whatever you're doing is working though, so keep at it

Oh, and as for the choice of non-alcoholic drinks in pubs. Ummm???? I'd just order a diet coke or a lemonade so that people assumed there was vodka in it. I'm not ready to admit that I've given up drink yet. I'm not ready to go in a pub yet either though. Well done that you're managing that. I'm a smoker and that will be my excuse for a while to avoid socialising if I feel that I might lapse. I'm probably the only smoker in England that was glad to see the smoking ban come into force

I have to sort that out though as it's a bit depressing having nothing to look forward to. I used to love the pub, not just for the drink but the relaxed atmosphere. I don't know what I'd do with myself in there now though without ciggies or booze .

I'm going to the cinema tomorrow night (got free tickets via Milliways thread ) and I'm nervous enough about that. Even before I was drinking to oblivion I had to have a few glasses of something whilst getting ready to go out and be sociable. I feel like I'm turning into a complete freak. I know I'm getting everything out of proportion - it's the cinema and you can't drink in there anyway and I won't be speaking to anyone so it's hardly a sociable atmosphere. I suppose it just goes to show how much I depended on alcohol. The physical dependency is much easier to deal with than the emotional dependency.

Hi everyone, this is fabulous! Please keep posting, every single person on this thread is important (and those reading too), and I get something from each and every one of you.

The whole point of a thread like this is to share about anything that affects us emotionally as this is often the reason we turn to drink. Just by knowing you're not alone (and not judged on your behaviour) makes it easier to cope.

Thank you.

Hi all, well did another night (4 now!). Last night was desperate (sp?) for a glass of wine and said to DH let's have a glass of wine. He said no lets not. So we didn't! I have to say (probably sounds really odd) that I felt a bit tearful and could easily have had a good cry. Not sure if this was a really low mood or lack of alcohol in my system. Hi Teasle it's good that you are posting on here and letting us share your story. Hi to everyone else.
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