Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread

[BrassicMonkey]

The last thread will close soon, but I want this one to be about everybody, not just me. So Hidesit, Earlgrey, SoSo and anyone else that needs support please post and keep me company.

I've lapsed again tonight, which is a shame as I hoped I'd be able to start this off on a postive note.

Link to the last thread.

Great post BM, and you're just as qualified anyone to talk about what AA can do...you're living it.

Souv, the issue is really about deciding for yourself if you have reached the stage where alcohol is no longer doing for you what it once did. Do you want to confront it and possibly lose your emotional crutch? That's the dichotomy of alcohol - your best friend and worst enemy. Whilst it's an instant fix and reliable, it will take everything you have, destroy the relationships with the people you love and then finally kill you. These are the things that we all ask ourselves when we are at this point and it's terrifying. Can I do without drinking? How will I cope? Better the devil you know?

Well, no, absolutely not. Drinking problems never get any better and those who have crossed the line into dependence don't get "cured". It's a one way road. The way that AA suggests to deal with it is taking it a day at a time. The only thing any of us have is the present moment, we don't know where we'll be in 6 months, 6 years etc so it's futile to get worked up about "never drinking again". I still don't promise myself this. Believe it or not, the more days-at-a-time you are sober, the less alcohol figures in all aspects of your life.

Of course this sounds easy but it takes a lot of honesty, courage and willingness. If you are removing alcohol as your crutch, you need to replace it with something else. We go to AA meetings and share experiences with others who've known the misery and despair of being trapped by alcohol. Our lives have become unmanageable and we need to find a design for living so that we can cope without drink.

If you do chose to go to AA, you will be welcomed and supported. There a no minimum or maximum number of units you need to qualify. As BM said, the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. Even if you're not sure if you do (most people don't!), go along anyway.

It takes a while for everything become clear, but it will, in time, change your life. It has saved mine.

Oh LOL at the WTF. I first saw that on the AA website, and I thought it was where the hopeless cases went

Scanner, I'd also recommend AA for your DH, it helps so much to have face to face support from people who really understand and don't judge.

Of course you're welcome on this thread too!

Hello Brassic, glad to see you're still doing so well. Look back a little and see just how far you've come and I think you'll be as proud and optimistic for yourself as those of us who have followed your story can see you have every right and hope to be. Hello to everyone else too, and good luck to all of you trying to give it up.

Souvenir, when you say "my reasons are that I'm extremely anxious, totally stressed almost all the time and it's the only thing that stops me hyperventilating for most of the day. I don't know how to control my anxiety without it." can I just say that I too was a terribly anxious person, suffered from frequent panic attacks, and drank to ease those terrible feelings. However, when I gave up drinking completely, the abnormal anxiety disappeared in a few weeks. I've since read that that anxiety common to drinkers which only a drink seems to ease can in fact be withdrawal - that the very tool we use to control our anxiety can actually cause it - getting us into a cycle where we drink to ease the symptoms, then the physical condition of alcohol dependence causes more anxiety, only relieved by taking another drink.

I feel strongly that this was so in my case, as since giving up alcohol I've found my body just doesn't produce those terrible symptoms the way it used to and I've rediscovered a physical calm and peace which was unknown to me throughout my twenties and thirties when I was drinking heavily.

My doctor, a wise and non-judgemental man, pointed out to me that I had to find another solution to manage stress that did not involve the short term relief and endlessly renewed backlash in increased anxiety of the alcohol cycle. This is easier said than done, I know, but I do firmly believe that alcohol is the falsest friend ever, and actually causes those very symptoms we use it to relieve.

Great post Oenophile. I had the anxiety thing as well, and likewise it disappeared when I stopped drinking. Same goes for the really dark depression I had. Horrid.

I was prescribed Propanolol though for the acute panic attacks, they kinda took the edge off things. Haven't taken any pills for a long time.

Hello all! I'm back again! We've been away for a week with my parents and for perhaps the first time in my memory, my dad showed me affection. We had a really nice time, but my god, did everyone drink a lot. Last night dh and I had a dry night at last. I really think that it wouldn't take me very long to become dependant on alcohol if I were to maintain the kind of intake I intook. On the positive side, I am not suffering the crushing guilt or the waves (tsunamis) of depression that often follow such drinking, and nor am I feeling as though I need a drink, despite finding out that I probably do not have cancer (great excuse for a piss-up!). I am having an operation next week to remove the lump, and perhaps now I can just get on with my life. It has been pretty horrible and I have felt grim and gloomy and feeling like a total unwantable failure.

For the first time, I'm missing my therapy and I've just got to get on with it.

My family are all pretty mad, but it is positive to see that somewhere I fit into it. I have found it really tough that my family are quite nasty to each other and often to themselves. It's hard to reconcile that and find a way forward.

Hellobello, what fantastic news! I'm so happy for you, I can almost hear the relief from your post.

Glad you managed to get something in the way of affection from your Dad - that's happened to me recently too (since the hearing loss) and I've begun to see him much more as my father than my nemesis . That validation we need from our parents never really leaves us, I don't think.

I'm delighted for you and your family that things are looking up!

You say such kind things, Kokeshi! Did I notice earlier that you were a doctor? I used to hang out with quite a lot of the medical students when I lived in Scotland.

I'm off to bed. I've been scrubbing the house. There's a lot of it to scrub and it's filthy, but not really bad enough to call in Kim and Aggie. Darn!

No not a doctor...did pre-med and was about to take up my 3rd year place in medical school when I ran off to Asia .

As an alcoholic, I think I may have been in good company though

How's it going?

I didn't feel out of place! That and the art things... My old studio has become a hub of trendy media goings on but then I guess a lot has changed!

We've had quite a dry few days which has been a great relief, but I may have a drink tonight after all this sanding. My floor is so bright! It's yellow!

Where was your studio HB? And when we're you at Uni (was it the Art School?). We may even know some of the same people, tis a mere village compared London.

hb so are / were you an artist? Me too!

I'm interested in what you were saying about your family being unpleasant to each other. What's that all about? Do they all drink? How much are you drinking now regularly?

I'm full of questions as always.

Hi BM, I hope you're doing ok?

And hi Kokeshi you're such a brilliant inspiration on here for anyone wanting to quit.

Hmm, just noticed, no posts from BM since Mond I hope she's ok.

Mond?! Monday I mean.

It's been really quiet on here for the past few days...where is everyone? Come out of hiding!

Good to see you here IF, thanks for your lovely post . How are things with you?

Things are ok with me. I've got a pre-menstrual migraine today so am feeling delicate. We're going on holiday a week tomorrow, dd's first real family holiday (we've been to stay with family and friends but not a real holiday) and her first plane flight. So I'm feeling childishly excited.

How about you? How's your hearing? I was telling my mum about you and the implants when I went to stay a week or so ago. Her mother was deaf.

Oh, wow, DD must be really excited too. You off to foreign parts?

I'm good thanks, went to see my ENT consutlant today - the one who gave me my diagnosis - and it's the first time I've heard him speak. Quite emotional actually. He apologised for having had to give me such bad news.

The next stage for me now is to have genetic counselling as DP and I are planning to have DC's in the near future. I would obviously consider seriously if there was any chance of me passing deafness to my children. It's further complicated by not knowing who the father will be at this point (DP and I have a few ideas must the logistics are mental!). I do seem to thrive on making life difficult for myself

I also heard my audiologist for the first time today. She was really instrumental in helping me through the dark periods and it was great to just chat and catch up. When you're deaf you never really connect with people as it takes so much effort to communicate. I was there for an hour in a half, I was so happy when I left.

It's a time of mixed emotions I think because so much has happened in the last year, nearly to the day, since I realised I had some hearing loss. One the one hand, I feel so grateful and fortunate that I've been given this implant aand can hear something again, but I don't quite think I've gone through the whole grieving process of losing my hearing. The emotional impact, I would say, has just as much effect as(if not more than) the practicalities of being deafened.

I got so much support from unlikely sources when I reached out for help. Difficult thing to do when your used to be so independent, I guess I am a bit of a closed book emotionally. I would love to be able to give back what people gave to me when I felt really lost and desperate, so I'm training to be an Outreach Volunteer for LINK (charity for Deafened Adults) and a Deaf Awareness Trainer.

God, I've waffled on here! Thanks for asking IF, the changes are exciting and I can't recommend having an implant enough. I feel like I'm getting back to who I was before.

Oh LOL about speaking about posters on Mumsnet, basically a bunch of faceless strangers on the internet! I seem to do it all the time, and find myself slightly embarrassed trying to explain how I know these folk! .

Hi Everyone ? sorry I haven?t posted much this week. I?ve had PMT and I?ve felt really miserable. I never knew that my mood changed so much before my period. I came very close to drinking on Tuesday night and I asked EX-P to take DS to his flat so I could just get on with it. We were arguing about it when someone from AA called and that saved me from doing it. I know I should be phoning people when I feel like this and I wish I would do it. At the moment of craving though, I?m fixated on drink and I don?t want anyone to stand in my way. Talking about it took the feeling away and I?m on my way to 4 weeks sober (Monday).

IF ? you probably won?t get this, but I hope you have a fantastic holiday. DD must be so excited

Hellobello ? Sounds like good news regarding the lump. Well, not good that you need surgery, but good that it?s probably not malignant.

Kokeshi ? It?s my turn for a sleepless night tonight. I?d hate to suffer with insomnia ? it?s so boring at night! You have my sympathies.

Could any deaf person benefit from an implant, or do they only work for people who?ve lost hearing (rather than being born deaf)? Does it amplify sound or convert sound vibrations (or something like that)? It?s fantastic that you feel like you?re getting back to who you used to be. I can imagine how isolating it must be to lose your hearing. Well, actually I probably can?t but it?s made me think of how much I take for granted hearing wise.

Good luck with the genetic counselling. Looking forward to reading your conception thread

BM, it's really good to see you on the thread, and I'm really amazed at your progress. It may feel like you were close to failure, but in all honesty, the fact that you didn't give into your craving is important to your recovery.

It's during situations like this we can sit back and say "Look how far I've come". Would you have been able to do this a couple of months ago? Absolutely not. When they talk about miracles happening (and I do have problems with some of the terminology), I like to think this is an example. AN AA member calling or turning up at just the "right" time is something I've experienced a lot.

Whatever you believe - higher power wise - it proves to me that believing in a power greater than myself (in this case the AA members) helped me to understand more of how it works. I guess I felt that someone was looking out for me, instead of feeling like a f**king pariah for most of my twenties.

I find it does take a while to work out my moods, but please do give credence to the fact that your PMT affects you to such a degree. You would be doing yourself a disservice if it was deemed unimportant. Emotional instability is one of the biggest reasons that will take us back out, so speaking about it and acknowledging it it the best way to break the cycle. No matter how daft it may seem.

I was told in the instances where I feel like shite or don't want to go to a meeting, that's precisely the time I need it most. I have to fight against this holding back from people as, like you, it's not in my nature to wear my heart on my sleeve or ask for help. I'm still learning too.

I hope you can look at this as a small triumph, and also a warning as to how quickly things can change in recovery. You're still winning and I'm really proud of you.

Basically the implant is a small electronic device surgically implanted in the cochlea of the inner ear and activated by a speech processor worn outside the ear. Unlike a hearing aid, it does not make sound louder or clearer. Instead, the device bypasses damaged parts of the auditory system and directly stimulates the nerve of hearing, allowing individuals who are profoundly hearing impaired to receive sound.

I have sensorineural hearing loss, meaning they reckon that somehow the small hair cells within the cochlea have become damaged, and therefore can no longer transmit the sound to my aural nerve. The implant has an electrode which mimics the action of the hair cells and passes the electrical (sound) signals, albeit in a much more basic way. A cochlear implant is not suitable for those how have a conductive hearing loss like otosclerosis or Meniere's disease so I guess I'm "lucky" I had the other type! The patient will only be given one implant because at around £30,000 per surgery, it's cost prohibitive for the NHS, and better to provide two deafened people with one each.

Cochlear implants do not restore normal hearing, and benefits vary from one individual to another. Most users find that an implant helps them communicate better through improved lipreading, and over half are able to discriminate speech without the use of visual cues. There are many factors that contribute to the degree of benefit a user receives from an implant, including:

• how long a person has been deaf,
• the number of surviving auditory nerve fibers, and
• a patient?s motivation to learn to hear.

They do say that people who were pre-lingually deaf don't have a great success with an implant if they receive it in adulthood, as it relies heavily on sound memory. However, much of the implant centre's work nowadays is in diagnosing and implanting deaf children and babies as young as possible, to give them the best chance in life. There's a huge argument from BSL users that cochlear implantation will lead to the destruction of their culture and are vehemently against this "intervention" for their own children. As a former hearing person, it's hard for me to understand why they'd want their children to be so disadvantaged in life, but the have a very strong cultural identity and do not see their deafness as a disability. It's an interesting and emotive subject for a lot of people.

Be good to yourself today, you've had a hard week and have done really well to have come through it.

Wow! Busy busy! I'm still sanding and it's hard work. Dh has taken the basin out of the bathroom and now no-one can go into their bedrooms or the bathroom until the varnish has dried.

K, my studio was at the Wills cigarette factory on Alexandra Parade. That was years and years ago - I had it when I made my film in 1993 - My studio was a large cupboard with some massive air con unit or something in it! I did quite a lot of work for GFVW. Is it still there? Perhaps I'll look it up.

Well done BM. You are doing SO well! I wish I could say the same. Last night I drank 3 tins of beer, which probably would have been more like 8 or 9 had I been with my parents. In fact 3 tins of beer is positively feeble by their standards. It is nice not waking up with a hangover though.

Hb that's a really nice building called City Park, they've done it all up and it houses loads of businesses. In fact, I was just there a couple of months ago to get a madical for my Australian Visa. Funny.

Actually when you said Alexandra Parade, I thought it might have been the WASPS studios building. DP and I hire a studio (just outside Glasgow) from WASPs, and it's a fantastic deal on rental. The waiting list for studio space is years long, so we were really fortunate to get it.

When was your film about? Did you do the whole thing (writer/director/producer?). Are you still keeping up with your art? DP and I are looking to collaborate with other artists we have a few online storefronts, which is a fantastic way for independent artists to get their work seen. Galleries have their place sure, but the fees are often crippling. It's really early in the process, but hopefully it will grow organically.

DP has found the internet an amazing way to network with other...have you seen TalentDatabase? It's new site for all creative types, a kinda site-specific MySpace.

Hope your DIY goes well.

Without reading anything on this thread, I need someone to tell me if I'm an alcoholic. I never drink to get drunk but I probably drink half a bottle of wine a day & (this is the most worrying!) I can't NOT drink, not even for a day.

Sauce, read the thread and you may be able to work out for yourself if you have a problem. There's a lot of fantastic information on it, some of which might answer some of your questions